


Primary Gain

by anlaaria



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-10
Updated: 2010-06-10
Packaged: 2017-10-10 01:26:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 100,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/93722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anlaaria/pseuds/anlaaria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Chapter Two</p></blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Primary Gain

Chapter 1

"I know I had to shoot him - the suspect - so I'm not sorry..." Suzaku squirmed deeper into the leather couch. "Not that I'm some crazy killer or anything. I didn't like shooting him. I don't like it. I don't like violence, so-"

"You've killed five people in four years." The psychiatrist tilted his head to the side. "Some people retire without ever firing their gun."

Suzaku tried to wet his dry mouth, nearly crossing his arms as the man stared back with an angled, noncommittal expression on his face. Still, it wasn't the psychiatrist Suzaku was particularly worried about; it was the pad of paper perched on his knee and the slim silver pen in his hand.

"Uh..." Suzaku bit his lip. "Is that a question?"

He'd been in a room with enough lawyers to know that it was somewhat – well, very – idiotic to respond to something that wasn't a specifically worded statement. It was a great day when a suspect didn't have a lawyer to tell him otherwise. Suzaku had learned.

Dr. Lamperouge looked down at his paper and scribbled something with a miniscule smile.

Suzaku tried not to sweat.

"Would you like to speak with your representative?" Dr. Lamperouge's smile became a pair of concerned, arched eyebrows. "Don't feel as if it will make you appear guilty of anything. I just want you to be comfortable during this process, Agent Kururugi."

"No, no, I just..." Suzaku laughed a little nervously and tried out a smile. "Psychiatrists."

Dr. Lamperouge smiled in return with his eyes narrowing as he sat back in his chair. It was an odd sort of expression and it dried up Suzaku's own attempt. Instead his nervousness turned into something else: a little anger, a little alarm, and the feeling that he couldn't really quantify but always seemed to coincide with meeting someone during an investigation who was guilty as sin and even more dangerous.

Telling his current psychiatrist that he had had other psychiatrists… Suzaku winced. The little bit of consolation he had drawn from his surroundings vanished. The comfortable leather couch, the dim friendly lighting and the warm color scheme were negated by the man's sharp eyes and the very barest of smirks.

Then that expression disappeared into his original noncommittal gaze.

Suzaku took a deep breath and tried to pretend that the man was a suspect in a particularly clever murder. Good cop, Suzaku decided. For someone so obviously intelligent he'd have to play nice, making himself seem like an empty-headed, good ol' boy… Suzaku leaned forward slightly, smiled warmly and-

"Don't bother," the doctor murmured, making a little note before turning his attention back again. "I've read your file and I've gone over your interrogation records. Your Bad Cop is just as effective as," the man said, pointing his pen in Suzaku's direction, "this thing you're doing now."

Suzaku faltered, blushed a little, and Dr. Lamperouge murmured, "I was surprised to see how many drug lords and killers fall for a pretty face."

He seemed to be writing an essay, and behind the black swing of his hair his face was hidden, leaving out the option of even looking in the doctor's eyes.

"I'm also relieved," Lamperouge murmured, "that you didn't decide to be a drug lord or killer. If it were necessary, Agent Kururugi, I fully believe you have the makings of a very successful criminal."

"I-" Suzaku's heart pounded in his chest. "I what?"

"Calm down, Agent Kururugi." Lamperouge looked up with a friendly smile. "Potential is a wonderful thing."

That smile… It was the kind of smile Suzaku had seen when he'd looked into the reflective glass of an interrogation room mirror. As he watched, Lamperouge let Suzaku's Good Cop grin fade back into nothingness, into that unsettling stare.

Suzaku bolted upwards. "You're crazy!"

The psychiatrist only flipped the page of his notebook.

"You are entitled to your own opinion, of course." He poised his pen over the blank page. "But unfortunately I'm the only person in this office with a doctorate, and you are a patient, so mine is the only opinion that matters. Sit please."

Suzaku sat hesitantly with wide eyes and slowly mounting fear. For the last shooting reviews he'd met with the old psychiatrist, a man who'd been with the FBI for decades. There hadn't been a single problem, and Suzaku hadn't just been exonerated, but rewarded. But now, with Lamperouge-

Dr. Lamperouge crossed his legs and leaned back. He looked amused.

"At risk of sounding cliché, Agent Kururugi, I'd like you to tell me about your father."

* * *

Dr. Lamperouge looked up from his desk and asked, "How was your day?"

"Fine." Suzaku took his seat on the couch; it was still warm from the last guy.

The same guy who had looked at him with wide, glassy eyes and murmured, "God help you, Kururugi."

"That's good." Lamperouge looked back to his desk. "I've never met a field agent who enjoys paperwork. It must be relieving to know that you have alternate options if the review doesn't go well."

When Lamperouge glanced up it was with the same noncommittal expression that Suzaku had learned to hate in only one meeting. He wanted to curse, but instead Suzaku just crossed his arms and glowered.

"Fine. You win." Suzaku sighed. "My day sucked. I hate paperwork. I hate staring at a wall while my partner goes out alone. Are you happy now?"

"Yes." Lamperouge flipped a page of the file he was reading. "Honesty is always appreciated."

Suzaku just slouched back, rolling his eyes. The couch was still comfortable, the room was still welcoming, and Suzaku was still stinging from their last little meeting. The session hadn't ended well… In fact, it had ended a little too early.

A lot early, actually.

A lot, a lot.

"Look," Suzaku said, grabbing a pillow and hugging it angrily, "I don't want to talk about my father."

"That's too bad." Lamperouge turned another page. "I do."

He held up a photograph, framed with long, pale fingers and Suzaku looked away.

"Juvie files are supposed to be closed."

"Yes." Lamperouge leaned forward. "I'd like you to look at this please, and tell me what you see."

Like some sort of bloody ink blot. Suzaku turned his face from the floor to a glossy photo of himself at age ten, pale and stripped to the waist. The child in front of him was deeply bruised with old and new fingerprints running down his arms, his shoulders. Underneath the wrappings supporting his ribs, a few more bruises had crept up his chest. The boy's right eye and cheek were purple and the cut in the middle of his cheek was still weeping blood.

The boy's eyes were bloodshot and dull, absent… dead.

"Imagine that you meet with this child during an investigation. He's almost certainly responsible for this-" Lamperouge held up another picture and after a few moments sighed. "Open your eyes, Agent Kururugi."

After a moment of clutching the pillow in his arms with his eyes squeezed shut, Suzaku swallowed, trembled, and opened one eye.

And then Suzaku sat back with a long, shaky sigh. The man in the photo… It wasn't a man he knew, anyways, but his injuries were familiar. In the new photo there was a middle-aged man slumped against a couch, his limbs sprawled and the glasses on his face askew. His tight white work-shirt was stained with the blood that had spilled from the butcher's knife still in his chest. Lamperouge held the two pictures together.

"This boy and this man," Lamperouge murmured. "How would you go about interrogating the boy?"

Suzaku thought of all the boys and girls he'd seen like that… Maybe not beaten and bruised, but in possession of those same dead eyes.

"I wouldn't." Suzaku cleared his throat and glanced away, only to be caught in Lamperouge's stare.

"Why not?"

Suzaku didn't say anything. He just clenched his jaw and looked at the ground.

"Why not, Agent Kururugi?"

With a hitched breath, Suzaku started fighting tears. For the first time in years his skin was too hot, his eyes began to sting, and a dull throb began to echo in his temple. He had almost forgotten what those eyes felt like from the inside, but here he was again trying to keep the quiet creeping sob from manifesting in his shoulders.

"Because you don't interrogate the victim of abuse." Lamperouge's voice turned heavy and sure, not like the cool indifference from before. "You're careful with children… You don't even like asking them why they were forced to fight back against someone who was supposed to love them."

Suzaku lost against tears remembering the cold iron of an interrogation room, how he had shivered and itched as the blood began to dry. He remembered staring at the wall while his father's old partner looked at him with ashamed, pitying eyes. The next man who joined them had given Suzaku a cup of water and they'd both looked away when, instead of drinking it, Suzaku had used the frigid liquid to clean his hands of his father's blood.

"So oftentimes you don't." Lamperouge's voice came closer, but softened. "Instead you shuffle the victim off to someone else to bear the shame and guilt in their eyes. Then you do your best to forget."

"I-" Suzaku blurted hoarsely, finally looking up to Lamperouge, "I don't shuffle them off. I don't forget."

Lamperouge was leaning against his desk, his hands gripping the edge as he looked down, his legs crossed at the ankles. At that moment Suzaku hated him; he hated Lamperouge and he hated that soft, blank, observing stare.

Lamperouge said, "You specialize in the child abuse cases, you ask for them… and you remember every single one. You take on all that pain and all that guilt and you hold it deep inside yourself and you never let go. I just want to know, Agent Kururugi, when you remember those children, do you ever take a moment to mourn for this child?"

Lamperouge held up the picture and Suzaku was left staring into those dead eyes, staring at himself.

"I…I-" Suzaku couldn't think, could barely process the man's words. They were too much, just meant too much-

"You don't," Lamperouge continued. "You push this little boy aside when he's the one who needs you the most. Without you, Suzaku, this child died along with every good thing in him. All his hopes, his dreams, the experiences that made him smile. All the things he cherished could be gone forever, because you've done your best to push that piece of yourself aside."

First, anger. Denial. Grief. By the time Suzaku had processed the man's words, his shoulders were shaking with silent sobs, his fingernails digging deep into his skin. He hated Lamperouge, he hated him for the cruelty of the truth, he hated him for looking inside Suzaku so effortlessly when he had hidden everything so carefully.

Suzaku looked up then, with that hate bare in his eyes, tears running down his cheeks. He hated Lamperouge and the man just nodded, finally putting the damning photo down.

Lamperouge wasn't looking at him with pity, though, just that same straight face, and it was the only thing that kept Suzaku from leaping forward and -

"You have a right to know, Agent Kururugi, that you're not just here for the recent deaths," Lamperouge said in a cool, calm voice. "You're also here because your superiors are under the suspicion that you've been trying to kill yourself… Trying to get killed in the line of duty, precisely, by consistently and needlessly putting yourself in the line of fire. And so far, after reviewing your records and speaking with you personally, I've seen nothing to suggest the contrary."

Suzaku stared, his anger evaporating into fear as Lamperouge seemed to look into him with sharp, strange eyes.

"You're suicidal," Lamperouge said, standing, "And you're not going to get your gun back anytime soon. Start thinking seriously about what I'm saying or get used to paperwork. You're dismissed."

Then he smiled and Suzaku wasn't comforted at all.

"Until tomorrow," Lamperouge said. "Don't take the rest of the day off."

* * *

"Have you been crying?" Kallen leaned in close, her eyes wide. "You have… You've been crying."

"Say it a little louder, Kallen." Suzaku nearly tossed his Bic at her. Instead he used it to stab little holes in the margins of the report he was supposed to be editing.

"Has that stupid shrink been picking on you?" Kallen scowled and leaned her hip against his desk. "You want me to go beat him up?"

Suzaku wanted to say yes, but instead he only sighed, smiling a little as he said, "And throw you in the lion's den? No. Thanks though."

"No biggie," Kallen said, popping her knuckles. "Anything to get rid of the probie. He smiles worse than you, Kururugi. I've already popped him twice today and he just keeps showing off his teeth, the little shit."

Suzaku leaned over to see said little shit standing in the hallway. The probationary agent was cute, blond, and Suzaku immediately realized why Kallen hated him. They made eye contact and Gino winked, waggling his eyebrows as he nodded to Kallen's back.

"Yeah." Suzaku leaned back. "Feel free to smack him again."

"Anyways," Kallen frowned and sighed as she reached out and ran her thumb against his jaw. "You look like you got run over. Thank god guys don't wear mascara, yeah?"

"Yeah," Suzaku sighed, daring a smile. "I'm okay, Kallen, really."

Kallen rolled her eyes and stood up straight, not bothering to smooth down her rucked-up skirt.

"I was one of the first to go see the new guy for my yearly check-in." She smiled sharply. "I threw my shoe at him three sentences in."

Suzaku snorted at the thought of one of Kallen's heels beaning Lamperouge. "And?"

"He asked me if I wore three-inch heels to increase my height in a male-dominated institution," she licked her teeth and leered, "Or if I wore them because I thought it made my legs look sexy."

"He said that? He said 'sexy'?"

"He said… 'Or because it softens the impact of your brash personality when male minds become more concerned with the length of your legs than the cut of your tongue.'" Kallen posed briefly, showing off her weapons-grade heels. "For a cold bastard like Lamperouge, it's basically the same thing."

Suzaku could only nod, admiring the bend of her knee.

"Are you done yet, Agent Kururugi?" She grinned. "Or can I kick you in the face?"

"So you said, 'both,' right?"

"Naw," Kallen grinned. "I told him to go fuck himself… and suggested that I wasn't the only person in the room who knew how to run in stilettos."

Suzaku smiled and Kallen finally relaxed, sending a small, wry smile back.

"Well, you still did better than me." Suzaku sighed and leaned back in his chair. "I don't feel right without my gun."

"You don't look right without your gun." Kallen reached over and flicked him in the forehead. Suzaku's moment to complain passed when Kallen followed it with a small kiss.

"Cry it out, emote, blow him, whatever-" Kallen ignored his blush and stutter. "Just get your gun back, I'm sick of hurting my fist on that idiot's face."

Suzaku's moment to complain passed as he watched Kallen walk out the door.

* * *

"You look tired."

"Well, I'm tired." Suzaku sat back and pulled at the knot of his tie. "That's what happens."

"Trouble sleeping?"

Suzaku rolled his eyes and Lamperouge smiled a little, making a brief note on the pad perched against his knee.

"What did you just write? That I'm tired?" Suzaku pointed. "You don't even know why I'm tired. Maybe my alarm clock went off early. It doesn't have to be some big important-"

Dr. Lamperouge grabbed the pad of paper and tossed it in his direction.

The pad was empty except for a note on the top right hand corner.

The date.

"You seem tired," Lamperouge repeated. "Have you been having trouble sleeping?"

Suzaku attempted to hand the pad back but Lamperouge shook his head and followed with a carefully tossed pen. It was heavy and unnaturally warm, as if it had been up against the doctor's chest.

"I'll tell you what to write, Agent Kururugi. You just answer my questions for now."

"Alright." Suzaku felt odd with the pen in his hand, and Lamperouge seemed odder still without some tool at his disposal. "Yeah, I had a nightmare and I didn't want to go back to sleep."

"What was it about?"

"Nothing, really." Which was what had freaked Suzaku out. He put the pen down on the couch. "I was in the middle of getting ready for work. I poured myself a cup of coffee and went to go sit… and I saw a pair of gloves nailed to the table."

"Gloves?"

"White gloves." Suzaku shrugged. In the light of day he found himself blushing a little in embarrassment. At two in the morning he'd been terrified, but in front of the doctor, complaining about a stupid dream-

"This is pretty straight-forward, Agent Kururugi," Lamperouge said, lacing his fingers together on his lap, "And nothing to be embarrassed about. The fear response is just as credible as if I were holding a gun to your head."

"I think I'd be less afraid of the gun."

Lamperouge's smile tensed into a little smirk of amusement before he pointed to the legal pad.

"You should probably write that down."

"Ah. Right." Suzaku winced and started fiddling with the pen. It had gone cold from just sitting on the couch but it wrote perfectly on the first try. He made a few abortive scratches to make sure it was working, but didn't know what to write. The doctor was good enough to avert his eyes while Suzaku tried to think the whole situation out. He wasn't stupid enough to believe that what he wrote was going to be taken at face value. Suzaku stared at the paper, tapping the pen against his lips as he tried to think. He glanced up.

Dr. Lamperouge's eyes darted back up to the print on the wall but the smirk on his face remained intact.

"This is some big game to you," Suzaku accused, tired enough not to care that he was wagging the silver pen in the doctor's direction. "You're having fun."

"A little bit," Lamperouge admitted after a long moment of staring. When he looked Suzaku in the eyes a little bit of Suzaku's anger turned directly into indignation. His gaze was warm and engaging but still sharply amused. The expression was as honest as any Suzaku had seen, and the proof was in Lamperouge's hands. His fingers were moving, but not fidgeting or white-knuckled. Lamperouge nodded to the pad again.

"Well, what's so damn amusing then?" Suzaku was flustered by the sudden show of personality. So far the man had been a blank slate, nothing more than a frighteningly intelligent machine and now that sharp gaze looked downright friendly.

"You're not afraid of having a gun put to your head; I believe that. The idea fits in perfectly with your self-destructive tendencies." Lamperouge tilted his head. "And yet you're looking at that blank page like it's going to rip you to pieces if you try to use it. I hadn't expected that from you."

"And?"

"And it's been a long time since someone did something I didn't expect them to do." Lamperouge shrugged.

"And you like that?"

"Yes." Lamperouge nodded. "I like that."

Suzaku bit the inside of his cheek before asking, "You like that you don't actually know everything about me?"

"I didn't say that." Lamperouge's eyes turned sharp again, even with that small, friendly smile. "Ask me what my expectations were, Agent Kururugi."

"What were your expectations?" Suzaku backed off on his not-so-subtle interrogation as the entire expression dissolved as if it had never even been. There was the machine again with watching eyes and a cool stare.

"I had expected you to realize that I do know everything about you. Everything important to our sessions, anyway." Lamperouge nodded at the paper again. "There's no use in worrying about what I might divine from whatever you're about to jot down because I'm working with facts that have already been established."

Suzaku gripped the pen with a white-knuckled fist.

"Agent Kururugi, the last thing I want to do is push you over the edge by making you double-guess yourself." And there was that slip of a smile. "If you fail, I fail, and you're an excellent judge of character."

Then the doctor leaned forward a little. "I had expected you to understand that I'm not a person who fails."

Suzaku almost bolted when the man stood but he managed to stay seated even when Lamperouge took the empty spot beside him, picking up the pad of paper and slipping the pen out of his grip. He leaned close enough that Suzaku felt a brief touch of soft hair against his cheek. Suzaku leaned in closer until their shoulders were pressed together, until he could see what Lamperouge was writing on the pad.

Agent Kururugi:

Fear from an unknown source has manifested in a dream. The fear was intense enough that he decided to forgo sleep rather than relive it again. It is very likely that this fear stems from the subject of our second session. The patient is still slightly defensive. Sessions are progressing well, on schedule.

He put the pen down. Then he stood, taking the pad with him. Suzaku tried to offer up the pen but Lamperouge held up a hand, walking behind his desk. He went through a few desk drawers and then came up with a book. It was slim and black. Suzaku caught it with his pen-free hand.

"Keep a journal, Agent Kururugi." Lamperouge sat and began to flip through his papers. "It's a good place to vent any emotions that may arise from our sessions. I want you to seriously think over what happens in this office and this seems the best option to keep these sessions at the forefront of your mind. I'm not going to read it, but I do expect the journal to be full in two weeks. Our second session was enough to fill three."

Suzaku stood with a sigh and the items in hand. "Is that it?"

"Yes, for today."

Suzaku had his hand on the doorknob when the doctor called out again.

"Don't take a sick day. Tomorrow we'll be talking about your father."

Suzaku took one look back at the man who had his head down and a new plastic pen out as he closed one file and then opened another. He slammed the door behind himself on the way out to the wide-eyed surprise of the man waiting in front of him.

"God fucking help you," he snapped.

Then, just for spite, Suzaku took the rest of the day off.

* * *

Suzaku began to hate the warm, comfortable couch. It was welcoming, soft, and everything the man in front of him wasn't. Lamperouge was all hard angles, half-smirks and sharp eyes. Even the swing of his hair made Suzaku mad, the color of his eyes made Suzaku mad, the way his fingers folded into each other made Suzaku mad…. He hated, hated, hated the way he felt messed up, hot and half-crazy with nerves when the man was so quietly and emphatically composed.

"Did you write in your journal?"

"Yes." Suzaku crossed his arms and leaned further into the couch. "I did what I was told."

"Thank you," Lamperouge said smoothly. "Would you like to tell me what you wrote about?"

"I wrote about how much of a manipulative jerk you are."

Lamperouge nodded and relaxed back into his chair.

"Why did you choose law enforcement over a military career?" he asked. "Your Air Force superiors were enthusiastic about your career and from what I heard you were an excellent pilot."

"I didn't want to stay with the military." Suzaku was tempted to be relieved that they weren't talking about his father again. "And I don't want to talk about why."

"Alright." Lamperouge made a note. "So, you left the Air Force with a degree in physics and working knowledge of anything with the ability to fly. You could have gone into commercial or private airlines, NASA wouldn't have kicked you off the doorstep, and with a little more schooling you could have branched out into a number of scientific fields… The FBI was a little startled when you applied."

Suzaku sighed, tired with the subject of could-have-beens, and the doctor added, "Did you know they bumped your file up to the CIA?"

"Why?" Suzaku remembered being astonished that he'd been accepted to the FBI training.

"Because you have fantastic potential," Lamperouge said. "But in the end you became an FBI agent, passed every test with flying colors, and made your way up to the big-league cases while agents older than you were still stuck with penny-ante."

"I… was lucky," Suzaku replied after a long pause. "My first couple of cases were easy and my partner showed me the ropes."

"You were more than lucky," Lamperouge murmured, "And I have a feeling that Agent Stadtfeld showed you more than the ropes."

Suzaku processed, paused, and processed again, but the statement was inflammatory any way he spun it… and there was Lamperouge waiting with his pen poised and his head tilted to the side.

"You're just saying that because she threw a shoe at you," Suzaku countered, congratulating himself on not reacting violently. He further congratulated himself when the doctor's eyebrows rose with a wry tongue-in-cheek expression. Caught doing something naughty, Suzaku's criminal translator kicked back, but not ashamed.

Lamperouge tapped the pad. "You're both very physical people but you're also not the type to form intense emotional bonds with people you're actually attracted to, so a sexual relationship wouldn't disturb your working relationship. In fact, it has probably enhanced your synchronicity."

And he certainly wasn't apologetic, but Suzaku was learning not to expect basic human emotions from Lamperouge. Suzaku could only groan and stare up at the ceiling, waiting for Lamperouge to get to whatever traumatizing point they were heading towards.

"No comment, then?"

"You're making me crazy," Suzaku sighed. "That's my comment. Could we maybe get this over with, please?"

"What is it that's making you crazy, Agent Kururugi?" Lamperouge smiled a little. "My ability to rationalize not notifying your superiors about an infraction within our code of ethics? Or the fact that I didn't mind getting clipped by a beautiful woman's shoe?"

"Just tell me where we're going." Suzaku massaged the bridge of his nose, trying to stem off the headache nagging at the base of his skull. "The suspense is killing me."

The doctor stood, walking behind his desk to open a drawer and pull out a white bottle. He shook it and asked, "Now or later?"

"Now," Suzaku sighed.

Lamperouge opened the bottle and tossed him a white pill that Suzaku swallowed after Lamperouge said, "Don't chew."

Then Lamperouge pulled out another white bottle, one that said Tylenol. Suzaku started feeling a little sick as the doctor pulled out another white pill. He caught it, looked at the clearly stamped name on the pill in his palm and asked, hoarsely, "What did I just swallow?"

Lamperouge put the two bottles down and he leaned forward, his palms flat on his desk. His eyes were wide, but intent. He looked truly human for the first time, and concerned. Earnest.

"You trusted Agent Stadtfeld with your body in a physical relationship after only a few days," Lamperouge said, slowly but surely. "I'm asking you to trust me with your mind, if only while we work together."

Suzaku watched him, tense and looking for lies in his words or eyes. Lamperouge had put something into him, something foreign and most certainly chemical. Possibly life-changing. Anything.

"Have I been wrong, Agent Kururugi?" Lamperouge asked, looking inside him. "Right now you feel agitated, nervous, and it upsets you. You feel out of control and it gets worse every time you walk into my office… The first time I spoke to you, one mention of your father put you into a fight or flight response. Your fear of lost control is manifesting in your dreams, in the only place you can't deny the emotion."

Lamperouge continued as Suzaku looked away, looked into the creases of the leather couch rather than all the horrible truth the doctor was dredging up.

"Rather than confront the issues we've been dealing with, you fixate on me, the person who is making you feel these things." Lamperouge sighed and his voice softened. "What I just gave you is a measure of your control returned. I can't promise miracles, Agent Kururugi. I can only promise that my one hope out of these sessions is that you'll be able to walk away from all of these issues by conquering them. I can only promise that I'm trying to help you be able to enjoy your life."

And when he spoke again Suzaku turned to look because the man's voice was tired, almost mournful… And for a moment Suzaku wondered if there were a real person behind all the cool logic and passive face.

"I don't go around telling people that they have amazing potential," Lamperouge said. "Most of them don't. But you show no pride for your accomplishments and no excitement about what you are or what you could be: Exceptional."

Lamperouge's head dipped forward briefly and the swing of his hair hid his eyes for a moment, until he looked back up, composed and placid again. The tremor of passion was gone.

"Take the pill for two weeks," Lamperouge said. "It will make these sharp truths softer and easier to manage. It will help you control them even when you dream. After two weeks if you still want to stop the treatment I won't say a word."

"By treatment you mean-"

"I mean I'll sign the papers to give you your gun back and reduce our sessions to monthly check-ups." Lamperouge nodded at Suzaku's surprise, stern. "But we will have longer sessions until then, two hours, and you will take what I give you every morning without fail."

"You have more?" Suzaku's feeling of unease sickened. "More pills?"

"If the treatment is successful you won't need them by the time you walk out my door. It's not a long term prescription. I'm giving you an anti-depressant and something to help you sleep. That's all, and the prescriptions are entirely safe, especially since I'll be monitoring your moods as you take them."

He reached down and then tossed Suzaku a bottle. The label had the name of the drug scratched out but it clearly said, 'For sleep'. He frowned at it, anger growing as he remembered the pill already dissolving into his system.

He was up and halfway to tossing it in the trash when Lamperouge said, "I take the same exact medication every night." His voice was only barely a murmur, a whisper, a secret as he looked Suzaku in the eye. "And more than a few of your superiors take the other one in the morning, prescribed by the doctor before me."

"That doesn't make what you just did right," Suzaku hissed. Lamperouge flinched backwards when Suzaku stood and got up close. "You apologize right now or I'm reporting to your superior what you just did."

Lamperouge smiled a little, looking wistful as he sighed.

He was still smiling softly when he said, "Agent Kururugi, I will not apologize for doing what I think is right. Think about what we talked about, take that medication as instructed, and get a good night's rest. You need it."

Suzaku almost yelled, almost screamed, because there was nothing he could say to that sentiment when he believed it himself. Nothing at all. Instead he put his hands down on the desk and scattered the man's files all over the room with a single sweeping hand.

Lamperouge instantly broke eye contact to look down and Suzaku turned too. Faces looked up at him from the floor, autopsies, evidence, dead children and the proof, the smiles that proved those had once been alive.

The case hadn't been solved and Suzaku hadn't forgotten.

Apparently Lamperouge hadn't forgotten, either. Suzaku dimly remembered the look on the man's face when he was finally brought into the investigation, when he was just a stranger, another inexperienced profiler that the FBI hadn't really known and the department hadn't trusted. They'd kicked him out as soon as their old profiler was back off vacation.

Suzaku remembered being entirely shocked and secretly uneasy with the fact that his superiors had so casually dismissed a resource. He'd only been a probationary agent at the time and fiercely aware that the same could happen to him if he stepped out of line.

Lamperouge had yelled, begged, insisted in every way he could that the killer had been a woman with a teenaged accomplice, probably male, but at the time Lamperouge hadn't been entirely sure. The FBI hadn't given him all of the evidence. They had been saving the good parts for the guy they trusted. His passion for justice fell on uncaring ears and he'd been furious when he was finally forced to leave, slamming every door behind him with enough force that picture frames had shattered on the floors.

The guy the FBI trusted had fingered a middle-aged businessman who had pornography of sixteen year olds, but not much older. He confessed that he knew the actresses weren't actually sixteen, that he'd never do anything to children. The evidence just hadn't been there but the guy they'd trusted had gotten the businessman double life sentences without parole on just his own reputation. The 'killer' was in jail for six months until the case was shred to pieces at appeal. He'd left the prison emaciated, scarred, and with a dead heart.

Somewhere a killer had been smiling.

And here was Lamperouge, that recent graduate all grown up and an honest to goodness profiler who could spot a murderer in two lies, a flicker of eyes, and a smile.

"I remember you now," Suzaku said, feeling suddenly and acutely ashamed. He crouched down to where Lamperouge was already kneeling, carefully rearranging his folder with blank, blank eyes and a face that gave absolutely nothing away. This case, those dead children, Suzaku realized, had killed that passionate young graduate just as surely as if the director had pointed his gun at Lamperouge's soul and fired.

When everything was gathered Suzaku handed over his folders with a sick, horrible feeling as Lamperouge met his eyes with a stare and stood. He held the folders to his chest with a calm grip and unwavering eyes. He wasn't even angry, Suzaku realized. The doctor was simply watching Suzaku and most likely measuring the amount of rage it would take for an experienced agent to lose his temper in such a way. He was probably wondering and dissecting their brief encounter to pick out the moment and the reason that had pushed Suzaku into rage.

Suzaku found he couldn't identify why his anger had peaked, he only came to the realization that the rage had been stewing inside him since the day Doctor Lamperouge had held up a photograph and made Suzaku face the truth.

He didn't say he was sorry as he left. There wasn't a single doubt in him that Lamperouge already knew.

* * *

There were plenty of options, but Suzaku chose the one he liked the very least. He didn't go to the late night movie, he didn't empty clip after clip at the firing range, and he didn't call Kallen and ask to come over to her apartment. He didn't drink scotch until he couldn't drink anymore. Suzaku didn't go downtown and step in front of a speeding car.

Instead Suzaku went home, took a long, scalding shower, wrote in his journal with his new slick, ridiculously expensive silver pen (he'd looked it up on the internet) and then went to bed.

Two hours later, after waking up shaking and sweating, he bolted to his discarded jacket and dry-swallowed too many little white pills.


	2. Primary Gain Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Lavender. Everything smelled of lavender and dust as Lelouch ran his fingers over the top of his mother's keepsake chest. Up in the attic it was too warm and the pressed flowers inside the trunk made the whole room smell of roses, lavender, of all her favorite flowers…

"What are you doing up here?" Schneizel's head popped up through the trapdoor, looking amused and disheveled as he climbed up into the attic proper.

Schneizel never smelled of flowers, he always smelled clean and crisp like fresh laundry, but in Lelouch's dreams-

"That's none of your business," Lelouch murmured back, ignoring the sound of the stairs retracting as Schneizel closed them off from the world. Carefully, so carefully, Lelouch pushed the lid of the trunk up, taking the sudden scent of cedar as a balm to his brother's appearance.

"What's in there?" Schneizel asked, leaning over to look in the chest. His eyes were bright but the rest of him was ruffled, looking tired in his slacks and undershirt, both of them ridiculously, perfectly white.

Perfectly white except for the one bloody handprint that stood out on the back of his shoulder, a boy's-sized hand print.

Schneizel looked up and made eye contact. "What are you hiding, littlest prince?"

Lelouch looked into the chest and it was empty except for two objects.

Lelouch closed the lid very, very slowly, whispering, "Nothing."

Schneizel tried to open the chest again, his large hands tugging at the top, but the lid stayed closed. It locked with a sharp, metallic snap and his brother looked over with an odd, calculating stare before his lips curved into a smile. The weight of those hands on his shoulders was slightly alarming. Lelouch felt so small, but when he tried to pull away Schneizel only brought him closer.

"I want to see what's inside, Lulu," he murmured. "Open it back up."

"No." Lelouch tried to push him away but to little effect. Of all of his brothers he was the only one who hadn't inherited their father's solid frame. He'd been born small and thin with the delicate bone structure of his mother. Sometimes it felt as if the weight of Schneizel's eyes were enough to make him suffocate.

"What are you hiding?" Schneizel whispered into his neck, sending a thrill of something that was almost fear down Lelouch's spine. Almost fear, but not quite as he started to struggle out from beneath his brother's grip.

"What is it?" Schneizel kept whispering while Lelouch was entirely caught in the grip of his embrace, smothering. He couldn't breathe, and the more he struggled the more Schneizel proved that he was bigger, stronger until Lelouch was caught and entirely obscured by his brother's body. He couldn't see anything. The scent of flowers had been replaced by sharp, clean linen, and he was going to die, Lelouch realized, he was going to die in Schneizel's shad-

* * *

The day was past noon by three hours and the disastrous mix of napping too long and the heat had changed Lelouch's few moments of rest into something highly unsettling. He pushed his jacket onto the floor and sat up, pulling the knot of his tie until it was loose before slipping back into his shoes with a yawn. A knock on the door should have woken him at one, right after lunch hour.

Kururugi had missed his appointment.

Lelouch sighed deeply, gathered his jacket and fished his cell phone out of the pocket.

He hit speed dial two and the phone was ringing, once, twice, three times… Lelouch was counting the twentieth ring when he was finally answered by a blurry, "ullo?"

Lelouch hung up the phone. The man was alive and would be back the next day, sufficiently guilty about missing their appointment. Kururugi had enough guilt to sink a damn ship and he'd certainly feel the sting of it when he looked through his caller ID. He'd probably even call back to apologize.

Lelouch decided to give him three and a half minutes. One minute to wake up, thirty seconds to realize who had called, forty-five seconds of vacillating between anger, frustration and finally resignation as he sulked. Kururugi wouldn't want to feel guilty, but he would and he'd certainly resent the fact. Lelouch gave him thirty seconds to sigh and feel miserable, ten more seconds to throw off the rasp in his voice, and then estimated that it would take the operator at least thirty-five seconds to figure out who she was supposed to connect him to, and-

"This is Dr. Lamperouge."

"Oh. Hey. Wow." Suzaku still had a raspy timbre in his voice. "It didn't even ring."

Lelouch sat at his chair and let his feet rest in the windowsill, looking into the cloudless sky as he listened to Kururugi's stuttering, embarrassed laugh.

"Um, hello? Are you still there?"

"Yes, Agent Kururugi, I'm still here." Lelouch closed his eyes and kept his inflection painfully even. "What can I do for you?"

There was the ruffling sound of cloth. Kururugi was still in bed then, and there was a long sigh before he gave in to the obvious.

"I missed my appointment," Kururugi said dully.

"You did." Lelouch settled back, relaxing. From the sound of Kururugi's voice, the absence hadn't been deliberate, merely negligence.

"…is it really three?"

"Three fifteen to be exact." Lelouch could imagine the man's scowl.

There were certain people who hated being informed of the obvious, assuming that the other person had thought them too stupid to comprehend, and Suzaku Kururugi was definitely such a specimen. Lelouch could have said, 'The sun is yellow,' and gotten the exact same response. Lelouch found that this was the best way to agitate successful A-type personalities, agent or criminal. And he was still a little pissed about being left alone to a nightmare.

"What the hell do you want?" Kururugi snapped. "And how the hell did you get this number?"

Lelouch grinned. It was just too easy.

"I only wanted to make sure you were alright…" Lelouch made his voice a little soft, just the barest bit higher. "I get concerned when patients abandon their appointments without some kind of warning."

"Oh. Right." Suzaku's voice lowered, the edge sliced clean off by guilt. "Sorry. I guess I slept through my alarm-"

And then the excuse to assuage the guilt-

"-I must have taken too many of those sleeping pills."

Lelouch froze, a violent chill running down his spine as Kururugi murmured, "…Hello?"

"How many did you take?" The game of subtle aggravation evaporated and Lelouch was suddenly moderating his voice out of necessity, trying not to give his panic away as he fixed his tie and threw his coat on.

Lelouch was putting car keys in his pocket when Kururugi murmured, "Um."

He was locking his office door when the man laughed nervously and said, "Well, more than I should have, obviously."

And then to backtrack into less touchy territory-

"But I did sleep really well. No bad dreams or anything… Just like you said."

Lelouch jogged through the hallways, ignoring the stares that followed him and staying silent as he gave Kururugi enough rope to-

"Well, no bad dreams after I took the pills." Kururugi yawned. "I had a nightmare first, and then I realized that I hadn't taken any of those pills…and it was really dark-"

Agent Stadtfeld looked up with wide eyes when Lelouch barged through her closed door, a finger to his lips as he kept listening to Kururugi's rambling explanation. Lelouch grabbed the man lounging against the window by the shoulder and shoved him out of the room, closing and locking the door.

"Accident or not, we still have a bit of a problem, Agent Kururugi." For once Lelouch was having difficulty keeping the emotion out of his voice. He'd been delighted after Kururugi had left the office the day before. At the end of their session the man had looked him in the eye without even a trace of malice, but then he'd gone home and-

"It disturbs me that a grown man wouldn't stop to read the directions on a potentially harmful prescription."

Stadtfeld shot up out of her chair and Lelouch pushed her right back down again, glaring at her for silence and getting it, thank god. The pencil in her hand snapped in half and a high, angry flush spread over her cheekbones as she glared, but she managed to contain her anger and the frantic worry it covered. Lelouch had always liked Kallen. The woman had a fantastic temper and the same merciless resolve Lelouch had so carefully cultivated inside himself, while still managing to save a measure of tenderness for her loved ones… For Suzaku, in this case.

"Have I made an error in trusting that you had the ability to take care of yourself?" Lelouch leaned against her desk, "…Or perhaps, Agent Kururugi, I just made a misjudgment by trusting you at all."

"Look," A note of panic made Lelouch relax a little, "It was seriously just an accident. Yes, I admit being reckless, but I'm not… I didn't…"

"So, basically, you're trying to get me to buy manslaughter, not murder." Lelouch let his anger leak out, but not his worry. "Because recklessness is the distinction that you're presenting me with right now, and it's a very poor excuse. It's very nearly no excuse at all."

"Shit," Suzaku hissed, his voice thick. "You have to believe me… I swear to god, I wasn't trying to…"

His voice trailed off, and Lelouch waited a while before requesting, "Finish your statement, Agent Kururugi. We want to make this official."

"I wasn't trying to kill myself last night," Kururugi finally said, his voice hollow. "It was late, I was scared, and I just wasn't thinking."

Then, to get himself out of trouble-

"It wasn't just a glove dream," Kururugi said, reluctance in every syllable. "It was a dream about my dad. I… I was scared. Really scared."

His voice was small, quiet, just barely even a whisper. Kururugi wasn't lying.

Lelouch tilted the receiver of the phone away and sighed, the panic finally leaving him calm. Stadtfeld calmed too, her hands still fisted and her expression grim, but no longer looking like she wanted to bolt out the door.

"Alright," Lelouch finally said, "But I'm afraid I can't let you keep those pills. I need you to bring them here within the hour. I'll give you one for tonight and hold the rest. Do you agree?"

"Yeah. Look, I'm sorry-"

"I accept your apology," Lelouch said, looking up at the wall clock. "By four thirty, Agent Kururugi."

"What? Wai-"

Lelouch snapped his phone shut.

"The second he leaves my office you stick with him," Lelouch told Stadtfeld, "All night. No exceptions."

Stadtfeld glared and ran a hand through her hair but didn't blush.

"Yeah. Fine. Asshole."

"Thank you."

"Fuck you."

"Save your energy," Lelouch snapped back, grabbing the blond waiting outside the door and shoving him back in, ignoring the squawk of indignation. He walked very methodically back to his office, ignoring the half-sentences and odd looks that followed him on the way. When finally in the office, Lelouch locked the door behind himself and sighed deeply, ripping the tie from his throat.

Then he went to his lower desk drawer and started the weekend early.

* * *

"Nii-sama, you're home!" Nunnally met him at the door, smiling with her hands folded on her lap. She was holding two twenty-dollar bills. "I didn't hear the car. I thought you were the delivery man."

"Pizza again?" Lelouch handed his briefcase off to Sayoko and tried to keep his mouth pointed away from his sister.

"No, Milly told me about a Chinese food restaurant she said I should try." Lelouch's heart broke a little when Nunnally took a delicate sniff of the air and said, "Oh, you must have taken the bus home. We could have met you at work, Nii-sama."

"The bus gave me some time to think."

And sober up, but that wasn't something he needed to say out loud. Sayoko took his jacket when he handed it over and shut the door behind him. Keys in the change cup, shoes next to the coat rack, and his tie already stuffed in his pocket… Lelouch was home – exhausted and still a little buzzed, but home.

"Something bad must have happened," Nunnally whispered, holding a hand out. "Can you talk about it, brother?"

Lelouch slipped his hand into hers and gave a small squeeze.

"I made a big mistake," was all he could say, wondering how the hell he had thought it was a good idea to give a suicidal man an entire bottle of sleeping pills. "It was a pretty close call."

"I'm sure you were doing your best, big brother."

Which was ultimately the problem, but the doorbell rang so Lelouch was saved from fabricating a gentle lie. Lelouch opened the door, took a look at who was on the porch and nearly slammed it closed again.

"Chow Mein, Crab Rangoon, Sweet and Sour Pork, Mongolian Beef and Fried Rice?"

"Yes," Nunnally grinned and moved her chair forward. "Will forty dollars be enough?"

"More than enough, Miss." The man handed Lelouch a bag full of food and a letter. "Five dollars too much."

"Then that's your tip!" Nunnally held the money out and Lelouch snatched it out of her hand, pulling in the direction of the man on the porch who didn't bother taking the bills himself. Instead he just smiled, winking with a broad grin, his amber eyes nearly golden in the lamplight.

"Thanks a bunch." Jeremiah Gottwald got down on one knee and bowed under Lelouch's angry stare. "Have a nice night."

Nunnally called back the same and carefully, very carefully, Lelouch closed the door. And when his sister was gone Lelouch made sure it had been locked properly and pushed a chair under the handle.

Only then, feeling the barest measure of safety, he opened up the note-

Sunday at eight. The Hilton. Under the name 'Reginald Charles'.

* * *

The weekend was normal as far as Lelouch's weekends were concerned. There was nothing to clean, no laundry to take care of as Sayoko saw to that. There was no lawn to mow, no dog to walk, just Lelouch and his sister dancing around each other as carefully as if they were first dates. Nunnally was growing up, finally, and it made Lelouch uncomfortable because for the first time he didn't know what to do after a plan had gone right. She was dating, she was going to school, and Lelouch, while glad that she was becoming independent, was stuck wondering where his little sister, his constant, had gone.

Lelouch wanted Nunnally to grow up, it was necessary, but he was afraid that one day he would awaken to an empty, echoing house with nothing but his own thoughts as companions.

Despite his best intentions, Lelouch knew he wasn't meant to be alone. What Lelouch thrived on was the potential of interpersonal relationships; he thrived on being smarter, more clever, better than the best the world had to offer. His family… He hated what they were – unrepentant criminals, every one – but he didn't hate the enormous amount of potential that was available among them all. Cornelia, Odysseus, Clovis, even Schneizel… There was a part of himself that begged to be in the midst of these powerful people, a part of him that wouldn't hesitate to stand at his father's right hand and flourish in an empire built on deceit, cruelty and ruthless manipulation.

His family would take him back without even a moment's pause, and really that was the most terrifying part: That maybe he might get lonely enough to let himself be led down to the maw of loving devils just because he didn't understand, or couldn't tolerate anything else.

And it was no secret that Charles had always loved his youngest son best. Even the most pitiful of criminals and most powerful of politicians were aware of his favor, aware that somewhere hidden in their midst was the potential heir, a reluctantly but equally devoted son who might just do anything for his father, who might just destroy their world at the emperor's whim.

Except for Nunnally. Nunnally had always come first, come between him and their family at every turn, and it had undoubtedly made him a better person, but-

"Nii-sama?"

-the power was still at his grasp. Schneizel would fight him tooth and nail for the role of Emperor, but the others would back down with an adequate display of force. No more sitting in an office teasing idiots back into some semblance of efficiency, no more hours of digging up an empathy he despised in others to fix people he hardly knew, and most of all no more answering to some higher authority.

The only thing that stood between Lelouch and the potential of awe-inspiring power was the smile of a fragile, crippled girl.

And that girl was working up the courage to push him away.

"Yes, Nunnally?" Lelouch muted the sound on the news and smiled. "Is there something you need?"

"I'm going out for dinner tonight with Rolo." She smiled in return. "Would you like to come along? He has a sister-"

Lelouch wondered where he'd been when the power balance shifted, and not for the first time he considered that Nunnally might actually pity him.

"A sister," Lelouch repeated duly, dumbstruck. "Have I even met Rolo?"

God, if it wasn't for the serial killers…

"Yes, brother, you have." Nunnally's smile was a little sad then. "He came to my birthday party a few months ago… But you were on that big case, so I suppose it's natural that you don't remember."

"The quiet, mousy-haired kid?" Lelouch remembered vaguely, because, "He was kind of weird, Nunnally."

The young man had a sickly look to him and an odd, strained smile. The only thing that kept Lelouch from chucking him out on the street was the obvious, careful tenderness he had held for Nunnally, as if she were some precious charge left solely in his care. But if the sister was anything like the brother Lelouch knew he'd be hard-pressed to be polite, especially with the mood Jeremiah's letter had put him into. Nunnally didn't say anything, she simply crossed her arms and raised her chin, her version of a raised eyebrow.

"Maybe if you got to know him, Nii-sama-"

Lelouch could only sigh and slouch more deeply into his chair, watching the president inform the nation that everything was alright, really, and please don't look at the man behind the curtain.

"You know, Nunnally, that sounds nice," Lelouch closed his eyes and fought off the mounting headache, "but I really don't think I'm good for much today. You go and have a good time and maybe we'll do dinner next weekend."

Nunnally sighed back in exasperation. "I'm going to hold you to that, Nii-sama. You need to get out more often."

"Of course."

For the first time in a very long time Lelouch just wanted her to go away, to go and have a lovely evening with the weird kid who liked her and just leave him alone.

It hurt in ways he couldn't describe, but Lelouch just breathed easier when Nunnally was finally gone.

* * *

"I'm here to see Reginald Charles. He left me a key."

The name came easily but Lelouch didn't risk a smile as the receptionist went through the files on her computer.

"May I see your ID?"

Lelouch had it in hand already and held it up into view. He managed a small smile when she looked up to compare faces, staring a little too long with a slight blush.

"Of course, Mr. Smithson." She handed over the keycard. "Hand this to the man in the elevator. He'll take you up to the executive suite and then you can use this key," a real brass key this time, "To enter the suite. Have a nice night."

"Thank you." Lelouch palmed both keys into his hand and headed towards the elevator. The rules of the game were fairly simple: Be nice, but not overly so, and calm; speak as little as possible but relax as you walk away, hands in your pockets as you stroll casually to the elevator; hand the man in the elevator your key with a small smile and tip generously, but not overly so; then, exit… And walk inside the lion's den just as if it had been your idea to do so, and not as if you'd been summoned. That was the most important rule.

But when Lelouch walked into the suite all of those careful rules just disappeared. They weren't alone but Schneizel's very presence put Lelouch at ease. The possible witnesses, the wait staff and maids, were nothing but what they were, and not the carefully observing eyes that they could be. One thing he could always trust was that Schneizel would be fully capable of handling his surroundings. For a little while Lelouch didn't have to think.

Three strides away from the table Lelouch fell to one knee and bent down low, exposing the back of his neck and hiding his own ironic moue. He rose when Schneizel told him to and took the seat that his brother pulled out, sitting across from each other at a small, carefully plated dinner.

"Does filet mignon suit your taste tonight, or lobster?"

"The meat, I think." Lelouch watched the waiter pour a deep red wine with a small smile.

"Wonderful." Schneizel smiled rather excessively, showing teeth as Lelouch's meal was set before him.

They both watched the rest of the service until they were gone and the room was empty, lit by candelabras at the corners of the room as some soft music played behind. When the staff was gone, they were free to speak as brothers.

The whole city knew Schneizel on sight, knew the protocol that his position demanded, so while the act of abasement hadn't truly been necessary Lelouch hadn't made himself an object of interest by simply walking in and seating himself. It was a necessary act if Lelouch wanted to keep his front intact. After all, he was just Lelouch Lamperouge, psychiatrist extraordinaire, not the eleventh heir to an organization that put the Italian mob to shame.

"Is this family business?"

"A little bit. You're family after all, Lulu." Schneizel took a drink of his wine, his blue eyes bright in comparison to the red. "Why don't you take off your jacket and stay awhile?"

"Of course." Lelouch immediately shrugged off his coat, toed off his shoes, and very nearly undid his tie.

The moment his fingers came up to touch the knot Schneizel shook his head slightly, so Lelouch let it stay and desperately tried not to dwell.

Even in this there were formalities, though not the kind that would ever be seen outside closed doors.

Lelouch left his cufflinks on the table and rolled up his sleeves before taking a small sip of his own drink.

Schneizel was already dressed comfortably, his usual jacket sprawled over a low table with his shoes and a silk tie.

"You look well, Lelouch," Schneizel began to cut his own meat, "But a little troubled, I think. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Work." Lelouch frowned, and turned his face from the stern and slightly angry expression that flit briefly over his brother's face. It was easier to ignore if he didn't have to watch that look immediately shift into something soft, bored. Lelouch had to ignore the shift or he'd get angry too, and he didn't want to chance where that might lead.

"I'm treating a young man who has proven to be somewhat unpredictable," Lelouch said, turning his face to Schneizel's listening stare. "I've been using my usual technique, but-"

"But it looks like it's becoming more personal," Schneizel smirked. "Poor Lulu, whatever will you do?"

Lelouch only shrugged, moving them away from uncharted waters with a bite of excellent food and another small drink of wine.

"What has it been this time, three months?" Schneizel took another bite, locking their eyes as he hummed in satisfaction. "I have someone check on you from time to time… But, you know it's not the same as a visit."

Lelouch bit the inside of his cheek and narrowed his eyes as he leaned forward a little.

"Four months." He tilted his head up, his arms on the table, "And you could have called anytime you liked."

Schneizel raised an eyebrow. "Still trying to get one over, little brother?"

Lelouch didn't answer the question. Instead, he asked, "And how are things going for you? From what I hear business has been going well."

"Business is going very well," Schneizel smirked, looking coldly satisfied. At that moment he looked just like their father and Lelouch had to shrug the thought away, uneasy with the comparison.

And that was the end of subjects that had any actual significance. They ate and spoke of politics, of movies and the weather. Singers, orchestral performances, opera, and recent shows at the art museums. Mostly Lelouch spoke, Schneizel rarely had time for the arts or gossip, but he knew plenty about the politics in DC. They steered away from that as well, eventually, not wanting to disturb the discomfort that was slowly mounting into a thrill after half a glass of wine and Schneizel's all-encompassing gaze. He ate very slowly and Lelouch ate almost nothing at all.

Lelouch watched Schneizel. He watched the way Schneizel was gripping the stem of his wine glass, the way his shoulders would tense slightly and then ease until his body looked loose and drowsy. He watched as the light began to darken in his brother's sharp blue eyes when real emotion began to leak through.

Lelouch didn't know what exactly Schneizel was feeling, but he knew exactly how that look would culminate. He'd been seeing it for years, after all.

Schneizel was on the edge, just waiting for Lelouch to push, to make the first move… But Lelouch would never do that. The man who never had to ask for anything would always have to ask for this, always, if only because Lelouch knew it made him furious to have to do so. Forcing Schneizel to take the initiative was a small but increasingly satisfying revenge.

"Little brother, have you been listening to a word I've said?" Schneizel put his utensils down and leaned forward, his face angled with a smile only Lelouch could claim to have seen.

"Most of it." Lelouch gave him a soft but slightly bland smile in return. "I'm afraid I've found myself distracted by work again."

Schneizel's eyebrows raised and he leaned back into his chair, frowning.

"Work."

"The human mind really is the most fascinating thing," Lelouch murmured earnestly, keeping his eyes wide for some semblance of honesty to show through, "Every day I have these seemingly boring, straight-laced people come through my doors, and every time I'm just a little surprised of what those seemingly respectable patients are capable of doing. It's amazing how severely they can be engrossed in denial, having the oddest sense of morality when they're actually the most appalling-"

Schneizel lurched forward and grabbed a fistful of Lelouch's hair as he grinned sharply, tugged hard, and said, "You came at my call, littlest prince. You've proven yourself a player, but I win. Say it."

Lelouch gasped at another sharp tug as Schneizel pulled him forward, halfway over the table, and only barely repressed a wince. Another tug brought him up onto the table, scattering glasses and plateware, wine and food. They all fell to the carpet without a thought to the mess. His scalp stung as Schneizel stared him down, his teeth exposed in a scowl that made a little part of Lelouch smile in satisfaction.

Lelouch leaned forward slightly until his lips were very nearly touching Schneizel's ear.

He whispered, "You've proven yourself a player, older brother," And Lelouch smiled, because it was true behind locked doors and they both knew it, "…But I win."

Because it had only been four months and an hour but Schneizel already had his pants unzipped and Lelouch thrown to the floor. Lelouch wanted the night but Schneizel needed it, needed to lift Lelouch to his knees by the tie around his throat and press Lelouch's face against his cock, already hard and leaking.

Schneizel hissed when Lelouch laughed mockingly against his stomach, angry, so angry, and then groaned when Lelouch looked up and took his brother's cock into his mouth.

I win, Lelouch thought as he swallowed, pulled off and swallowed again. I win.

* * *

"Hey, are you alright?" Kururugi leaned forward with a frown. "You look like you got hit by a truck."

Dark circles under his eyes, slightly bruised lips, the uncomfortable shifting that came with a sharp, very localized pain in the ass, all combined with the effect a black turtleneck did to his complexion… Kururugi wasn't saying anything Lelouch didn't already know, and the man himself looked disgustingly bright with his wide green eyes and healthy, tanned skin. No, that was wrong. Lelouch sighed. Kururugi looked wonderfully bright and oddly happy and all the things Lelouch could have hoped for after a two-day absence.

"I had a late night." Lelouch shrugged, tapping his pen on the clean white pad of paper. There was something infinitely satisfying about marking the first page of a new pad and it always calmed Lelouch down a little as Kururugi immediately looked at the pad with that slightly ill, cornered expression that was just as infinitely amusing.

"No, seriously, did you get in a fight with someone?" Kururugi continued, not letting those few taps change the subject as they were intended to. Stubborn. "You're all stiff, too, and you're favoring your left side-"

"Agent Kururugi," Lelouch interrupted, raising an eyebrow, "I'll ask you not to examine me too closely. It's a bit unsettling."

Moreso that Kururugi seemed to be adopting some sort of protective stance as his eyes narrowed and he leaned forward, as if he were just waiting for an opportunity to strip Lelouch down and confirm his suspicions. Kururugi's eyebrow rose, and he adopted a bit of humor and a half formed smile as he drawled, "Why, are you hiding something?"

"Other than my body, which I routinely cover in clothing?" Lelouch gave him a look. "Not particularly… So please, cease and desist with the personal remarks. It's unbecoming."

"Unnerving, you mean," Kururugi murmured with a keen eye, and the honest tenor of his voice. He knew that Lelouch was disconcerted as a truth and not simply a childish comeback. How Kururugi knew… If Lelouch hadn't been unsettled before, he was certainly on his way.

Schneizel would never know, but sometimes when Lelouch won, he won too. Most of the time Schneizel's win manifested in a deep melancholy, a fixation with the past and how Lelouch had come to be in the place he was, but the last few times it had been different.

Lelouch would wake alone in a nest of stained linen and wonder if he was letting Schneizel take too much, if he was letting his brother leech him away when he allowed Schneizel to gorge on his body. Soft platitudes aside, Lelouch had started to wake up less than what he was before.

And the dream-

"Hey," Kururugi's voice was soft, and he was leaning over with dark, wholly troubled eyes, "Doctor Lamperouge… Really, I mean it. Are you alright?"

This time he wasn't playing keep away with the session, this time the agent was serious, his mouth falling open a little in a mixture of astonishment and concern, leaning forward until he was almost entirely off the couch. His hand rose and at that moment Lelouch knew no greater terror than the possibility that Suzaku Kururugi might touch him.

Kururugi's hand jerked back as if he'd been burned and his eyes widened and widened as he watched Lelouch in wonder. Lelouch watched Kururugi realize that under his title and authority there was still a human being and felt absolutely no comfort in the man's sudden epiphany.

Schneizel had been accurate, it was time to make an emotional connection, it was necessary even. He had to establish solid ground between them and a painstaking measure of careful intimacy would have to be the solution. Kururugi was unpredictable and needed to be grounded, settled in one place so that Lelouch could get at him long enough to make real progress.

The fact that Suzaku was beginning to add up his reactions and come to the truth of his problem, or the assumed truth, (It was assumed, because it wasn't like that with Schneizel, it had never been) had nothing to do with Lelouch's hasty magic act of replacing one horrible truth with another in a blink of downcast, misty eyes.

"If you must know, yesterday was the anniversary of my mother's death." Lelouch didn't have to pretend that the words were sharp in his throat, like glass. "I distracted myself by going to the gym and I'm paying for it today."

And god, thank god, that tiny sliver of horror in Kururugi's face was gone, replaced almost instantly by guilty remorse. He'd gotten nosy and pushed too far. Either way, the fact that the result of the falsehood fit into Lelouch's plans was negligible, and the lie even more dismissible.

Lelouch didn't know the date of his mother's death, no one would tell him, and he only knew that it had been spring and beautiful outside when she was gunned down in her parlor. He could still remember the scent of her favorite flowers as they were crushed beneath the feet of the paramedics, the way one of her pale hands had slid off beneath the lumpy cover of the gurney, and the way Nunnally had been screaming in pain and terror, but he couldn't remember the date.

"Oh, god." Kururugi went pale. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have-"

Lelouch smiled and waved away the man's embarrassment and worry with a gesture.

"Let's get back to what we're here for, shall we?"

And for once Kururugi listened to him and answered his questions and prompts without prevarication or animosity; he was honest and sincere. Still, Lelouch couldn't ignore that the man's sudden cooperation stemmed from the guilt and embarrassment that followed Lelouch's lie.

Lelouch had the grace to spend the session talking about nothing at all.

What Lelouch wanted was Kururugi's bare truths but he refused to buy those truths with his mother's death. It was just that simple.

And consciously Lelouch refused to think about how Schneizel's brand of affection had forced him to have to make that that kind of decision at all.

* * *

Four months and two days and this time Lelouch couldn't get the evening out of his mind. He found himself at work with his eyes downcast on his notepad thinking about how Schneizel's hands had felt on his cock as a certain agent rambled on and on about his cheating wife. He had large, strong hands and there was always a moment, usually right before Lelouch was about to come, that he was sure that Schneizel would squeeze too hard just because he could.

Lelouch bit his lip and thought about those hands, how they had wrapped around his chest and just lifted him bodily, how they had wrapped around his thighs and hips. Schneizel liked to be face to face, wouldn't do it otherwise, and Lelouch was always forced to oblige. Lelouch had thrown his head back and vocalized each grip of pleasure and terror because he knew that was what Schneizel wanted to witness, to live and memorize.

Schneizel wanted to see his cold little brother lose every scrap of dignity and control, to see how his eyes began to tear when he just shoved Lelouch down on his cock after four months of celibacy. Face to face, their chests sliding against each other, Lelouch still had enough presence to see that Schneizel was barely breathing. Even as his hands gripped tighter and tighter, even as Lelouch's pain suddenly became pleasure, even as his cock finally started to harden against Schneizel's abdomen. Even then Schneizel had just watched with his harsh blue eyes. It had taken Lelouch's hands in his thick blond hair, their mouths pressed together and open so that Schneizel could inhale his cries of desperate craving for his brother to finally remember himself.

Only then did Schneizel let the monster out, unleashing the forbidden lust and anger as he slammed in again and again until Lelouch was screaming and putting bloody furrows into Schneizel's back as he tried and failed to grasp for some sliver of control. He lost it all when Schneizel took a handful of his hair and looked into Lelouch's eyes with a ravenous, predatory stare. Schneizel's hand had finally reached down-

There wasn't too much to remember after that. Schneizel would only work towards his own completion when Lelouch was slumped against him in a boneless embrace, only barely conscious enough to whimper as his hips were forced down on Schneizel's cock again and -

"Have you ever considered separating from her?" Lelouch broke through his patient's rambling monologue. The agent looked at him with wide eyes and an open mouth. He'd never considered getting rid of her for even a moment, Lelouch knew, because the man didn't really believe his wife was cheating on him. When he spoke of her infidelities he scratched his neck, made absolute eye contact at all times, barely blinking, and well…verbally, he was just a bad liar. His speech patterns shifted wildly and his expressions were clown-like, exaggerated.

"U-uh, well," he stuttered, and then suddenly pounded a fist on his leg. "Of course I have! Of course-"

"Have you considered telling her that you're gay?"

The man paled, looking hollow and grey as he pulled his limbs in close and stared like Lelouch was some demon. Maybe he was right, because it was just so easy to pluck that expression out of a soul and every time he did it, Lelouch wanted to do it again.

Maybe he was a demon… But he wasn't a devil, not yet.

"No one else has noticed," Lelouch assured him, smiling, "And I'm certainly not going to say anything. I don't care who you want to fuck, Agent Bradley, my only interest is the betterment of your life. Do you trust me on that, at least?"

Lelouch gave him a sympathetic smile, one he had learned from Nunnally, and the wild cornered expression faded into something like calm, still scared and stressed, but calm. Bradley nodded slightly and blotted the sweat from his face with his tie.

"Good," Lelouch smiled and wrote a quick note, offering it forward into the man's shaking hands.

Lelouch feeling full up of fire and spite smiled softly, and said-

"Either way I expect you'll need a good divorce lawyer."

Then as he watched the man go, clutching the paper to his chest, Lelouch thought, 'At least his sessions will start to be more interesting'.

And they were.

* * *

Lavender. The attic was warm and bright and smelled of his mother's favorite flowers. She had shown them to him once. Nunnally had only been a baby at the time and she had been cradled in his mother's arms, gurgling with laughter. Lelouch had held the album and opened the large, dusty book with great care. At the time it had felt enormous, but the truth was that Lelouch had just been very small.

Lelouch had turned the pages at her instruction, leaning his cheek into her soft, lovely hair as she told them the story of each painstakingly pressed blossom. At the time Lelouch hadn't been surprised that most of the flowers had come from his father, the bright ones in particular. There had been tri-colored roses of pink and gold and butter-yellow, white chrysanthemums, lilacs and tulips and baby's breath. Lelouch had leaned forward and taken the same fresh blossoms from the most recent bouquet to tickle them against Nunnally's mouth. She'd been delighted and his mother had smiled the smile Lelouch loved best.

Over in the doorway, standing tall, large and untouchable as a god, Charles had smiled too.

It was only after his mother's death that Lelouch wondered why the man had even bothered, but still… Charles was still a god to Lelouch, no matter how much he tried not to believe.

None of Charles' other children had ever felt that way, none of the other children had thought to bow low to their father and ask for him to bless their house. The other children had never felt that all-encompassing hand warm and solid on their head, their face, their shoulder and felt exalted. And of the other children, out of all of the dozens of them, not a single one had ever inherited the lavender eyes of their master.

Lelouch had said, "I want to be like you."

Charles had asked, "When you grow up?"

"No." The word had seemed to make the man's eyes darken and shine, Lelouch's father had been… Not pleased, but satisfied. Deeply satisfied.

And he had palmed Lelouch's neck with closed-lipped smile when Lelouch answered as seriously as a young boy could, and he'd been a strange boy even at the beginning so he had felt a deep echo in his soul when he said-

"No. Right now." Lelouch had looked up without a single wavering glance. "I want to be a god right now."

And now he was alone in an attic, in an old, recurring dream that had somehow altered after fourteen years.

There was no Schneizel, and Lelouch had grown-up hands, not the small grasp of a child. Lelouch was himself, crouched down, kneeling in front of his mother's keepsake chest and looking inside with the eyes of a man.

Fourteen years later those carefully pressed flowers were missing and inside, in their place, were two white gloves.

And when he woke from the dream, terror racing through his every limb, his heart pounding wildly, Lelouch could almost convince himself not to be afraid.

Then, finally awake and fully aware of the irony, Lelouch bolted to the bathroom to swallow a glass of freezing water and take an extra little white pill. Twice. He laid in bed afterwards, thinking about Schneizel's vicious self-satisfied smirk as he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror, unaware of Lelouch's eyes as he silently reveled in his own dominant victory, in the fact that he had gotten away with the forbidden yet again to his own infinite satisfaction.

Lelouch thought of how Schneizel had finally turned towards him and flinched back in surprise, looking every inch a guilty man caught in the act. He thought about how Schneizel's hand had fisted, obviously and desperately wanting to take Lelouch down yet again… and then a rueful smile as he looked at Lelouch's bruised and naked body.

Schneizel had approached him then, bestowing a tender kiss to Lelouch's forehead before bending him over and fucking him against the counter, watching Lelouch's helpless pain and climax in that same bathroom mirror with the same amused smile. And in the very end his brother had looked down at Lelouch, collapsed and gasping for air on the ground, and very nearly left him there on the cold tile, but there were rules. Instead Schneizel took him to bed, holding Lelouch gently as he bestowed soft kisses and incomprehensible murmurs until Lelouch slipped into sleep.

Then Lelouch thought about Suzaku's honest, worried green eyes and wondered what it would have felt like if Lelouch had let the man expose the bruise on his cheek, hidden by the shadow of his hair. He wondered if Suzaku's fingers would feel rough against his skin, or if he was too gentle for that, too good.

Lelouch fell asleep realizing that no one had ever looked at him with such concern, not even his father. And also that he wouldn't really mind looking into those frighteningly emotive green eyes again.

* * *

Of all the patients Lelouch had treated once joining the FBI, he had the most empathy for Suzaku Kururugi. Of course there were dozens who had sad stories: rape; molestation; abandonment; abuse… If Lelouch wasn't looking at photos of murder scenes or avoiding blood puddles, he was listening to someone's secrets – their most horrible thoughts, actions, or their fears. It was difficult to really like someone or even become friends under those conditions, but Suzaku was different somehow. Something about the loyalty of his companions, his demeanor, and all the little things Lelouch had overheard when others were speaking of the man made him stand out. Lelouch was hard-pressed not to spend a good amount of time wondering why.

Lelouch had been warning Suzaku of what was coming for five sessions before saying, "You told me you had a dream about your father."

Kururugi went pale instead of angry, which was a good sign, but he didn't seem able to open his mouth and actually speak, which was worse than a tantrum. He'd read through the police report multiple times searching for some clue that the incident might have some hidden shadow, some secret tucked within the pages. But, after hours and hours of searching, Kururugi was still the only clue.

"Yeah…" Suzaku's eyes drifted down to the carpet, his hand moving slightly towards the pillow at the right. Lelouch watched as he decided not to pull it closer, his green eyes sharpening for a moment to glare at it before pulling his hand back and staring at the floor again. Lelouch bit the inside of his cheek as Suzaku's empty hand fisted and wondered when the man had realized that he was using the pillow as a comfort object during intense sessions.

Lelouch took the reach and retreat as evidence that Kururugi had been thinking over their sessions and reviewing his own responses as instructed.

"Are you going to make me ask?" Lelouch murmured, tapping the pad of paper with the end of his pen. The soft, but solid sound of the two meeting was enough to make Suzaku's eyes glance upward again, but he still refused to make eye contact. His fingers dug into the couch and Lelouch nearly sighed.

"I…" Suzaku grimaced and bit down hard on his lower lip but it didn't stop the tears from welling as he hunched over and inhaled one long, stuttering breath.

"Goddamn it." He wiped at his eyes with his sleeve, trembling. "I can't stop fucking crying over this…"

Wait for it, Lelouch reminded himself, you have to wait. Platitudes would come easily at such a confession; there were so many things he could say, or had said before, but the last thing Kururugi needed was some sort of balm so early in the proceedings. Confession either eased the soul or tore it apart. With Suzaku, Lelouch could only wait and try to stem the blood flow. The fact that he wanted to do otherwise was slightly disconcerting in its incongruity. He found himself staring at the bared slope of Suzaku's neck in an uneasy shift of attention as the man finally took a handful of tissues from the box on the table by his side.

Suzaku wiped his face, very carefully put the tissues down and looked up with wet, red-rimmed eyes.

"I was sitting at the table doing homework in the kitchen, and my father came in, yelling," Suzaku murmured, his voice harsh, but soft, "And I thought 'If he hits me one more time, I'll kill him'."

Deep inside himself, Lelouch smiled.

"And he saw it," Suzaku whispered, fat tears sliding from his eyes. "He spent his whole life putting away criminals… And the look on his face, it wasn't like before."

Suzaku looked down with one great, heaving sigh that left his entire body sagging and loose as his eyes moved towards the floor in… Was it shame or regret? Lelouch couldn't tell, though he strongly suspected a mixture of the two, an emotion very close to despair.

"He'd usually smack me around, call me names, and then go finish his bottle of… whatever." Suzaku slouched back in his seat, but didn't lift his eyes. "But he'd just gotten home, completely sober. I found out later that my principal had called him at work because I'd gotten in a fight during homeroom. So the one time he actually had a reason to…"

Lelouch looked into green eyes and decided that, yes, the look was despair.

"There is no earthly reason that would make the abuse of a child a legitimate exercise of anger." Lelouch took the pause as an opportunity to provide a measure of reality and comfort. "Do you understand?"

Suzaku only looked away again.

Lelouch didn't sigh, and asked, "What happened next?"

"He backhanded me out of the chair and kicked me across the floor." Suzaku's voice had matured into a dull robotic tone. "He didn't say a single word the entire time except to tell me to get up… And every time I tried to, he'd kick me again until I didn't try anymore. I'm pretty sure I passed out."

Suzaku took a deep breath and wiped at his eyes again.

"My dream was about the second part when my dad came back to the kitchen. I was just standing back up when I noticed him in the doorway. He started walking forward, holding a beer bottle in his hand like a bat… And when I grabbed a knife out of the butcher's block he smiled."

Suzaku laughed a horrible, hollow noise and raised his head to stare out the window.

"If he knew who I had been hanging out with at recess I don't think he would have laughed. By that time I knew how to use a knife."

Lelouch kept his surprise firmly battened down and nodded slightly in encouragement.

"He broke the bottle on my head," Suzaku said, "And I used every ounce of strength I had left to put that knife straight through his chest."

Closing his eyes, Suzaku laughed, a short bark of sound. "He looked really surprised and for some reason it made me angry. I tried to pull the knife out of his chest but he managed to slap my hand away. I just grabbed another knife. In the dream I got the first knife out and all his insides-"

The visualization was gruesome and Lelouch could fully sympathize with Suzaku's pale-faced, disgusted shudder.

"…I didn't need the second knife," Suzaku finished. "He collapsed backwards and died. I really only remember that… That he was dead on the kitchen floor. The next thing I knew there were EMTs asking if I was alright and police asking me what the man who killed my father looked like."

After nearly five minutes of silence Suzaku looked up with an alarming, sweet smile.

"Everything you'd hoped for, Doc?"

Holding his inhale Lelouch looked Suzaku in the eye and dropped his pad of paper to the side. Everything he'd hoped for? Yes, yes it was, and he wanted more. He wanted to discover how Suzaku could say these things and smile. He simply wanted more. He knew one way to get what he wanted and it was somewhat of a happy coincidence that Lelouch didn't mind kneeling down at Suzaku's feet, didn't mind nodding slightly, and he didn't mind that though he opened his arms it was Suzaku who moved forward first.

Lelouch Lamperouge put a hand in Suzaku hair and hugged him close enough to feel every ragged breath as after two decades, Suzaku finally, truly wept.

I love you, Lelouch wanted to say, because he did. It wasn't a romantic love, not even close, but after a week and a few days, Lelouch had learned to love Suzaku Kururugi. He wasn't nearly as worried as he knew he ought to be. Loving Suzaku felt right, just as loving Nunnally felt right.

The only shame for Lelouch was that he couldn't say the sentiment out loud no matter how much Suzaku deserved to hear it. Lelouch could only hold him close, embrace him without reservation, and hope that such a bare comfort might soothe the man's heart from guilt, grief, and despair.

When Suzaku finally slipped into sleep, Lelouch's shoulder was wet with tears. His knees ached, but honestly, truly…

Lelouch had never felt so at peace as he did while guarding Suzaku's dreams.


	3. Primary Gain Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Dr. Lamperouge was standing just outside the door when Todoh walked into Suzaku's office and put two objects on his desk: His badge and his gun.

"But-" Suzaku couldn't keep his astonishment from showing. According to his agreement with Lamperouge, he still had a remaining week of sessions to go before he was street-certified again. When he looked over, Lamperouge just smiled slightly, nodded, and left the room. Todoh gave him a harsh look.

"If Lamperouge says you're good to go, you're good to go." Todoh watched him with a little concern in his eyes, "But I still want you close to home. I have an opening in my task force and you fit. It means overtime and paperwork but I can guarantee it's more interesting than pounding pavement."

Suzaku got a hold on his confusion, sobered, and added, "And my partner has a new partner."

It had only been a week but Kallen and Gino were already knee deep in a triple homicide and there wasn't room for an emotionally unstable third wheel. He'd seen it happening in slow degrees, watching as Kallen and the new kid started getting into the groove of partnership. She probably hadn't even notice, but Suzaku had. They'd been having lunch together, talking in whispers and almost-smiles, and Kallen hadn't been in complaining about the guy for days.

The change was something Suzaku wanted to talk to Lamperouge about, but he hadn't had the guts to broach a new subject with his father's death looming in the horizon. Now that he had finally gotten to the point that he could discuss his father… Well, a lot more seemed possible than it had before.

"Yes." Todoh didn't look the least bit uncomfortable about the unconscious betrayal of Suzaku's closest (and only) friend. That was in itself enough to give Suzaku the strength to forget and move on. And, though he was fully capable of blowing off Lamperouge now that he had his badge back, he still felt obligated in a strange way to say-

"I still have sessions left. I have to make time for those."

"That's fine." Todoh slapped down an access card, holding it in place with a finger. "Do you accept the position?"

"Yes." Suzaku shrugged, fully aware that he was being reckless. Todoh never worked on anything but the worst because he was the best. It was an honor, sort of, that he was being asked at all.

"Good." Todoh stood with a stern stare. "We meet in an hour. Bring a pen and a notebook, you have a lot of catching up to do. Conference room five."

Suzaku nodded, and Todoh's stare turned a little soft as he said, "It's good to have you back, Kururugi."

When he was gone and the door was closed Suzaku sat for a long time, thinking.

"It's good to be back," he decided in a murmur. Despite the fact that the weight of his gun felt foreign, or that the identification in his hand felt strange, Suzaku was fully prepared to think about something besides his own personal dramas. With that freedom in mind, Suzaku gave one helpless, thankful sigh.

Then he got up, composed himself, and headed towards the doctor's office.

Suzaku surprised himself by feeling good about knowing that it wasn't going to be the last time.

* * *

Being in his own home was little comfort when faced with the magnitude of the project he had blindly dedicated himself to undertaking. In an hour Suzaku's life had gone from agonized melancholy to not-so-irrational panic as he tried to comprehend the scope of his new trial. He grabbed a drink and wrote himself a reminder to continue his prescription with the doctor. There wasn't a single inch of room for error and Suzaku was already overwhelmed, bolting down his first beer as he stared at the stuffed manila folders sitting on his coffee table.

Honestly he would have been more comfortable with a rabid mastiff sitting on his couch than with the stack of documents waiting quietly to consume him whole. Suzaku finished half of his second beer just staring at them, his mind in a continual loop of quiet horror.

Todoh was taking on the Britannians.

No one took on the Britannians.

And now Suzaku was helping. If there was a list of people to be assassinated once the Britannians found out (if they didn't know already), his would be closer to the bottom because he was new, but that wasn't a comfort. A week before, Suzaku would have been delighted with the challenge. But, this time when presented with the likelihood of violence, Suzaku was honestly shaken at the idea of dying. It had only been a week, but the idea of Lamperouge being disappointed with him, even if he wasn't around to be chastised, stung.

Suzaku closed his eyes and remembered the feeling of being held so close, so carefully in a simple hug and wished that he hadn't said yes to Todoh.

But he had said yes to Todoh, and Suzaku wasn't the type of person who would back away from a conflict out of fear. If they were victorious and could manage to take the Britannians down, well, that success was worth more than one life in the long run.

For the first time in his life, Suzaku made a sincere vow to be careful with himself. Then he opened up the first file.

* * *

"Is there anything you'd like to talk about?"

Lamperouge had been sitting in his usual chair when Suzaku came in, blinking a little with tell-tale creases on part of his cheek. Suzaku was amused that he'd caught the doctor sleeping, but he had bigger things to think about than ribbing Lamperouge about a nap.

"Yes." Suzaku put the always-present pillow in his lap and sat back; he needed all the comfort he could get. "You're allowed to hear information from current investigations, right?"

Lamperouge's eyebrows rose. "That depends on what investigation you're working on. Did Todoh offer you a job?"

"Yeah." Suzaku decided to screw policy – Lamperouge wasn't a security risk – and said, "We're going after the Britannians."

Lamperouge froze, his eyes wide and the slight flush of sleep washing into pale ivory. When he did finally move, it was to bend over to pick the fallen pen up off the ground. Suzaku gave him a moment, and added, "You can see why I want to talk about it."

"Yes," Lamperouge exhaled and tapped his finger against the armchair. "What you're doing is very dangerous, Suzaku."

"No kidding." Suzaku laughed, feeling a little pale himself. "I was going through the files last night, and-"

"Stop." Lamperouge's eyes rose to the clock on the wall. It was five after the hour and the man had a hand raised with a strange, intense look on his face. He was quiet for a long time, staring at the second hand as Suzaku stared at him in surprise. He was thinking, Suzaku finally realized, knowing exactly why he'd never seen the expression before. Lamperouge manipulated him so effortlessly that he probably didn't even use a quarter of his intelligence to deal with Suzaku's sessions. It was seven past the hour when the doctor finally moved, going to the phone on his desk to dial a number he knew by heart.

"Yes, it's Doctor Lamperouge." He leaned against his desk, one hand playing with the cord on his phone. "Do I have the security clearance necessary for your latest project?"

After a long while the doctor began to frown, his eyes narrowing into slits as he began to crush the cord in his fist. He looked furious, but his voice was entirely even.

"And why is it that you're only telling me this now?"

Suzaku swallowed and hugged the pillow a little more closely, trying to decide whether or not to warn Todoh that his life was in jeopardy. Lamperouge's knuckles had gone white and the slight flush had returned to his cheeks as he glared down the receiver of the phone.

"Right." Lamperouge's voice sharpened as he said, "Try not to forget next time."

Lamperouge hung up the phone and Suzaku jumped partly at the force of the slam, but mostly because of the thunderous scowl on the man's face.

"Whatever it was," Suzaku finally broke the silence by saying, cringing, "I wasn't in on it."

"No, I know you weren't." Lamperouge smiled a little, looking down at his desk calendar.

"How?"

"Pardon?"

"How did you know I wasn't in on it?"

Lamperouge just shrugged. "Agent Todoh has a finely tuned sense of paranoia when it comes to organized crime. You haven't needed to learn that lesson yet, but you will."

Which was good advice, Suzaku decided, even though the idea was a ridiculous cliché. Obviously Lamperouge was used to Todoh's suspicion; his scowl was already fading into a slim smile as he straightened his phone.

"So, trust no one?" Suzaku grinned. "Not even you, Doc?"

The small smile twisted into an ironic moue as the doctor took his seat.

"I suppose that's the logical conclusion."

Suzaku laughed a little louder than was necessary, startled himself, and finished, "So yeah, I'm pretty freaked out."

Lamperouge gathered his writing utensils together and nodded again.

"Which part upsets you the most?"

"All of it," Suzaku confessed immediately, ignoring the blush that rose with the truth. He was starting to feel strange with the conversational tenor the session was taking. He still felt the intense measure of control that Lamperouge always established, but there was also give, and for the first time Suzaku felt like he had a little control too. He liked the feeling a lot. "The magnitude of the project is daunting."

Lamperouge started writing without looking at the page, his hand moving quickly and fluidly. "Take this."

With a single snap, Lamperouge detached a yellow page and handed it forward. The first four lines were filled with titles and page numbers from four different reports. Suzaku silently memorized the information and handed the paper back. Lamperouge took it with a small smile and no hesitation, just as Suzaku realized that he could have kept it. The realization didn't help his blush.

"These are in the library. It will help you understand the structuring of the Britannian institution, key players, and what's been tried before."

"You sound like you know a lot about the Britannians."

Lamperouge nodded, twirling the pen in his hand. It was something he'd never done before, but the movement was just as fluid and elegant as his mind.

"I almost did my dissertation on the subject. The social hierarchy and various customs are fascinating… Did you know that there can be honorary Britannians?"

"No." That phrase hadn't been anywhere in his files. "What does it mean?"

"It means that there are people who belong to the family without being born into the family." Lamperouge leaned back, watching Suzaku intently. "They have the same loyalties and most of the same privileges as the 'royals.' They just don't carry the Britannian name. You've read about the Knights."

Men and women who were little more than slaves to the so-called royalty, Knights were the equal of Mafia enforcers and fiercely loyal to the people they served. Most of them were incredibly talented – ex-military or self-taught – and the few of them that had been sent to prison for not giving up the so-called royalty had gone with a smile. They never gave up a mission and they never gave up the Britannians.

"Poor brainwashed bastards." Suzaku sighed, wondering why anyone would freely give up his autonomy.

It was only momentary, but for that one moment Lamperouge looked stunned, his eyes wide as he flinched back in his seat. But, the expression was gone before Suzaku could imagine why.

"Don't ever say that in front of a Britannian," Lamperouge said softly, his eyes drifting down to his paper. "You'll be dead before your next breath."

Suzaku started feeling nervous again. "Why?"

"Knights earn their title by being exceptional and loyal. They are the royals' trusted companions, not just thugs, and they do as they're told because the trust is returned." Lamperouge looked up again. "It's an intimate relationship that could be misconstrued as brainwashing, but is more like love."

Love. When Suzaku saw the pictures of dead bodies and beaten men and women the first word that came to him was certainly not love, but he knew how destructive love could be. Suzaku would trust someone in rage before he'd trust someone in love.

"This wasn't in anything I read," Suzaku said duly. "It's crazy. Are they crazy?"

"It's easy to think that they're crazy," Lamperouge said, making a note on his paper. "Just don't make the mistake of thinking that insanity and irrationality are the same things. Treat the Britannians as if they're from a foreign nation – carefully, and with respect – and you should manage not to offend anyone."

"How am I supposed to respectfully put someone in cuffs?" Suzaku frowned, thinking of the amount of trouble Kallen's mouth could get her into. "We're not having dinner with the Britannians; we're trying to put them into prison."

"I'll rephrase my answer." Lamperouge frowned slightly. "Don't be disrespectful. Don't let it get personal. Just do your job. Interrogations stay in the interrogation room, arrests should be quick and quiet. Never 'forget' to get a warrant. Only expose your firearm to protect yourself or a partner. You'll find that the only agents killed during an investigation of the Britannians are those who stepped out of line or got into a firefight."

The words came sternly and rapid-fire so that when Lamperouge was done, Suzaku was frozen in place, staring and trying to suppress the urge to salute. Instead he just nodded and Lamperouge seemed to settle a bit, the strange earnestness in his voice evaporating as he continued, "But I was telling you about the honorary Britannians."

"Right." Suzaku played with the tassels on his pillow and relaxed back into the couch. He decided that listening to Lamperouge was halfway between getting story time and a university lecture.

"It can be anyone," Lamperouge continued. "Doctors, lawyers, teachers, entertainers…anyone, Agent Kururugi. The only two requirements are absolute loyalty and superior intelligence. Be careful."

Then Lamperouge looked down, tapping the capped end of his pen against the pad as his eyes narrowed in thought. They were silent for long enough that Suzaku was feeling a little uneasy, when Lamperouge suddenly looked back up again. Worried words caught in Suzaku's throat at the sudden fire he saw in the doctor's eyes.

"Don't let yourself get emotionally invested with the Britannians. For someone like you, there's nowhere to go but down."

Suzaku wanted to ask, 'Someone like me?' but something in the doctor had been switched off as soon as he had time to think the words. Lamperouge was suddenly and emphatically Dr. Lamperouge with a soft, placid smile, and his hand subtly poised to write. A little startled at the sudden change, Suzaku allowed himself to be led into a different train of thought. They talked a long time about time management, how to take difficult tasks one step at a time, but mostly how to contain the seething rage that occasionally caught Suzaku off-guard when dealing with criminals. The 'white knight' act would only get him into serious trouble, Lamperouge convinced him, especially since he was re-learning how not to put himself in the line of fire when it wasn't necessary.

The Air Force had taught Suzaku how to find comfort in repetition. Discipline came easy to him and he enjoyed the subtle praise of his peers and commanders, but Suzaku had gone to bed one night, stared up at the ceiling, and realized that he hadn't acted independently for nearly seventy-two hours. He'd eaten the same meal at least a hundred times in a row, had no friends or lovers, spent all of his free time on-base, exercising… And being in a cockpit thousands of feet above the earth had become nothing but a job, another exercise to be completed with diligence, if not excellence. There was no joy, no thrill in being able to do the near-impossible, and Suzaku had understood himself perfectly at that moment because there was so little left to comprehend.

Listening to Lamperouge, Suzaku remembered looking up at that ceiling and thinking, '…I'm my father'.

He'd looked into a mirror and seen the same dead eyes of a man adrift, approaching desperateness.

But now…

"I'll be careful." Suzaku smiled, setting his pillow back into its rightful place. "Really careful."

"Good." Lamperouge looked pleased. "Very good."

Suzaku laughed as he closed the door, feeling better than he had in weeks. Waiting in the hallway in front of him was a young man pulling at the knot of a tie cinched tightly at his collar. He looked nervous, shifting from foot to foot, but when he saw Suzaku's smile he calmed, his body going loose with a sigh.

"He's going to rip you to pieces," Suzaku grinned, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "God help you, kid."

Suzaku smiled all the way to the conference room.

* * *

The tape was shaky and not entirely focused, but Clovis Britannia was recognizable and completely audible as he used his wiretapped cell phone. The man was dressed like a pimp in a rose-colored suit, fur coat, and one ridiculously large diamond earring. Suzaku had been listening to his high, lilting voice for three hours, trying to figure out if he were flamingly gay or simply insane. An hour into the conversation Suzaku had figured out that Clovis called everyone 'darling,' female or male, was extremely upset about the state of his Chihuahua, and owed some lucky person fifty thousand dollars over a game of poker.

After a second hour of listening Suzaku discovered that Clovis owned a stable of fifteen mares and ten studs, all of them show quality and ready to breed. In the next four phone calls he sent three mares off to a daily rental service (Cherry, Sunshine, and Robin), one stud for a visit to the vet (Alexander), and purchased four fillies from a man with a thick Russian accent.

"They aren't broken yet," the man said with a deep chuckle, "but if you'd like-"

"The last two you sent me were bridle-shy," Clovis' voice finally took on a serious edge. "I'll leave that job to my own handlers. You just make sure they get here in one piece."

"I only ship, but for thirty-thousand-"

"One piece," Clovis snapped. "One single scratch-"

"Da, da, I get it. One piece. No scratches."

"Good." Clovis hung up the phone and called a second number.

"Yes, my Lord?" The voice was sweet, cultured.

"Four more for the stables."

"Female or male?"

"Girls… Hm, let's see…" Clovis laughed, every tic of seriousness vanished. "Baby, Cinnamon, Angel and… Nadia."

"Yes, my Lord," the voice replied. "When do you need them?"

"Tuesday, eight a.m."

"Yes, my Lord. It will be done."

Apparently, Suzaku sighed and made a note, Clovis dressed appropriately. For a long time, Clovis didn't make any phone calls. He simply lounged, drinking wine as he stared out at the garden. He disappeared into the house for a few minutes and then came out again, swaying a little until he sagged back into his chair. Clovis finished two more glasses and had stripped down to his boxers by the time he picked up the phone again. It rang nearly ten times before it was answered.

"What is it now?"

He was quiet for long time, his head slowly nodding forward before he murmured, "Two-hundred. Four."

"Approved."

The line went dead with a small beep.

Clovis snapped the phone shut and drank another bottle of wine. After half an hour of watching Clovis slowly pass out Suzaku hit the fast forward button. It was well past sunset by the time the man rose and staggered back into his home. The DVD ended just as the door closed behind him.

Suzaku looked up at the clock, wiped his tired eyes and went to find another surveillance log. He had two weeks' worth of cell phone calls, video, and surveillance recordings to go through and after three days of work, Suzaku was only two days into the mess. Also, he was bored out of his mind. His notes weren't anything that hadn't been recorded before, and even though Suzaku knew that the 'fillies' were actually stolen young girls, and that the 'stable' was filled with prostitutes, nothing could be proven.

In some stroke of genius, Clovis had established an actual stable in Vermont. For every whore he named there was a horse that corresponded. Some of them were racehorses, some simply for riding lessons, and a few that would be broken in by the next week by trainers oblivious to the fact that they were facilitating a number of felonies. The only thing that soothed the edge off the anger of being unable to prove the truth was that the 'horses' were visited by doctors regularly, and they seemed to be as carefully kept as any real racehorse in Clovis' stable which, from all outside reports, was immaculately clean.

Still, the other terminology – mares and studs being ridden, put out for show, used for group lessons… Suzaku kept a trashcan nearby just in case nausea turned into something else.

Despite the clear evidence of a sex ring, Suzaku was supposed to be looking for Clovis' interaction with his family. It would take some impressive work, but Todoh was sure they could flip the man with enough leverage. After watching two days of the man's life Suzaku was inclined to agree. Clovis worked alone from his seat in the garden with just a phone. He didn't have to go anywhere outside usual haunts, do anything outside his task and the few times he had called his brother he had received nothing but clipped sentences and an icy tone of disdain.

Clovis drank wine and dressed like a king just to sit alone in his garden. He was easy to despise.

Suzaku sighed deeply, opened up another jewel case and popped another DVD inside the player. The image was more focused and Suzaku could see the dullness in Clovis' eyes as the man opened up his cell phone.

* * *

"I was thinking… You know tons about me, but I know barely anything about you." Suzaku leaned back, watching as Lamperouge flipped through some documents at his desk. The man looked up with a brief flash of those oddly colored eyes, raised his eyebrows and looked back down, reading.

"That's how the doctor-patient relationship is meant to be, Agent Kururugi. Would you rather receive this sort of help from a professional or a friend?"

"How about a professional friend?" Suzaku dug his wallet out of his back pocket and removed a small white card. It informed him that Dr. Lamperouge worked for the FBI and gave his cell number, but nothing else. Suzaku waved it a little. "I don't even know your first name!"

When Lamperouge looked up again, it was with a small smirk.

"You seriously considered hitting me our fourth session in, Agent Kururugi. Why on earth would I make a point of telling you my first name when you were already cursing my last?"

Suzaku winced and put his card away. It was true, he'd come about a smirk away from giving Lamperouge a truly fantastic black eye. Apparently he'd been easy to read, practically standing nose to nose with the man as he tried to decide which part of him to clobber.

"Sorry about that."

"Your apology is unnecessary, but accepted." The smirk softened into a small smile. "You didn't actually do anything worth apologizing for."

"I took all those pills," Suzaku murmured, feeling a little sick when he remembered the doctor's voice on the telephone, one moment normal and a little chastising, and the next clipped with startling, intense anger.

Lamperouge didn't say anything for a long time, his pen unmoving.

"I made a bad choice by giving you access to those pills. The blame is not entirely yours."

"But-"

"The blame is not entirely yours," Lamperouge repeated calmly. "Move on, Agent Kururugi."

Good advice, but all the advice Lamperouge had given him was good. Suzaku was getting used to giving in to the man.

"Okay." Suzaku grabbed a hold of the pillow waiting for him at the corner of the couch. He looked at it for the first time and squished it between his hands, wondering how many times it had been clutched close by people like him. Still, despite heavy usage the thing looked fairly new, dark crimson with chocolate-covered tassels. It was like the best sort of teddy bear, soft on the outside with just enough give and… Suzaku's head shot up with a grin as a memory clicked into place.

"You called me Suzaku," he exclaimed triumphantly, nearly bursting into laughter at the sudden, scandalized look on Lamperouge's face.

"I did no such thing."

"You did, you said-" Suzaku thought for a second, then grinned. "You said, 'What you're doing is very dangerous, Suzaku.'"

A number of expressions passed over Lamperouge's face, most of which Suzaku couldn't identify, but when Lamperouge settled with slight embarrassment Suzaku didn't feel bad at all. Getting any solid emotion from the man was like an act of god and Suzaku wasn't going to waste his slightly vindictive pleasure. He'd earned the opportunity to rub Lamperouge's nose into something for once.

It was sort of nice though, that Lamperouge had been so startled and worried at the thought of Suzaku going up against the Britannians that he'd made such an enormous slip. Nice, but a little weird, Suzaku decided, if only because the doctor clearly hadn't noticed the slip himself. The man tilted his head just enough that a black fringe of hair covered his eyes and he continued to write, so entirely silent that for a moment Suzaku wondered if he managed to offend him in some way, and started wishing he'd just kept his mouth shut.

Suzaku was about to apologize when Lamperouge exposed his eyes. They weren't angry.

"Lelouch," Lamperouge said, closing his folder with a sigh.

"What?"

"My name is Lelouch Lamperouge."

"Oh," Suzaku felt lightheaded with relief, "That's very…French."

Lamperouge shook his head a little in exasperation and then opened a new file. It was plain manila and unobtrusive, but Lamperouge planted his usual notebook next to it, pulled out a pen and suddenly the thing was a monster. Suzaku started feeling a little nervous again when a new pen was methodically uncapped and Lamperouge looked up with an expression that was entirely smooth, as if the previous conversation hadn't even occurred.

"Agent Weinberg has officially taken your place beside Agent Stadtfeld. Have you and Agent Stadtfeld discussed the breakup of your partnership yet?"

The session had officially started.

* * *

"Nothing yet," Suzaku said crossly. He was still stinging from Lamperouge's 'helpfulness' with the Kallen situation. "I'm through the first week of surveillance. It's obvious that Clovis is running a sex ring, but there's not a single thing we could use as solid evidence in court. I've logged all of his ingoing and outgoing calls, and it's the same thing."

"Good work, Kururugi." Todoh nodded. "Just keep on it. This is going to be a waiting game, so be patient. All we need is one slip-up. Bradley?"

Agent Bradley cleared his throat, shifted through a few pages, and finally said, "Still nothing from Schneizel. His associates discover nearly ninety-five percent of our bugs and his driver routinely throws off our tails. Half the battle has been getting him to stay in one place long enough to record anything at all, let alone incriminating content."

"Chiba?"

"Cornelia has been raising hell, as usual. Word on the street is that she and her knights are taking out the competition that's being shipped in from the west coast. We haven't seen much action from Guilford lately but for now I'm going to work under the assumption that he's monitoring their drug enterprise while Cornelia is busy."

"Has anything new come in lately?"

"Just the basics: coke, heroin pharmaceuticals, and the custom party drugs… Still no sales to anyone under sixteen. They're making kids flash IDs."

Todoh huffed something that sounded dangerously like a laugh and made a note.

"Still no marijuana?"

"Not that we can tell."

"Yoshida?"

"Odysseus is still an accountant," The man sighed deeply, "And still incredibly boring. Our inside agent hasn't been able to get a hold of any pertinent documents. Every cent of family money still appears to be entirely legitimate on paper."

"Inoue?"

"Guinevere hasn't made a misstep. Everything appears aboveboard… You've been invited to the annual charity gala, by the way." The woman held up a small envelope that Todoh accepted and opened. His usual stern scowl faltered slightly when he had to pull out a card trimmed in lace and smelling strongly of perfume. "Her assistant walked right up to the agents on duty and stuck it under the wiper of their car."

"I'll have to air out my tux." Todoh tossed it in the trash. "Euphemia?"

"The relationship is still going strong. Considering who her father is I'm not surprised that the boyfriend has given up his usual infidelity." The woman laughed a little. "Not that we haven't tried, of course, but it's a little difficult to get up-close to the President's son."

"Unless you're a redhead." Someone snickered.

Suzaku had a brilliant idea, and unfortunately followed it up by opening his mouth.

"Kallen's a redhead," Suzaku interjected for the first time since he started working with them. "And if anyone can break up a relationship it's her. She does this thing where she leans over-"

The wide, staring eyes finally got through his fog of earnest helpfulness and penetrated straight into embarrassment.

"And, um-" Suzaku blushed and almost went to loosen his tie from the heat, "She thinks it's hilarious… I haven't won an argument in three years."

After another prolonged moment of staring, Suzaku added, "Which is probably more than you wanted to know."

He was about to continue babbling when Todoh smiled a little, and said, "Inoue, go see Stadtfeld when this is over." And then, just when Suzaku was exhaling in relief, he added, "Make sure Kallen knows that Kururugi recommended her."

Suzaku wilted at the thought of Kallen's vengeance and a few agents at the table laughed a little, exchanging looks with their friends. From the first day he walked in, Suzaku had been trying to find a niche in the tightly woven group and hadn't been successful. It was worth the beating from Kallen just to get those few smiles.

"Let's move on," Todoh said, picking up a small remote and dimming the lights in the room. A bright blue square appeared on the far wall until the man next to him clicked a few keys on an open laptop. A familiar picture came up on the screen.

Charles Britannia, the so-called Emperor of D.C., was an incredibly large man, not fat in the least bit but broad and tall. His eyes seemed to bore through Suzaku just from a photograph as the power of effortless intimidation took hold of the room and made the world seem very quiet. Todoh seemed to be the only person not affected as he flipped through another few pictures with nonchalance.

"Charles has been playing politics for about six months now. He regularly dines with senators and congressmen… He's been invited to the White House with his daughter more than once."

A picture of Charles with a young red-headed girl by his side came up. Euphemia was shaking the President's hand while Charles watched keenly, statuesque and imposing. A few more slides showed Charles in contact with other various important people, most notably – and the whole room tensed when the picture came up – drinking with the director of the FBI.

"When this first started we thought that he'd get tired of Capitol Hill and return to his empire, but Charles has made a place for himself and seems intent on staying there. He has a new accomplice aiding him."

A young man with startling blond hair came up on the screen. He had a long, neat ponytail and bright eyes, looking industrious as he checked his watch and spoke into his cell phone. Next to Charles the man was diminutive but there was some kind of camaraderie between them that made up for that lack. No one would see him and think that he was small.

"He's a lawyer with one of the law firms that the Britannians keep on retainer, but no one knows much about him. The man goes by V.V. Not Mr. V.V., or anything else. He'll only respond if you use those initials."

Agent Chiba raised her hand. "Could he be another prince?"

Todoh shook his head.

"We had an agent ask directly and Charles said no."

"Um." Suzaku felt another stupid question coming on. "Couldn't he be…lying?"

It wasn't a very big leap from crime lord to liar, but no one else seemed to be concerned.

"Charles never lies about lineage," Bradley answered tersely before anyone else could respond. "Neither do any of the other royals."

"Oh. Okay." Suzaku shrugged at yet another Britannian oddity. "That detail wasn't in the file."

A few faces turned in his direction but no one spoke until Todoh made eye contact with Chiba and nodded.

"They mimic the English royalty by allowing only the oldest son to inherit the role of head of the family. As it stands, Odysseus is next in line for power, but it's obvious that he's not going to get it anytime soon. Charles is healthy and even though Odysseus was first he's not the logical prospect. Schneizel, Cornelia, and Guinevere seem to be more likely candidates and they're the next closest to the throne."

Suzaku nodded in understanding, until someone said, "-But…"

"But?"

"There's one that no one will talk about."

Todoh finally decided to step in, his lips pressed into one grim line. Suzaku froze in apprehension. He'd seen Todoh look like that only a few times, and it always preceded some sort of catastrophe.

"We've recorded the names of Charles' tenth son and his twelfth son, but no one will say anything about the eleventh. As far as the Britannians and their people are concerned the number doesn't exist."

Suzaku was feeling uneasy but pursued the truth. "What did Charles say when you asked him?"

Complete silence settled again before Todoh spoke, intoning the message with a strange finality.

"'You don't leave your finest treasures out where the rabble can see,'" Todoh said, the creases of his frown turning into dark furrows, "'And you don't give your hiding places to thieves.'"

The statement was almost like a riddle, but the meaning was clear and potentially disastrous.

"He's got someone hidden," Suzaku whispered, unable to suppress a moment of dread and disbelief. They'd all seen what horrors the other family members were capable of and those children were occasionally displayed for the hungry media when Guinevere decided to put on a show. The FBI was watching their every movement of every moment of every day, and still they had proven to be smarter and more clever than the FBI's best.

"Do we have any idea who he is?"

"We have our eyes on a few people but none of them come even close to deserving Charles' esteem."

Todoh turned back to the slides. "So keep your eyes out, Kururugi. It could be anyone."

Suzaku remembered Lamperouge saying the exact same thing about the honorary Britannians, and began to understand Todoh's strict suspicion of anyone who breathed.

The slideshow continued without any more interference. Suzaku took careful notes and paid strict attention, but at the end of the day he was still left wondering less about Clovis and more about the prospect of a hidden prince. As he watched Clovis make calls on his phones, shop, and enter various nondescript buildings, he tried to sort out the tangle of that riddle. It would have been simple for Charles to fabricate a convincing lie about the eleventh prince being dead or missing - Britannians generally had short life-spans - but he had offered up an odd clue instead. It felt almost like Charles was baiting Todoh… Or as if he were too proud to keep his mouth shut.

Despite being a killer, Charles Britannia was still a parent, Suzaku thought while fast forwarding through Clovis' nap on the terrace. According to the conversation Suzaku had with Chiba after the conference, Charles only spoke of his other children enough to confirm that they existed, which Suzaku could understand considering the sheer number of ruthless criminals the man had spawned. The man had at least six women stashed in DC and there were more across the globe, everywhere the Britannians were starting to take hold: various American cities; London; Paris; Italy; and probably more if the rumor about South America was true. It was probably a task just to memorize all of his children's names.

It was almost as if the man was a missionary, spreading a particularly caustic religion everywhere he decided to travel. He planted some knights, some honorary Britannians, got a couple of important women pregnant and suddenly there was a following, all claiming to see the Britannian light.

No, not a missionary, Suzaku thought. Charles could never be a servant… He was more like a god.

And somewhere he was hiding a favored son.

Suzaku looked at the clock, laughing at himself as he realized which way his mind was taking the scenario. It was nearly midnight, marking a full seven hours of overtime that probably would have been wasted better on sleep. After stretching with a truly expansive yawn, Suzaku gave himself credit for lasting through five days of Clovis before going out of his mind, and made a special note of it on his pad. Then he sighed, rubbed his eyes, and popped in another DVD.

* * *

"Quarter to eleven, April fifth," Lamperouge read from a photocopied paper in an even, strong voice. "Note to self: Sue Bureau for hazard pay. Prolonged exposure to Clovis Britannia does more damage to a human body than being shot."

Suzaku covered his face with the pillow, peripherally hoping to smother himself in the process of hiding his mortification as Lamperouge added, "But you didn't specify which body part was being wounded, Agent Kururugi. For example, is Clovis worse than being wounded in the thigh or in the-"

"Alright, alright, stop!" Suzaku very nearly threw the pillow upon discovering that Lamperouge didn't even have the grace to look amused. "I was a little punchy, is that a crime?"

Lamperouge sat motionless, his hands folded over on the desk as he stared back.

"No," he finally said. Then his shoulder twitched.

"Oh my god," Suzaku groaned as realization finally dawned. "You're laughing yourself sick inside, aren't you?"

Lamperouge swallowed, his fingers tightened, and he managed an even but slightly choked, "Yes."

"I really hate you sometimes," Suzaku grouched, his face still flaming red as he clutched the pillow again. "If you're going to laugh, just laugh. Don't make it this big thing."

"Laughing at a patient would be unprofessional." Lamperouge took a deep breath and managed to relax a little, only to immediately stiffen up again. Suzaku rolled his eyes.

"The more important question is-" Lamperouge stopped again, resolutely staring somewhere beyond Suzaku's left shoulder. Suzaku took a wild guess.

"No, I don't have a problem watching Clovis for another twelve hours. Yes, I slept fine. Yes, I'm taking the pills. Yes, I'm taking them as prescribed. No, Kallen hasn't managed to find me yet, and if things go right she never will." Suzaku took a deep breath. "And no, there's nothing I want to talk about because you're being an asshole."

Lamperouge made a face like he was trying really hard not to piss his pants and managed, finally, to blurt, "Great. Get out."

Suzaku stood, left the office, and slammed the door behind him as he went.

Then Suzaku crouched down and put his ear to the crack, grinning as Lamperouge finally let loose and laughed.

* * *

The rest of Suzaku's day was not nearly as amusing.

"Who gave you permission to whore me out?" Kallen grabbed Suzaku by the ear and twisted hard. "Huh? Tell me Suzy, I wanna know… Who. Gave. You. Permission. To-"

"Oh, please." Suzaku tried not to give her the pleasure of squealing in pain or surprise. "Like it's not your dream job. You'd be in here killing me if anyone else got tapped for seducing the president's son. Let-"

Papers and pens scattered across the floor as Kallen made a place to sit. A feeling of dread immediately started to descend when Suzaku realized she was wearing the tight, time-proven and occasionally case-winning 'get him to confess' blouse.

"-go," Suzaku finished with a sigh, cupping a hand around his poor, abused ear. She always went for the same one, and after three years of random violence he was lucky it wasn't disfigured.

Kallen smirked, moved her shoulders together and leaned forward.

"That's not fair." Suzaku tried to look away, but he was male and therefore doomed to stare at her perfect , ample breasts and wonder absently if the office door was still open.

"Tell me what you're working on Suzy-woo." Kallen crooned, adjusting the pose slightly. "C'mon, you know you want to…give me a hint…"

Suzaku saw a brief peek of a crimson lace bra and mumbled, " 's Classified."

She smelled fantastic.

"Is that so?" Kallen crossed her legs in one slow, elegant movement, personally perfected to show off her equally lacy underwear in a brief flash. Kallen leaned in close and whispered, her lips touching the sensitized shell of Suzaku's ear, "Say it real quiet… I promise not to tell…"

"You're a horrible person," Suzaku groaned, wondering if he was about to get a black eye. While Kallen continued to murmur sweet nothings, Suzaku brought his hand up and gave her a good pinch.

"Son of a bitch." Kallen was startled enough that Suzaku had to lunge to keep her on her careful perch. The fact that he got a face full of breast was just a nice coincidence that ended in a not-so-vehement slap.

Suzaku leaned back, Kallen leaned back, and Suzaku noticed with a grateful sigh that yes, the door was shut. He'd learned early on that the woman had very little discretion when it came to dark corners or sexual harassment policies. According to Kallen, if someone happened to look in while she was getting busy, they were perverts and perverts got kneed in the nuts.

"Seriously, though," Kallen said as she leaned back on her hands, "I want in, Kururugi."

"You're already in." Suzaku felt a headache coming on. "Partway, at least."

Suzaku could only wince as Kallen arched an eyebrow, snorted, and said, "That's my line, stud."

He was doomed… And a little pissed that she'd resort to such tactics to try to get something she already knew he wasn't allowed to give.

"You know I can't, Kallen." And though he knew it was childish and immature Suzaku couldn't help a moment of spitefulness. "And besides, you don't really need my help anymore, do you?"

Kallen looked away, her hair swinging gently against her cheek as she became very quiet. Suzaku's heart dropped into his stomach.

"Look, I didn't mean-" Suzaku sighed, feeling horrible. He'd gone through the whole scenario with Lamperouge twice but just a few sentences in and Kallen looked like he'd actually pulled back his fist and hit her. "I'm… Kallen, I'm sor-"

"You pussy." Kallen looked over with a slick smile, eyes alight with their usual fire. "God, you're such a damn girl sometimes. They make pills for PMS now, y'know? And chocolate."

Suzaku rolled his eyes and didn't stop feeling guilty. Kallen was iron on the outside, but Suzaku could never quite figure out what was going on underneath.

She smiled. "And ice cream-"

Kallen's lips were just as soft as always as she pressed them to Suzaku's forehead, smiling a little when she pulled back.

"I'm not going anywhere, sweetie," Kallen murmured. "Don't get your panties in a twist."

"I know," Suzaku sighed. "It's just…so sudden. And, um, I guess I'm kind of co-dependent." That was the right word. "And I have a hard time letting people-"

Kallen burst into laughter so suddenly and loudly she left Suzaku scowling, arms crossed. Twice in one day was a bit much.

"I swear to god," she gasped, "Lamperouge has you twisted 'round his little finger, doesn't he?"

"You can go straight to hell." Suzaku blushed, because yeah, he sort of did, but the good doc had clearly forgotten that Kallen was completely incapable of serious conversation that didn't involve guns and handcuffs.

"Oh, don't be like that, Suzy-woo." She grinned evilly. "It's kinda cute when you use big words. Tell me some more… No, let me guess-"

The situation was clearly unsalvageable, despite Lamperouge's advice, and Suzaku knew only one way to truly get Kallen to change the subject. Suzaku tilted his head up and kissed her. He threaded one hand into her hair, using the other to hold her waist. She tried to bite; she always did when he used this particular technique, but Suzaku managed to slip his tongue into her mouth first. Kallen wasn't so cruel as to bite down then, at least not with him and not very hard. Instead she moved a little until he was sitting between her legs, his head tilted up as he coaxed her into chasing him in silence.

When they finally parted Suzaku tilted her head backwards, nipping and sucking at the tender skin under her jaw, moving down her pulse to the crook of her neck until she was gripping his hair and breathing fast. Her other hand got a good grip on his collar and Suzaku was forced to stand. Kallen wrapped her legs around his middle, her short skirt bunching up, keeping the barest bit of her modesty intact. Suzaku untucked her and slid one hand up into the infamous shirt, moving up her waist to her back.

"Kururugi," Kallen gasped and growled, "Don't you dare-"

Suzaku just laughed against her neck, unhooked her bra and took advantage of what had been offered earlier. He had her hand in his hair as Suzaku pulled the blouse down, pulled the bra away with his teeth and wrapped his mouth around one nipple, already hard. He took his hand from her neck to cup her other breast and rub his thumb over the lace. Kallen's legs squeezed harder, pressing her crotch into his stomach as she dug her nails into his back.

"If…you weren't…so good at this-" Despite Kallen's gasping sentence, Suzaku fully understood the truly fantastic beating he would have received, except-

"But I am good at this," he murmured, finally massaging and exposing her second breast to let his lips do their work. He gave her a tiny nip and Kallen made a soft, needy sound at the back of her throat. "So what are you going to do?"

Whatever threat she was composing was lost when he blew a stream of air against the wet flesh, catching the nipple in his mouth again to receive another small sigh.

"Well," She tweaked his ear, hard, and took advantage of Suzaku's brief shock to push him back into his chair. Suzaku didn't have the time, but later he would be very impressed at how fast Kallen managed to lose her underwear and pull down his pants.

"I'm gonna do whatever I want," she growled into his ear, taking a seat.

Suzaku had to press his mouth against her neck to muffle his moan as he slipped into her, already wet and tight and completely, unutterably perfect as she squeezed those muscles hard. All Suzaku could do was wrap his hands around her waist and hold on. Kallen was merciless and soon it was Suzaku who was gasping in tandem with Kallen's mouth whispering increasingly graphic images into his ear.

"God," Suzaku gasped, thrusting up as she pushed down, kissing whatever skin he could. "Kallen…"

And then, because she could, because she was evil, and because he was close Kallen did a very, very bad thing.

Suzaku was barely coherent, but his mind processed her words –

"…And I bet Lamperouge would let you fuck him if you asked nice," she laughed, biting his jaw, "Hard, right over his desk, just-"

Suzaku made one loud, desperate noise as the image burst into a white shock of pleasure that ripped up his spine and blacked out his mind. He brought Kallen down on his cock, high-jacking her rhythm once, twice… Four times, until her pussy gripped him hard, and began to spasm as she cried out, fingers digging into his back. It was finally too much.

Suzaku came helplessly with dark, clever eyes watching him from behind his closed eyelids.

It was… He was… It… When Suzaku finally came back to himself, it was with wide, shocked eyes that he hid in the slope of Kallen's neck. His mind was racing in no particular direction, occasionally bumping into the image of those last words as the rest of him started coming down from his trembling, thought-obscuring high. He gasped into Kallen's neck as she began to recover too, slumped over his shoulder.

"You…" Suzaku gasped, "You goddamned bitch."

Kallen giggled and shimmied a little, her body shaking with silent laughter as she tried to disengage and nearly fell off his lap. Her face was flushed, stretched in a grin, and Suzaku had never wanted to strangle anyone more than he did Kallen. Kallen took one look at his face and just laughed harder.

"You look like you've been hit with a fish," she exclaimed, her breasts shaking as she laughed. Normally the jiggling would have attracted Suzaku's attention but he was too busy immersing himself in bewildered horror. He hadn't come that hard in… He'd never come that hard in his life… And it was all Kallen's fault, but not in a good way.

Not in a good way at all.

"Poor Suzy-woo, who'd've thought?" She tapped a finger on his lip, grinning. "Someone's got a man crush." She arched an eyebrow and looked down at the mess in his lap. "…Or at least he does now."

Man crush… Suzaku had a moment of vertigo as the absolute outrageousness of her mocking became truly established as infuriating. First she'd… Then she had the nerve to laugh at him about it… Revenge, Suzaku concluded. He had to get horrible, horrible revenge. With that simple thought in mind, he was able to compose himself into the same eerie calm that a certain someone regularly displayed and looked Kallen straight in the face.

"I forgot to tell you," Suzaku replied evenly, smiling, "I've got my gun back."

Kallen's own smile froze, her eyes widened, and she said, flatly, "Oh. I hadn't heard."

Suzaku's smile broadened. Kallen leaned back, and Suzaku said, "You've got five minutes. Starting now."

Kallen was cleaned up, dressed presentably, in her shoes and out the door in thirty seconds, running.

Suzaku could hear her cursing all the way down the hall as he levered himself up from his chair to survey the massive damage to his papers and writing utensils. Still, he remained calm – so, so calm – as he wondered how to cut Kallen off before she got to her car.

Suzaku tidied himself, screwed the countdown and checked his gun… And he didn't have time to think about how his pulse was still pounding, his skin still thrumming in ridiculous, breathtaking pleasure.

* * *

After a day of chasing Kallen down the hallways and beating things and people up in the gym, Suzaku had managed to achieve a sense of stability concerning the incident on his chair. He'd established that he'd never had a thought like that about a man, not even when some desperate guy at boot camp had made an offer to find a dark corner and blow off some steam… Hairy chests and hard muscles just weren't Suzaku's thing. Ever since puberty started knocking down his door, Suzaku had been all about vaginas and soft curves. Once the effects of the orgasm were gone, Suzaku was able to put things into a little perspective.

Everything was Kallen's fault.

What also helped enormously was that if he ever did happen to ask Lamperouge nicely (and this was purely hypothetical) Suzaku was entirely sure that the man would just stare at him for a few seconds and then very calmly call security.

Lamperouge thought it was unprofessional to use their first names or laugh at a patient; the thought of allowing himself to have sex with Suzaku would probably give the doctor a minor stroke.

So, when Suzaku entered Lamperouge's office, it was with the knowledge that he had the whole ridiculous situation seared from his mind and was ready to get down to business as usual. He closed the door behind himself, smiled, and then made eye contact for the first time since the incident. Making eye contact, he quickly realized, was a mistake. Suzaku took one look into those violet eyes and blushed so hard that he was surprised the skin didn't just start sloughing off. Lamperouge frowned a little, watching as Suzaku very carefully took his seat on the couch and dug his fingers into the pillow he put on his lap.

"…So," Lamperouge had an odd, discomfited expression on his face that Suzaku couldn't identify, almost as if he were observing an interesting but possibly deadly animal, before the look smoothed into a simple and comfortable, calculating stare.

"I have a feeling that you and Agent Stadtfeld spoke recently." Lamperouge tilted his head. "Am I right?"

Suzaku gave him a brief nod/shake and pursed his lips together before giving his rapt attention to the lamp on the man's desk.

Lamperouge stared for a few moments and then added, "You do need to breathe eventually, Agent Kururugi. The brain requires a regular supply of oxygen to function properly and I'd like to have you at full capacity."

Right. Breathing. Suzaku exhaled in a long rush and did feel a little lightheaded but better. Better enough to swing his attention back to Lamperouge.

They stared for another moment before Suzaku scowled and snapped, "Yeah. Kallen. That goddamned… I swear to god I'm gonna-"

Lamperouge raised a hand and Suzaku snapped his mouth shut.

"I sense…a hint of hostility," Lamperouge cut in quickly. "You two had an altercation?"

After a moment of shifting nervously and working himself deeper into the couch, Suzaku finally worked up the nerve to be slightly incoherent and horribly, awfully direct.

"We had sex in my office." Suzaku allowed his anger to carry him through the rest. "That bitch-"

Lamperouge flinched a little and then sat up very straight as Suzaku, furious, continued to blush.

"-said something about me and you, right before I was about to-" Suzaku stuttered a little as the man's eyes opened wider than Suzaku had ever seen, his eyebrows close to his hairline. "…Y'know…"

After a few moments of complete silence Lamperouge's voice was considerably strained, but the tone was even, thank god. "That does," Lamperouge began, and made an odd face, "That does sound like something Agent Stadtfeld would do."

Lamperouge cleared his throat a little, blinked a few times and frowned, looking thoughtful. When he was done, Suzaku was presented with a wry smile and a shaking head as he reached over for his phone. Suzaku panicked for a moment until Lamperouge said, "Yes, Agent Todoh, it's Doctor Lamperouge. Could you do me a favor?"

There was a small pause before Lamperouge's smile turned sharp, his fingers absently twisting in the cord.

"I'd appreciate it if you could ride Agent Stadtfeld for awhile. Just do what you always do: glower; make vague comments about performance reviews; aggressive leaning... Give her something to worry about for the time being."

He turned his head and smiled softly over at Suzaku and Suzaku felt… He felt relieved, so damn relieved. Then Lamperouge turned his attention back to his ruthless retribution.

"No, you probably don't want to know why." Lamperouge's voice was grim and very pointed. "But rest assured, she deserves every second… Yes. Thank you."

Then Lamperouge turned back to Suzaku, smiled that brief warm smile, and uncapped his pen, tapping it a few times against his pad. Lamperouge's smile slipped into a soft regard as his voice dropped a little, giving a brief but thankful illusion of privacy. Suzaku sighed as the session officially started.

"Now that that's settled," Lamperouge murmured, "…I think it's time to revisit the subject of your father. Do you agree?"

The incident with Kallen dissolved entirely. Suzaku actually felt embarrassed about making such a fuss over such a little thing as he nodded reluctantly. This time he held the pillow softly, letting his hands rest atop it on his lap, leaning back as he tried to prepare himself for the past. It had only been a few days, but all those feelings about his father were still waiting beneath the surface of his thoughts, not nearly as caustic as before, but still intimidating and dangerous. Lamperouge nodded back just as soberly, making eye contact without any issue but a small softness that gave Suzaku comfort for what was about to come.

"Your father abused you," Lamperouge said, "And you never did anything to deserve it, Agent Kururugi. I know you understand what I'm saying, but can you accept it as truth?"

Suzaku opened his mouth, closed it, and felt a sting in his eyes, inevitably turning into hot tears as he stared at his own hands. Lamperouge just nodded.

"It's hard to say it out loud, isn't it?" Lamperouge tilted his head forward. Suzaku nodded again, swiping at the dampness before it could leave his eyes.

"That's normal," Lamperouge added almost immediately before Suzaku started feeling horrible for not being good enough to just repeat simple words. "Completely normal, Agent-"

"Suzaku," he cut in, hating his tears and hating to have them accompanied with the reminder that he was a man who should, at the very least, keep tears at bay. Lamperouge looked at him for quite a few moments before nodding his acceptance. That single nod gave Suzaku an immediate measure of relief, because as himself, as Suzaku… Well, he'd been teased for being a crybaby more than once.

"You never deserved your father's abuse, Suzaku. Not one single part of it."

Abuse… So many times the fists had been followed by the words 'For your own good"… It was easier to think that the beatings were for his own good, and not that his only parent turned the smallest upset into an excuse for a punch or a beer bottle against his head.

"Sometimes I did," Suzaku muttered, looking down on the ground. "I wasn't an easy kid… I got bad grades, got in fights…"

"Suzaku," Lamperouge leaned forward until they were eye to eye, "I imagine it's difficult to concentrate at school when you're nursing a cracked rib. Your body automatically makes that your first priority. It would have been impossible for you to concentrate in that situation."

"…But the fights…" Suzaku swallowed hard, turning his face away. "The kids I hung out with-"

"Taught you how to protect yourself and gave you the support your father should have been giving you all along." Lamperouge leaned back. "And the fights… You couldn't fight back at home, could you? That must have made you very angry and frustrated. Fighting was your outlet, and a fairly tame one at that."

Suzaku just shook his head, wiping his eyes. He'd whispered these things to himself more than once, but hearing them aloud was like being slapped in the face, as if Lamperouge were screaming them for the whole world to hear. There was no way Suzaku was going to add his own voice to the cacophony.

"I'm going to make an assumption. When I'm done I'd like you to tell me if I've read the situation correctly. Can you do that for me, Suzaku?"

After a tense silence, Suzaku nodded. He could do that at least.

"Before the incident you were forced to stay away from your group for some reason. Your friends weren't available… Maybe the disbandment was natural circumstance, maybe you didn't have time to be with them, or maybe they'd been warned off..."

Suzaku processed the statement slowly before his head shot up in shock, remembering for the first time in years, how his father had smirked, drunk out of his mind, slurring, "Your friends… All cowards… Just like you."

"Yes," Suzaku started shaking, furious, "He… That bastard, he-"

Lamperouge nodded grimly, showing no pleasure in the fact that his assumption had been correct.

"Your father was an excellent detective and detectives, as a whole, generally have an instinct about certain things. For one, the nature of a person and their emotional limits, what they need… And Suzaku, everyone needs some sort of support, even if it's just a single person who listens to you when you need them to. Someone who empathizes."

Staring at Lamperouge, mouth open, Suzaku felt his childhood shift drastically at the thought that his father might hate him enough to take everything he treasured.

"Mental abuse… Physical abuse… Verbal abuse, too. Why should you blame yourself for trying to escape torture?" Lamperouge was insistent, soft. "You were only ten years old when your father finally pushed you too far, and without anyone to fall back on, you were alone against a man thirty years your senior who had proven he didn't balk at the thought of beating his only child."

Suzaku just continued to tremble, clutching the pillow close to his chest as he strained for some sort of comfort. There was nothing there but soft cotton fabric and filling, but the clutch gave him a memory of a different moment when Suzaku had been allowed to center himself with an understanding, sympathetic embrace, one that made him feel, for a second, completely and entirely safe.

Lamperouge leaned on one hand, finally asking, "Are you going to allow him to continue that torture even when he's gone, Suzaku? Or are you going to seriously consider that in this one instance you were the victim, that he was a criminal?"

"I…" Suzaku hated that word: Victim. "I don't…"

Lamperouge took one more long look at him and set his pen flat on the pad, nodding.

"You have had more than enough to think about today." He smiled a little. "Write in your journal and try making up with Agent Stadtfeld if you have the time. When she comes to apologize, accept and move on. Having to deal with Todoh is punishment enough."

Suzaku snorted, slowly recovering from melancholia with something new to think about.

"Kallen doesn't-"

Lamperouge stood, a small smirk playing at the corner of his lips and Suzaku could only sigh in defeat as he turned away. If Lamperouge said that Kallen was going to have a massive identity crisis and actually apologize to him then she would. There wasn't any point in arguing.

"Yeah, okay. I'll accept." Suzaku put the cushion back and stretched. "I might even write about it in my journal. Maybe."

Lamperouge didn't say anything as Suzaku walked out, but Suzaku was fairly sure that the doctor was rolling his eyes.

* * *

"Oh. Shit." Suzaku grasped at the wall and lost half of the DVDs he had stacked in his arms. The jewel cases made a noise like shattering glass as they scattered across the hall. Bradley made a similar exclamation as his files fluttered all over the carpet. The man was enormous and he'd been going fast. Suzaku felt like he'd been rebounded off a brick wall.

He looked down in horror to see that nearly all the jewel cases had exploded on impact, leaving bare DVDs scattered. Some of them had actually rolled down the hall. Bradley looked like he was about to die, cursing and pale as he stooped down into the mess.

"I've got it," Suzaku assured him. "I'll get it, just a second. Everything's fine."

"Christ," Bradley gasped, ignoring him entirely. "Get out of the way!"

Suzaku really had no choice but to get out of the way, standing up against the wall with his hands raised and trying not to step on anything important. He watched uncomfortably as Bradley huffed, down on his knees.

"I can… The stuff down the hall-"

"Don't move." Bradley snapped, clearly giving an order. Suzaku stayed put where he was. After a terrible fifteen minutes, Bradley handed him a stack, puffing like he'd run a mile and obviously furious as he walked away. The only thing left for Suzaku to do was to go back to his little closet with another week's worth of Clovis' sad, pathetic life. Suzaku entered the room to the sound of something breakable being very broken.

"Shit." Suzaku sighed, and flipping on the light with his elbow, he managed to make it the rest of the way into the room without shattering anything, but it was close. He'd only broken a case but there was a bare DVD resting precisely where he would have taken his second step. It survived, unscathed and unscratched, only to be stared at inquisitively for half an hour.

All of the DVDs pertaining to Clovis were blue; color-coding was entirely necessary when they weren't working with pure data. Schneizel's color was gold.

The DVD in Suzaku's hand was gold and even more interestingly, unlabeled. Suzaku had two choices: take it back to Bradley; or watch it and then take it back to Bradley. He knew exactly what protocol dictated, but Suzaku was entirely bored with Clovis and had an open DVD player sitting right in front of him. The disk was practically begging to be watched. Suzaku sat a little straighter in his chair and obliged, popping the DVD inside and pushing play. Just like all DVDs pertaining to the investigation, there was a serial code, date and location before the recording began.

Suzaku watched carefully as Schneizel walked through the doors of the Hilton hotel.

He registered under the name Reginald Charles.

* * *

Nine in the evening on a Friday and Lamperouge was still at his desk typing away at his laptop. He was flipping through the notepad that he used during their sessions, Suzaku realized after a few moments, and transcribing the data into his personal files. Every few minutes he would sip at a steeping mug of tea, staring at the screen with a soft, pensive gaze before typing a few more sentences with his free hand.

Suzaku watched for a long time before Lamperouge noticed him in the doorway.

"Agen… Suzaku…" Lamperouge's worried expression was bathed in the warm glow of his desk lamp. "What's wrong?"

Suzaku found that despite his rage, his disgust, and his sudden desperate loneliness, he couldn't speak.

Suzaku couldn't speak, so he pulled himself together and acted. He took three short strides to stand behind the doctor's desk for the first time. From the position he could see that the couch against the wall looked very small, and very worn in from all the agents who had walked straight into the lion's den without ever suspecting…. Suzaku was barely breathing, staring into Lamperouge's alarmed eyes as he looked for some sort of hint that the man was a traitor.

There was nothing. Lamperouge was just that good, that smart, but it only took one mistake to bring down a man and an empire. Todoh's chance had been sitting under their noses the whole time, listening to their fears and their sorrows while mercilessly bringing every agonizing secret into the light.

Lamperouge was the perfect mole. He had access to everything in the building, even to the agents' minds.

He'd been so helpful, giving Suzaku tips about taking on the Britannians. Had he been laughing inside the entire time? Suzaku found his anger, and in his anger he found his voice. Lamperouge was starting to stand when Suzaku broke the silence.

"It's over," Suzaku said softly, letting every emotion but his anger slip away. "You've been found out."

Lamperouge didn't ask questions and he didn't bolt, he merely succumbed, dropping heavily back into his chair with his face pale in shock, if not in fear. He'd seen the look before, so Suzaku could identify the moment the man stopped panicking and began to think, to plot-

"Don't bother." Suzaku pulled the cuffs from his back pocket. "We all know you're smart, Lamperouge, but we've got you on surveillance. You're not smart enough to get out of this one."

Suzaku was silently but viciously satisfied when Lamperouge's expression finally settled on fear.

Reaching down Suzaku took one slim, trembling hand in his own and brought the cuffs down. The doctor's whole body jerked with the sudden, final snap, which seemed incredibly loud in comparison to the tense silence. Suzaku tightened the cuff until the man winced, his bright wide eyes turning away from Suzaku's own. It was only when Lamperouge's face was fully turned away, raising his other hand for similar treatment that Suzaku was able to speak again.

"You have the right to remain silent…"


	4. Primary Gain Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N**: This chapter was incredibly difficult to write and I expect it will be somewhat of a challenge to read. Just keep in mind that Lelouch is going through a sudden and rather violent change in character in order to deal with circumstances out of his control. Also remember that rationality and intense trauma are rarely ever friends. 'Primary Gain' is a psychiatric term- it might help to go look it up if you feel the need to understand the story a little better.

**A/N**: This chapter was incredibly difficult to write and I expect it will be somewhat of a challenge to read. Just keep in mind that Lelouch is going through a sudden and rather violent change in character in order to deal with circumstances out of his control. Also remember that rationality and intense trauma are rarely ever friends. 'Primary Gain' is a psychiatric term- it might help to go look it up if you feel the need to understand the story a little better.

Also, my sincere thanks to everyone who has reviewed. It really helps me craft each new chapter to know how you all react to what has already been written. I do read reviews and consider the feedback, no matter what your opinion may be. Happy reading!

* * *

_Chapter Four_

"If someone doesn't call my sister and tell her I'm safe she's going to start making phone calls to people who care." Lelouch spoke into the dark mirror on the interrogation room wall. By his count it was nearly midnight and Nunnally was quick to worry when he didn't come home on time. He had a brief hope that she was still out with Sayoko or blissfully asleep, but then he remembered the date. It was movie night.

The situation had become something of a blur in between getting cuffed by Suzaku and getting shoved into an interrogation room by Suzaku. They were playing the waiting game, leaving him to stare at the miserable sight of Lelouch Lamperouge in handcuffs.

The one-way mirror was like a great black pool, placid despite the predators lurking beneath. Once it had been powerful to watch from behind that glass, anonymous and in control as the mirror acted like a full-body mask. He wondered if the agents inside felt the magnitude of that control and if it might be amplified by the fact that they were watching him specifically.

It was interesting, Lelouch contemplated, how every statement announced in an empty room seemed ridiculous and staged. The effect just made Lelouch that much more exasperated when he was being honest, pounding heart, aching wrists and racing mind aside.

"Also," Lelouch held up his hands, a slight smile evidencing his self-mockery, "I can't feel my fingers and they're starting to turn blue."

No reaction. Again.

Lelouch sighed away the smile when he realized that the men behind the mirror probably wouldn't take it the right way, but what was the right way to act in such circumstances? Either they had all the information they needed or they were going to send someone in to try to get him to talk with a little leverage. The maddening part of his captivity was not knowing what information Todoh had in his possession. The 'surveillance' Suzaku spoke of could be any number of things found out in their investigation, though Lelouch couldn't imagine that anyone in the family had deliberately given him away. No one wanted him back badly enough to risk enraging him in the process.

Maybe they had found some form of documentation, a picture. Maybe someone had spoken his name and was overheard by the wrong people. Maybe one of the knights was sent to check on him and was followed. Lelouch could think of a million maybes, but in reality forewarned was not forearmed. He didn't think Suzaku had been lying, he'd looked much too distressed to attempt falsehoods, but that was also a possibility.

In retrospect it didn't help his protestations of innocence when Lelouch hadn't protested about being cuffed and taken away. His compliance alone had confirmed that he had something to hide, but at the time Lelouch had been unable to think clearly, too distracted by the utterly defeated look in Suzaku's eyes.

Whoever Charles had stashed away in the building had done a piss-poor job of keeping his secret safe, and Lelouch was almost glad to be the poor bastard in the interrogation room and not the messenger who was on his way to breaking the bad news.

Charles had lost his temper only once in front of his son. Once had been far more than enough.

Lelouch let his hands fall and nearly jumped at the loud clatter the handcuffs made against the iron table. To his surprise Suzaku had put him in the room where they brought in the potentially violent suspects. Nothing inside the room was breakable, the table was too heavy to move, and his chair was bolted to the floor. Lelouch rubbed his eyes and didn't feel ashamed for wanting a polished mahogany table and chairs he could lean back into, or overhead lamps that wouldn't assault his already tired eyes.

Non-violent suspects were always taken to one of the more comfortable interrogation rooms. The fact that Lelouch was sitting on cold iron gave him a clue as to how angry he had made the investigators, but not why. He had watched suspects sit and stew before, analyzed their every sigh, speech nuance, body movement and had found that for most people their emotions were nearly written on their foreheads by the second hour of waiting. Lelouch was quickly approaching his third hour of sitting and stoic silence had gotten old about forty-five minutes into his captivity.

Hardened criminals usually lasted eight to ten hours before resorting to bribery or death threats.

Lelouch sighed, leaned back the best he could and said, "I'm getting close to asking for a lawyer."

It took exactly fifty seconds for the interrogation room door to open. Lelouch was mildly startled to see who walked in, but he was too tired to show it, and after almost three hours of thinking was too ready to care. Suzaku sat on the other side of the table, sliding one thin manila folder under Lelouch's hands. He reached over and his stare never faltered as he carefully loosened the cuffs on Lelouch's wrists before making sure they were still locked.

"I'm fully aware that I'm under arrest, Agent Kururugi." Lelouch winced as the blood rushed back into his fingers. "Leaving them on isn't going to make me feel guilty or trapped."

"I wasn't going for guilty," Suzaku said, his voice back to normal, strong and even. "I'm going for ashamed."

Suzaku…Agent Kururugi…really was exceptional when it finally came down to the interrogation room. Lelouch looked down on his cuffs, imagined how betrayed Suzaku must be feeling, and felt some part of his heart echo and go cold.

"Oh," Lelouch murmured, testing the chain with a sigh. "Well done."

And under those cuffs…Lelouch was both desperate and hesitant to know what could be inside such a slim folder. He curled the edge away just to make sure that there was actually something inside and then left the rest to fate and a conversation.

Suzaku tilted his head, his eyes intensely sharp, burning. There was practically a weight to that gaze for all the fury and disgust it communicated without a breath. Suzaku's voice didn't give him away, but Lelouch knew the man's eyes, had seen the same shadow as Suzaku had scattered his carefully collected case files across the room.

"Not going to read it, Doc?" A smirk uncoiled on his face. "I suppose you already know what's inside, don't you?"

First, the mocking, denigrating 'Doc' followed by an acknowledgement of Lelouch's supposed intelligence and guilt. Somehow Lelouch had powerfully convinced Suzaku that he was a genius and though the idea would have been flattering in the office it wasn't helping him when Suzaku's opinion really, truly mattered.

Todoh had sent the right agent. That soft, empty place in his heart began to solidify as Lelouch accepted that what he wanted most out of their exchange was to salvage some part of Suzaku's respect, his kindness. Lelouch didn't want Suzaku's brief smiles in his direction to be the last.

"I haven't betrayed anyone," Lelouch said, looking straight into those emotive eyes, searching for sympathy and finding nothing but cold resolve.

When Suzaku made no comment, no movement, Lelouch continued to let the words pressing at his throat out between them, no matter how desperate and pathetic it would make him seem.

"I've never betrayed the FBI, and I've never revealed the content of my patients' sessions, or their reason for being in my office to anyone."

"Because that would be unprofessional." Suzaku drew out the words, forcefully reminding him of their bond. It had taken everything Lelouch knew to get Suzaku to trust him, using every trick and technique while watching for any break that might indicate a way into his deepest feelings of regret and remorse…and Suzaku…it had taken every ounce of trust Suzaku could muster to respond to Lelouch's silent need for cooperation, if not faith.

If Lelouch couldn't convince Suzaku of the truth he knew for certain that the man would never expose himself in that way again; no trust, no respect, no love…and no reason to live.

For the first time in many years Lelouch Lamperouge was close to giving up and just spitting out whatever Suzaku might want to hear.

"No, because it would be wrong in every sense of the word to expose a person like that." Lelouch folded his hands. "And, despite every horrible thing you may think I am, you know I'm not a rapist."

Suzaku went entirely still as a flush rose in his cheeks, as his eyes blurred into some mixture of hate and shock, a look Lelouch had never seen and couldn't identify. When the expression settled back into cool hatred Lelouch despaired.

"I know no such thing," Suzaku said. "You're a criminal and a liar. There's no telling what you really are, Lamperouge."

"I have _never_ lied to the Bureau," Lelouch shot back, frustration rising and feeling much like anger. He'd given up his family to ensure the fact that, "I'm _not_ a criminal."

Suzaku wasn't even listening; he was just staring and waiting for Lelouch to be done so that he could take his turn to speak.

"I'll tell you right now, Lamperouge, I'm not going to trust a single word you say. You're scum. You're nothing but a piece of shit to be scraped off the building and left in prison to _rot_ where your friends can't help you. A few decades of solitary in a maximum security facility sounds right to me."

The truth was that the mental image of being alone with his own thoughts _forever_-

"You watch your mouth," Lelouch snapped, leaning in close and taking pleasure that Suzaku was startled enough to immediately flinch away. By the time Suzaku had returned to his hovering distaste Lelouch had calmed every part of himself, even the part that loved Suzaku, and had sharpened his resolve into a weapon. All bets were off if Suzaku thought he was going to control Lelouch with fear. Lelouch had learned early on that if you let a single person get away with disrespecting you once, the entire mob would follow suit.

"That's right, I forgot," Suzaku said mockingly, scowling. "I'm supposed to treat Britannians with respect. Should I start worrying, Lamperouge? Are you going to go tattle to Schneizel and have me killed?"

"_Schneizel_." Lelouch couldn't conceal a startling moment of shock. Schneizel was always so meticulous about keeping their meetings a secret…. He had promised on his life to keep Lelouch safe from the possibility of what he was actually experiencing. He had promised and Lelouch had chosen to believe him.

Shock quickly twisted into a hidden fury as Lelouch castigated himself for believing such an obvious lie. Schneizel did what he wanted when he wanted, and apparently he wanted Lelouch out of the FBI.

Suzaku smiled with satisfaction and said, "Maybe you want to open that folder now, huh?"

For a moment Lelouch hated Suzaku, hated the FBI, hated that he had given so much to them so freely, hated that he'd given any part of himself to anyone at all, and then he opened the file and just hated Schneizel. Just Schneizel and just Schneizel for the rest of his life.

The photo inside the folder showed Lelouch down on the ground, bowing low with his neck exposed. At the time the act had been simple, automatic, and little but a courtesy, but the angle of the photo told a different story. In the 9x12 glossy Lelouch seemed to be groveling in front of the man who in contrast seemed tall and powerful, a slight smirk of mockery gracing his lips. Lelouch looked back up into Suzaku's expression of mocking disdain, amusement, and decided that he was going to kill his brother.

"This is where the tape ended," Lelouch said with certainty. Schneizel wouldn't have let it run and display his weakness to the world…but, Lelouch's mind whispered, maybe he did. Maybe Schneizel believed that Lelouch would never tell the world what he allowed his brother to do, or even that they were brothers at all.

The ploy was genius, a masterstroke, and Lelouch could only nod dumbly at Suzaku's shaking head, because Schneizel…Schneizel was _right_. He'd finally found the key to destroying Lelouch, humiliating him and fucking him over in every way possible.

He'd won. Schneizel had finally won.

Lelouch couldn't stop from trembling, from staring at the picture as all the shame and guilt he'd been stowing away for more than a decade burst open with one single, metallic click…and for the first time in ten years Lelouch Lamp-, no, Lelouch Britannia, felt nothing but smothering, clawing fear.

With his last bit of rationality Lelouch lurched to the side, Suzaku yelling at him to stop, fell to his knees (and wasn't this how it all started?), braced his hand on the wall and puked.

* * *

The first thing Lelouch saw when he managed to salvage a bit of his mind was polished mahogany. His damp fingers stuck to the surface as he tried and finally managed to lift his head. The second thing Lelouch registered was the rancid taste inside his mouth and a truly prodigious throb that was almost a headache, but not quite. Lelouch's face was swelteringly hot, and when he reached up with trembling fingers he found that his eyes were swollen. When he moved them his arms ached, his wrists ached and he could see that the bare flesh was covered in bruises, purple handprints.

He looked at the bruises, not really caring, and accepted the cup of water that a body at his side offered but not the pills in his other hand.

"Take them."

"Burn in hell," Lelouch rasped in return.

"They'll help the pain."

Lelouch laughed, grinning at the absurdity of Suzaku trying to ease his pain after what he'd gone through to deliberately cause the catalyst that created the various, deliberate aches. Suzaku backed a few steps away, taking the pills with him as he peered down.

"I can recognize sedatives." But Lelouch didn't hesitate to gulp the water that would clear the taste in his mouth, his parched throat. He rolled the cool sides of the plastic cup over his face. That helped.

Lelouch began to pull himself together as his body began to recover from…whatever had happened that he needed to recover from. In any case Lelouch knew one thing; he hadn't said anything cohesive, and hadn't said anything incriminating because of it.

When Suzaku finally sat across from him at the table Lelouch had most of his Britannian self tucked away. Suzaku stared at him with strange eyes as Lelouch excised Lelouch Britannia with a neat, mental cut to keep it from the forefront long enough to recover his mother's gift, the name he loved most. Then, not really seeing the man watching anyways, Lelouch closed his eyes and began rebuilding himself with memories of Nunnally.

He thought of school, of Milly and Rivalz and all of the people who had been his friends, his trusted companions for an entire four years. They had drifted away. Graduate school had been easy and the other students had hated him for the ease. Internships went as planned…and then the first case with the FBI. Lelouch thought of it for a moment before tucking that away too.

The FBI. Lelouch was flawless at his job, the best, with headhunters knocking on his door and criminals breaking under his ability to understand their devious minds. He helped people. They lived better lives because he was there when they needed him, job or no. Still, Lelouch was bored, slightly disillusioned…but then there was Suzaku.

Suzaku coalesced, from his waiting eyes to the red bruise on his cheekbone, to the way his body was sitting cautiously but not afraid. Suzaku's hands were hidden from view, on his lap probably. He saw Lelouch looking and exposed them, splayed on the table. Suzaku might as well just come out and said, 'I'm not going to hurt you,' though it probably wasn't true.

"If you were going to hurt me you would have done it when I was cuffed." Lelouch sat back into his comfortable chair and sighed, so tired. "From the look of you, Agent Kururugi, you're not even going to raise your voice. Calm down."

Suzaku watched him, still waiting, but didn't calm. Lelouch was about to assure him that whatever he had done wasn't going to happen again when Suzaku finally spoke.

"We brought in one of the other psychologists during your…outburst. He said that afterwards you would be yourself again, completely yourself. Is that true?"

"Yes, it's true." Lelouch looked over at the reflective mirror and added, "Also, it was a lucky guess."

"Then if you are you, and I am me," Suzaku's eyes turned stern, filled with the same rage and hate. "We're going to finish this interrogation and discuss how you might be able to keep yourself out of a maximum security facility."

Maximum security facility…now that Lelouch knew what evidence they had on him those were just words, nothing to be frightened of when reality was so close to crashing down on him. The present was far more terrifying than Suzaku's proposed future. Lelouch nodded and decided to set the stage himself; it was his drama after all.

"That's reasonable. Give me my clothing, cuff me, and return me to the other interrogation room. Consistency is in the details." Suzaku stood and walked towards the door with a truly impressive scowl, and Lelouch added, "Don't forget the file."

Lelouch felt a cruel but fond satisfaction when Suzaku stumbled.

* * *

He'd lied when he said he was the same person. There was a new iron will in Lelouch's heart, ruthless and goal oriented. Even while he smiled a little at Suzaku, cuffs dragging against the exposed photograph, he was planning the best way to destroy his brother. Suzaku wasn't stupid, and there was evidence that he could feel the change unconsciously as his forearms tensed in readiness.

It was amazing to see the man with new eyes and old memories. Suzaku was vibrant, full of righteous rage, and because of Lelouch's iron resolve Suzaku wasn't going to lose all of the new life they had carefully crafted together.

"Suzaku, you've backed me into a corner." Lelouch smiled and that other part inside himself, that love, made him attempt to save the man from what was coming. "You should get someone less personally involved to do the rest of the interrogation because I'm going to start telling the truth."

"When hell freezes." Suzaku pushed forward the picture that inspired a brief, but divine madness in Lelouch. He looked at it again with his new eyes. He saw how easy it would be to thrust a blade up from that kneeling position or how easy it would be for someone to walk up behind Schneizel's unprotected back as he was busy gloating in satisfaction. Lelouch saw himself as Schneizel had once seen him; a potentially dangerous animal inside the weakness of a child just trying to survive. Lelouch's continued defiance behind closed doors must have driven Schneizel mad, like some tamed dog that responded perfectly to verbal commands but still insisted on pissing all over the floor.

The real question was why Schneizel even cared.

"I haven't betrayed the FBI," Lelouch continued the conversation where it had ended before. "I'm not a mole and I'm not a criminal."

"Then what are you?" Suzaku tapped Lelouch's kneeling form in the photo with his lips pressed into an angry line. "Are you his knight?"

Lelouch almost laughed at the absurdity of the idea, but instead he met Suzaku's glare and returned, "Schneizel will never trust anyone enough to have a knight. He's incapable of that kind of bond."

But that was an excellent question, Lelouch thought silently, wondering if Suzaku could see the approval in his eyes. He doubted that any of the other agents in the task force had the imagination to consider that such a scenario might be possible. Suzaku wasn't finished, but he didn't have far to go on his quest for the truth.

"Then you're an honorary Britannian. I doubt a prince of Britannia would ever fuck one of us _commoners._"

Again, an excellent statement, a carefully veiled question that Suzaku hoped would prod Lelouch into an emotional response. Anyone else would have given Suzaku what he wanted, but Lelouch only nodded.

"You're correct. A prince isn't supposed to have sex with an outsider…but that doesn't make me an honorary Britannian." Lelouch began to hurt for Suzaku, to feel honest pity that he had unknowingly been manipulated into following such a path. Lelouch was going to do what he had to, but he'd much rather Todoh bear the burden of truth than Suzaku.

Suzaku was going to deny and deny, and then he was going to cry for a very long time.

"I think 'fuck' is the appropriate word for what you two were doing."

Suzaku had certainly learned at least one thing from Lelouch's outburst and he was using that knowledge well. Lelouch felt as if he was going to drown in disgrace as Suzaku unknowingly pulled the strings that Schneizel had methodically strung for a single purpose: silence.

For a moment Lelouch was tempted to lie, the magnitude of revealing the truth was almost impossible to conceive. He wondered what the FBI would prefer, a mole or a prince? They would be vocally angry and might even prosecute him for some trumped-up charge in order to mask the fear of what it meant to assault Britannian royalty in the one place he was supposed to be safe.

And Lelouch had felt very safe, but he suspected that this building would be the last to give him such a comfort.

The day had started off so normally that their moment was suddenly surreal, like a vivid nightmare that Lelouch couldn't wake up from. Just the reminder that Suzaku had seen what went on in that room was horror enough to fill his dreams for a decade. Lelouch had to relive it all again just to measure the true depth of Suzaku's disgust. Lelouch had been dressed in his work attire when he took Schneizel down his throat, in a suit he wore to work every few days. Suzaku would have noticed that.

Suzaku had seen Lelouch at his lowest, down on his knees for a man who was almost universally despised. He had seen Lelouch laugh and then let Schneizel fuck his face, had seen how Schneizel had finally held Lelouch's jaw shut to make sure he swallowed.

Suzaku had seen Lelouch naked and straining, and would have forced himself to watch to the very end to truly understand the depth of Lelouch's betrayal. And Schneizel, always thorough, would have recorded from more than one angle, and more than one room. That was probably the only reason, in the end, that he had bothered to show Lelouch any care. It explained why he'd been smiling so widely at dinner, nearly grinning at the thought of how someone else was going to see Lelouch how he saw Lelouch during those hours: completely and totally under Schneizel's control.

Suzaku had seen Lelouch orgasm, had seen Lelouch scream and sweat and clutch Schneizel close, and he'd seen when Schneizel had finally-

"Now you're going to blush?" Suzaku snorted, crossing his arms with exquisite mockery, "Fine…I suppose if you need to I call it 'making love.' Does that suit you better, Lamperouge? Does that make what you were doing with him less shameful?"

Suzaku really was an excellent interrogator. Lelouch hunched a little as Suzaku's insistence forced that night into life, sent him back to brutal sex and even more sordid pleasure. He understood what he was going through emotionally and why his thought process was sagging into extremes, but only in a peripheral academic sense. Lelouch was too caught up in the irrational loop of what-ifs, blaming games, and simple, undeniable guilt to apply an objective view of the situation and save himself. Denying Schneizel would have been as simple as not showing up, ignoring his summons. Yet there he was bowing at Schneizel's feet, the moment solidified on a glossy 9x12 and entirely undeniable.

"No," Lelouch managed to whisper hoarsely. Anyone would be able to tell that what had happened in that hotel room wasn't love, not in the least, but it had been consensual sex as far as the video was concerned. Pictures wouldn't show the nuances of fear or the whispered words, the sugar-coated hate and struggle for dominance.

"Alright, let's pretend I believe everything you say." Suzaku tilted his head with narrowed eyes, leaning in too close for a fully successful intimidation effect. Lelouch's desperation was making him weak and Suzaku's glare made him hurt and a little frightened about what was to come.

"You're not a knight, you're not an honorary Britannian, and you're not his lover…what the hell are you then, but a liar?"

_Yes_, Lelouch thought…_what am I_?

"You don't want to hear this, Suzaku." Lelouch grasped one of Suzaku's hands gently. The man was too busy watching with disgust to pull away. "Let me help you one last time-"

The fragile hope that had been slowly building was banished when Lelouch was pushed away, shattered when Suzaku hissed, "Don't you _ever_ say my name again."

Bad cop was out, full force and efficient, but Lelouch's usual anger response was replaced by resolve and the simple fact that Suzaku would always be too persistent for his own good. With suspects, strangers, patients, tenacity was an admirable quality, but with close companions nothing but sorrow came from digging too deep too quickly. But Suzaku couldn't be blamed. He didn't know that Lelouch had let himself get emotionally entwined. All Suzaku knew was that he was getting an emotional reaction from a man who did his best to appear entirely composed, entirely unattached.

It was Lelouch's own technique being spat right back at him.

And Suzaku could smell blood.

"Answer me, Lamperouge," Suzaku demanded coldly, standing to lean over for intimidation's sake, or maybe just natural instinct. A lock of hair fell across his temple, slightly curled and shining in the fluorescent light. Lelouch looked at the confidence, the vibrant emotion that made Suzaku's eyes so engaging, and cut through his expectations.

"You would have been a wonderful friend," Lelouch whispered so that the men behind the window couldn't hear. He whispered remembering how it had felt holding Suzaku, how it had felt to take comfort from giving comfort. Lelouch remembered it and memorized the moment because he knew that it might be the last true comfort that he would ever have. He memorized green eyes.

Lelouch touched the space over Suzaku's heart and felt the beat. He had only one comfort to give, one statement he hoped that Suzaku would remember when it came time to fight his own demons.

"-and I'll still love you even after all of this."

Suzaku's eyes widened in horror, shock and he jerked away with a hiss. His face went white and for a moment Lelouch was sure Suzaku was about to be sick. Just the thought of any romantic love from Lelouch for him and Suzaku had nearly-

"Not like that," Lelouch murmured with a defeated sigh. "Though your absolute disgust is well and truly noted."

Suzaku's momentary confusion converted into a thunderous rage as he leaned forward and pounded his fist into the table, startling Lelouch backwards as the abruptness took him off guard. Lelouch's momentary fear seemed to bring Suzaku back to himself as he stared down, eyes blazing and his teeth bared in anger.

"Stop fucking with my head, Lamperouge… If you're not a knight," Suzaku's voice was undeniable, "Not an honorary Britannian, not Schneizel's _lover_, then what are you to him?"

Lelouch pulled every part of himself together and stared Suzaku straight in the eye with reluctant but untouchable resolve…the kind of resolve that was necessary to kill a man.

"I'm his brother." Lelouch announced calmly. Suzaku didn't seem to process the statement at once but when understanding dawned he leaned away, shaking his head with a weak noise of astonishment. Todoh's voice came over the intercom but neither of them paid attention.

"No. Don't lie to me-" Suzaku grimaced, the whites of his eyes showing as he stood, as he unconsciously tried to remove himself from the truth.

The tape was playing again in both their minds, twisting the previous loathing into true revulsion as Suzaku thought '_brothers._' Lelouch could see the horror of it in Suzaku's eyes as he took a step away.

"I was born Lelouch Britannia. I am Emperor Charles' eleventh son, raised as such and therefore a rightful contender as heir to his empire." Lelouch never turned his eyes away, keeping every single emotion away from the simple facts. It might be Suzaku's saving grace. "Lamperouge was my mother's maiden name. When she was murdered I decided to leave the family to take care of Nunnally. She would never have been able to thrive in the company of thieves and murderers and I couldn't bear to watch her have to try."

Suzaku made a strangled noise, a base denial, and began to shake his head. He was the one who was cornered now, by his emotions and Lelouch's facts. Lelouch didn't envy him the deep, trapped feeling of being smothered by the reality.

"The truth is I have no true knowledge of what I am to Schneizel, but I know what I'm not. I'm not a traitor."

Lelouch exhaled slowly, but didn't do the damage of displaying sadness or pity. One wrong look would likely tear Suzaku to pieces, and Lelouch wouldn't be able to be there to help stitch those pieces up.

"It's clear to me now that our only true bond is the understanding that we're both going to do our very best to destroy each other. I'm going to win."

The thought was so sweet, so satisfying that Lelouch looked up and smiled. He could see his own reflection in the black mirror and how that simple curve of lips had turned him into a man that only in his briefest childhood imaginations had he ever wanted to become. Lelouch Lamperouge, eleventh prince, was emphatically and dangerously free.

The words just flowed out, softly and surely as he wondered what the men behind the glass were saying as panic and fear took over their souls. Suzaku was still standing, caught in Lelouch's first statement and uncomprehending of anything else. It was an odd sight to see a grown man shake like that, to look so childlike, but for a moment Lelouch was far beyond pity.

Lelouch sat back and exhaled, tired and amused at the ending that was so beautifully crafted, as if he'd initiated it himself and rehearsed the scene. He looked at Suzaku, waited until the man had pulled himself into some semblance of coherence and finished.

"Don't make the mistake of thinking that any of this was your doing, Suzaku."

Silence reigned as Suzaku finally sagged up against the wall, a hand over his eyes. Lelouch wanted to be there, wanted to provide comfort and give the man something to hold. Lelouch wanted to soothe and whisper and try to keep Suzaku whole. Instead he turned to Todoh who had finally come through the door.

Todoh was pale-faced and grim but he took Lelouch's handcuffs away with steady hands.

"That disk should never have made it in here. You have a mole." Then Lelouch took one last look at Suzaku who was still caught up with his own demons. He wasn't crying.

Lelouch caught Todoh's eyes as the man was doing the same, his brows furrowed as he watched Suzaku, folded into himself and barely breathing. Lelouch sighed deeply and stood.

"Don't let him go home or be alone. He's on suicide watch," Lelouch murmured quietly, wishing that there were someone else that Suzaku acknowledged as an authority to tell him that everything was salvageable and make him believe the lie.

"Have your new psychologist put him on heavy sedatives and an upper…and for god's sake," Lelouch sighed in exhaustion and exasperation, "go take his gun away before he catches on."

* * *

After about an hour's very uncooperative debrief Lelouch finally managed to make it home minus one badge, a parking pass and his higher reasoning capabilities. Dawn had just started to rise as he stood on his own doorstep, staring at the closed door.

What was he going to tell Nunnally?

After a few minutes the door opened on its own to reveal Sayoko and a tower of packed suitcases waiting in the foyer.

"Those won't be necessary," Lelouch murmured, nodding at the luggage. "We're not going anywhere quite yet."

"As you wish." She bowed neatly. "I told Nunnally-sama that you were still at work working on a sudden case."

"Close enough." Lelouch sighed, smiling wanly. "How much does she really know, Sayoko?"

"She knows enough." Sayoko helped him with his coat. "Should we ever need to leave suddenly she would know to ask questions after we had reached our destination, not before."

"Should she know more?"

"It may become necessary."

"Who called you?"

"One of his Majesty's knights informed me of your exposure. The young man was very upset and sends his apologies. He wishes to know how you would like to handle the situation."

"Young man?" Lelouch kicked the door closed behind himself, frowning. Lelouch already had a few suspects in mind for the leak but none of them had been young, and none of them would be likely to apologize.

"Yes, Lelouch-sama." Sayako nodded. "May I suggest you continue your planning session when you are more rested?"

Lelouch nodded. If Sayako was anything she was capable and had never given bad advice. He trudged to his bedroom, trying to be as quiet as possible but a small voice still called out. Nunnally asked if he were alright, if there was anything she could do, and all Lelouch wanted to do was walk in and let her hold him. Lelouch wanted comfort…but more than comfort, Lelouch wanted Schneizel dead.

Lelouch ignored his sister's voice and locked the door behind him.

It came as no surprise that he couldn't fall asleep.

* * *

"So this is where you live, huh?" Kallen looked up and down the street like it was a rancid back alley. "I expected something bigger…but shit, a maid? What the hell kind of messes do you need a maid for?"

Agent Weinberg smiled widely as his partner made a point of spitting on Lelouch's welcome mat.

"We'd like to come inside, Dr. Lamperouge." It was eerie how close his and Suzaku's 'nice guy' smiles were, especially since Weinberg's didn't seem to be faked. "Would that be alright?"

Lelouch leaned against the doorframe, crossed his arms and stared. The birds chirped, cars drove by as his neighbors went to work, children made high chattering, screeching noises at the bus stop and Lelouch didn't even bat an eye. By the time the school bus had driven away he was still in the same position watching as Agent Weinberg began to fidget and Agent Stadtfeld's vocabulary degraded from her usual pleasantries, but Lelouch didn't say a single word.

"Are you fucking serious?" Kallen rolled her eyes and flashed a piece of paper, "…look, we're coming in. Get the fuck out of the way so we can search your house for shit."

Lelouch stood up straight, uncrossed his arms and murmured, "You take one step inside this house and I'll kill you."

Kallen stared at him for a second and then burst into laughter, taking an aggressive step forward to push her partner out of the way. Weinberg had gone very pale and his smile had dissolved into worry. He put a hand up to keep her away but Kallen just shrugged it off.

"That's the funniest thing I've heard all-"

Lelouch extended his arm and put the muzzle of his .45 flush against her forehead.

When he clicked the safety off Kallen stopped laughing.

"Please don't," Weinberg whispered, his hands up and exposed. Any hint of a smile was gone from his face and he wasn't going for his own weapon. His partner was in a similar state, her eyes flicking up to the gun and back to Lelouch's eyes every few seconds as she tried to decide what to do. It was easy to watch her like that, but there wasn't any sort of power rush, not that Lelouch had expected one. The one thing he did revel in was that fact that he was unafraid of pulling the trigger.

"You…" Kallen swallowed, staring, and the tenor of her voice shifted, "…you would, wouldn't you?"

Lelouch nodded a little, just as a confirmation and not as an act of intimidation, but the knowledge seemed to work both ways because Kallen, who always seemed to have a buzz of energy about her, went very still. She had good instincts and Lelouch had been pushed too hard too quickly. If the FBI thought that overwhelming him would make him weak they were very, very wrong.

The interesting thing was Weinberg. They'd interacted casually during a quarterly checkup but not in any extensive way; they were still basically strangers, but from the moment Lelouch had made the threat Weinberg had been in a posture of surrender. Logically, from what he knew about Lelouch the man should have displayed disbelief, not submission. Instead he seemed absolutely certain that Lelouch had the nerve to pull the trigger and would do so if unduly provoked.

"There are two then," Lelouch said softly, his eyes on the man.

Weinberg flushed a little and Kallen said, "Yeah, Lamperouge…we're partners. We come in pairs."

"Kallen, shut up," Gino said, breathless. His hands trembled slightly, but he nodded before lowering his eyes to the ground and inclining his head as slowly and unobtrusively as possible. Luckily Kallen was too concerned with Lelouch's gun to even catch a glimpse of the bow.

Instead Kallen took a chance.

"Look. I'm sorry for being rude…that's what this is about, right?" She exhaled shakily and established firm eye contact. "Suzaku told me not to be rude."

Lelouch returned the eye contact and smiled his new smile, the one Schneizel had made, and Kallen stopped breathing. He didn't like being reminded of Suzaku.

"You should have listened to him." Despite her attitude Lelouch liked Kallen, and that hadn't changed, but with agents like her some things had to be learned the hard way. If it took a gun and near death to make her wary of a Britannian prince then it was breath and time well wasted.

"I mean it, Lamperouge." Kallen's voice was small but steady, her eyes wide. "I'm sorry."

After a long moment Lelouch nodded to her and Weinberg sighed so deeply he looked close to collapse, his arms dropping to his sides. Still.

"Apology accepted, but you're still not coming into my house." Lelouch got ready to pull the gun away. "My sister is entertaining a guest."

"Okay." Kallen fidgeted a little, smiled a little ironically. "We can do this on the porch."

"Alright," Lelouch agreed. "Take five steps backwards and we'll talk."

They did as they were told, both of them regaining a little color as they got further and further away. They finally came to a stop about halfway down the walk, standing stiff-backed and wary. Lelouch felt a little bit sorry for Kallen who had absolutely no idea how deeply she had gotten herself in with just an exchange of words.

"Kindly look towards the attic window," Lelouch advised, nearly smirking at Kallen's expression of shock as she stared down Sayoko's rifle. Lelouch put his gun down but not away and sat down on the short steps, stretching his legs and resting his tired arm. He was running on about forty-eight hours without any sleep and his body was reminding him of the fact with every progressing minute.

"This is the type of mess my maid cleans up, Agent Stadtfeld. Law enforcement officials who come into a Britannian's home with fake warrants generally leave in bags."

No judge in the world would give them a search warrant based on a DVD of two people having sex, Britannian, brothers, or not. Kallen looked back at him and for the first time since they'd met he saw a shadow of respect in her demeanor. She hadn't given up but she knew when to back down from superior force. Weinberg just knew how to take orders from a superior. It made Lelouch smile a little, he'd interacted with the man a number of times but he'd never suspected a thing. The fact that his father had tapped the goofy, sweet kid for babysitting duty showed excellent taste.

It was about time that the knights had an addition of someone who could pull off a real smile.

Lelouch looked in the man's eyes and said, "Well done."

Weinberg blushed. Kallen's eyebrows shot up and she yelled, "Shit, I thought Todoh was pulling a prank. You're a prince?"

"What do you want, Agent Stadtfeld?" Lelouch gestured to the door with his gun. "I have a breakfast date to chaperone."

Nunnally had her creepy friend Rolo over and he wanted them to be alone together as little as humanly possible. Now that things had gone rather spectacularly wrong Lelouch had a healthy suspicion of pale, strangely intense kids hanging around the house. Kallen put a hand down her blouse and came back up with a small black chip.

"You wouldn't mind sticking this on a lamp or something, would you?" She smirked, a hand on her hip. "Someplace where you like to plan your nefarious plots?"

Lelouch really couldn't help smiling. He was sleep deprived, depressed and homicidal but Kallen was a sobering constant. Despite threatening to blow her brains out only moments before the woman was grinning at him and pulling things out of her underwear while Weinberg just continued to blush, scratching his neck as pride turned into embarrassment. The neighbors from across the street were standing in their doorways and staring with the look of cornered rabbits. Lelouch leaned forward and waved Sayoko away feeling very old and even more tired as Kallen's heels clicked their way up the walk.

"So if the prince thing is true," her voice slid into a conversational level, "what about the other rumors?"

Lelouch massaged his forehead and sighed. "I'd have to know what the rumors are before I can confirm or deny, Agent Stadtfeld."

"That you're some kind of super spy," Kallen began to tick off her fingers, "you're plotting to kill the president, you're under deep cover to do Britannian dirty work-"

Lelouch put a hand up to stop her, and sighed, "I was a psychologist. I didn't have time to be anything else."

"I believe you," she muttered, sitting next to him on the porch. Weinberg just stared down, hands in his pockets as he continued to keep the required distance away. It was a strange dichotomy. Kallen, the wildcard, was allowed to get up close and personal while the knight had to stay at least three feet away. Leaning back Kallen showed off the line of her neck, crossing her ankles with a deep sigh.

"I believe you," she repeated quietly, eyes on the sky. "You look too sad to be lying."

Lelouch didn't respond; sad was such an ambiguous word…he just stared across the street, holding the gun loosely in his hand while the neighbors cradled phones to their ears.

"Hey…I think they're calling the cops." Kallen said, following his eye line. She waved and the couple ducked behind their curtains, then she looked down with a sparkling-eyed hungry look. "Where the hell'd you get that piece? It's fucking gorgeous."

It was gorgeous. Lelouch angled his gun in the sun and the mother of pearl on the handle seemed to take an otherworldly shine. Designs swirled in hypnotizing symmetry, and where it could be the metal was silver-plated and still pristine after so many years.

"It was my mother's," Lelouch murmured. As a child, distraught over tragedy, he'd been given his mother's weapon as some kind of odd solace. It had seemed immeasurably heavy at the time but now sitting on his porch and dreaming of war the gun fit in Lelouch's hand as if it had been tailored to his hold. The only mar on the sheen was a number of tally marks running over the barrel. Even when he was young Lelouch had understood what those scratches meant. He tilted the weapon so that Gino and Kallen could see too. Kallen sucked a breath between her teeth and Gino's lips twisted into a smile of respect, envy even, if Lelouch was reading him right.

"Fuck, that's-"

"Thirty-two." Lelouch gazed at it and ran the pad of his finger over the texture. He didn't have to mention that it hadn't been her only weapon.

The were only natural. Marianne had been his father's personal knight and was partly responsible for the man's image of invincibility. It was a reputation soaked in blood.

Kallen looked up. She seemed half joking and almost eager when she asked, "Any of those notches yours?"

The police finally showed up in a riot of sound and color. A black and white parked in the street at an angle, red lights flashing, sirens blaring and Lelouch muttered, "What do you think?"

She moved to flash her badge and Lelouch said, "Not yet."

The windows were rolled down, orders were shouted, weapons came out of their holsters and Lelouch, feeling dreamlike and wondering called out a phrase he'd been taught as a child.

"This isn't your place," Lelouch said, the past twisting in his mouth. "Find somewhere else to be."

The effect was the same as it had been so many years before.

The officers instantly became very still, doll-like and the street settled into an unnatural silence as they slowly backed away, nodded their heads respectfully and left. Gino smirked a little, slouching comfortably and Kallen made a small noise, rigid and unbelieving. She didn't take her eyes away from the spot that the officers had left.

"Jesus," Kallen whispered, her eyes wide. "Jesus Christ."

Lelouch put his head in his hands and sighed.

Then, and this time Lelouch laughed, Kallen asked, "Do I smell pancakes?"

* * *

Lelouch slept curled up in the attic and didn't dream of Schneizel or lavender or clean linen.

He dreamed of Suzaku.

* * *

Security did everything but strip-search Lelouch before they even let him enter the foyer. The men that patted him down had looks of bemusement on their faces, shrugging a little before instructing him how to move for the metal detecting wand. Over the years Lelouch had made a point of making small-talk with the security officers as he went through the usual morning and lunch routine of emptying his pockets and putting his briefcase through the scanner. He knew most of them by name and they bought him Christmas presents.

One of them had thought the agents were playing a late April Fools joke when he was ordered to do the full security check-list. It had taken a while to convince him otherwise.

"What the hell is going on?" One of the men murmured as he moved the beeping wand and carefully checked to make sure that Lelouch's belt buckle was actually a belt buckle and not…whatever they were supposed to be looking for.

"Apparently I'm a spy," Lelouch said, turning more than a few heads of the people who weren't already staring at him from the line. One of the four agents told him to shut up and Lelouch added, "Sorry for the trouble."

"Sorry about the grope." One of the guards returned, slipping her fingers through the thin space between his pants and the small of his back. Then she added, grinning and running her hands down his leg, "Actually I'm not sorry. Sorry."

To the delight of the growing crowd Lelouch blushed.

Special Agent Sugiyama didn't think it was funny and said so. Lelouch took his coat back with a glare that was mostly smile. The group took their own elevator to his office's floor and Lelouch said, amused and surrounded by tense men in black suits, "The president must hate this."

One of them reached into his pocket for a pad of paper and made a note.

It was all ridiculous, completely unnecessary, but when they reached his floor the ridiculousness wasn't funny any more. All eyes turned to Lelouch as he walked down the hall, conversations stalling as he was stared at by narrow, cold eyes. It was difficult but Lelouch managed to convince himself not to wonder if their hatred was fueled by anger or by fear. Todoh wasn't the type to run his mouth off and Suzaku probably wasn't talking to anyone besides himself, but there was still a mole somewhere, an agent entirely devoted to Schneizel. The only thing Lelouch knew was that the man wasn't a knight. Knights not tied to a single prince or princess belonged to the Emperor and would have told him of the plot immediately.

Lelouch smiled a little wryly as he remembered telling Suzaku, 'It could be anyone.' All Lelouch knew for sure was that the man was close and very likely tied to the investigation considering that the group had made almost no progress after nearly five months of surveillance. The question gave Lelouch something to think about at least. He didn't dare ponder war while surrounded by men finely-tuned to the appearance of a man busy plotting.

Unfortunately he continued to come to the same conclusion. To find out who the mole was he'd have to find some way of getting into contact with Todoh or Suzaku. He didn't even know how the surveillance DVD had made it into their hands, how many people had seen it (a question that made him go cold every time), or if it remained in their possession.

God help the FBI if Lelouch found out that the DVD was being spread around.

He entered the interior of his office as if waking from a dream, stopping up short when he saw that state of his office. He was drawn first to the large clumps of stuffing orbiting long scraps of leather, his couch, and his chair ripped in slashes, also disemboweled. His desk had been separated into chunks, drawers piled on top of thick wooden slabs. Even the surface of the walls had been ripped open, exposing iron beams and stumps of cut wires. The carpet was ripped up and was propped in a tight roll in the corner exposing bare concrete and glue. Even the lights above had been taken apart, leaving huge gaps in the ceiling. Lelouch stared at it all, his heart pounding hard in his chest and his mouth dropped open with his eyes wide in horror.

The room looked like a crime scene.

Even after seeing the video, hearing his confession, after putting him through one of the worst experiences in his life, the FBI had nevertheless taken the torment one last step further.

Lelouch understood enough about current technology to know that none of the destruction had been necessary. A simple sweep with a metal detector would have proven that the office was clean. What they'd done they'd done out of spite, a last 'fuck you' before they turned him away.

A betrayal for a betrayal, Lelouch realized, spotting that his lamp, a gift from Nunnally, was in pieces in the corner, its delicate porcelain shattered. His few picture frames were nothing but kindling sitting next to a shining pile of his pens, again in pieces.

Ever since he had given his confession, Suzaku looking on, the world had fallen into a dull haze where nothing, no emotion or ache could really touch him. It was in that moment while surveying the utter destruction of a place that had become a second home that everything rushed forward to coat his body and mind, to become truth and not a half-dream that could be swept away. Lelouch's wrists began to ache, still deeply bruised, it hurt to move his arms and the horror, the fear and pain of Suzaku and others seeing…the deep confusion that came from being instantly viewed as untrustworthy when he had worked so diligently and earnestly for so many years—

It took everything Lelouch had not to crouch on the ground and sob. As it was he couldn't stop the cold tears that began to drip down his cheeks and even with his hand over his mouth he couldn't silence his sudden and painfully loud gasps for breath. Every part of him trembled, every bone, every slipping second of control.

Everything that Lelouch had worked for was gone, everything, even his reputation had been ripped to shreds by uncaring hands.

Lelouch's entire life was simply gone, but what really hurt was the distrust, the viciousness with which his life had been torn apart, taken from him by people he had trusted and cared for if only peripherally. It was one thing to be fired. It was another thing to have every part of himself that he could be proud of be enthusiastically and mercilessly killed in an entirely public display of disgust and distrust.

Not even Schneizel could be blamed for what had happened in this room.

Lelouch felt a pressure on his arm and yelled, nearly tripping over himself as he swung around in alarm.

Suzaku reached out and Lelouch's voice trembled, "Don't touch me," while he backed away until he was pressed against the bare, splintered beams.

"God-" Suzaku's face was a mask of sorrow and fear, "God…Lelouch-"

Lelouch slid down to the ground and let his head drop between his knees, in the cradle of his crossed arms, closing his eyes to the sight of a coffin, built by every person he had trusted.

It was one injury too many. Lelouch finally gave up and handed himself over to anguish and despair. He let his heart break.

And every time Suzaku reached out Lelouch pushed him away.

* * *

Lelouch wouldn't leave the room so Todoh had to come to him.

"Who do you want to come get you?" Todoh shifted awkwardly. He had looked at Lelouch once while entering and had reflexively looked away. The semblance of privacy wasn't comforting. Lelouch had yelled Suzaku out of the room shortly after his collapse as his mind engaged his fight or flight response to deal with the crushing sorrow and irrational fear. The sight of Doctor Lamperouge going into a rage, tears in his eyes, had sent the others out too. Despite their disgust and hatred his reputation did the damage Lelouch needed. None of them had a will stronger that Lelouch Lamperouge, and they knew it too. Lelouch was just better. Lelouch was a prince.

Lelouch's rage lasted in between the space of driving every staring agent from the room and the slam as he closed and locked his door.

"I should make you get my father," Lelouch said. His voice was hoarse and parched from crying, but his sharp, vicious loathing made it through clearly. Todoh shifted, put his hands in his pockets and finally looked Lelouch in the eye. What he saw there made him flinch.

It didn't take Lelouch long to re-learn the shoring power of wrath because wrath, that killing urge, was all he had left.

"You had to make me see this?" Lelouch heard his voice rise to an echo and didn't care. In that moment he hated so deeply and so completely that he didn't care about anything at all. He kicked out from his seated position and one of the boxes tipped to the floor. "I should kill you!" He picked up a paper weight that fell out and threw it with enough force to shatter the entire thing to pieces. It very nearly hit Todoh. Lelouch didn't care. "I should kill _all_ of you!"

Todoh's face turned stern as he put his hands up, as Lelouch picked up the next thing that came to hand and threw that too. The small, but expensive, bottle of scotch he'd been given at his five-year anniversary shattered against the wall and the stench of alcohol filled the room.

"Doctor Lamperouge-"

"Fuck you!" Lelouch stood unsteadily, his fingers clawed into the wood. He knew how he must look, insane, his eyes wild and his hair in disarray but the carefully constructed wall between his heart and his anger had been breached in a single moment. Lelouch hated Todoh for it, for killing him and taking that last little defense away. What Schneizel had started Todoh had finished. He pushed the rolled up carpet in Todoh's direction and it hit hard, making a cloud of dust rise up from the floor. Todoh had to jerk to get out of the way.

At that moment Lelouch wanted nothing but the weight of his mother's pistol. Instead of pulling a trigger he had to scream. "I didn't do _anything_ to you!"

"That's become obvious-" Todoh grimaced. "Calm down. This isn't like you-"

"What the hell do you know about me?" Lelouch gestured to the ruined room. "What did all of this tell you?"

Todoh's lips pressed into a thin line and he stayed silent.

"I kept all your secrets-" Lelouch's voice finally faltered but volume and his rage didn't abate. "I listened to your fears and your pains and I fixed it, I fixed _everything_…I gave _everything_ _every_ time and you people kill me for it?"

"Lamperouge," Todoh's voice was carefully even, but forceful all the same, "No one has hurt you."

"Oh. Oh, really?" Lelouch hoped everyone was listening, hoped that every single one of them would hurt with the truth, just like he hurt.

Todoh opened his mouth and Lelouch snapped, sharply mocking, "What kind of life will I be able to live branded as a traitor?"

When Todoh couldn't answer Lelouch walked up closer. "Give me some _hope,_ Todoh. Just one little bit, that's all I want. Can you do that?"

Todoh looked away, down to the side and didn't raise his eyes.

Lelouch, trembling, finally got to the meat of the thing, hissing, "What have I got left but your secrets and my family?"

Todoh looked up sharply, wide-eyed in alarm.

Lelouch laughed hard and loud and spiteful. He hadn't been playacting. Dr. Lamperouge was dead, ripped to shreds along with the office, and Lelouch Britannia was entirely and dangerously free.

"They're going to welcome me back with open arms and every resource of a nation." The look on Todoh's face was truly comical in its desperateness. "And there's _nothing_ that Britannians respect more than righteous fury."

Todoh shook his head and in his face Lelouch saw true fear, not quite hidden in the sheen of his eyes.

The fear and the inevitable capitulation that would follow soothed Lelouch's anger. He was in control of himself once more, glaring and picking his coat off the ground as he thought of every way he could make that fear, a startling profit from his utter lack of control, work to his advantage. There was so, so much he could accomplish with adequate fear.

And it was so, so easy.

Lelouch composed himself, running a hand through his hair as Todoh stared, looking as if he were waiting for Lelouch to lunge at him at any moment.

"Who's the leak?" Lelouch asked in an easy, conversational tone as he wiped the dust from his arms. It had been 48 hours since the incident and Todoh was smart. "Don't pretend you don't know."

Todoh only paused for a moment before saying, "Bradley."

"Bradley." Lelouch nodded and held his hand out. "Give me your gun."

This time Todoh balked, taking a step away. Lelouch gathered the force of his will, of his anger and let it shine from his eyes as he repeated, "Give me your goddamned gun."

After a moment Todoh reached into his holster and slapped the weight into Lelouch's hand. Lelouch nodded and turned away, every inch of him a prince as he walked through the door. He left the corpse of what he could have been behind in the destroyed room.

A dozen stares met him as he walked into the hall, but Lelouch was only looking for one face with the weapon in his hand. He looked down the hall, into the outer room, and felt the barest touch on his shoulder. Gino's eyes were hard, the eyes of a knight, and Lelouch's satisfaction was instant, his comfort thrilling as he embraced destiny.

"He's making his way down the hall." Gino's voice fit him though the lightness was gone, leaving only a solid obedience in his tone.

All Lelouch had to do was nod his head and Gino was running down the hall fast and instantly enough to make the others gasp. They began to shift nervously, to stare and whisper and Lelouch stood in the midst of their regard without a single moment of uneasiness. There was a movement and Lelouch got caught in green eyes, in Suzaku's pale, tear-stained face as he said, "Don't do this."

Lelouch looked at him, felt nothing, and said, "Don't speak unless you're spoken to."

Suzaku's reaction was not important. Gino rounded the corner pushing Bradley forward with a deep grip in his coat. Lelouch waited patiently, didn't give one care about the man's fear or quiet, begging distress. What he was about to do didn't require any emotion at all. It was simple, clean justice. Bradley fell to his knees and the crowd fell away, widening in a circle. Gino stayed at Lelouch's side, three steps away and waiting to give aid just as a knight should.

Lelouch made a note: The man was smart enough not to offer to do the dirty work himself. He could see that his prince wanted blood.

Bradley dissolved into a groveling cower but Lelouch kicked his face up, snapping, "Knees."

When Lelouch was satisfied that the room was quiet, that everyone else was still (Todoh wouldn't let Lamperouge wouldn't kill anyone, right?) Lelouch tapped the man's head with the muzzle and then the base of his neck, near his shoulder blades.

"Either way you're a messenger," Lelouch told him, disgust thick in his voice, "but because you're related I'm going to let you pick."

Bradley trembled, hyperventilating, but Lelouch waited patiently. It was a hard choice. Finally Bradley gasped, his neck exposed and his eyes on the floor. "I didn't know what was on the disk," he said softly, "but I was the carrier. You pick the blow, my Prince."

Lelouch was not in the mood to be merciful. He handed the gun to Gino, saying, "I don't have the necessary strength."

Bradley, to his credit, made no sound. A blow to the neck was more shameful than the bullet and potentially more agonizing, but Gino never faltered. He switched his grip on the gun so that the butt was exposed, holding the muzzle and stepped forward.

The audience finally got a clue, a few yelling protestations of mercy, but they didn't matter and they didn't dare come close.

Lelouch said, "Lelouch Britannia, eleventh prince, demands satisfaction. Tell your master if you can."

He made eye contact with Gino and Gino nodded, bringing the gun down hard on the base of Bradley's neck. The sound of his spine breaking was viciously loud, and cut through the cries of alarm as the man fell face down on the carpet. Gino handed the gun back without pause, checked Bradley's pulse and respiration before giving the wound another sharp blow with his palm so that the break wouldn't be clean.

Hopefully, Lelouch thought while looking down on the body, Bradley was simply paralyzed. Sometimes the punishment went right and sometimes it didn't and the accused died. Either way Schneizel would get the message.

Lelouch was broken, but most emphatically not in the way Schneizel had planned.

Lelouch turned to Todoh, gave the gun into his waiting hand, looked into his cold, wary eyes and said, "Give me an army and I'll give you Britannia…deny me and I burn this place and everyone in it to the ground."

Then Lelouch turned to leave, and as he went three agents disengaged from the mob and followed.


	5. Primary Gain Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:

A/N:

Thanks to everyone who gave their input on the last chapter...I'm not sure I'm going to be able to top such a positive response, but I'll do my best. Also, there's no need to apologize for long reviews. I love rambling too. Obviously.

Chapter Five

"I should kick your ass!" Kallen reached over, grabbed Gino's ear and yanked. "You lied to me!"

The car swerved a little, earning a honk from someone in the fast lane and Gino winced, yelling, "Fine…but not right now!"

Kallen sat back with her arms crossed and glared bloody murder at the blonde. If Suzaku hadn't been worried about other problems he might have felt a little sorry for Gino, but as things stood he was having a difficult time convincing himself not to reach out to Lelouch. The man seemed to be dozing, his eyes half-mast as he leaned back into his seat, his belt buckle very firmly not fastened.

"Kallen, Weinberg belongs to me," Lelouch murmured, "Don't touch him."

Kallen scowled, huffed, and turned her attention out the window. Gino beamed, tossing back a wide smile through the rearview mirror. Suzaku felt a little sick.

After a few more moments of monitoring the situation Lelouch closed his eyes and slipped into sleep.

"Are you alright back there?" Kallen asked quietly. Suzaku looked up to see that her brow was creased, her lips pressed into a worried frown. He shook his head after a long moment and she sighed, "Yeah, stupid question."

Suzaku missed Lelouch and while watching the sleeping man Suzaku wondered if it was true, if Lelouch Lamperouge was really dead and only the prince was left. Somewhere deep down Suzaku knew he should be crying or reacting in some way but all he could do was lean against the door and watch Lelouch. The world had gone very quiet once the man had left the interrogation room and Suzaku had gone quiet too. There was nothing worth saying if he wasn't saying it to Lelouch.

When he had watched them rip Lelouch's office to pieces he had never imagined that they would make a point of bringing Lelouch to see. If Suzaku had known what was going to happen he would have boarded up the door himself, as it was he'd just decked Todoh when the man came to get a progress report. There wasn't even a scrap of trash in Lelouch's office, let alone bugs or cameras. He'd always kept the space neat and clean and welcoming. They'd ripped that comfort and all the good memories Suzaku had stored there into shreds.

The whole charade was madness, a frenzy brought on by the task force's fear. If Lelouch had been guilty then they would have been justified for how he'd treated the man, but if he wasn't…well, it was like Lelouch had said. The Britannians had the power to burn them all to the ground, and Lelouch's vengeance was well-earned.

One thing Suzaku had managed to do, still numb from revelation but mostly coherent, was to find every recorded data from the disk, the pictures, and shred it all into bits. The only thing left of the crime was a flash drive that Suzaku kept close to his chest. The thing seemed to have the weight of iron, but Suzaku wasn't afraid of being pulled down.

He had made a decision a few hours after Lelouch had left; Suzaku was going to kill Schneizel and that meant he had to keep the proof of why Schneizel deserved to die, if only to keep his own resolve strong.

It was impossible not to look at Lelouch and see that video. Thinking him a traitor, a betrayer, Suzaku had taken care to memorize every moment because he knew even the smallest detail could be the difference between imprisonment and freedom of a criminal. The two men hadn't even seemed to be flesh and blood as Suzaku watched through a haze of disgust, just more evidence to dissect.

But now Suzaku looked at Lelouch and saw his slim, pale body curled up on a cold tile floor, his once-flawless skin covered in bruises and come. A walking crime scene.

Suzaku was going to torture Schneizel first. Then he was going to kill him.

Suzaku wondered if Lelouch still loved him, like he said he would, or if that part of Lelouch had died along with Lamperouge.

"Suzaku," Kallen murmured softly, "You sleep too."

It was a good idea, Suzaku decided. If he slept while Lelouch slept then they'd both be awake at the same time too. He doubted that Kallen was thinking down the same lines, but it didn't matter. The car settled into silence as Gino made his way through the evening traffic and Suzaku closed his eyes, hoping that he wouldn't dream.

Lelouch had told him not to speak unless spoken to and Suzaku was fully aware that he had almost no idea what was going on, so he obeyed. The house had been calm, quiet when they had all arrived but within a matter of minutes Lelouch had been plastered to the phone with the bank, his attorney, the hospital, and someone that he wasn't very polite with at all but didn't seem to care. When Lelouch had walked too close Suzaku had heard laughter from the speaker.

Whoever it was, Lelouch hung up on her.

"Witch," He cursed, nevertheless opening the phone again when it rang shortly after, snapping, "What now?"

Then he went very still and Suzaku got to see a knight in action. Lelouch handed the phone over to Gino without saying another word, immediately leaving the room. Gino took a moment to swallow the rest of his dinner, clearly listening to the other line but not saying a word. Suzaku watched as the man's semi-permanent smile began to close down into narrow, cold anger. It was the same look he'd had right before informing Lelouch that Bradley was a making a hasty exit.

"I'm afraid I must interrupt you, my Lord, before you say anything else. This is Sir Weinberg. I must also remind you that I serve the Emperor but I am honored to mediate this situation if you insist," Gino's knuckles went white and he leaned backwards, "I was on site for the incident. If you have more information then I would be happy to relay it to his Majesty with the rest of my report."

There was a single tone as the phone went dead.

For the first time since he had heard about them Suzaku understood a glimpse of what it meant to be a knight.

Gino Weinberg, as odd as it seemed, helped police the Britannian Empire. A knight had enough power to chastise a prince while remaining under the guise of an eager helper. Suzaku hoped that whoever had been on the other line had said something incriminating because Gino looked fully prepared to carry out his threat of informing Lelouch's father.

"If you serve Charles, why are you helping Lelouch?" Suzaku seemed to startle the seriousness right out of Gino by speaking into the tense silence for the first time since they arrived.

Gino shrugged, smiled, and said, "I like Prince Lelouch."

That made sense to Suzaku so he only nodded and sat back, watching idly as Kallen stuffed her face with the food that Lelouch's maid had set out. He liked the woman, she'd taken one look at his face, poured him a drink and didn't ask if he wanted dinner. Also, if what Kallen said was true Sayako was some kind of assassin or ninja or…things got a little vague as Suzaku got caught up wishing he had been around to see Lelouch holding his mother's gun. He'd handled Todoh's weapon as if he was an agent, not a civilian doctor, and that ease had sped the truth home in ways that the actual truth hadn't. Lelouch was a prince. He'd given the order to paralyze a man without a single flinch and when Gino had complied with enthusiasm Lelouch hadn't been the least bit surprised at the horrible sound of bone breaking.

"You like Prince Lelouch too," Gino said, gazing at him a little oddly. "How many people have you killed?"

"Why?" Kallen looked up from her plate with sudden, intense over-protectiveness, holding her steak knife in the way it certainly wasn't intended to be held. Gino's smile quirked and he just shrugged again.

"Just wondering."

"Well you can just stop wondering that kind of shit right now," Kallen ordered, "Don't think I won't get after you when Lamperouge isn't looking."

"Is that a threat?" Gino looked much too eager, leaning forward with a full-on grin. Kallen's face screwed up, she flushed slightly, and Suzaku came to one horrible realization.

"God," He groaned in exasperation, "_Kallen_-"

"What?" The steak knife was brandished in his direction, "Don't you '_Kallen_' me, Suzaku-"

"Woah, hey-" Gino's eyes widened and he put his hands up, "what-"

"You can't possibly want to-"

"Mind your own business!" She snapped, flushing a little more, "He's not a suspect, a victim or a superior. I can fuck him if I want!"

"Wait-" Gino started grinning again. "We're having sex?"

Suzaku put his head in his hands and Kallen grumped, "Not right now, we're not."

Suzaku wanted to continue but just as he was about to open his mouth Lelouch walked by, snatched his cell phone off the table, and snapped, "No sex in the house," before storming off. The front door slammed and Sayako fluttered into the silence, smiling brightly as she popped a clip of bullets into a submachine gun.

"Dessert?" She slipped the strap over her shoulder, "I have brownies, apple pie, and Lelouch-sama's special strawberry cake."

Suzaku could only stare, doing his best not to look at Kallen who had started holding her breath and biting her bottom lip hard while her face slowly turned bright red. She managed to shake her head, and Suzaku did the same.

"I'll have the special strawberry cake," Gino said eagerly, "and some milk if you have it, please."

It was too much. After days of tension and very little sleep Suzaku was too emotionally strung not to make eye contact with Kallen, think 'special strawberry cake' and burst into hysterical laughter.

It was only when Lelouch came back inside saying, "I'll call you back later," and flipped the cell phone shut that Suzaku realized he had finally started crying.

"What makes you so special?" A low musical voice teased Suzaku out of sleep. Suzaku felt fingers idly brushing through his hair as he tried to convince his body to wake up, but sleep still pulled at him with a heavy hand and he had almost slipped back under when those soothing hands grabbed part of his bangs and yanked hard. Suzaku bolted awake to be met by a sly smile and odd bright eyes staring down in contemplation.

"What?" Suzaku tried to sit up and got pushed down again by a single slim hand. The woman sitting on the edge of the bed laughed at him, a low chuckle.

"You heard me," She tilted her head, tickling Suzaku's face with long smooth hair, "What makes you so special? I've known Lelouch since he was in diapers and I get the couch while you're here snoring in his bed."

The only thing that really made it through was, "This is Lelouch's bed?"

"You're very slow, aren't you?" She made a face, a little frown. "It must be a pity thing then. The retard gets the soft bed…did Sayako have to dig out the plastic sheets for you?"

Suzaku sat up, putting a hand on his pounding head. "Who are you?"

"That's my question," She smiled again, not a particularly friendly thing, and shoved Suzaku onto his back again. "Who the hell are you and what are you doing here?"

"My name is Suzaku," Suzaku scowled, "Stop touching me."

"Oh, you're Suzaku." The woman's mocking smile slipped into an equally devious grin, "I should have known you'd be handsome. Are you gay, pretty boy?"

"What?" Suzaku bolted up to a sitting position, very unnerved by the woman's coy smile as she looked him over, ending by staring Suzaku straight in the face. Then she rolled her eyes.

"Oh," She sighed and leaned back, "Too bad."

He finally managed to make it up and out from under the covers, not entirely surprised to be in his underwear, but more importantly out of the insane woman's reach. She glanced up and down, gave a wink, and Suzaku found a convenient pile of clothes. He was in his backup casuals that he kept in his trunk (Also known as the 'shit I slipped in blood' outfit) and halfway out the door when the woman laughed, giving him a wave.

"Does this mean I get the bed now?"

Slamming the door behind himself Suzaku made his way towards the kitchen. Gino was at the table with another man, Lelouch, and a kid that looked like he was about to pass out. Lelouch looked his way, the barest shadow of a smile hinted on his face as he took in Suzaku's scowl and said, "I see you've met CC. Have a seat."

Gino nodded subtly and even though there were other empty chairs Suzaku went out of his way to sandwich the kid. He got a nod from the stranger, a tall man with striking amber eyes, but it was more of an acknowledgment than a greeting. He'd just woken up and was still a little bit foggy but he'd only had to look once to understand what was going on. With a single deep, frustrated sigh Suzaku sprawled back and propped an elbow on the back of the kid's chair, peering down for a moment into his wide, far too sincere eyes.

Then Suzaku smiled, put out a hand, and asked, "How do you do?"

"I'm fine, thank you." The kid took his hand a little hesitantly, "…how are you?"

"Oh, I'm okay," Suzaku gave him a firm handshake, winked, and said, "But you look like you're in the hot seat. What're you," Suzaku took a shot in the dark, as he glanced over to Lelouch's predatorily intense stare, "dating his sister?"

The boy's cheeks flushed a little, caught between answering the question and figuring out what to do with Suzaku's hand, as he said, "Well…Nunnaly…I…"

"Hey, it's cool. Say no more." Suzaku finally let the kid go, using his other hand to pat him roughly on the shoulder as he gave an understanding leer, "What would the world be like without sisters, right?"

The kid went a little grey, looking across the table at Lelouch as he said, "Oh, no, I don't-"

"Then you're not dating his sister?" Suzaku began to squeeze the kid's shoulder, and most carefully did not smile as he frowned, doing his best to peer suspiciously. "So it's a platonic thing. No kissing, snuggling, hand-holding, late-night phone calls…"

The boy began to shake his head a little, caught in Suzaku's stare as he muttered a decisive, "Um."

"Suzaku," Lelouch nodded to the boy, "This is Rolo."

Under his hand Suzaku could feel the kid start to shift, tremble a little, as Lelouch narrowed his eyes into slits, and intoned, "He and Nunnaly are 'just friends'."

"So they just met?" Suzaku kept his grip on Rolo's shoulder but addressed Lelouch whose 'bad cop' was just as impeccable as everything else he decided to do. Then again, Suzaku thought, he probably wasn't playing.

"No," Lelouch kept his eyes on Rolo, "They've known each other for a couple of months now. He escorts her to a variety of entertainments."

Suzaku turned his attention back to Rolo and felt the entire room become heavy and thick with anticipation as Suzaku abandoned 'Good Cop' and asked, sternly, "Then if you're not dating Nunnaly, Rolo, what is it that you're trying to do with her?"

Rolo froze, not even breathing as he locked stares with Suzaku.

And there it was, Suzaku finally smirked as he caught the barest flash of 'What the hell do I do now?' in the boy's eyes. Trapped.

"That's my question." Lelouch said, tilting his head a little to catch Rolo's eyes. "A question I'd like you to answer right now Rolo, before these gentlemen get anxious with waiting. They have things to do."

"I do dislike feeling anxious," The stranger said, his voice cultured and smooth but low in an almost-growl.

"And I do have things to do," Gino added, looking down with something that resembled an angry pout.

And Suzaku could see it, they were so close, the kid was just about to crack when a low whirring noise caught everyone's attention. A wheelchair rounded the corner and Suzaku understood why Lelouch was being so protective with his sister, even despite Rolo's inherent weirdness. Nunnaly was very thin, wheelchair-bound and blind but there was something about her that was delicately beautiful.

The perfect prey.

"Brother, I heard a new voice…is that our other guest?"

"Yes," Lelouch looked exasperated and a little pissed, but his voice never showed the emotions, "Suzaku this is my sister, Nunnaly. Nunnaly, meet Special Agent Suzaku Kururugi."

"Um, just Suzaku is fine." Suzaku had to take his hand off of Rolo to take hold of Nunnaly's offered palm. The girl covered his hand, cupping it between her own and her sweet, sunny smile faltered a little. Suzaku could only watch, sitting very still as her fingers began to trace his palm, brushing over every callous, following every line, until she finally smiled again, a little sadly, and softly said, "It's wonderful to finally meet you."

'Finally' implied that she'd been told of him before but Lelouch seemed to be surprised too, his eyes widening as he watched his sister curiously.

"It's nice to meet you too, Nunnaly." She didn't release his hand so Suzaku didn't pull it away, instead her grip tightened.

"Maybe we can talk again later," Her smile brightened a little, slightly mischievous, "Once you're all done interrogating poor Rolo."

Rolo laughed a little nervously, definitely intimidated, but when he looked over to Nunnaly his face seemed to transform. Life seemed to rush into his features and he leaned forward against the chair to mingle their fingers together. Suzaku exchanged a short glance with Lelouch, but one look was enough. Rolo might be hiding something but his affection, if not love, for Nunnaly was true. When the young woman had left the kitchen Rolo turned back to them all looking pale and miserable and resigned to his fate. Suzaku laughed, feeling a little fond.

"Hey Rolo…do you like cake?"

After a moment of wide-eyed staring Rolo nodded with the expression of someone who was desperately hoping they had given the right answer. Suzaku stood and nodded, catching the boy by the corner of his shirt to drag him out of the lion's den and deeper into the kitchen towards Sayako's refrigerator.

Suzaku Just barely heard that smooth, cultured voice laugh, and announce, "He's good at that."

Lelouch murmured something back, sounding wryly amused, but whatever he had said…no one laughed back.

It was almost midnight by the time Rolo left and the men at the table were still in deep discussion. Suzaku knew instinctively that beyond his help with the kid he wasn't needed or really wanted there. Whatever they were planning was Britannian business, and so far in the game Special Agents were out. Instead Suzaku sat in the dimly lighted front room with Nunnaly who had trusted him to lift her to sit next to him on a comfortable leather couch. She was in the corner of the L-shaped furniture and very unlikely to fall off but Suzaku watched closely nonetheless.

"I feel things sometimes when I hold people's hands," Nunnaly interjected suddenly, quietly, "May I hold yours again Suzaku?"

Suzaku reached out after a moment's hesitation, scooting a little closer so the Nunnaly wouldn't have to stretch too far. She cupped his hand gently, but didn't explore it as before.

"These last few weeks brother has been troubled, but not like before." She was nearly whispering, "I convinced him to give me a hint why he was upset, I thought I might be able to help, and do you know what his answer was?"

Suzaku shook his head but despite his idiocy Nunnaly seemed to feel the movement.

"He said that he was trying to help someone that he respected, and that he wanted to make sure everything went right. There was sadness in his voice then, one he couldn't hear, or that he was hiding from himself. But I hear these things even when brother tries to make sure that I don't," Her head tilted down, maybe in worry but Suzaku didn't know here well enough to tell.

"Suzaku, my brother doesn't respect anyone…I think that's because he doesn't trust anyone, not even me sometimes. So for him to say that, do you understand?"

"Yes," Suzaku whispered, his fingers curling into her palm, "At least I think I do."

"Brother makes sure that it's hard to tell," Nunnaly said with mischievous sympathy, "But the way he said that word…respect. His voice said one thing but I heard another. I know you know what I heard, Suzaku."

What Suzaku didn't want to do was remember that time, that promise, because in all likelihood the man who had made that promise was gone, dead. Nunnaly gripped his hand.

"He…" and damn if Suzaku wasn't crying again, "He said 'I'll still love you after all this," He confessed in the barest of whispers, "But even though he meant it then, the way things are going-"

"That sadness I heard, Suzaku," Nunnaly cut in with a same soft whisper, "It was loneliness. He's been lonely for a very long time, but I think it was you that made him realize just how long."

She started running her soft fingers down the lines of Suzaku's palms, touching the pads, and cradling it to feel its weight and shape, before whispering, "Your hands reach out to hold, and your voice…I think you're very lonely too, Suzaku. That's how I knew when we met that you were the person Lelouch wanted to 'respect'."

Suzaku couldn't speak, he could only bow his head and let cold tears drip down his face and disappear under his collar. He wondered if she could smell them.

"The question is, Suzaku, whether or not Brother was successful. Did he finally earn your love too?"

Suzaku thought for a long time. He thought of how a hug had meant so much when it was only a simple embrace, he thought about Lelouch's concern, his risk of warning Suzaku of the Britannians. He thought of those persistent warnings, the near-pleas during the hated interrogation. Those words…I'll still love you after all this…at the time it had made Suzaku ill and his reaction had produced bare disappointment on Lelouch's face.

And then the final truth that had made Suzaku feel more shame and regret than he ever had with his father. He'd rather go through the trauma of killing that man again rather than relive the way Lelouch's face had gone blank as he tonelessly revealed a tragedy. Suzaku had heard 'brother' and thought, 'what sort of monster could hurt such a precious person in that way?' and worse, 'Why is it continuing to happen?'."

But what was the worst out of all of these things was the moment Suzaku had been pushed away in Lelouch's office, unable to give the single comfort of an understanding embrace in return. Being turned away by Lelouch once and knowing that it could very well happen again had left every good part of Suzaku smothered nearly to death.

Suzaku had one last chance, but he was so afraid-

"It's alright," Nunnaly whispered, reaching out gently until she managed to touch Suzaku's face, to find the tears that had become searing, to carefully search until she could feel Suzaku's heart. It was only then that Suzaku had realized he had fisted his hands, caught up in thought, and Nunnaly had been right there to feel them tremble. Did she know what had been happening between her two brothers? Was she an accomplice too? He hoped not, and desperately.

"You've saved a piece of him in you, I think." The hand on his chest pulled away, "Even if he says he doesn't, or tries to act like that piece has faded, you'll still have that bond. Your loneliness is the same."

It took a long time but Suzaku finally managed to compose himself, laughing roughly but genuinely as he cupped one of Nunnaly's hands in his own.

"You should have been a psychologist too," He teased, she blushed. "You and Lelouch…merciless."

Nunnaly giggled and Suzaku smiled and from over his shoulder Lelouch asked, "My little sister, merciless?"

"In a good way, of course," Suzaku added jauntily, but not turning around. Lelouch would read his face like a book the way they were both feeling.

"Of course," Lelouch said dryly, reaching out as Nunnaly reached out and cradling her softly as he deposited her back into the wheelchair. It was a simple, practiced gesture and even if he was just the prince now and Lelouch Lamperouge was dead, there was a deep, familiar affection as Lelouch asked if Nunnaly want to go to bed.

Nunnaly said yes and Lelouch smiled and in that moment Suzaku saw undeniable love.

"I'm not going to leave." Suzaku picked the sleep out of his eyes. Lelouch was moving around the room just a hair's breadth from frantically as he threw clothing all over the bed. Apparently he started work early. The sun had just barely risen and they were both still in their pajamas when Lelouch had shaken Suzaku awake and said, "Leave the house and don't ever come back."

Lelouch didn't reply, he just scowled and dumped a pile of shirts on Suzaku's lap before diving into his closet for more.

"Did I snore or something?" Suzaku knew it was stupid to make light about the situation, Lelouch had always hated that during their sessions, but Suzaku really didn't have any other recourse and he needed to get Lelouch talking. "Hog the covers?"

The strange girl named CC had gotten kicked out of the room on account of being annoying and Suzaku had been plopped back into Lelouch's bed. He'd just about started to fall asleep when Lelouch had slipped under the covers and turned off the lamp without another word. Suzaku had gone to sleep wondering why they were sharing the same bed at the same time. Apparently Lelouch had decided to have Suzaku close at hand so that he could kick him out in the morning and get some work done early.

"You're going to leave." Lelouch dumped another pile of pants down and said, "And you're not going to come back. That's an order, not precursor to conversation."

"Wow. An order." Suzaku was not amused. "Go to hell."

Lelouch's eyes narrowed, but Suzaku cut him off before he had the chance to say something clever and biting.

"No one here has a problem with me being around," Suzaku crossed his arms, "Right? The only person I'm not sure of is Sayako but she's so busy cleaning guns and sharpening knives that I didn't want to interrupt to ask."

"I don't want you here." Lelouch leaned forward, his face blank and cool, "This isn't your place and you're not needed. Find somewhere else to be."

Suzaku thought for a moment. Lelouch was having something of a mood swing, half distracted, and he was color-coordinating outfits like he was going to his own funeral. He'd been making phone calls all night the day before, setting something in order, and having a girl who responded to only letters in the house was too much of a coincidence to overlook when there was a man named VV at Charles' side.

"You're meeting with your father today." Suzaku watched carefully enough that he saw the subtle widening of Lelouch's eyes before he began to attend his task again.

"That's none of your business."

"You look good in dark colors." Suzaku responded, digging through a pile of ties, "Do you really have to wear one of these when you're just going to see your dad? It's not a job interview."

Lelouch didn't say anything and Suzaku frowned.

"Or is it?" Suzaku tapped one of the three shirts Lelouch was staring at, and added, "Do you have to re-apply for citizenship or something?"

"That's not a funny joke," Lelouch started unbuttoning the shirt from the hanger, "And if I have to I'll get Sayako to kick you out."

"So, is Todoh giving you that army you asked for?" Suzaku sighed, either his day was about to go really, really right or absolutely incredibly wrong, "If he is you're going to need a go-between and I'm pretty much the only person who doesn't" Suzaku cut himself off before saying 'hate you', "have a problem with you being a prince."

"Kallen doesn't seem to mind," Lelouch wasn't making eye contact but Suzaku could feel the glare, "And I'd prefer to employ someone not emotionally entangled in the situation. You're more trouble than you're worth, Suzaku."

Suzaku very carefully ignored the last bit of his statement, carefully remembering Nunnaly's advice and hardening his heart against hurt and despair.

"Kallen doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut, and by now she's screwed Gino silly. Since you can't use her you have to use me or you'll be getting someone from the FBI who isn't afraid to throw you on the chopping block the very first chance they get." Suzaku took a deep breath and stayed composed, "Todoh is smart enough to not fuck around but you can't guarantee anyone else."

"Then I'll find someone to blackmail." Lelouch put the shirt over his head, showing a flash of pale, pale skin. "I still don't need you. Get out."

"Alright," Suzaku stood, pulled his pants on, shrugged into his shirt. He saw Lelouch looking at him strangely and smiled. "You don't want me, that's fine. But do you want to know what's going to happen the second I walk out that door?"

Lelouch crossed his arms, glared fiercely, "If you think threatening suicide is-"

"I'm going to find Schneizel," Suzaku said very clearly, very carefully, "And I'm going to kill him."

Lelouch stayed very still and seemed to go pale, his eyes opening a little as his expression went blank.

"One shot in the back of his head," Suzaku made a gun with his hand, shot an invisible man and dropped the smile, dead serious, "He won't even know what hit him."

Then, and Suzaku took no pleasure having to manipulate Lelouch in such a matter, Suzaku added, "You'll never get a chance to win, Lelouch."

After Lelouch had thrown up during the interrogation things had gone wildly out of control. Suzaku couldn't quite pin down much of what Lelouch had said at the time, he was a little too busy trying to pin the guy down physically and people got strong when adrenalin was involved, but there was one thing he had been saying over and over again. It was a gamble but Suzaku was ready to take the risk. As a result Lelouch took two quick steps forward and backhanded Suzaku across the face. He looked furious, like he wanted to scream or hit Suzaku again or cry.

Suzaku grabbed his wrist when Lelouch brought his hand down again, but gently, and whispered, "I'm not leaving. Stop trying to make me leave."

His face didn't really hurt, but his heart-

"I need to be here to help you," He pulled Lelouch a little closer, "You can't make me go away. I won't let you."

There was a moment that Suzaku was very afraid. He recognized the look of hopelessness that came from being cornered in Lelouch's eyes and knew that he'd gone too far or not far enough. Either way, Suzaku understood that Lelouch was about to use his last available defense or the first defense that came to mind. Suzaku had pushed him into a position where he might just do anyth-

Lelouch's lips were softer than Suzaku would ever have guessed they would be and for some reason the man smelled like lavender. The sudden brush of hair against his cheek was surprisingly smooth, like silk and Suzaku was so startled at the intimate touch that his body went on automatic; for a second Suzaku was kissing back.

It was after that second that Lelouch jerked away, his eyes wide, and he would have left, retreated, but Suzaku still had hold of his wrist and the man was stuck. Suzaku stared, mind blissfully blank while caught in some white-out exclamation of shock. Lelouch blushed, looking a little too surprised for someone who had been the one planting the kiss. Suzaku wasn't surprised that he'd been the instigator but it was still very odd that Lelouch's expression quickly turned into mortification when he had been the one in charge from the get-go. Then Suzaku had a revelation. Epiphany. Whatever.

Suzaku lifted one eyebrow and asked, "Is this the part where I run from the room screaming in horror?"

Lelouch looked caught in-between hitting him again and apologizing.

"Seriously," Suzaku grinned, "The whole hormone-distraction thing works for Kallen, but she's got a great rack."

Suzaku couldn't help it, he inspected Lelouch's body with peering eyes and said, "You're a little flat-chested to be trying-"

And that was how Suzaku Kururugi got into a slap fight with a furious and surprisingly accurate Lelouch Lamperouge. Despite a few defensive maneuvers Suzaku ended up with a few sore ribs, a stinging cheek, an aching jaw, and a Prince who stormed out looking only the barest bit mollified.

It could have ended worse.

Todoh didn't seem surprised to find Suzaku sitting in the back seat with Lelouch, but Gino looked a little confused and Jeremiah, the new guy, kept staring into the review mirror like he was expecting Suzaku to make a war-cry and attack. They stopped briefly at Suzaku's apartment so that he could change into something a little more respectable and then they were driving again. He was careful not to bug Lelouch who he guessed was still embarrassed but mostly furious that Suzaku had managed to get his own way despite Lelouch having superior intelligence and firepower.

In the silence Suzaku's familiar melancholia began to settle in again but he found it wasn't nearly as smothering as it had been before. He didn't like throwing his weight around and he didn't like that he was blackmailing Lelouch into keeping him nearby, but knowing that Lelouch wasn't going to push him out the door anytime soon was like breathing a continual sigh of relief. The fact that this situation had come to be through a threat of homicide didn't bother Suzaku at all.

Then he thought about the kiss for a little while.

Obviously it hadn't been a sex thing. Lelouch had looked nearly as surprised as Suzaku when they separated (and Suzaku finally took the time to blush, remembering how his body had automatically responded positively while his mind had stalled), so the kiss had been a last-ditch effort. The real question was why Lelouch had chosen that particular defense…and then Suzaku remembered how Lelouch had said during the interrogation, 'Though your absolute disgust well and truly noted', right after his confession of love. It wasn't much of a stretch that Lelouch might assume Suzaku would abandon him in horror after a very mild lip-lock when just words had affected Suzaku in such a negative way.

"I'm sorry." Suzaku blurted, turning every head in the car. After a tense moment Lelouch sighed and gave in to the conversational foray. The rest of the car not so subtly turned away but they certainly didn't cover their ears.

"For what."Lelouch didn't bother turning his head, he just continued to watch the scenery speed by.

Suzaku lowered his voice, saying, "Um…that time during the interrogation when I reacted in a really, really bad way."

Suzaku normally would have waited until they had some sort of privacy to discuss the situation, but his mouth had somehow gotten hooked straight to his emotions. Discretion was a little impossible. He blamed the honesty urge on Dr. Lamperouge and wondered if it was a proximity thing since he looked so much like Lelouch. Because they were the same person. Sort of.

Suzaku was starting to get really confused.

"You're going to have to be more specific," Lelouch finally turned towards him pressing his lips together in a sort of subtle mockery of a smile. Suzaku winced, but continued on, fisting the material of his pants.

"After you gave me that last warning, you said something." Suzaku was worried by the way time seemed to pause, making Lelouch look unnaturally motionless, almost lifeless. "I never should have reacted like that. Ever. No matter what the situation was. I'm sorry."

Suzaku exhaled, helpless when Lelouch didn't relax and added in a whisper-

"I don't know how to say how sorry I am." Suzaku let his gaze drift away from those cold eyes, "I understand if you don't-"

Just the thought of finishing his sentence cut through Suzaku and he got stuck, unable to force the rest out. He was being honest, he would understand if Lelouch never forgave him and took back his statement, but Suzaku hoped to god that his honesty wasn't about to be tested. He finally looked up to see emotion in those violet eyes, though Suzaku couldn't imagine which one or why it was there.

"Apology accepted," Lelouch said bluntly, staring out the window, "Move on, Agent Kururugi."

Suzaku smiled all the way to Virginia.

"You should probably wait in the car." Gino said with an apologetic shrug, "It shouldn't be too long, just a couple of-"

"No," Lelouch got out when Jeremiah opened his door, "He's the one who wanted to tag along. Let him have a taste of what he's in for."

They had finally come to a stop in the circle drive of a mansion. Suzaku wasn't usually impressed by mansions, they were just really big houses after all, but his breath had caught a little when he looked up and understood the massive wealth of the Britannians. What loomed before them like some sleeping giant was what seemed to be a small castle. It wasn't the sort of turret, moat, drawbridge kind of castle, but an enormous stone building that somehow managed to not look gaudy or pretentious but elegant and intimidating as hell.

Suzaku stumbled out of the back seat, nearly planting his face in the gravel because of his distraction. Only Gino's hand managed to keep him upright. The man looked a little edgy, worried, and he glanced over his own shoulder furtively before maneuvering them into a position where no one could see.

"I don't know what you did," He said, almost whispering, "but I've never seen Prince Lelouch so pissed."

Wincing, Suzaku admitted, "I maybe sort of-" and Gino clapped a hand over his mouth.

"What I don't know won't hurt you." Gino exhaled in a burst and glanced over his shoulder again, "Look, I like you. I don't know why, but I think you could fit in."

Suzaku's mouth opened but he only managed to gape a little, before whispering, "What the hell is that supposed to-"

"But all it takes is one mistake." Gino looked very earnest, sincere and a little worried, "You'll get slack because you're not family, but-"

"Don't speak unless you're spoken to," Suzaku sighed, realizing where the conversation was going, "Be polite. Suggestions aren't suggestions, they're orders. I was in the Air Force, Gino, I get it. I'm not human unless I'm treated like one and even then…I know my place."

Gino sighed, looking like he was about to faint, "Thank god."

They separated and Gino reached out, tugging at his clothes, smoothing invisible wrinkles or moving creases until Suzaku was a little worried that he was going to get the spit treatment. Luckily Gino's mother-henning didn't include well-meaning spit cleaning. Once he was done Suzaku watched as the man pulled himself together into his familiar sunny resolve. Gino gave a wide smile and patted Suzaku on the shoulder.

"Now all you have to do is not flinch."

Whatever Suzaku had been expecting out of the Britannia/Lamperouge reunion it hadn't been what actually happened. He only caught a glimpse as Gino escorted everyone out into the gardens but Suzaku was almost sure that what he saw was Charles Britannia, crime lord, pulling his son into a hug. All he could think was that by the way he had acted in the car Lelouch probably hadn't been expecting it either.

"Eyes forward," Gino muttered, and Suzaku did as he was told, blushing slightly at the fact that in less than two minutes he'd already broken the rules. He vowed that it would be the last time and congratulated himself heartily when he rounded the corner and managed to not even twitch in shock. Todoh was not so fortunate to have a last second coach and was unable to mask his surprise when they were met with the mocking stare of Cornelia Britannia and her very deadly second, the knight Guilford. Somehow they managed to look larger in real life than they had in any photo or recording.

Todoh and Suzaku were directed to a small table inside of a large gazebo, accompanied by a butler when Gino swerved off to bow in front of the Princess. It was almost like being a small café. The man took their drink orders, put a small plate of treats between them and then disappeared while Suzaku looked at all of the empty tables. There was one main table on a raised dais in the middle with a few small two-seaters orbiting around the sides.

The middle table was set with fine china and a small flower arrangement, delicate wineglasses to the side of four plates.

Suzaku guessed that those plates belonged to Charles, Lelouch, Todoh and Gino. He had the feeling that if Cornelia wasn't already sitting with them she wasn't going to be allowed in anytime soon, and for their endeavor Lelouch would need as much privacy as possible.

He wondered if Lelouch was going to be able to tell his father about what was really going on with Schneizel. It was doubtful, Suzaku knew that by years of dealing with abuse victims, but Lelouch had become unpredictable since shedding his last name for another. They received their drinks but Suzaku didn't dare take a sip, remembering his manners. Todoh had nearly drained his glass by the time Suzaku caught a glimpse of figures coming up the pathway. The moment he confirmed that it was Charles leading the group Suzaku stood up tall and straight while keeping his eyes pointed away.

He knew that Charles had caught the movement because the press of the man's gaze was a spine-tingling weight.

Todoh didn't stand and Charles surely noted that too.

Gino followed shortly after and Suzaku did catch a little smirk on the man's face. Suzaku couldn't tell if the knight was amused or approving. He and Lelouch stood by their respective chairs as Charles made his way around the table and sat. When he was settled he murmured, "Take your places."

A heavy silence settled in the gazebo after they did what they were told, Suzaku being the last to take his chair in the acknowledgement that he wasn't Britannian and he certainly wasn't as high up the food chain as Todoh who was staring at him with cold, narrow eyes. It took a few moments of comfortable silence before Suzaku realized he was being watched again. With a dread similar to a horror-movie heroine Suzaku very carefully, very slowly looked over his shoulder to find that yes, Charles was looking at him with a considering stare. When the man's attention shifted briefly to Todoh Suzaku very nearly sighed in relief.

Charles looked to his son, and said, "You may come to the table."

Todoh finally stood, his muscles tensed in anger, and Charles said, "Not you, Todoh. The other one."

There was always a moment in the middle of a firefight that Suzaku accepted that there was no retreat available, only advancement, and no matter if he was on the street or strapped into a jet a great calm descended over Suzaku at the realization. He became faster, stronger, more accurate, and entirely unafraid because the worst had already happened. It was with that calm that Suzaku stood and made his way to the empty seat. He didn't hesitate, he didn't overanalyze, and he wasn't afraid.

Suzaku said, "Thank you, sir," and took Todoh's place at the table. Amazingly, despite being very close to looking at Charles face to face Suzaku was more comfortable than being at the little table. He understood that even if he wasn't asked to comment he was allowed to listen. Lelouch made eye contact in a single hard stare.

"This is Special Agent Suzaku Kururugi, my Lord." Lelouch's eyes narrowed, "He's part of Todoh's task force."

Suzaku very nearly glared back but he had caught Charles' attention again with Lelouch's cute and unnecessary addition. For a moment Suzaku was preparing to get kicked off of the property when one of Charles' eyebrows twitched upwards.

"You're rather young for such a large task, Agent Kururugi. Who is it that you're assigned to?"

Suzaku swallowed, wondered if it was worth pissing off Charles to save his job, and answered, "Prince Clovis, sir."

"And what do you think of my son Clovis?" There was no question, the man was amused, but Suzaku knew to tread lightly and chose his next step carefully. He took a few moments to think and said the first thing that inevitably came to mind when he thought of Clovis.

"I think he's very lonely, sir." Suzaku said quietly. He also thought that Clovis was vain and pathetic but he understood what it felt like to mask loneliness and how far a person might go to hide that weight, that weakness.

For a long time Charles said nothing, continuing to look at Suzaku face to face, but Suzaku was used to being stared at by blank violet eyes and didn't flinch. Instead he wondered what the man was thinking, whether he was dissecting Suzaku's statement as a leader or as a father. Despite his disgust for the crimes Clovis was involved in Suzaku hoped that it was the latter. He hoped that Charles was wondering if he'd neglected his son, not thinking that his loneliness was a security risk. Charles eyes' narrowed.

"And Lelouch?"

Lelouch stiffened a little but he didn't look Suzaku's way. This time Suzaku didn't have to think.

"He's a person worth protecting," Suzaku slid his eyes over and added, a little peeved, "No matter what he's calling himself."

And if looks could kill…but Charles startled them both out of their staring match by one low rumble, his lips quirked into a familiar smirk. Suzaku wasn't surprised at all to be banished from the table with a curt, "Leave, boy, you're distracting."

So Suzaku stood, nodded his head in an abbreviated bow and wandered off into the gardens, wondering what it meant to make an Emperor sigh.

"I want to see you fight." A brusque voice announced as Suzaku was cut off from the sunlight. Cornelia Britannia had a long shadow, and the fact that Guilford was standing next to her looking like a small tank didn't help.

Suzaku pulled the sandwich he'd been eating out of his mouth and stared upwards, knowing that he looked exactly like a cornered rabbit, shiver and all. He waited for her to laugh, ending the bad joke, but Cornelia continued to stare down silently with a hand perched on her hip. The woman's eyes were just as cold in person as they seemed on TV. The fact that she'd been on trial for murder at the time didn't help Suzaku's composure.

"…I don't really want to fight." Suzaku said, feeling very small. He almost expected Guilford to start cracking his knuckles but the man was just as cold as his mistress and his face didn't show a single emotion. Cornelia, however, was smiling in a way that gave Suzaku shivers.

"Do I look like I care about what you want?"

Suzaku swallowed and managed, "Um. No."

"Then get the hell up, shithead." She nodded towards the manicured lawn, "And show me if you've got any balls."

A little stupid part of Suzaku's brain suggested that he settle the confrontation with a practical demonstration and then burst into hysterical laughter. Suzaku blushed.

Cornelia made a face, looking at him in some sort of sick fascination as she added, "That's adorable."

Suzaku just blushed harder.

Then she said, "Guilford, pick him up."

"Alright. Fine." Suzaku blurted, standing with his hands up as Guilford took a step forward. Heart pounding, mind racing, Suzaku shrugged off his jacket and pulled off his tie, scowling at the world in general as he prepared to let himself get smacked around by a Britannian for the second time in one day. There was no way he was going to hit Lelouch's sister, estranged or not. Unfortunately while he was unbuttoning his work shirt Cornelia decided to sit, tossing Suzaku's clothes into the rosebushes as he was left staring Guilford down.

"Shit," Suzaku cursed under his breath, following the knight's gesture out to the field. The man was a walking unfair advantage; Guilford was taller, weighed more, had a longer reach and was already dressed in clothing that would actually move with his body. He probably fought dirty too, and while Suzaku was glad that it didn't look like weapons were going to get involved he realized that he'd been relying on his gun for far too long.

And the last thing Suzaku wanted was to get his ass handed to him by a suspect that was part of his own team's FBI investigation.

Suzaku exhaled, thinking 'Britannia vs. FBI, round one' and Guilford, knight of Britannia, shot forward.

By the time the meeting in the gazebo was over and the rest of Lelouch's group had made their way back towards the house Suzaku was bloody, bruised, and pretty sure that a few of his ribs were broken.

Guilford was turning purple.

Suzaku's sense of fair play had evaporated after a near-blow to the crotch and he had started planning an end move that would establish the victor if not the better fighter. It took some slight of hand, acting, and downplaying his actual abilities but the very first second Suzaku was able he'd caught Guilford's neck in the loop of his belt, shoved him to the ground and pulled tight, his knee planted firmly in the small of the man's back. The knight had struggled for a few minutes, nearly dislodging Suzaku more than once. Suzaku just worked on cinching the belt until Guilford was forced to get practical about suffocating and was more concerned with getting his fingers between the belt and his neck than he was with fighting.

The appearance of Charles, Lelouch and Todoh wasn't enough to make Suzaku let go. He was fully aware that Guilford was angry enough to maim him in front of company. What warned Suzaku was Cornelia. She was circling them, watching with sharp eyes instead of kicking Suzaku off of Guilford's back. Cornelia was waiting for the knight to pull something.

What Guilford pulled was a knife, a switchblade specifically, and Suzaku saw it coming in plenty of time to throw himself out of the way, but that would have meant letting go of his grip of Guilford's throat. Suzaku decided to end the war with words rather than blood, using a phrase that always made aggressive young men pause and consider their actions before pursuing an act of violence. He grabbed a handful of Guilford's long hair and pulled hard. The magic words:

"Try it and I'll break your fucking neck." Suzaku hissed, "Give up, or I swear to god-"

The knife was dropped and Guilford went very still. He recognized the tenor of someone who was fully prepared to go through with his threat, and so did Cornelia, because she snapped, "That's enough!"

Suzaku glared at her, giving Guilford enough slack to breathe but still holding tight as she nodded.

"The fight's over," She didn't look nearly as amused as she had in the beginning, "I swear it."

"I didn't want to fight." Suzaku tried to catch his breath, "You made me fight."

"Yes, I did." Cornelia glanced down to her knight, "You won't be penalized, on my honor."

With one enormous, grateful sigh Suzaku abandoned his grip on the belt and fell to his back on the grass, holding his chest and trying not to whimper as Guilford got on his knees and started coughing harshly, gasping for air. In the background there was a lot of noise, questions and exclamations of surprise that Cornelia ignored. Instead she marched over to tower over Suzaku, rolling her eyes before sighing deeply and saying, "Fine. You passed. You can be a knight."

There was a long deep, pause that settled over the yard as Suzaku looked up dazedly, uncomprehending, and asked, "What?"

"I'm not going to say it twice, dipshit," Cornelia scowled, "You heard me the first-"

And then her face went completely blank, her eyes widening a little as she stared down. Suzaku started to get an inkling of what was going on and would have laughed if he didn't hurt so extensively. Instead he groaned in a mixture of frustration and disbelief.

"I'm not a Britannian!" Suzaku very nearly kicked her in the knee, "I'm with the FBI!"

Cornelia glanced over to Guilford, hunched over and hacking, and then back to him before crossing her arms with the barest bit of a blush.

"Whoops."

Suzaku looked at her and went a little crazy but mostly homicidal as he tried to sit up.

"Whoops?"

Cornelia cleared her throat and took a few steps back. After finally managing to get himself into a sitting position Suzaku was perfectly ready to continue yelling, getting his belt back and-

"Good cop!" A familiar voice snapped, the slightest tinge of panic lacing the tone. For a moment he didn't understand, but comprehension dawned and Suzaku did what he always had to do after recovering from a killing urge.

Suzaku calmed, took a deep breath despite the pain, and smiled.

"…that's a little creepy." Cornelia said duly, renewing her look of disturbed fascination.

"Nnhg." Suzaku managed, clutching his forehead. The adrenalin rush of anger had evaporated too quickly and the effects of a concussion raced to take up the space. Good cop became trying-not-to-puke cop as he let his head hang between his knees, finally groaning as his body informed him that he'd just had a really nasty fight with a man who had an equally tenacious death-wish. There was slight movement and Suzaku looked up into Gino's sickeningly sweet smile as the man held up his hand and said, "Follow my finger."

"Get a little closer Weinberg," Suzaku muttered through his teeth, "And I'll show you exactly what you can do with your goddamned finger."

Gino leaned back, more of a flinch really, and announced, "He's fine."

Suzaku cursed, got to his knees, started to stand…and promptly passed out.

"Does this hurt?" Suzaku flinched away from a pinch and the voice above him giggled, "How about this?"

"Ow," Suzaku tried to slap the hand away and was sadly unsuccessful.

"How about this?"

"Ow!"

The voice giggled again and Suzaku started to open his eyes. He abandoned the attempt when he found that the light above him was far, far too bright.

"Are you going to vomit?"

Suzaku felt a hard jab to his abdomen and cursed.

"Don't be a baby," Another poke, "Does that hurt?"

"It all hurts!" Suzaku yelled wondering why he was having to repeat, "Stop touching me!" for the second time in two days.

"How about this?"

Suzaku yelled, surprised by the sudden sharp pain that broke through the dull ache and made consciousness excruciating. His fight or flight response kicked in and Suzaku's eyes shot open despite the glare of an overhead lamp. A man with large round glasses made eye contact and grinned.

"That one's broken!"

Suzaku sighed, finally realizing what was going on. The man hovering over him had a stethoscope around his neck and a white lab coat on, the only part of him that didn't scream 'doctor' were the grease stains on his arms and shoulders. He smelled like gasoline.

"Humans are so finicky," The man complained, continuing his prodding exploration, "Why bother fixing something that complains while you're doing it? Also, skin."

"Skin?" Suzaku repeated absently, looking around to discover the room was half doctor's office and half garage. Most of the shelves held various auto parts, all pristine, shining silver, and boxes with medical warnings covered in black fingerprints.

"You have to spend all this time sewing it back together once you rip it apart, and then it just rips open again if you move wrong," The man sighed, rifling through his cupboards, "It's almost not worth the effort. Blood everywhere. "

Looking around himself Suzaku made sure that there wasn't actually blood everywhere. He was covered liberally in bruises and a few scratches, but there were no gaping wounds, just a constant pain in his side and an ache in his head. Then he remembered why he was being subjected to the cold fingers of a strange man.

"Is Guilford okay?"

The doctor laughed, a mischievous chuckle, and said, "Fine. Wondering if he's become a late model...Knight 3.5 versus Knight 4.0; the smaller, faster version with better graphics and easy use."

Sadly, Suzaku was able to understand.

"Easy use?" He asked with a raised eyebrow, flinching as he got poked in the ribs again.

"4.0 responds to command prompts even when its processor is powered down." There was a certain twinkle in the man's eyes that Suzaku really didn't like, "Entertaining _and_ efficient!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" A feeling of dread settled in, "Why entertaining?"

The doctor just giggled again in a strange, high pitch and shrugged as he grabbed a roll of bandages. Suzaku lifted his arms, wincing apologetically at the smell.

"Eh," He shrugged again, beginning to wrap Suzaku's ribs, "I'm used to noxious fumes."

Suzaku rolled his eyes up at the ceiling and considered that he might be back out on the grass having one truly spectacular hallucination.

"I'm not a knight." Suzaku muttered, frowning at the fluorescent light. The man looked up, eyes wide as he asked, "Oh?"

"Nope. It was just a big mistake. Cornelia thought I was someone else."

A brief, sly expression flashed and then faded from the man's face as he said, "Lady Cornelia is incapable of making big mistakes. Maybe little ones. Forgets to pay parking tickets, wears ugly lipstick, kicks puppies…only little things."

"Right," Suzaku winced, "Puppies. I'm pretty I wasn't acting like a guy who wanted to be a knight. I really didn't want to fight."

The doctor looked into his eyes for a moment and the burst into hysterical laughter, completely ignoring Suzaku's scowl with a wide grin.

"Goodness," He raised his eyebrows, "I wonder what Sir Guilford would look like if you _wanted_ to fight."

Then he frowned, "Not that I want to be forced to mess with all those knives and blood."

"Yeah," Suzaku winced at the implication, "I get it. Blood."

"Or maybe," The man's grin returned with a finger pointed upwards, "Or maybe I would have to work on the body at all!"

Suzaku let his head sag forward wondering, no, knowing that the man was probably right. He was forced upright again as the doctor finally started taping his ribs. The sudden pressure was immediately comforting, but it was still a little hard to breathe as the man continued on.

"I hope you want to fight all the time," He said with that smile, "My job would be so much easier."

Then he stiffened in sudden surprise and disappeared around a corner without a word. Suzaku was about to leave and find someone that would help him and not be insane about it, but the man appeared with an armful of clothes. He dropped them in Suzaku's lap and pointed to a shower in the corner. After rifling through a few more drawers he was back to work leaning over a shining piece of machinery with a small screwdriver.

The clothing…Suzaku started to feel sick and a little faint again. Gino had changed into a different outfit just as they were about to leave DC and Suzaku had stared at the odd white suit, more of coat really, covering a dark turtleneck that had odd gold designs at the neck. When he had gotten closer Suzaku could see the same embellishments behind one of his elbows that covered nearly his entire arm. Two delicate gold chains had hung from his chest. The sight had been weird at the time, but Suzaku had more on his mind and dismissed the clothing as another Britannian oddity.

Suzaku was looking down at that same outfit slung over his knees, drooping to one side from the weight of the hangers and looking exactly his size.

"Oh!" The Doctor exclaimed so loudly that Suzaku flinched back, his heart pounding as the man dug around in one of his deep pockets. What he found he tossed to Suzaku. The scroll was easy to catch but hard to look at; the red wax seal, imprinted by an oval object, a ring most likely, and the deep purple ribbon that held it all together seemed to scream a warning. When he finally got the nerve Suzaku broke the seal and rolled the parchment open. There were three sheets of paper inside. The first was a letter that Suzaku only read because he had caught Lelouch's name in a glance.

**Agent Kururugi,**

**Your FBI and Air Force records have been assessed and found to be impeccable. Your physical examination was just as impressive. After an interview with His Majesty and testimonials from Sir Weinberg and Sir Gottwald it has been decided that your devotion to the Britannian Empire is adequate and can be improved through time and trial. Due to the overall excellence you have displayed in every category a probationary period is unnecessary. You are hereby inducted as a Knight of Rounds, a Special Forces group devoted only to His Majesty, Emperor Charles.**

**Special Agent Suzaku Kururugi, you well henceforth be known as Sir Kururugi, Knight of Seven.**

**When you are finished reading the necessary documents included with this letter and are appropriately attired you will be met and taken to His Majesty's reception hall. Prince Lelouch and his retinue have been dismissed, so you are on your own. This meeting will be a private ceremony in which you will receive authorization to be the hands and the mouth of His Majesty and entrusted with the power to enforce his will. You will be mentored by Sir Weinberg until he deems you competent in regards to the rules and regulations that accompany knighthood and an Honorary Britannian status.**

**Congratulations for earning this most esteemed and enviable position as one of His Majesty's personal knights.**

**V.V.**

Heart thrumming, hand shaking, mind blank in shock Suzaku turned to the next page.

**Kururugi, my primary order to you will to be my son's protector. As this is my will and you are my agent he cannot refuse you. You will become my go-between and therefore will have access to all information concerning Prince Lelouch's blood feud with Prince Schneizel. My second order to you will to become Prince Lelouch's weapon. Do not fight your instincts on this matter and have no mercy. You need not ask for permission before firing your weapon.**

**If there comes a time that you allow yourself to be claimed as a personal knight by another there will be no reprisal. Only if this person has been killed or exiled will you return to the Rounds. **

There was no signature, but a signature wasn't needed. Suzaku quickly flipped to the next page, his heart pounding as fear and excitement mingled. He hated Britannia, hated everything they did or might do, but to protect Lelouch with no fear of being pushed away he would do almost anything. Suzaku wouldn't have to resort to bribery or threats or have to convince Lelouch that he was capable and willing to take up the slack, to do his dirty work. Suzaku wouldn't have to fight Lelouch in order to protect Lelouch.

The next page was a legal document and Suzaku had to scan it a few times before realizing what he was being expected to sign; a non-disclosure agreement, requests for any information regarding his property titles, bank account numbers, social security number, and certain legal obligations all added up to one last demand.

"Do you have a pen?" Suzaku asked quietly. He was unsurprised to be offered a fountain pen immediately and a small clipboard. Quickly, before he could faint or change his mind, Suzaku initialed each demand and signed his name on the bottom line. The clipboard and paper were taken away, leaving Suzaku to stare at the uniform on his lap while thinking one phrase over and over again.

"It could be anyone," Suzaku whispered, "…Suzaku Kururugi, Honorary Britannian."

The ceremony went quickly. Suzaku was given a sword, a beautiful antique, and went to kneel before the Emperor, to offer it up. The gesture was symbolic, but Suzaku was still anxious when he felt the weight of the blade on his shoulders. When that part was finally finished and Suzaku was standing tall before Char- before his Emperor with the blade sheathed he was given one nod and a single assurance, "I understand and commend your devotion and bravery. Perhaps in time you will learn to respect Britannia and the people who reside within as much as I do."

Then he was handed his real weapon…a gun.

Or more specifically a briefcase of guns, knives, and accouterments that at any other time Suzaku would have died to touch, but by accepting the primary weapon Suzaku was giving his destiny into the hands of a man he didn't trust for the sake of a son who needed his help. Thinking of Lelouch Suzaku accepted the gun, bowing low before being dismissed without another word. The blonde, VV, had watched quietly from the door and he opened it to allow Suzaku through with a small smile on his pale face. On the other side of the door there was another blonde who wasn't even close to being as composed.

The door shut, and Gino said, "I swear to god I didn't know they were going to do this."

"But you're not exactly heartbroken, are you Gino?" Suzaku collapsed into a nearby chair and examined his new weapon, the modern-day equivalent of a knight's sword. It was beautiful, a very light brushed silver color with a grip of some dark wood. The Knight's emblem was there in delicate slopes of gold and on the barrel-

"Roman numerals for seven," Gino smiled as Suzaku stared, "Semi-automatic, the clip carries fifteen bullets, and-"

Suzaku glared, "I get it, Gino."

"Right," Gino fidgeted a little, "Air Force. I remember…please don't be mad at me."

"I'm not angry, Gino," Suzaku let his head fall back and closed his eyes, "I'm tired. I hurt. I just pledged allegiance to a man who stands for everything I've been fighting against for the last decade. There's no room for angry."

Gino's enormous sigh of relief was a little amusing.

"Good. Great," He gave a strained little chuckle, "I just kept having this mental image of you coming after me with a belt-"

Suzaku smiled, thinking 'Knight 4.0', and asked, "How is Guilford?"

"He's been silent on the subject…Lady Cornelia can't seem to decide between being impressed and being furious. He's top three in hand to hand combat, or was, and you made him surrender in front of his Majesty. They're probably both a little embarrassed to tell the truth. Anyone who has a trial with Guilford is usually judged on how badly they lose."

"Oh." Suzaku felt a little better about his concussion and cracked ribs, "Well, that's good I guess."

"Better than good, Suzaku." The tone of Gino's voice made Suzaku open his eyes again, "It takes years, luck, and good connections to even get considered for just knighthood. The fact that you earned your place on the Rounds in a single day is going to make people either very nervous or very angry. You're a complete unknown."

There was something in Gino's eyes that worried Suzaku. It was a little tinge of wary determination, maybe even a little fear, and the last thing Suzaku had ever wanted to do was make Gino afraid of him. The others, however…well, Suzaku wasn't going to lose any sleep about making potential enemies wary through a good reputation.

"Thank you, Gino," Suzaku deliberately looked him straight in the eyes and smiled, "I'm grateful for everything you're doing to help.

Thankfully Gino's smile turned sweet again, his eyes an untroubled blue, and he reached back to reveal a thick folder of papers. He opened it up and pulled out a credit card.

"No limit," Gino said, handing it over. Then he flipped the page, "Knights don't generally have apartments. Personal items are kept here for safekeeping. There are dedicated housing units everywhere you need to be, and your fingerprint will allow you access inside. There might be other knights there or you might be alone. Generally it's more convienient to stay with a Britannian," He looked up, shrugged, "Home cooking and human contact start becoming important. There are a lot of Britannians who keep spare bedrooms for knights who might happen along, but no Britannian is allowed to deny you access to their homes."

That idea was startling but Gino continued on despite Suzaku's expression of shock.

"Princes and Princesses don't have to abide by these rules but they generally will. It's good for them to be friendly with us because there's always the possibility that we've been sent by his Highness. As a Knight of Rounds they cannot officially order you to do anything but you're allowed to help out if you want."

"So with Lelouch-"

"I like Prince Lelouch," Gino shrugged, "His mother was a knight and he doesn't get all formal, so I don't have to act very formal either."

"His mother was a knight?" Suzaku suddenly felt a little better about his new title. Lelouch liked knights. It was a step in the right direction. Gino nodded and then promptly changed the subject.

"If I was staying at Prince Odysseus's' place I'd have to play all the etiquette rules or he'd get offended. With Prince Lelouch I just got plunked down for dinner and had a good time with you and Kallen and all the others. After a while you'll find out how relieving that can be, just hanging out."

Gino looked a little sad, a little wistful, and the next hour was spent going over protocol and various responsibilities, of which there were extensive notes. Suzaku had to learn how to be both a Britannian and a knight in a limited time frame. They went over certain code words and phrases that he would have to use with the police or other Britannians, and the general policy of dealing with the outside world.

"One phrase you cannot forget," Gino stressed, "If your knighthood is ever questioned or someone is giving you trouble, you say 'This is my place. This is where I belong'."

They went through a few more drills until Gino was satisfied that Suzaku could manage to get along alone, though luckily he wouldn't have to immediately. Charles had shown him some mercy and allowed Gino to continue to tag along. Still, it was nearly midnight before they got to the final step of Suzaku's truncated induction to knighthood.

Transportation.

It turned out that the crazy doctor, who was not actually a doctor, had a name. Lloyd Asplund was a blood cousin to Charles and therefore titled Earl despite not owning a single piece of land. When he wasn't freaking out concussed men he was in the garage doing 'real work'. The man was a crazy, crazy genius. He and Gino got along great.

Suzaku and Lloyd got along great too as far as Lloyd was concerned, but Suzaku was still a little hesitant when it came to casual groping.

"Fighter pilot you say?"

"Uhm-"

"Three miles a day?"

"Just-"

"Martial arts?"

"Well-"

"Any major injuries?"

"No, I-"

"You're more than adequate!"

Suzaku shifted awkwardly, scratched the back of his ear, and said, "Thanks?"

Lloyd had measured, prodded, pinched, and checked every reflex that Suzaku had before letting him get a word in edgewise. Suzaku was half-expecting to get his palm read when Lloyd grabbed his hand. Instead he was dragged to the middle of the garage where there was some hulking figure very dramatically draped in a pristine white sheet, a spotlight from above creating ominous shadows in the fabric.

"I was thinking a new model for a new model, right?"

"I suppose…" Suzaku looked over to see Gino grinning widely, just shrugging as Suzaku got dragged along.

"I don't put any used parts inside my machines…why would I put used parts on top of it?"

Gino's expression soured a little, as he asked, "Used parts?"

"Knight 3.9!" Lloyd announced after giving Gino an assessing stare, "Current model!"

Then he grabbed Suzaku, stood him in place, muttering something about Beta testing, and revealed what was underneath the sheet in a flourish. Suzaku immediately understood why the Britannians hadn't put Lloyd into some sort of hospital. In front of him was one of the most beautiful machines Suzaku had ever seen. He didn't know much about motorcycles but he knew enough about engineering to spot the amount of time and persistence it had taken to create Lloyd's newest 'model'.

"I call it the Lancelot, for obvious reasons." Lloyd grabbed Suzaku by the shoulder and yanked, "You know Lancelot, right?"

"Yeah, betrayed his king, ran off with his best friend's wife-"

Suzaku wasn't entirely sure what it meant to be stared at like he was being strange from the strangest man he'd ever met.

"-The white knight, right? Because it's white." Suzaku said, blushing, "And I'm a knight now, um-"

"Shiny packaging," Lloyd stared at him suspiciously, "Masks the flaws from the uninformed consumers-"

"I have a concussion," Suzaku snapped back, "It's past midnight. All my fleshy bits are tired." He was getting lightheaded with all the blushing and yelling, "I need to reboot or refuel or recharge or something!"

Gino didn't even bother trying to suppress his laughter, but Lloyd stopped peering at Suzaku like he was trying to verify his authenticity.

"Just don't blue screen," Lloyd finally mumbled, pushing Suzaku onto the driver's seat, "I _hate_ that."

Forty-five minutes later Suzaku and Gino were back on the highway racing each other on the empty back roads and highways. The moon was full and bright and for a moment everything was effortless. It was almost as if he was flying again, going faster than he should as he tried not to think of what was waiting for him at the end of the road. For a few hours Suzaku was nothing but speed and wind, his body thrumming along with the engine as he became part of the machine. He wasn't an Agent, a Knight, or even a Kururugi. For a few hours Suzaku was just Suzaku and nothing but what he wanted to be; free.

Suzaku was free to be or become _anyone_…and when he finally stopped at a familiar two-story house Suzaku could only think that Dr. Lamperouge had been right.

Potential was a wonderful thing.


	6. Primary Gain Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Another big thank you for those who commented with advice/observations/enthusiasm. I get all excited when I get reviews in the inbox. I do read every review and I keep them for later motivation!

A/N: Another big thank you for those who commented with advice/observations/enthusiasm. I get all excited when I get reviews in the inbox. I do read every review and I keep them for later motivation!

(also, clears throat, not to tease you or anything but I started 7...and I think you'll really like it)

Chapter Six

The sound of a motorcycle coming to a stop broke Lelouch from his pensive daze, his daydreaming. The further the night had progressed since returning Lelouch had gone from planning and not thinking of Suzaku and then planning to not think about Suzaku, ending finally, alone and in the dark, planning about what he was going to do with Suzaku who had somehow made himself a key issue. Lelouch's original plan had been simple; play hard to get and then 'give in' by throwing tidbit missions his way every once in a while. Suzaku would still think he was being helpful while Lelouch doled out the crucial aspects of his war to other people, specifically people already tarnished by Britannians.

Lelouch had never intended to actually kick Suzaku out of the house, he'd only wanted to throw his weight around a little, show Suzaku that he was being indulged, not encouraged. The plan was to go to his father's house, leaving Suzaku out on the porch and then returning home to let Suzaku back inside once the inevitable tantrum had passed. He'd never once considered that Suzaku would be able to be brutal with him and hadn't been prepared at all for the man to throw his own weight around. Somewhere things had gone wrong and Lelouch had miscalculated, but Lelouch never miscalculated.

It had quickly come to Lelouch's attention that Suzaku had a strange ability to make him do things that he would never _ever_ do, like hitting a patient. There had been absolutely no need for physical contact and Lelouch had never been the type of boy to get into fights. He had only ever needed a few sentences to make a man crumble and was never fond of the residual pain that came from using his own body to hit hard objects like Suzaku's jaw.

And the kiss…well, Lelouch had never been very inclined to kissing anyone at all, but he'd kissed Suzaku. He'd just leaned forward, pressed their lips together and for a single moment had felt-

Well, it didn't matter how Lelouch had felt because luckily Suzaku hadn't felt anything but momentary confusion followed rather astonishingly quickly by sophomoric humor, obligatory breast reference included.

And then Lelouch had hit Suzaku again, multiple times, and he was almost as angry at himself for losing control as he was at Suzaku for having the nerve to single out his ultimate weakness and then use it against him not only effectively, but with a coolly satisfied look that had reminded him far too much of Schneizel. For a little while it was all Lelouch could think about; that Suzaku had, for just a moment, looked like Schneizel. It was on his mind in the car, during his reunion with his father, at lunch, but then something startling and miraculous had happened. Lelouch had rounded the shrubberies and discovered that he didn't know Suzaku at all.

Knights, when not working towards a defined purpose had a tendency to get into brawls. The fact that his sister had been watching as two men tried to maim each other hadn't been a shock. He'd only glanced down when he recognized a tense, waiting expression on Cornelia's face, usually worn when she was caught in between excitement and worry. Then he'd finally seen Suzaku.

After a moment of staring Lelouch surprised himself by not being surprised that Suzaku was fighting a ruthless killer like Guilford, that was practically his job description, but by the fact that Suzaku had won, or was certainly in the process of winning.

The look on Suzaku's face had instantly made Lelouch forget all the moments he had ever seen Suzaku as a person who needed to be protected. No, Suzaku had yanked Guilford's head back, snarling, his eyes alight with primal, absolute predatory fire, and Lelouch had realized that Suzaku was the sort of person people needed to be protected from. He'd come a breath away from killing Guilford right there on the lawn, just like he'd killed five others without so much as a blink.

When they had started their sessions Lelouch had assumed that Suzaku's suicidal nature had numbed him from the mental stress and insecurities of taking a life. Then Lelouch had watched him move towards Cornelia, every movement smooth despite his obvious pain and understood that this wasn't the case at all.

He wondered how far his father would have let Suzaku take the fight if Lelouch hadn't snapped out the first thing that came to mind when all of this started to process in his head, because in the end, even if he never really understood it, Suzaku was ultimately a killer playing good cop/bad cop with the world in general. The fact that he'd picked and stuck with 'good cop' at an early age was probably just dumb luck.

Lelouch had never really had a problem living with or around murderers. What disturbed him most about the revelation was that he'd gotten too emotionally entangled to notice that he'd opened his doors to one far more dangerous than the others. When Suzaku was good he was very, very good, but when he was bad, well Lelouch had never really had a problem _loving_ murderers either. There was a new thrill in having the man around while knowing that he was capable of such an exquisite expression of passionate rage.

Still, that single moment didn't have the power to truly erase all of the moments before. Suzaku was going to come back the same man that had left, whether Guilford had lived or not. Lelouch would still need to be careful with him, to lead him along for a while until he came to the realization that Lelouch was simply a man with a difficult past, not a victim waiting to be saved. The dependency issues would fade with that urge to save, to be the hero, and Suzaku's emotions would level out. After a week or two they'd go back to being professional friends with the same goal of revenge and eventually Suzaku wouldn't need him anymore. Once Lelouch was finished dealing with Schneizel Suzaku probably wouldn't _want_ him around either.

The idea of losing Suzaku to time was depressing, but Lelouch would recover knowing that Special Agent Kururugi was back to shooting down criminals and screwing fellow agents against his desk with an added vigor of a love for life.

Lelouch's cell phone began to ring.

"Oh, good. You're still up." Suzaku's voice startled Lelouch into full coherency, "Hey, come outside for a second. I don't want to wake everyone."

Lelouch got up and walked to the door, frowning. He knew the difference between the sound of a motorcycle and the rumble of an SUV.

"Did Weinberg bring you home?" Lelouch scowled, pausing to slip on shoes, "I told him specifically not to put you on the back of a bike."

Suzaku's laugh was quiet and fond and like nothing Lelouch had ever heard in his life. For a moment he was stuck on that sound as Suzaku said, "Just come outside. It's a gorgeous night."

Lelouch came to a conclusion and rolled his eyes.

"Asplund gave you pills." Lelouch sighed, "That man-"

"Put your hand on the doorknob," Suzaku sounded like he wanted to be laughing, "and turn the handle to the right. Give it a little push, and then-"

Lelouch hung up his cell phone and let it drop to the side with a satisfying clatter.

And then Lelouch walked outside. He made it halfway down the yard before he realized that there was only one man waiting in the yard, his formal knight's uniform very bright in the moonlight. It took only a moment to wonder where Suzaku was when Lelouch finally realized what was standing before him, smiling softly, his hair wild from driving without a helmet. The first thing Lelouch thought; he'll get killed that way. The second…well there wasn't really any thinking done after that first thought.

There was just Suzaku.

"No," Lelouch stopped short, stopped walking as he stopped wanting to believe, "No…you didn't. You _couldn't_-"

But there Suzaku was, standing tall and proud and looking like everything a knight should be. He didn't falter for a moment, he just took on the momentum that Lelouch had left behind the second he realized that someone he'd treasured had died. Suzaku's uniform might as well have been his shroud. Lelouch pushed him away, the corpse of a friend come back to bring hurt and pain, but like any terror Suzaku was relentless and wouldn't leave, but worse, he wouldn't let Lelouch try to retreat.

"You're dead," Lelouch hissed, trying to jerk his arm away, "You're dead to me."

"Why?" Suzaku scowled back, "You're the only one allowed to be a Britannian?"

"Britannian?" Lelouch was trapped again by his wrist, "Suzaku you're _meat_. Anyone can use you now. Anyone, even Schneizel-"

"Hey, shut up about Schneizel!" Suzaku grabbed him by the waist as Lelouch watched the neighbors' lights come on. "I don't belong to him. I'm _never_-"

"You will if he's Emperor!" Lelouch hit him hard in the chest, right in the ribs and Suzaku's grip lightened enough that he could wrench his arm away. "And you'll deserve it too, you -"

Suzaku just lunged forward and grabbed him again, grunting at another hard blow but refusing to let go of Lelouch's wrist. His grip was sure but not hard.

"Just shut up for a second-"

"-stupid, _pathetic_, excuse for a-"

"Lelouch!"

"-human being! This is how you thank me?" Lelouch hit him again, glad when he could make Suzaku really wince. "I help you and I take care of you-you're just like everyone else-"

"Godamnit," Suzaku wrenched hard, pulled Lelouch closer and grabbed his other wrist. His eyes were very bright despite being slit in anger, and Lelouch's heart gave a note of warning as he recognized the look on Suzaku's face. It was the look he wore as he tightened the strap around Guilford's neck, but Lelouch didn't care because-

"You've betrayed me," the words hurt more than the others and he spat them out with even more vitriol, "You've gone behind my back, and-"

Kissed him, full on the lips, one hand still on Lelouch's wrist and the other on the back of his neck as soft leather gloves moved up into his hair, but that touch wasn't enough to stem Lelouch's fury. He fought back by-

Again, and slipping his tongue into Lelouch's mouth when he tried to yell, tried to bite, and holding him tighter, closer, with a fistful of Lelouch's hair, just like he had when-

A little animal part of Lelouch told him to stop struggling, that he'd only hurt himself because he obviously wasn't going anywhere any time soon. And another little part asked him why he was struggling at all as an undeniable electric thrill ran down Lelouch's back and made him arc into the hold that Suzaku had shifted from his wrist to his waist. And god, Suzaku was…was making a little noise as Lelouch fisted the fabric on his back and opened his mouth further, gentling in Suzaku's hold with his heart pounding wildly in some form of distress.

The consistent emotion wasn't fear and certainly not terror as Suzaku's hand relaxed its grip and cupped Lelouch's neck instead. And Suzaku-

Suzaku.

Lelouch inhaled, breathing in his scent and remembering that one moment when kissing Suzaku had felt more than right, comfortable, and now encompassing as Lelouch was kept in a solid hold, cradled by a warm body that didn't want anything but to be kissed back. Lelouch wasn't used to being kissed, he was sure that much was obvious, but for some reason Suzaku wasn't deterred by the awkwardness and soon there wasn't anything awkward at all. Lelouch was a fast learner. Suzaku made another somewhat helpless sounding noise that was very pleasing and small, a breath that Lelouch could catch and answer with his own, with-

They were suddenly gasping for air and Suzaku was staring down when Lelouch finally opened his eyes, and Suzaku looked just like that sound, delicate, vulnerable, and terrified. It took a moment for Lelouch to catch his breath, to blink, and comprehend and understand something beyond a massive, insistent desire. Wide green eyes moved down to his lips and then back again and Suzaku's mouth worked for a second but nothing came out. Lelouch had to acknowledge that while he was confused and still stuck in the shock of a kiss that…well, safely, vehemently heterosexual Suzaku wasn't going to be the first person to say something intelligible. He hadn't even managed to let Lelouch go.

"Alright, I concede," Lelouch's voice was breathy but clear, "Your hormone-distraction technique is clearly superior. We'll talk this over in the morning when we've both had some rest."

Suzaku blinked a few times, exhaled shakily, and asked, "This?"

"Yes_, this_," Lelouch said, casually dislodging himself from Suzaku's embrace, "'This' being your ridiculous and ill-informed decision to become a knight; well-intentioned, I'm sure, but you're obviously a bit dimmer than I had thought."

Suzaku made a little face and smiled wryly, "Shiny packaging."

Right. Shiny packaging. Lelouch kept a straight face. "This is important. Did Lloyd give you any pills? Any injections? Any strange-smelling drinks?"

"Um, no." Suzaku stood a little straighter and then looked around as if trying to remember where he was. Finally he gestured to the motorcycle, "He gave me Lancelot."

Lloyd obviously needed to brush up on his pharmaceuticals. Suzaku took a deep breath, sighed, and let his arms fall to the side right in time for a familiar bike to round the corner and come to a stop in Lelouch's driveway. Laughing, Gino took his helmet off, exclaiming, "I finally caught up! Suzaku, you're _insane_-"

After another moment of witless staring Suzaku glanced over to Gino, looked back to Lelouch and started to laugh, alternately stumbling and gasping for air as he slowly made his way to the front door. Lelouch had to admit the sound was heartening, especially without the previously accompanying tears. After a moment of scrabbling at the handle Sayako opened the door and helped him inside the deep shadow of the house.

"Did I miss something important?"

Lelouch looked at Gino, observed his happy blue eyes crinkled in a smile and said, "I'm going to kill you."

Gino took a step back and put his helmet back on, his grin a little strained.

"I'm going to come back in the morning."

"Good. I'll be waiting on the porch," Lelouch enunciated, his hands fisting in anger, "With my fully-loaded weapon."

"I'll call first," Gino slung a leg over his bike, "Things will look better in the morning."

"Because I'm going to blow your brains all over my yard," Lelouch took a step closer, cold fury draping him as he thought of what Gino had allowed. They both knew that one phone call would have insured Suzaku's safety from the Britannians, but Gino hadn't made that call. Gino laughed a little wildly and started the engine.

"Your flowers are already beautiful Prince Lelouch!" He started backing down the driveway, "I wouldn't recommend more fertilizer. If you add too much-"

And Gino was gone, taking his suddenly spectacular idiocy with him.

Lelouch wished he really had someone to kill and made his way up the yard wondering if any of the house's many occupants _hadn't_ looked outside. It was going to be a long day.

When he finally made it up to the bedroom he was greeted by the sight of Sayako carefully tucking Suzaku in with the sincere doting smile she usually saved for Nunnaly. She gave him some aspirin, helped him drink a little milk, and was looking forward to seeing him in the morning. Suzaku gave a thank you that sounded ridiculously grateful. She bowed back, turned off the light and made her way out the door, murmuring, "He's such a lovely young man."

Lelouch made his way through the dark, his heart still thrumming and his skin still tingling as he slipped under the covers and silently but reluctantly agreed.

"Fuck you," Suzaku said through a mouth of cereal, glaring, "It's none of your damn business."

Kallen grinned, leaning forward on her elbows. She'd tagged along with Gino who had apparently stayed at her apartment for the evening since Lelouch had been about to go get his gun and practice his aim. Moving targets still gave him a little trouble.

"I totally spotted that man-crush," She laughed, "Deny it all you want, fag-"

CC snorted, stirring her oatmeal absently. "Fag."

"-But that time in your office you totally-"

Suzaku's face turned bright red as he leaned forward brandishing his spoon, "That was you being a freak! Jesus, it was _just_ a kiss, and I was trying to get him to _shut up_-"

CC, the witch, was watching the drama avidly, taking delicate bites of her toast.

Kallen put a hand up and leaned away from the splattering milk, her amusement still going strong.

"-which is all your fault!" Suzaku continued vehemently, making the dishes rattle as he slammed his fist into the table, "Because it was the only way to get _you _to shut up…and I had a _concussion_ because Lelouch's sister is just as crazy as _you_ and made me choke Gilbert fucking Guilford!"

"My god," CC murmured, grinning, "I'm never leaving this house again."

"Don't you dare blame me for the kissing thing! That's all on you, Suzaku, you started it!" Kallen brandished her butter knife in retaliation for a moment before her lips twitched up, "You seriously choked Guilford? And no one gutted you?"

Suzaku threw himself back into his chair, crossed his arms and glowered. "Shut up about it, it's none of your-"

"With his own belt!" Gino leaned forward, grinning, but his blush didn't falter and his eyes were still a little glassy. Lelouch suspected that the man was taking the first available opportunity to change the subject, and with enthusiasm. "Right in front of his Majesty! Sir Guilford's face was turning purple and Sir Kururugi says-"

The room seemed to freeze, making the sound of chirping birds and clicking sprinklers almost obscenely loud as Kallen's eyes began to widen, as she inhaled, her shoulders going back as her knuckles whitened on her butter knife. Gino started to retreat, biting his lip and silently sitting in his chair.

CC was obviously barely containing herself in an ecstasy of expectation, looking positively gleeful.

Finally breaking the silence, but not the tension, Suzaku sighed, put his hands over his face and muttered, very succinctly, "Fuck."

The only information Kallen had been given was that CC had caught Lelouch and Suzaku in a 'torrid embrace of unconstrained homosexual passion'. She'd been smart enough to keep the truly vital information to herself.

Lelouch turned to Gino and said, "I should have shot you when I had the chance."

"Yeah," Gino muttered miserably, his shoulders drooping, "Kallen-"

"No!" Kallen looked wild, her voice clipped as she leaned forward, her gaze switching to Suzaku, "I want to hear what Sir Kururugi said to Sir Guilford in front of his fucking Majesty."

The assembled Britannians, which surprisingly included Suzaku, winced at the last addition.

"Goddamnit," Kallen yelled, looking half afraid as her eyes filled with tears, "How long, Suzaku? Huh? How long have you been lying-"

Reaching forward slowly, carefully with a bare, outstretched hand Suzaku took hold of her shoulder. She surprised them all by not turning away, choking out "How long?"

"Last night," Suzaku was watching nothing but Kallen. A slight discomfort settled over the table. Even CC looked away from what was becoming a painful, private moment.

"That's why Lelouch and I were fighting-"

"_Prince_ Lelouch," She snapped, her voice thick with tears, "Right?"

"Yeah, _Prince_ Lelouch," Suzaku whispered without shame, "Like I said. I'm new at this, Kallen…and he was pretty angry at me too."

"Thus the hormone-distraction technique," Lelouch said dryly, glaring when Suzaku didn't look his way, "And despite that momentary distraction I _continue_ to be angry, Suzaku."

"See?" Suzaku sounded a desperate high pitch, "Everyone's angry…and it wasn't like I was planning-"

"No shit," Kallen ran her arm over her eyes and was dry-eyed once again, "You stupid fuck. You don't plan anything, you just-"

Kallen sighed and looked at the table while Suzaku gazed at her, longing and pathetic and hopeful. After a moment Kallen looked back up, crossing her arms and staring at Gino, "Tell me what Sir Kururugi said, Weinberg, before I lose my shit all over this house."

Gino's smile stuttered a little before shining as he leaned forward eagerly. The man just wouldn't stop.

"Gilford's flat on the ground, trying to get up but Suzaku-"

"Sir Kururugi-" Kallen raised an eyebrow, dryly insistent and pulling all of Suzaku's strings. He winced and slid down his seat looking guilty and miserable as Gino continued, starting to grin in excitement.

"-Sir Kururugi has his knee in his back, and every time he tries to get up Sir Kururugi yanks hard on the belt with this _insane_ look on his face-"

CC was back to nibbling on her toast, but her eyes were on Lelouch as Gino continued his tale, teasing Kallen carefully into a sharp grin as he described Cornelia's mortified wince. By the time he had made it to the 'good cop' reference she was laughing hard, grinning at Suzaku's mortal embarrassment. They continued on without any encouragement.

"It's a little funny," CC murmured, her eyes narrowed over a sweet smile. "How you insist on surrounding yourself with all the freaks you can find. Really, Lulu, a psychologist? That's like a serial killer working in a butcher's shop."

Lelouch could only glare, hating her beyond words. Of all the people he knew CC was the only one who could manage to get under his skin, and she abused the ability with great fervor.

"It's even funnier," She leaned forward coquettishly, "How many insane people seem to want to be around you. Are you collecting them or facilitating them?"

"I don't know," Lelouch shot back, "You tell me, you're the craziest of them all."

She laughed then and it was delicate, like the sound of tinkling bells. She nodded towards Suzaku, being subtle for probably the first time in her life, and her smile went soft.

"I think we both know that's not true."

"You don't even know him."

"No, but I know _you _Lulu," She volleyed in return, "And you'll always be the king of something, you can't help it, it's in your blood…but you've let him be the king of you."

She laughed loudly then as Lelouch shot up, shoving his chair away with a curse.

"That makes you the queen, right?" CC giggled, "It explains all these mood swings! You're probably just on the rag-"

Lelouch decided, out of the graciousness of his heart, to save Suzaku's dressing down for later. When everyone was gone. Especially that, "_Witch_."

There was a very short silence that ended with Kallen's amused, "So I'm guessing you're not coming in to work today Sir Special Agent Kururugi."

Suzaku's answer was lost as Lelouch made his way outside to the porch. It was a beautiful day, sunny and clear, and he closed the front door with a satisfying slam. Nothing rattled or broke but Lelouch felt a little better sitting on the front steps. He watched as his neighbors escorted their children to the bus stop, surreptitiously staring at him as they walked by looking like frightened small game. The bus stop was doubly crowded as they waited there, casually touching their children's shoulders, patting their heads, smiling.

News traveled fast in a small community and while Lelouch was slightly exasperated at the reaction he had to smile a little. There was no harm in children knowing that their parents cared. For a moment he envisioned himself walking around the neighborhoods shooting blanks in a quest to make all the latch-key kids get some one on one time every morning. If he was crazy, like CC had implied, he'd probably do it too. Or get someone else to do it.

He watched as the bus pulled up and the crowd scattered into their luxury sedans, probably late for work. That mad dash was amusing too. The front door open and closed nearly silently and Lelouch was slightly surprised when he was met by Suzaku holding two cups of coffee and some toast. He'd expected Sayako.

Suzaku put the food down between them and sat, staring resolutely at nothing at all. He leaned forward and sighed, resting his arms on his knees.

"We need to talk about 'this'." Suzaku's hands tensed, and he said, "And I'm not talking about the knight thing."

Lelouch didn't know what to say. He hadn't prepared an answer because he hadn't wanted to dwell. Obviously his assumption that Suzaku was going to let the moment go as a concussion side affect was flawed.

"Say something," Suzaku murmured, threading his fingers together. Lelouch made a decision.

"I don't see the need to discuss something that never happened." He picked up his coffee and took a sip. It was too strong for his taste, which meant Suzaku had probably made it himself. Lelouch continued to drink. Suzaku's head dropped as he massaged the bridge of his nose, his lips pressed into a grimace as he stared at his socked feet.

"You know," Suzaku glanced to the side, "There was this guy I knew a while back. He taught me that denial was a pretty bad habit. He called it emotional cancer."

Lelouch clenched his jaw shut and kept his eyes forward.

"And there's only two ways to cure the problem," Suzaku continued quietly. "You cut the cancer out-"

"Stop it," Lelouch whispered, not recognizing his own voice. "Stop, Suzaku."

"-or you die." Suzaku continued on, relentless and lacking even an ounce of pity.

Lelouch turned his eyes away wishing he was the type that could cover his ears in defiance.

"We've both got enough cancer to deal with already Lelouch. We don't have the luxury of adding this one in too."

After a moment Suzaku chuckled, "I bet you hate me right now just as much as I hated you…but I think I understand why you do what you do. The doctor thing."

"And why's that?" Lelouch didn't snap, but he wanted to. Between Suzaku and CC he'd had about enough armchair psychology than he could stand, and it wasn't even past noon.

"I don't worry nearly as much about my own problems when I'm worrying about you." Suzaku began to crunch on his toast, laughing again. "Makes life easy."

Which ultimately meant, after translation, that Suzaku's skewed separation anxiety issues were now iron-clad since Suzaku was addicted to something that 'made life easy'.

Lelouch sighed and cursed his father for the first time in a long time. He'd obviously known exactly what to do to acquire Suzaku. All he'd had to do was dangle Lelouch a little and he now had a knight who could police the knights himself if he was forced to. Suzaku had no ties to their little community, emotionally or otherwise. Beyond Gino Suzaku wouldn't have a single qualm about taking other Rounds members down, in fact with his FBI background he'd probably enjoy the opportunity to get rid of a few 'bad guys' while he could.

And Charles had certainly chosen an excellent reminder of who was still the Emperor and why. The punishment hadn't even been a punishment. Suzaku in all his earnestness and good intentions was both a welcome home gift and a warning. He had a personal protector with the power of a Knight of the Rounds but Lelouch would never be able to leave the family again knowing that Suzaku was still tied to them as the Knight of Seven. The only way to leave the Rounds was by death. If Suzaku had taken just a moment to discuss the situation with Lelouch then Lelouch would have still had the option to retreat, no matter how distasteful the idea was, but as it was Suzaku had made a fool of them both.

"I like you, I love you, you kissed me and I returned the kiss," Lelouch said shortly, glaring into green eyes, "But I can't trust you anymore, Suzaku. So no matter what your opinion might be that moment means nothing and will continue to _be_ nothing even if you somehow manage to win my trust back. There is still nothing to discuss."

Suzaku stopped, his smile wiped clean as he stared back, whispering, "Oh."

"The fact that you're now my father's knight means I have to tolerate you and give you what you want," Lelouch continued, cold and furious, "It doesn't mean that I have to be your friend or enjoy your presence. You decided to be a knight. Fine. Then I'm going to treat you like a knight and you are going to treat me with the respect that a prince deserves and nothing more."

And Lelouch after so many hours, so many days, so much time spent worrying about Suzaku finally let himself get to the core of the issue, to expose what hurt most. Lelouch hated Suzaku and he hated the hurt, despairing look in his eyes.

"And since you're suddenly so fond of honesty," Lelouch's voice faltered and he leaned forward, "I never intended on pushing you away or leaving you alone. All you had to do was trust me. If you had trusted me you'd still be in there, a free man, but now you're nothing but a Britannian guard dog waiting for your master to ring a bell, _Sir_ Kururugi."

The Lelouch stood, ignoring the way the world wavered, and laughed, feeling a little broken as he went for the door. Lelouch didn't have to slam the door to make Suzaku flinch, all he had to say;

"Welcome to Britannia."

For the rest of the day Suzaku was very quiet, very pale, and he kept exactly three feet away at all times, as if he could see some invisible yard stick. His sadness could be felt in the space of the empty chair between them and the way he had to raise his voice to be heard by Lelouch, there couldn't be anymore quiet laughter, no whispering. When Suzaku looked at Lelouch everyone could see, when he spoke they could hear every word, but they couldn't understand the dull ache of having him close at hand, but never near.

Suzaku's sadness could be felt, but not a single emotion showed on his usually expressive face. He'd become a wall, a watching thing, and there were moments that he was so quiet that Lelouch forgot, or didn't know he was there. He and Gino were in their whites looking very neat and striking, but Gino was nervous and his body said so, especially when compared to Suzaku's entirely still form. Even Jeremiah, usually effusive, looked a little wary as he twirled his pen and watched Suzaku from the corner of his eye.

"If we establish our base as off-limits we can guarantee both Nunnaly's safety and a secure environment to rest or retreat." Jeremiah leaned back, didn't look at Suzaku and said, "Nunnaly is your greatest weakness, my Prince."

"If I ask for neutral territory in which to plan Schneizel will make his own base mobile."

"Then we ask for a specific piece of land."

"And Schneizel will move in next door." Lelouch sighed, wishing that Suzaku would speak up or get out. "We can't single her out individually because Schneizel will ask for the same privilege and make himself off-limits. She's going to have to leave the country."

"Or have a body guard," Gino added, "Or perhaps she could live at the main house under his Majesty's protection."

"He won't give it," Lelouch said tersely, "He can't show favor during a blood feud. It's a free for all…'Survival of the fittest', remember?"

"Limit the battlefield." Suzaku said suddenly, making everyone jump, "You both gain if your feud is contained in one area. You'll have the same resources and the same territory. You can both try to kill each other while Nunnaly works on her tan in California."

Lelouch only nodded. It seemed almost obscene to respond verbally when it was the only thing Suzaku had said all day.

"You'll both have to agree not to leave the designated area," Jeremiah looked at Suzaku carefully, "but otherwise that would solve a number of problems."

"I still don't trust Schneizel not to go after her," Lelouch tried to think rationally, but Schneizel's very nature was forcing him to analyze and reanalyze everything. "and I can't spare anyone, not even Sayako."

"Maybe if-" Jeremiah's voice cut off and Lelouch opened his eyes to see that Suzaku had disappeared. The front door shut firmly and in a few minutes the familiar hum of his motorcycle came to life.

"Where the hell is he going?" Jeremiah frowned, "My Lord, I'm not sure-"

"Don't bother worrying about Suzaku," Lelouch cut him off quickly, "He hates Schneizel almost as much as I do."

The last thing Lelouch needed on his team was rumors of treachery or distrust.

"And that was pretty good advice," Gino shrugged before catching Lelouch's eyes in a hard stare, "Whatever's going on, I'm sure he'll get over it soon."

The cut was subtle but it stung all the more fiercely when Lelouch had put himself in the position to be chastised by Gino of all people. Even if he didn't know what was going on Gino apparently could read people accurately enough to spot when someone stepped out of line. Lelouch was starting to understand why Gino had been given a pot of the Rounds; he knew people, but more importantly he empathized with the wronged party. That talent had been the one that had gotten him up the ladder at the FBI so quickly. Gino was a fixer, the perfect mediator. Still, Lelouch would have loved to get him on a couch sometime. He'd never met a person who insisted in being so damn happy.

Suzaku knew how to play good cop when he needed to, it was becoming a habitual tool, but he was generally aware that he was just acting to get something he wanted. Had Gino just forgotten that he was supposed to be acting? If a coping mechanism was used consistently enough-

"Uh, Prince Lelouch," Gino looked a little disturbed, "Could you maybe not look at me like that? I feel like you're trying to explode my head with your mind."

"That would be a very useful ability." Lelouch said dryly, looking down at his notebook. "Rest assured, if I could I would have by now."

Gino's eyebrows went up, he stared, and Lelouch sighed again. Despite being annoying and mostly an idiot Gino had been there when he needed him to be, and without complaint. The death threats from the night before had come in the heat of passion, and he'd deserved it then, but sitting at the dinner table, helping to plan a war when he had no obligation…

"I'm sorry." Lelouch was sincere and he knew that to Gino, it showed. The man smiled, and for once Lelouch was just grateful for it, not annoyed.

"No apology needed, my Prince," He stood up and wandered into the kitchen, "I'll find you some aspirin."

They were back to planning in only a moment and Lelouch's mood slowly improved as his headache lightened, but he still didn't know what he was going to do about Nunnaly. The group was back to discussing territorial issues when they were interrupted by the sound of a motorcycle coming to an abrupt stop. They were all looking towards the doorway expectantly when the front door opened and Suzaku's voice came back through.

"-that stunt again and I'll dropkick you," Suzaku didn't sounded angry, but he sounded serious. There was no answer, but there was a general intake of breath when Suzaku dragged Rolo into the kitchen. They were both dirty, Suzaku's left arm was dripping blood and Rolo had the beginning of a truly impressive black eye. The boy was scowling nevertheless and jerked his shoulder out of Suzaku's hand when they were finally inside.

Rolo crossed his arms defiantly and stared them all down, not a single shadow of the pale, mousy young man left on his face, his posture. Watching, understanding, Lelouch's heart began to pound as horror began to sink into his bones. Rolo had been alone with Nunnaly dozens of times, and Lelouch had never seen a hint of the person who was standing in front of him now.

"Jeremiah needs to leave," Suzaku gave the knight a hard stare and nodded to the front door.

There was only one thing Jeremiah could do. He left without another word from Lelouch or Suzaku, closing the door behind himself.

"Either you tell him or I will," Suzaku peered down at him with a strange, scolding tone that lessened Lelouch's anxiety. Rolo glared back and pressed his lips into a thin line.

"Nunnaly already has a bodyguard," Suzaku said, glaring back, "And he's good, too."

Rolo's glare lessened a little, but not much.

"Now, that's fine with me," Suzaku continued, briefly looking towards Lelouch, but not making eye contact. "But there's another issue here that needs to be cleared up, Rolo, and you know what it is."

In a moment Rolo's glare faded into reluctant agreement as he turned to Look Lelouch in the eye.

"It was a mission," The boy finally said, "I was told to do whatever I had to do to keep Lady Nunnaly safe."

Then, and it was amazing to see, all the fight went out of the boy and his eyes were pleading, insistent.

"But," He looked away briefly, agonized, "I know it's not my place…but-"

He closed his eyes briefly and Suzaku put a hand on his shoulder, comforting but still watchful as Rolo lifted his eyes again to meet Lelouch's.

"-I really love her," Rolo said quietly, "Please don't send me away. I don't trust anyone else to protect her…especially now that you've declared a blood feud anyone might try to get through."

Lelouch didn't say anything, but he could feel himself start to tremble with the mounting rage.

Rolo sighed then looking, reluctant, maybe sympathetic, "Everyone knows that it would destroy you to lose her, Prince Lelouch. It would break me too. She's just so good, so pure-"

"Shut up." Lelouch snapped, feeling his fingernails cut into his palm. "Tell me who your master is."

Rolo had a moment where he was clearly fighting himself before whispering, "His Highness, your father."

"Tell the Prince exactly what your mission was," Suzaku said quietly, "You have His permission, on my honor."

Rolo looked at Suzaku and gave one enormous sigh of relief. When he opened his eyes they were untroubled, clear and bright.

"I was told to do my best to help her become independent and prize my life before hers. I was told to keep her safe at all costs, and to do no harm."

"What do you mean, 'independent'." Lelouch's started feeling bottomless as he glimpsed what was coming on the horizon. He was only asking to confirm.

Just like Schneizel it seemed that Lelouch's father had been moving to get him out of the FBI. If Nunnaly was independent Lelouch would have been able to cut ties with his other life and re-enter the other. If it hadn't been for Suzaku Lelouch might have started on his resignation letter the second Nunnaly hadn't needed his care anymore.

Rolo confirmed that Lelouch's father had been silently taking control of his son's life by manipulating the people Lelouch loved most.

"To help her leave this house as soon as possible." Rolo said blithely, smiling, "I was going to ask her to move in with me in a couple of months, maybe weeks. I found an apartment that helps the disabled-"

Lelouch slammed his fists down, shaking the table and making everyone but Suzaku flinch. It was almost as if the man was mocking him, watching coolly as Lelouch came very close to losing his temper in public, yet again.

"Get out," He choked, "All of you get out."

Suzaku nodded to Gino and whispered something into the boy's ear. His wide, startled eyes gained a little stability as the two shared a glance. Suzaku pointed and the boy nodded…no, the boy _bowed_, joining Gino's hasty exit.

Then Suzaku sat, crossing his feet at the ankles on an empty chair as he examined his wound with nonchalance.

"I told you to get out," Lelouch hissed, hating him for his calm, "Get the fuck out."

"Sorry, Prince Lelouch," Suzaku grabbed a few napkins and dabbed at the cut with a frown. "I'm not going anywhere."

"_Suzaku_-"

Suzaku looked up with wide, untroubled eyes and suggested, "You could lock yourself in the bathroom and throw your tantrum there. Girls do it all the time. It seems to work for them."

Furious, blind with it, Lelouch took two steps forward and-

Suzaku caught Lelouch's wrist in his hand before it could touch his face and squeezed. _Hard_. Lelouch made one helpless, terrible noise at the sharp pain that ran up his arm.

"I'm going to tell you what I told Rolo, my _Prince_," Suzaku jerked him close, not caring that Lelouch winced, "Grow up, _fast_, and start taking responsibility for your actions or I'll put you over my knee until you learn."

Lelouch scowled, furious, and Suzaku wrenched his arm again, his eyes narrow with intent as Lelouch cried out a little louder. The pain began to increase with the same increments of Suzaku's gloved fist closing slowly.

"Do you think I won't?" The coolness in Suzaku's voice made Lelouch's heart speed up, made him try to back away in fear. Clearly Suzaku wasn't experience a moment of hesitance, he was going to do what he was going to do and Lelouch didn't have the physical strength to stop him.

"You're hurting me," Lelouch swallowed, "Let go."

Suzaku stared, put his feet on the floor and leaned forward in such a way that Lelouch was forced to go down on his knees or get his wrist broken. He clenched his teeth but couldn't bite off another gasp as his bones were ground together.

"Answer me." Suzaku said coolly. For a moment Lelouch couldn't understand the demand, his arm hurt too much and the pain fogged his mind. Suzaku twitched his hand and Lelouch cursed, finally comprehending as his body settled into healthy panic. There was movement from the other room, but a sharp word from Gino settled the house back into silence, making Lelouch's hiss echo against the kitchen walls. Still, Lelouch had his pride to consid-

Suzaku stared at him and ruthlessly gave another twist.

"Yes, _fuck,_ you'll do it-" Lelouch didn't recognize his own voice has eyes started to tear. Either his wrist was broken or Suzaku had hit-

Suddenly the pain was very nearly gone and Lelouch was left on his knees, looking up at Suzaku with tears in his eyes. The threat of reprisal was still in Suzaku's loose grip, and Lelouch couldn't think of anything but that he didn't want to feel the agony again.

"Does it hurt?" Suzaku asked, "Do you want to feel that again?"

"No," Lelouch hissed through his teeth. He considered pulling away but Suzaku began to squeeze again, a warning in his eyes.

"The next time you lose your temper I want you to remember this pain," Suzaku went very still before continuing, "Every time you decide to cut someone down with your words I want you to remember how much this hurts, because that's what you're doing to other people when you lash out."

Suzaku wrenched and Lelouch's attention sharpened until nothing else existed but Suzaku's steady speech. He wasn't even angry, Lelouch realized, and somehow that made the moment even more horrible.

"You've been getting whatever you want whenever you want for too long," Suzaku continued, "and it's easy for you isn't it?"

Lelouch scowled, and snapped bitterly, "Yes. It's easy."

"You are not entitled to manipulate people just because it's easy," Suzaku punctuated each sentence with a long agonizing squeeze, "You are not allowed to make other people hurt _just_ because you hurt. There are consequences. You might be getting away with it now but someday it's going to catch up-"

Suzaku's hand tensed hard enough to make Lelouch to close his eyes and hiss. Then, slicing through the pain, there was a hot breath on Lelouch's cheek as Suzaku whispered close to his ear.

"-just like it's catching up with Schneizel."

A different pain started to strike, far more excruciating and much more relentless. When Lelouch tried to free his wrist again Suzaku let it go, let Lelouch hunch forward and try not to scream.

"You need to figure out the difference between revenge and justice, or everything that's good in you is going to get ripped up." Suzaku stood, putting his hands in his pockets. Lelouch swallowed and didn't dare look up, but that choice was taken from him when Suzaku's hand shot out and grabbed his jaw. Suzaku's eyes were still stern, unforgiving, but his grip was gentle.

"Don't make me do this again."

Then Suzaku was upright, hands in his pockets as he walked towards the door saying,

"Welcome to reality."

Then Suzaku was gone, and what Lelouch wanted was to kill him. Kill everything he loved. He wanted to _destroy_ Suzaku. It would be so easy. It might make all the things he'd said go away.

Lelouch braced one arm on the chair and started gasping for air, trying to catch some grip on his fear, contain it, but with the added ache, a proof of reality that Suzaku left behind, the fear became ephemeral and untouchable. Half of that pain was grounded to the shock that it had been Suzaku who, despite his own words earlier in the morning, Lelouch trusted to at least keep him safe from physical retaliation. Knowing that that was no longer true Lelouch felt terrified, abandoned and alone standing before a personal demon he'd taken on without deliberation…just because he could.

There was a touch against his neck and Lelouch was too numb to flinch away like his body told him too, instead he rose with the gentle urging to sit in Suzaku's chair.

Gino looked him in the eyes and Lelouch had never more grateful for anything than he was for that familiar smile. The knight looked down briefly and pulled away the hand that Lelouch was holding to his chest, pulling up the sleeve with care.

"It won't even bruise," Gino said softly, and when he looked up that smile was said, "But I bet it hurts, huh?"

"Suzaku hurt me," Lelouch confirmed in a whisper, his eyes moving down to the floor, feeling cold with disbelief.

Even sitting, his arm aching, Lelouch couldn't comprehend anything but a tenacious fury that he just couldn't touch or utilize no matter how far he reached into the recess of his mind. It was as if there was a wall in front of him, a solid force of incomprehension. His body began to pulse with the hard pound of his heart, trembling. A whisper suggested that he might be going into shock, but it was silenced as a pair of arms wrapped around him firm and warm. Lelouch hid his face in Gino's shoulder, shaking and unable to return the embrace.

_Suzaku_ had _hurt_ him.

The man who had smiled at him in the morning, the man who had said, repeatedly, that he would protect Lelouch because he was worth it, had walked in without a single qualm and deliberately, forcefully _hurt_ him.

The man that he respected, loved, had forced him to the ground and…and Lelouch learned what it really felt like to be betrayed. He understood what it felt like to be discarded by someone he had genuinely, completely trusted.

And he despaired, finally understanding how badly he had injured Suzaku just by talking to him, sitting on the porch in the morning, and just because he'd been afraid.

Lelouch tried to push Gino away, the last thing he deserved was comfort, but Gino shushed him quietly and declined the silent order. Ten minutes ago Lelouch would have been furious, but Lelouch was just grateful that Gino had enough heart not to stay three feet away.

Outside a motorcycle came to life and then drove away.

Suzaku had left him alone.

Would he come back?

The home phone rang and Lelouch bolted awake, looking at the clock and then at the phone in horror. He knew exactly what kind of calls came on the land line at one in the morning and Suzaku still hadn't come home ye…no, Suzaku hadn't come _back_ yet. Lelouch grabbed the receiver, almost dropped it and went cold at the sound of his sister's voice.

"There's been an…accident," Cornelia said, muttering, "Get over here before things go _more_ wrong."

"Where are you?" Lelouch stumbled out of his empty bed and pounded the wall, listening to Cornelia as he yelled, "Gino, get up!"

"You're going to need more than one gun," She said dryly before hanging up. Lelouch pulled his bedside drawer open and grabbed his mother's gun.

"Call Kallen!" He yelled, breathless as he pulled on pants, "Sayako! No…_shit_…Rolo!"

"Where?" Gino called back. Lelouch gave the address and Gino cursed quietly, before speaking quickly and earnestly into his cell. Rolo came around the corner, eyes wide, saying-

"I thought we were-"

"Sayako is the least conspicuous," Lelouch pulled on the first shirt that came to hand, "Go get a gun."

Lelouch couldn't tell if he matched but he was clothed and out the door as Rolo disappeared into the dark. He nearly ran into Gino who was still in his uniform, thank god, and said, "Go ahead with Kallen. We'll catch up on mine."

Gino looked Lelouch up and down with wide eyes and then shook his head like a wet dog, before opening finally his mouth to finally settle with, "When's the last time you rode that thing? Does it even have gas? And with a passenger-"

"Rolo's light, and if I could handle it at fifteen I can handle the damn thing now."

"Shit," Gino ran a hand through his hair, thankfully distracted by the sound of a horn in the driveway. He turned and started out the door before pausing, "Do you have a helmet?"

Lelouch threw a shoe at him.

Gino took the hint and luckily Sayako was there to put a holster on him, a jacket that felt like leather, and a new pair of shoes. Lelouch was breathless, making sure that the safety was still on before securing the weapon as she helped him with his shoes. He was sprinting out the back door and ducking under the slowly rising garage door as he revealed a piece of ancient history. He pulled off the cover, slightly surprised to see it clean and obviously taken care of, walked it to the street and got on.

The sound of the idling motorcycle was shockingly calming. Adrenalin was still racing through him but more focused, making his mind sharp. Carefully, very carefully, Lelouch tried to remember how to center his weight, taking corners, how to adjust for a second rider…it would be easier now that he had some kind of muscle tone and a little more weight. He'd been frighteningly light at sixteen. Rolo ran down the yard, stuffing a gun into the small of his back and neatly catching the helmet Lelouch tossed him.

"No," He said, absolutely scandalized, "Prince Lelouch you-"

"Shut up," Lelouch snapped with a following huff, it was actually painful to say, "You're my sister's lover. You're coming home to her, you understand?"

Rolo looked at him for a moment his mouth open in shock before he finally blurted, "Yes!" and shoved the helmet on."

"Good," Lelouch snapped, "Because that's the last time I'm going to say it, you little bastard."

Rolo…after re-considering the situation Lelouch wasn't sure if he should be chopping his hands off or welcoming him to their extremely fucked-up family. One thing Lelouch knew for sure, Rolo was going to do whatever it took to ensure that he could come back home and (Lelouch stopped thinking for a moment) Nunnaly.

Frustration, fear, and acute worry spurned him into speed. The second Rolo was securely seated, his thin arms around Lelouch's waist Lelouch began to race one of Asplund's early experiments to the only bar in DC that catered specifically to Britannians.

Gino and Kallen were waiting when they arrived, looking grim and staring at the two police cars that were in the parking lot, the accompanying officers leaning on the sides smoking, just watching. Kallen looked at him, made an odd face and nodded to the open door. Lelouch walked in first, his heart pounding as he molded his expression out of panic and into a Prince's cold anger. His group followed but they were stalled by Cornelia whose stern expression turned into wide-eyed shock as she said, "Jesus fucking Christ, Lelouch."

Lelouch just stared coolly forcing himself to ignore her shock. The scene was eerie, the usually bustling bar was completely empty with its tables overturned, drinks spilled from shattered glasses, and broken furniture illuminated by a painfully bright overhead light. He could see some figures in the corner but Cornelia was in the way, Guilford close at the side, his neck just one purple bruise.

"Tell me what happened."

For a moment, and that moment was startling, Cornelia simply stared wordlessly. She came back to life when Guilford rasped something that almost sounded like a word.

"Your boy fucked up," She put one hand on her waist, looking down her nose coolly as Lelouch stared back in narrow-eyed mockery, with a short closed-mouthed laugh. The intimidation effect had been ruined the second she had revealed a burst of shock just at the sight of him.

"Really, Cornelia," Lelouch scolded in a cool drawl, "What am I supposed to do, cower?"

Her eyes narrowed in return but Lelouch cut her anger off at the ankles with a small, amused smile, his shoulders moving in a silent laugh.

"Sister," Lelouch said slowly, enunciating as if talking to a small child, "I just spent five years staring down serial killers and felons. Don't waste your energy. We both know you're only here to revel in the aftermath."

Cornelia made an expression in-between anger and astonishment. It was a fair bet that it had been a while since anyone had the nerve to give her lip and even Guilford seemed to smile a little, if the grimace was anything to go by. Then she huffed, her expression molding into nonchalance and a shrug.

"I don't know why, but I thought you'd be less of a smart-mouth little shit."

"You'll find that age has only sharpened my tongue," Lelouch said calmly, a little amused, "I have even less patience for senseless posturing. I appreciate the value of time."

Then he narrowed his eyes, tapped into that waiting cool rage, and said, "So either tell me what happened or get the fuck out of my way."

For a moment Cornelia just stared, then the corner of her lip twitched up and she started laughing gently, almost fondly.

"Oh Lulu, you've always been such a sweet little thing. So cute!" She laughed more loudly, "Stomping your feet and giving me angry eyes, it's so adora-"

Lelouch silently pulled out his mother's gun and pointed it in Guilford's direction, clicking off the safety exactly as a tense silence fell. The sound was very loud but Cornelia didn't flinch, though he knew she appreciated the dramatics. They stared at each other silently as he let himself think of how she was keeping him from Suzaku and showed her exactly what such a feeling could make his do-

"HA!" Cornelia laughed loudly, grinning, "You'd do it! You'd shoot him!"

"Cornelia," Lelouch growled, "I'm only giving one more warning."

If Lelouch had just been a normal Britannian Guilford would be allowed to defend himself, but a Prince had certain privileges. Only royalty was allowed to kill or injure Royalty. All Guilford could do was stand and take it since Lelouch would pull the trigger long before Cornelia would be able to stop him.

"Fine," Cornelia nodded into the bar and began to lead the way, "Can you be objective?"

"Stop asking stupid questions, Cornelia."

He couldn't see her but Lelouch was fully aware that the woman was rolling her eyes. But the effect Cornelia's presence nearly evaporated when they turned the corner and Lelouch could finally to see why they had all endured a panicked race through the city.

V.V. was standing, taking notes as he looked down at a body on the ground, and for a moment Lelouch's heart stopped. The dead man was in a Round's uniform, his blood pooling around the lawyer's shoes. It was only until Lelouch saw blonde hair on the corpse's head that Lelouch managed to calm, his hands shaking as he searched for Suzaku. He finally found a single figure in a shadow out of the glare of the light. Suzaku was sitting on a corner bench, his top naked except for the bandages on his ribs and a hastily wrapped cloth on his upper arm. But, and Lelouch's breath caught, there was a long straight gash across his stomach still weeping blood. His white trousers were also ripped, filthy and bloody. He was watching VV work with an expression of morbid interest, his elbows on a table with his head resting in the cup of his hands.

As Lelouch watched Suzaku reached down and pulled a long-necked bottle of beer of the bench, took a sip and leaned back, still staring at the dead body.

"There are two other knights on their way to the hospital in critical condition," Cornelia murmured, sounding impressed, "One of them had their face smashed into a pile of broken glass and his femoral artery slashed. The other one got knifed right up between his jawbones. If there's not brain damage they said they might be able to save the tongue. There's a couple injured guys waiting for the next bus."

She laughed again, but quietly, glancing over to Lelouch for a second. She was obviously trying not to catch Suzaku's attention. Watching keenly as Suzaku watched VV turn the body over with his foot. Lelouch exhaled shakily, but managed not to gasp. Suzaku took another drink, looking blank but entranced.

"They're all like that, even the guys waiting for the bus. The slashes were just deep enough that they're going to need stitches," Cornelia hummed, "They were done with a piece of broken bottle so they'll scar."

Lelouch was like Suzaku, entranced as he stared at the roman numerals sliced deeply into the man's back. Even VV's eyebrows rose as he made a short note. A few vicious strokes, a single number.

Seven.

"Surprisingly, none of the men seem very angry," Cornelia was amused, "Apparently Sir Kururugi gave quite a few warnings before the fight, and before the brawl afterwards. It's some kind of knight honor thing, and he was obviously their superior. He knew the code words and said them. But Sir Bradley came inside and insisted on a duel. Kururugi had been sitting at the bar long enough and looked so miserable that they all assumed he was dead drunk. Easy pickings."

Bradley. Lelouch understood why Suzaku wasn't showing any emotion but that watching stare. Lelouch had killed the father and Suzaku had killed the son, probably not even knowing who he was until the air had cleared. He probably wouldn't even hear Cornelia if she was screaming the news.

Lelouch turned around and looked at the pale-faced group waiting behind him.

"Go outside," He pointed to the door, "And look as angry as I feel with your weapons in hand. Find Suzaku's bike."

They left and Cornelia snorted, an eyebrow raised.

"Do you really think someone would risk pissing off the Knight of Seven now?" she crossed her arms and peered back at Suzaku, "No, they'll bow low for that boy, even if it rips the stitches out."

"Those other knights are waiting outside for you to come out and kill them." Cornelia informed idly, "You should. They should have come to a Round's aid once the duel was over. They watched him fight off the now-maimed instead."

"I know the rules, Cornelia, and I know my rights." Lelouch's voice was hoarse, and he couldn't help the sound as Suzaku's stare started to turn inwards, looking blind as he nursed his drink.

"But you don't know the _people_ little brother, and they don't really know you." Cornelia murmured, as if whispering a secret, "Dropping a dozen knights would remind them of what our sweet little prince Lelouch is capable of doing while protecting himself and his people. Mercy will make you look weak."

Lelouch looked her eye to eye, letting his rage show through and whispered, "Did I say anything about mercy?"

Cornelia smiled, a proud, curling thing of pride, approval. She patted him on the arm. "That slick fuck VV is done. Go tend Seven before he cracks."

Lelouch did so, walking over the body as if dreaming to stand in front of Suzaku who was still caught up in his own mind.

"Love," Lelouch murmured, just a breath above silence as he wondered what Suzaku would do. Just wondered, didn't analyze, predict, speculate, he just wondered and waited for Suzaku to show him what was going to happen. There was no reaction.

"Love," Lelouch increased the volume and saw VV stiffen behind him. After a long moment Suzaku blinked a little, blurry, looking like he'd been woken from a deep sleep. He rubbed his eyes, looking exhausted as he mumbled, "What?"

"I love you, Suzaku."

After a moment of blinking, comprehension solidified as Lelouch looked down, smiling a little. Softly.

Finally coherent Suzaku ran a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath before making eye contact again.

"Still?" Suzaku frowned, still uncertain.

"No 'still' Suzaku." Lelouch lowered his voice, touched Suzaku's chin and said, "Just what I said…I love you."

Suzaku was overwhelmed, but there was a small measure of hope in the persistent disbelief.

That was fine. Lelouch would just have to prove it, prove that he loved him. He pulled his hand away and leaned back, crossing his arms as he nodded to the door, "Time to go."

But Suzaku wasn't saying anything, a different kind of disbelief on his face as he stared at Lelouch's clothes, looking up and down in fascination. Lelouch finally gave in, looking down with a grimace. Whatever he'd grabbed must look entirely ridiculous for even Cornelia to comment. Instead Lelouch was able to sigh in relief, a little bemused with himself.

It was a simple outfit; jeans, a sleeveless turtleneck that was a little snugger than when he had worn it before, and a familiar red jacket. Cornelia had probably thought she was seeing a ghost of the kid he used to be, the kid that knew exactly what he looked good in and wasn't afraid to show himself off. It had been a very subtle torture to be a beautiful prince around so many young female knights. He'd been very amused to watch them make eyes at someone they knew they couldn't have. That look of carefully curbed lust, the fidgeting as his proximity made them blush, and the way they bit their lip and got caught staring was always the same.

Lelouch would recognize that look anywhere. And after a moment of stunned revelation Lelouch did recognize that look, because it was sitting right in front of him, biting his lip and stuck in that awkward roaming stare, made in short glances. But Suzaku didn't look guilty…his expression was the same one Lelouch had opened his eyes to, panting into each other's mouth as Suzaku forgot to let him go. Amazed.

"You were right," Lelouch gave him a wry, self-mocking smile, "We obviously need to talk about '_this_'."

Suzaku flushed bright red, looking slightly stunned and extremely confused.

Lelouch just gestured to the door with a smile. And when he walked, heedless of the body and the bloody footprints he left behind Suzaku immediately followed.

The knights in the parking lot had gathered into a small, wide-eyed herd, surrounded by three very angry looking people, very angrily holding their guns in full view.

The first thing Suzaku noticed was the bikes. He dashed over to make sure that the 'Lancelot' had survived. Inspecting it thoroughly for a single scratch and finding none. When he was done Suzaku looked at the other parked bikes, eyeing Gino's briefly before settling on the last, a plum-colored vehicle with airbrushed gold designs similar to the knights' uniforms. As a teenager Lelouch had been attracted to bright, almost garish colors, but somehow Lloyd had turned a color scheme that could have been ridiculous and pretentious into a beautiful, startling design. Suzaku made a small, wondering face before understanding blinked on and he grinned, turning to Lelouch while pointing at the bike.

"Is this yours?" He didn't wait for Lelouch to answer, he just grinned, "You _drove_ this?"

"That's generally how one gets around in a vehicle," Lelouch scowled. Suzaku's disbelief was not very flattering, and especially not in front of a dozen knights, the police, and his snorting sister.

Suzaku smiled like Christmas had come early and started babbling in testosterone-ese while alternating quickly between groping different parts of Lelouch's motorcycle, staring up at him disbelief and then back again. Lelouch sighed, wondering why all of their altercations seemed to start at witching hour. The early hours seemed to leech the sensibility straight out of Suzaku's brain, which was not entirely sensible to begin with.

Still, seeing Suzaku happy, darting around without any of that previous, iron cold was deeply satisfying and worth a little humiliation. It was an easy decision to send him away before Suzaku had a reason to forcefully dull his personality again.

"Suzaku, take Kallen home."

Kallen looked up, scowling, "Fuck that, I'm staying here-"

"Kallen," Suzaku smiled a little, and said, "This isn't your place. You have to find somewhere else to be."

Kallen opened her mouth to continue but Lelouch gave her a Look and she relented, kicking up gravel and cursing.

"You're a fucking creep, you know that?" She angrily holstered her weapon, "Is that supposed to be some kind of Jedi mind trick? Idiot."

Kallen walked over to the bike as Suzaku got on. She slung her leg around and Suzaku laughed a little, looking very tired but not too tired to drive. Fortunately Suzaku didn't ask what was going on, he just accepted that a friend needed to get home and he'. They were scowling and cursing each other by the time the motorcycle was out of the parking lot. Then they were gone, leaving Lelouch to sigh in relief.

There were ten knights waiting for them in the herd, the two with bloody backs sitting near the police cars as they waited for the ambulance to return. That made a dozen knights that he was going to be forced to punish. He knew that Cornelia was testing his resolve, and that if she was left in charge they'd have to dig a mass grave for the dead. Twelve husbands, fathers, sons…Suzaku wouldn't want that on his conscience.

"What next, baby brother?" Cornelia crooned, leaning close, "What's going through that wicked little head?"

"Round up all twelve and bring them back to the bar." Lelouch said to Gino and Rolo. They both left and Guilford followed when Cornelia gave him a nod. They watched as the group was filed in, as obedient as sheep under a Prince and Princess' watchful eyes.

Living as a Britannian under the Emperor's protection was no small thing. Every one of them lived in nice houses, drove nice cars, and their children went to one of the best schools in the country. Each family had medical coverage for any illness. There were regular opportunities to go to professional sports games, the opera or have expensive meals on special occasions for those who didn't receive a regular salary. No one had too much and no one had too little, but there were prices for that comfort.

They would be asked to do illegal activities, there was a possibility that they might go to jail to protect their superiors, and those who refused to participate in either were required to give free care to the community. Knights were their police, their protectors from other gangs or the 'official' law so they were treasured. Their lives were just a tad grander because of that trust. The knights of the Round were treasured even more highly because they did the same job every day, all day without gaining a single thing beyond their social privileges. They were very simply the best protection that Britannia had to offer. Fewer Knights died when a Knight of the Rounds was called to serve and more civilians lived.

These Knights who had watched the duel between Bradley and Suzaku instead of trying to intervene would only have been given a very painful warning to try harder next time. They had earned death the second that no one came to Suzaku's aid when he was attacked by someone beneath him in rank.

Each one of those men lived in comfort and luxury but there was for a price, everything had a price, and one of those prices was absolute devotion to a list of clearly stated rules. Forgiveness would only make this structure crumble.

But Lelouch knew that the last thing Suzaku would want were another dozen dead on his shoulders. No, he had to be more inventive. They walked back into the room, Gino, Rolo, and Guilford following. When everyone was settled Lelouch grabbed a stool, taking it to sit behind the bar. Cornelia moved to the back and everyone watched in silence as Lelouch poured himself a glass of scotch. He took a sip and then pulled out a bottle of vodka, setting it off to the side.

"Sir Weinberg, your blade if you will." Gino nodded and passed his knife over. Lelouch flipped it open carefully, not having to test its sharpness, it almost hurt just to look at the edge.

Lelouch had an odd flashback to kindergarten, sitting in a semi-circle around the teacher as she read from a story book. It was the same, they all sat before him, but the lesson was going to be drastically different.

"You all know who I am, correct?" He'd been gone for a while, it was good to check. Everyone nodded, looking slightly confused. Lelouch smiled, pleased, and Cornelia crossed her arms, still watching intently.

"And you were all aware that Sir Kururugi was a knight of Rounds even before the conflict began, correct?"

There were more nods, mostly winces as Lelouch scanned the small crowd to make sure that every one of them acknowledged his statement. Punishment was only effective when those being punished understood what they had done wrong. Lelouch decided to elaborate.

"You will not be receiving the usual punishment for not coming to Sir Kururugi's aid." There was a round of astonished faces that turned back into waiting fear, when Lelouch continued, "I'm sure that it's become obvious that Sir Kururugi knows how to handle physical altercations and he has already punished you how he sees fit."

Cornelia peered at him, just waiting.

"You're being punished because you disrespected Suzaku Kururugi, Knight of Seven, by making him have to kill. He isn't fond of killing; unlike you he has still retained some form of conscience."

The men started to go a little pale again, some of them crouching into themselves, some of them staring resolutely at nothing at all.

"But more importantly," Lelouch stared at them, letting his fury leak into his gaze until they were afraid, "You have broken one of our most sacred rules. Since Sir Kururugi is still adjusting to this environment he doesn't understand the gravity of your crimes. The only reason I'm not cutting out your hearts while you beg for mercy is because your deaths would bother our Knight of Seven and he's been bothered enough this evening."

Everything was silent and everyone but Lelouch's people were white and scared.

"So, effectively, Sir Kururugi's sense of mercy has saved your lives." Lelouch said, "But I'm going to make sure that you remember why you're still breathing from this day to the end of your pathetic existence."

Lelouch pointed to a man in front and gestured, making him the first to come forward.

"I'm sorry my prince," He bowed, his head dipping, "I'm-"

"Be silent." Lelouch snapped, "Come around the bar."

The man did so, his hands shaking. Lelouch took another drink and said, "Face your peers."

The man did so, swallowing, and Lelouch said, "Pick up that knife in your right hand and put your left hand flat on the counter."

He did as he was told, starting to breathe hard as he stared down at that hand, sweat dripping from his brow.

"Keep your trigger finger and your thumb," Lelouch said coolly, taking another drink, "Remove the others."

There wouldn't be a single day that these men wouldn't remember the number seven, and there wasn't a moment that the others still waiting would forget the agony of watching their friends scream and bleed, wondering if they were going to be the next ones chosen to stand. The only luxury that Lelouch gave the men was blood. The puddle was cleaned and the knife doused in alcohol with each turn. Lelouch instructed them to put the removed fingers into a nearly empty pickle jar at the side.

After the first few men Lelouch remembered to look up at Cornelia.

Lady Cornelia watched with a pleased, fond smile and nodded in approval.

Then, while everyone was still bleeding and groaning Lelouch led them all out to the parking lot where the police were still lounging, smoking their cigarettes. A few of them cursed when they saw the men's hands, shaking their heads, but none of the four moved to help, not even when Lelouch made the last two men kneel on the ground. They watched, eyes bright and intent under the floodlights as Lelouch gestured Gino away and removed his mother's gun.

It struck him then that they had both used the weapon to protect the people they loved; first his father, and now Suzaku.

"Unfortunately," Lelouch's voice carried in the quiet night, "Your crimes can only be paid for in blood."

Then Lelouch pulled the trigger twice and watched with satisfaction as Suzaku's enemies fell forward, dead.

One of the cops laughed quietly, "You can always rely on the Britannians to take care of their own messes with some kind of order. Not like those damn Italians-"

"You're a sick fuck," The other one laughed back, giving a small two fingered salute in Lelouch's direction. They drove off but the men nearest to the bodies were having a problem. One of them was speaking quickly, sincerely, but the other's voice was jagged, one hand on his weapon.

"There's no way we can just let this go-" He hissed, "That man just killed two-"

"Excuse me," Lelouch interrupted the argument, startling the younger of the men enough that he pulled his weapon, eyes wide. Showing his empty hands in a flash of color, Lelouch managed to calm him enough that he put the weapon down. A rookie, Lelouch knew, that wide-eyed disbelief hadn't been filed away yet. He was afraid.

"Look," The other officer said quickly, "He's new, he doesn't-"

"Understand, yes officer, I'm aware." Lelouch looked straight into the boy's eyes, "That's why I'm here."

Reaching out Lelouch caught the kid by the jacket and pulled him away from the car a little, closer to the corpses.

"These men were part of our police force," Lelouch said quietly, standing close. "They made an oath to protect Britannians but they broke that oath trying to kill their captain, their mentor."

"Then they should go to jail," The man whispered back, "Not-"

"What jail?" Lelouch pointed to the other men, getting their hands taken care of near an idling ambulance. "They all knew that they'd done something wrong and they took their punishments without objection. By our law I could have dropped a dozen bodies tonight, but these two-"

He pointed back to them, "Did you see them struggle? Beg for mercy?"

"No," The man whispered, "They didn't."

Lelouch looked into his eyes, staring, and said, "Britannians take care of Britannians according to a carefully structured hierarchy and a collection of laws. When these men are loyal and follow the rules they are given anything they need whenever they need it. These men betrayed their people. You may not like it, Officer, but every punishment fits the crime."

"That doesn't give-"

"Yes it does." Lelouch said quietly, "If a single person gets away with betrayal it puts the whole community at risk. Think of Britannia as a separate nation, if you must, and understand that we take care of our own."

The man opened his mouth again and Lelouch raised a single finger, watching with satisfaction as it shut again.

"This just isn't your business," Lelouch informed him quietly, "We respect peace-keepers. Britannia has never killed or gravely injured a straight cop. We keep tight control of our people. No one is forced to stay with us and they're not penalized if they decide to leave. Spend your time worry about people who need and want your help. It's just that simple."

"But-" He was just as quiet when Lelouch cut him off again.

"Ask your commander and you'll never have to deal with Britannia again." Lelouch smiled a little, patted him on the shoulder, "Or maybe get to know us better. There's and Honorary Britannian program and we always take care of the people who take care of us. Knights who follow our rules have the highest respect…perhaps even more respect than a single cop lost in a large police force. It was nice meeting you, officer."

Lelouch held out his hand and the man shook it immediately without a qualm even standing next to two fresh corpses. Still, he looked very confused.

"Did you just offer me a job?"

"No," Lelouch nodded, "I just offered you a simpler, more comfortable way of life. If you decide to go through the program to see if you'll fit in just find a knight and tell him that Prince Lelouch sent you."

The man's eyes went very, very wide and Lelouch was fairly sure that if the sun was out he would have seen him go pale.

"You're a prince," He looked very afraid, "I'm sorry…I didn't mean-"

"Never be sorry about doing your job," Lelouch nodded to the dead men, "I'm not."

Lelouch escorted the dumbfounded man back to his car with the full knowledge that he wasn't even going to make a peep about what had transpired right under his nose. It was the little details that got people into trouble and Lelouch always made sure that when he did a job it was well done. He opened the car door for the man, nodding politely as he shut the door and grabbed his partner.

The man was smoking a cigarette with a wry, slightly grim smile.

"You really a prince? I've never seen you around."

"I was working as a civilian until I got outed," Lelouch shrugged, it was better that the police were informed by someone other than the FBI and it was the foot soldiers who knew how to spread the words around.

"Really?" His eyes widened, "May I ask what you were doing?"

"FBI," Lelouch took a little pleasure in the man's flinch, "I was working as their criminal profiler, psychologist, etc."

"No wonder you've got such a slick tongue," He laughed a little, "That kid's going to be a knight, isn't he?"

Lelouch only shrugged, smiling. He was fairly sure there would be a new Britannian soon but he always left room for error.

"I guess I don't have to ask you to keep him safe."

"Not at all." Lelouch lowered his voice a little, "There's going to be a conflict soon so he'll have to wait, but after the dust settles-"

"Conflict?" The man's eyes went sharp and he took the cigarette out of his mouth. It had been a long time since there was an internal war but the man was old enough that he may have witnessed the last one. The last war had been about succession and ugly, but Charles had come out on top with a relatively low body count.

"Blood feud." Lelouch said simply. The man sighed and went back to smoking. "I'd appreciate it if you could ask your Lieutenant to send over the local liaison. I'd like this to go through with as limited trouble as possible."

"Yeah, 'course." He dropped the cigarette and ground it into the dirt. "Where do I send him?"

"To Lelouch Lamperouge," Lelouch said, "He'll have my address and number."

"Jesus," He took out another cigarette, his fingers slipping on his lighter for a moment, "So it's you against-"

"Schneizel."

"Jesus."

"Thank you, officer."

"Yeah, no problem." He shook his head and picked up the crushed butt, calling over his shoulder, "Good luck against Schneizel. You'll need it."

"I make my own luck." Lelouch said, watching them drive away. He caught the slight gleam of blonde as Gino came to stand next to him

"Recruiting, Prince Lelouch?" He grinned, "That's a little beneath you."

A little beneath him…Lelouch frowned down at the ground, remembering Suzaku's voice in his ear as he struggled and failed to stand.

If CC hadn't been right before she was right now. Lelouch had let Suzaku be the king of him. He might fight it, he might resent it, but Lelouch understood that under Suzaku's insistence he would always bow. Suzaku would just always be the better person and Lelouch would always acknowledge that fact.

"Why didn't you come into the kitchen, Gino?" Lelouch asked, quite and melancholy, just wanting to know. "Did you know what he was doing?"

"No," Gino ran a hand through his hair, sighed, "But it was obvious that something needed to change between you two…and Suzaku doesn't like to fight unless he's cornered. I think that's what makes him so good at it."

"How's that?"

Lelouch looked over to see Gino with a small, worried look on his face. The man smiled when he met Lelouch's eyes but it was strained.

"Everyone fights best when it's their last resort," Gino looked up in the sky, crossing his arms, "I figured if he was fighting you it was because he'd been backed into a corner and for some reason you'd dismissed his warnings."

Lelouch stared at the ground, sighed, and whispered, "That wasn't a fight Gino. That was his warning."

They were both silent for a long time, but the silence was surprisingly comfortable despite the growing chill. The comfort was interrupted by the sound of crunching gravel and they turned to see the two bodies being dragged away while a draped stretcher was coming out of the bar.

"Considering what happened tonight," Gino's voice was even, deadly serious, "You should probably heed that warning, Prince Lelouch."

Lelouch planned to, but Gino didn't need to know that, just like he didn't know what had forced Suzaku to make a move in the first place.

"He said something that I didn't really understand." Lelouch felt odd confessing to Gino of all people but Suzaku was the subject of the conversation, CC would just heckle him, and Cornelia was too blood-thirsty to give good advice. The knight would keep their conversation private and Lelouch knew from being on the other side of the couch that some things just had to be worked out with the help of someone else.

"Yes?" Gino startled him back into the present.

"He told me I had to figure out the difference between revenge and justice."

Gino sighed deeply and stuck his hands in his pockets, staring down at that ground.

"That bad?" Lelouch was a little morbidly amused. Gino's lips pressed into a frown and Lelouch added, "Just say it, Weinberg."

It took a few more minutes but Gino finally spit it out.

"I don't know what happened between you and your brother," Gino looked very sad, and given his personality that expression was enough to make Lelouch sober. It was enough to make Lelouch want to back away.

"All I know," Gino continued very quietly, coming a step closer, "Is that two men who had previously proven to have complete control over their emotions just lost it."

Lelouch crossed his arms to hide the tremble in his hands and only barely kept himself from looking away.

"You were honestly going to kill Kallen just for showing up one your doorstep." Gino's voice was very nearly a whisper, "Even Kallen knows that you like her…and not many people can say that about you, Lelouch, but if Kallen hadn't said Suzaku's name she'd be seven feet under right now."

Lelouch swallowed, nodded the slightest bit and forced himself to keep eye-contact. At the time he'd felt so numb that he could forget who his friends were. Gino's prediction was very probable.

"And then Suzaku just drops everything he understands to defend you in a completely foreign environment when only a few days before he'd been determined to ruin you." Gino's voice was strained, "That kind of stuff only happens in fiction. Not real life."

He finally lost the battle with himself, Lelouch looked away. They were all playing at being Princes and Princesses but their life wasn't even close to being a fairytale. Gino continued, relentless despite the lost contact.

"I don't want to speculate about the catalyst and I won't. I want to be able to sleep at night. All I'm concentrating on is the fact that no matter what Schneizel's done I sure as hell don't want a man who's capable of creating a situation like that as my master."

Then, and Lelouch's heart pounded hard, Gino said, "I'll kill him myself before that happens."

Lelouch's eyes shot back up. Gino was a knight, one born and bred in Britannia, and as far as Lelouch could tell the man resolutely followed the Emperor. The fact that he could even utter those words with cold truth was a blow. If Gino was capable of killing a prince then he was capable of doing anything, he was dangerous. The Prince in his mind wanted to retreat and turn him in but Lelouch processed the statement as the person he was, not the person he used to be, and wondered at Gino's courage to even think the words, let alone say them out loud.

"Cornelia's fit to lead if it comes to that," Gino continued, his eyes bright and determined, "but I'd much rather this be done properly. I want Schneizel to lose because he has proven himself to be unfit and untrustworthy. I'm not angry at him, I'm disgusted, and I'll fight with you to make sure he doesn't have the power to hurt anyone again."

Gino nodded, his expression tight and worried.

"But for you the war is personal. You want to beat Schneizel because you want to see him suffer for what he's done to you, and you keep feeding your rage with anything or anyone that's close enough to let you."

Then, and Gino laughed, smiling again as he ran a hand through his hair he finished with a comment that Lelouch felt change him in a deep, echoing way.

"I think that would cut Schneizel the deepest, if you ignore him as a personal enemy and just try to eliminate him because he'd make a bad Emperor." Gino smirked, "Anger is the difference between justice and revenge."

Lelouch understood and he agreed, but, "I'm not sure I know how to not be angry."

Gino smiled and shrugged playfully.

"If you give Suzaku a chance he'll probably teach you." He laughed, "I've never seen a guy who can switch off like he can."

Lelouch smiled back.

"That's because when he really fights he's little more than an animal. Suzaku kills when he needs to just as he eats when he needs to, there's no difference to him."

Pursing his lips, freezing for a moment Gino's eyes widened and he said, "Um..."

Lelouch allowed himself to laugh, allowed himself to slough off the weight of their conversation to be more carefully examined later. He continued because the look on Gino's face was entirely amusing.

"It's just like any domesticated animal. A guard dog will wag its tail when you love him, play and all that, and then turn around and rip someone else's throat out for stepping on your property."

He looked over at the motorcycle and started walking, Gino following. He was back on his bike and pulling his helmet on when Gino gave some murmuring advice.

"That analogy does not make it less creepy." Gino said slowly, "Just so you know."

"Oh, I know."

"Then why do you-"

"Because it's hilarious."

"Oh." Gino was just about to start his motorcycle when Lelouch put his hand out, stopping him. The knight looked up and smiled even in the face of Lelouch's serious, wondering expression.

"If I give up my anger we no longer have a blood feud." Lelouch whispered, "The only valid reason left to try to kill Schneizel is for the right of succession. Are you still willing to support with me then?"

Lelouch watched Gino watch him and realized that he'd finally asked the right question. Gino gave a small bow and a wide smile.

"I think you'll find, Prince Lelouch, that if this battle is about succession you'll find more allies than just me." Gino shrugged, gesturing towards the bar, "There are already ten men who owe you their lives and those ten men had friends, wives, children…and they'll wake up thanking god that you weren't Schneizel."

Understanding began to settle and Lelouch said, "I've been gone too long."

"But you're back now!" Gino started the engine when Lelouch removed his hand. "I'll take care of Rolo. You just get home to check on Suzaku, yeah? I'm sure he's waiting up."

Lelouch could only sigh and do what eh was told, unable to outrace all the questions building up in his mind, all of the opportunities and paths being opened up before him. Succession, death, and the quiet what-if that Suzaku represented just by breathing all added up to the same thing. In his father's absence Britannia needed help. If mercy was so unexpected, so startling, then there needed to be changes within the hierarchy. Despite Cornelia's ability and Odysseus's birthright it was Schneizel who had filled that power gap. He was already sitting on the throne, all that he was missing was that crown, their father's crown.

The idea of stealing that crown at the very last moment…well, it didn't make Lelouch frown.

And Lelouch had to be the king of something.


	7. Primary Gain Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long-awaited chapter seven has arrived! I hope it's everything you hoped it would be. Thanks always to the reviewers. Every time I get a review in the mail I think about primary gain, it really is great motivation and I read each and every one. For those of you who don't know PG updates are being posted on my Wordpress account. I get a lot 'pleeeease don't let it die' e-mails. If you're worried just go check the account!

The long-awaited chapter seven has arrived! I hope it's everything you hoped it would be. Thanks always to the reviewers. Every time I get a review in the mail I think about primary gain, it really is great motivation and I read each and every one. For those of you who don't know PG updates are being posted on my Wordpress account. I get a lot 'pleeeease don't let it die' e-mails. If you're worried just go check the account!

Thank you to Hawk my awesome, awesome beta. She's the reason you guys are getting such an awesome chapter today instead of a not so awesome chapter many weeks from now.

Chapter Seven

It was nearly four in the morning by the time Lelouch made it home. Suzaku was waiting on the porch, watching as a familiar dark motorcycle came up the driveway and parked. He killed the engine and Suzaku could see the smile on his face even in the dark, his hair mussed by the wind. Suzaku felt like he'd come back to an entirely different person, again, but this person seemed to be more of a culmination than the scrap Prince that Lelouch had become. He had no idea if Lelouch had actually changed, but he allowed himself to hope when the man turned around, saw him waiting, and smiled a little.

"Did Kallen make it home or is she still here?"

Suzaku shook his head. "She wants to talk to you about something, but it's been long enough that she's probably passed out on the couch."

Gino's bike pulled up and he and Rolo got off. Gino gave a little salute and then disappeared into the garage, dragging the boy behind him. Lelouch walked a little closer and Suzaku caught the flash of the gun beneath his coat, smelled gunpowder, and didn't comment about the little black specks on the man's cheek. The blood would wash off. Lelouch sat next to him with a sigh before asking, "Do you have your knife?"

Suzaku grabbed the backup blade stuck in pocket and handed it forward. He'd had to change back into his jeans and t-shirt. His jacket had just barely managed to stay together during the ride back to the house, but it had fallen apart a couple steps inside. He hadn't had time to worry about that though, with Sayako getting out a thread and needle for his cuts. He watched as Lelouch took the gun out of his holster and opened the knife.

Very, very carefully, Lelouch etched two lines on the barrel of his mother's gun.

"Thirty-four," he said quietly, handing the blade back. Suzaku didn't ask, because he didn't need to. Honestly, he was a bit surprised that it was only two tallies. Lelouch had looked angry enough to empty his clip.

And Suzaku really had no room to talk when he'd already killed three. It had just been Bradley's bad luck that he'd chosen possibly one of the lowest moments in Suzaku's life to challenge him to a duel. By all rights Suzaku should have been dead drunk by the time they showed up, but every time he grabbed the bottle he felt Lelouch's thin wrist inside his hands instead. It wasn't long until he couldn't drink at all.

"There are ten men who owe their life to you," Lelouch said quietly, sheathing the weapon. "And in Britannia blood debts are powerful things."

"Thank you for not killing them."

"You're welcome."

The silence wasn't tense, but it was full, thick with all the questions Suzaku wanted to ask but couldn't bring himself to say. He wanted to know if Lelouch's wrist was bruised, wanted to know why he'd ridden out to pick Suzaku up, wanted to know if he was sick for not caring that five men had died.

Instead Suzaku said, "I can't believe you own a pair of jeans."

Lelouch's head dipped forward and he followed the long silence with a small laugh.

"I can't believe they still fit." Lelouch's voice was soft, different than Suzaku had ever heard. "The last time I wore this outfit I was about to graduate."

"From college?"

His head tilted to the side and Suzaku caught the barest bit of gleam of his eyes.

"High school," Lelouch huffed. "Maybe Sayako just got the same clothes in a different size-"

"You looked like that in high school?" Suzaku laughed. "It suits you better than, um-"

"Actual suits?"

"Yeah." Suzaku ran a hand through his hair, tired and very amused. "You looked like you were about to give someone a serious ass-kicking or pistol-whipping or something. Standing there with your gun-"

And looking absolutely, fiercely gorgeous with a different sort of self-confidence, looking like a leader, a protector, instead of a ruthless conspirator. It was as if some warped glass had been removed to reveal Lelouch for the first time and turn the whole world a little more vibrant. But what had been taken away that would make such a drastic alteration in Lelouch's character?

"Suzaku." Lelouch's voice was a murmur just loud enough to cut through his wonderings.

"Yeah?"

"You like women, Suzaku." Lelouch looked up at him. "Not men."

Suzaku swallowed, feeling very cold as Lelouch stared insistently, but softly.

"It's been a while since you had an intimate emotional relationship with a man. You've probably never had a best friend when you were growing up. Just girlfriends, because it's easy to be with them and you understand exactly what they want from you, you know what to say to them, how to act-"

It was Dr. Lamperouge's words, his careful, even cadence, but not his tone. There was an underlying emotion that Suzaku couldn't quite grasp because he was too busy trying to understand what Lelouch was saying.

"-and the only way you really know how to interact with other men is through violence. That's not bad or good, it's just how things work for you…and after so many years behavior like that becomes pretty permanent." Lelouch sighed softly, but it was there. "What you're feeling now is a kind of dissonance between the two. It's possible to be close to a person without sex getting involved, which I'm sure you understand, but it's new to you. It will take some time, but soon enough things will settle between us… Maybe you'll be able to make space for a male friend or maybe you won't but-"

Suzaku identified the emotion: disappointment, regret and holding it all together-

Lelouch didn't fight against him, but he went very still and entirely non-responsive except for the hand that was slowly, but gradually pushing Suzaku away as Suzaku tried to kiss him.

"Don't be ridiculous," Suzaku whispered breathily. "Say whatever you want to make yourself feel better but I'm pretty sure the last time you let someone get really close to you was _never_. If you don't want me like that just say so. You don't have to feed me psycho-babble to spare my damn ego."

Lelouch didn't say anything, but the pressure on Suzaku's chest disappeared as Lelouch fisted his t-shirt.

"You like girls." The smooth confidence turned into exasperation and Lelouch leaned back to look him in the eyes. "Suzaku…you like _breasts_, and I'm not going to grow a pair any time soon."

"Obviously." Suzaku skewed the phrase intentionally. "You just don't want to take a chance. What are you scared of, Lelouch?"

It was the wrong thing to say. Lelouch swallowed and turned his face as Suzaku thought, _Schneizel_.

What Suzaku wanted to say, would bleed to be able to say, was 'I won't hurt you', but that obviously wasn't true anymore.

"I'm going to steal a kiss," Suzaku said softly, "And tomorrow we're going on a date."

"Excuse me?" Lelouch had no problem making eye contact again. "Suzaku, don't say stupid things."

"Don't call me stupid," Suzaku groused back. "You said it yourself. It's new for you, it's new for me, so we're going to take it slow."

"Take _what_ slow?" Lelouch shoved him away, with an odd, uncomprehending look on his face. "Suzaku there's _nothing to take_… A date? You're crazy! With everything else going on you're _actually_ going to suggest-"

Suzaku stole his kiss. He leaned forward and caught Lelouch's mouth, raising one hand to touch the slope of his face and using the other to pull Lelouch close. It was a hold that Lelouch could dissolve with another sharp push, but after a moment tense full-body frustration Lelouch gave in, rolling his eyes and putting and arm around Suzaku's neck. The moment Lelouch began to respond Suzaku pulled back, making a face.

"You know, maybe you're right," he said, nose scrunched as Lelouch stared up with wide eyes. "That was the worst kiss I've ever-"

Lelouch scowled, grabbed a fistful of Suzaku's hair and pulled him back down. And, well, Suzaku had been expecting something similar to what happened during their first real kiss. It was supposed to start with half-crazed grasping before gentling into something else, but Lelouch pulled him down until they were both horizontal, holding Suzaku's head in place to control the pace. One second they'd be kissing deeply, desperately, and the next Lelouch would be biting at his mouth, canting his hips up to run one of his legs against Suzaku's side. Suzaku felt like he was playing some sort of hormone-laced game of chicken as Lelouch switched up the level a higher notch just as soon as Suzaku was getting comfortable. He could only brace his forearms next to Lelouch's shoulders and follow his lead.

He'd been serious when he said he was just going to steal a kiss, take things slowly, but they were only a few minutes in as he was sitting up, his back leaning against the door as helped Lelouch strip out of his holster and jacket. It was almost shocking to see his arms bare, to feel how soft his skin was as Suzaku ran his fingers down to Lelouch's wrists. Suzaku felt possessed, honestly out of control, when he grabbed Lelouch's left arm by the elbow and licked his wrist, right where he had hit the nerve. He kissed the bare skin of Lelouch's wrist, licked the bump of the bone, bit lightly on the curve and Lelouch… Lelouch shuddered, biting his bottom lip as he stared, his free hand running through Suzaku's hair, sliding his thumb against the sensitive skin behind his ear.

Then, because he had always liked it when girls did it to him, Suzaku dragged his teeth lightly up Lelouch's palm and took one of those long, elegant fingers into his mouth. Lelouch froze, staring, trembling and Suzaku sucked, gently moving his tongue against the tip.

Whatever constraint that Lelouch had been using to remain in control broke. He made a noise that could have been a word but wasn't, pulled his hand away, and caught Suzaku's mouth in a deep, moaning kiss. He heard himself making a noise in return but Suzaku's focus was on getting Lelouch closer, feeding that burning thrill by grabbing the man's thighs and-

He yelled in surprise when those long fingers grabbed him at the crotch, caressing in time with the rhythm of their mouths. There was a certain twist and Suzaku was helpless, incapable of doing anything but baring his throat as he panted, shook, and did everything he could to keep Lelouch close. Lelouch's shoulder was moving slightly, he was breathing roughly, but all of his attention was for Suzaku and the sounds coming out of Suzaku's mouth. He would move his hand one way only to turn it suddenly the other, making Suzaku groan and cry out just as soon as he was gaining some kind of control over his vocal chords. Suzaku finally just gave up trying to stem all of the pathetic little whimpers and tones.

"You're beautiful," Lelouch breathed, barely even a whisper, in an odd, absent way…as if he wasn't really hearing himself.

"God," Suzaku gasped at the look in his eyes, an unflinching desire as he caught Suzaku's mouth again, murmuring things Suzaku couldn't even hear for the haze of quickly mounting pleasure. The hum of Lelouch's words, the sweet smell of his skin when Suzaku pressed his face in the crook of Lelouch's neck, the steady caress of his fingers through Suzaku's hair, the rhythm of his hand increasing…it was too much to contain. It was just too much.

"Yes, yes," Lelouch's low whisper solidified in the excess, "Just like that, Suzaku… Just like that-"

And his voice was almost a touch of its own, a tender caress, a stroke…a kiss… Suzaku gripped Lelouch's thighs hard and squeezed his eyes shut, biting his bottom lip in a last desperate bid for discretion. For a moment there was nothing but that moment and Lelouch's closeness, shaking, relentless pleasure and those murmuring whispers.

Then there was Lelouch's warm embrace, his whispered hush while Suzaku hugged him close, as close as he could, and said, "Lelouch…Lelouch… -"

Suzaku opened his eyes at the gentle caress of fingers combing through his hair and a soft kiss on the forehead.

"Don't leave me," Lelouch whispered, pressing another chaste kiss. "Just don't do it, Suzaku."

"I won't." Suzaku could barely catch his breath, still caught in humming, gentle pleasure. "I won't."

"Promise."

"I won't leave you." Suzaku pressed their lips together. "I promise, Lelouch. I swear."

Lelouch smiled and it was slow, sincere, and sad… That smile turned into a caress as Lelouch drew his thumb against Suzaku's cheekbone, running through a thin layer of sweat. He was suddenly cold, chilled from the pre-dawn air and shivering into the warmth of Lelouch's hold. He was so careful, so gentle and unrushed that Suzaku forgot that there was supposed to be two sides to passion.

Lelouch smiled then, a sharp little smirk as he rose out of Suzaku's lap.

"I think we can skip that date."

Then he opened the door and laughed when Suzaku fell limply through the doorway, his head hitting the floor. Lelouch nudged his hip a little with the toe of his shoe.

"You're hopeless," Lelouch chuckled, disappearing into the dark of the hallway. Suzaku just stayed where he fell, catching his breath and trying to work up some sort of energy to move after a brain-melting orgasm. After a few moments he heard footsteps and sighed, letting his eyes close, grateful that Lelouch had come back to help.

There was a giggle.

Suzaku winced and then reluctantly looked up into Kallen's face-splitting grin. She laughed at him again, eyes sparkling in pure joy as her body trembled. After a moment she finally caught enough breath to blurt, "_Fag_."

"Godamnit," Suzaku groaned, feeling his face burn in an enormous blush. "_Kallen_-"

"You're a fucking fag," Kallen repeated, gleeful, her whole body shaking with soundless laughter. She had to put a hand against the wall to keep herself propped up.

"Your heterosexual status has been revoked," she elaborated, gasping. "Jesus… I've never heard you make so much _noise_-"

"Shut up, shut up," Suzaku groaned, levering himself up through the staying power of absolute embarrassment. If only he could get away, he wouldn't hear anymore-

"-the neighbors are probably jacking off." Kallen kicked him back down, socked foot on his chest. "That was _porno_, Suzaku, the _good_ kind… Even I'm a little-"

Kallen made a face of utter joy and cut herself off, yelling, "Gino!"

She started to scamper off and all Suzaku could think to do, still half out of his mind, was yell-

"No sex in the house!"

* * *

"You have to come out of the room sometime," Lelouch said, sounding far too composed and smiling a little as he handed Suzaku a piece of toast.

"No I don't," Suzaku mumbled through a mouth of crumbs, glaring. "I'm sick. I have the flu."

Lelouch snorted, staring down with familiar, narrowed eyes.

"Well, Gino and Kallen caught the same flu, apparently." He smirked. "Sayako found them sleeping half-naked on the lawn. One of the neighbors called saying she didn't think her child was quite old enough for sex ed."

Suzaku pulled the comforter over his head, groaning.

Then Suzaku remembered something important and pulled it back down just enough to peer at Lelouch from under the edge, hiding his blush.

"Um. Last night," Suzaku was dreadfully grateful that Lelouch couldn't see his face, "I finally made it upstairs, and…you were in the bathroom."

Suzaku felt better when Lelouch's cheeks flushed a little as he glanced away, apparently finding the lamp fascinating.

"Well, I'm not made of stone, Suzaku."

Suzaku laughed, tried to stop and ended up giggling. Stone, the dumb little voice in his head informed, was _hard_. Ha. Lelouch got over his blush and glared.

"You just can't help yourself, can you?"

"Sorry." Suzaku blushed a little. "Not about that. About the other thing."

"My erection?" Lelouch glared, caustic and biting. Just hearing the word come out of his mouth, blatant and in the bright light of day-

Suzaku retreated under the covers and did a little more giggling.

And then he was being smothered.

And somewhere in between Lelouch trying to kill Suzaku and Suzaku trying to get him to stop there was just a little too much wiggling of Lelouch straddling his lap. Then they were having an entirely different game…struggle… Whatever it was had a lot of Lelouch's grouchy smiling and Suzaku just grinning as they switched positions and Suzaku pinned his wrists on the bed.

"I wanted to help out," Suzaku said, not worrying about his blush. Lelouch was just as flushed, giving his cold glare a slightly petulant look that had an odd, unexpected symmetry on the man's face. Suzaku laughed, teasing, "Don't pout at me, Lelouch."

Suzaku leaned down to kiss him and Lelouch's mouth made a sharp, hollow sound as he lunged forward, snapping his teeth. Only his carefully honed reflexes kept Suzaku from getting his face bitten. He was slightly shocked, slightly grumpy, and fully aware that he should have anticipated such a succinct reaction. Still, just like Lelouch said, Suzaku couldn't help himself. He pressed his lips into a pout, leaning forward just out of reach, and crooned-

"I've been awake fifteen whole minutes…and you won't let me have a kiss?"

Lelouch rolled his eyes so hard it probably hurt. He tried to bring his knee up but Suzaku was pretty solidly seated and it did nothing to help. Lelouch, Suzaku realized, was about as physically dangerous as a kitten. He thanked god that the man at least knew how to aim a gun.

"God," Lelouch growled, trying to free his wrists from Suzaku's pin. "I should have known you'd get sappy."

When Suzaku grinned Lelouch's face molded into a plain, easy stare which usually signaled that Suzaku was about to get a verbal whiplash.

Worse than that, Lelouch said, "You know, I think I'm getting an erection right now."

The words came out so calmly and so straight-faced that Suzaku didn't comprehend until after a few moments of witless staring. Then he blushed, eyes wide and very nearly let go of Lelouch's hands to back away from the sudden reality of what he was doing and who he was doing it with. At night, caught up in adrenalin and defiant lust, it had been easy to touch Lelouch. But, in the morning, simply playful and awake, the reality was slightly startling.

Which Lelouch obviously meant to use as his advantage. Instead, Suzaku gathered every bit of courage, stubbornness, and love for the man together. Suzaku leaned forward, and murmured, "Oh?"

Because he'd seen the initial flinch Lelouch wasn't prepared to meet Suzaku's slow, wicked smile as he leaned forward and blocked the sun, giving them the privacy of a light shadow. Lelouch's eyes widened and his mouth opened just the barest bit as his breath started to puff against Suzaku's mouth in shallow, hot exhales.

"Yes," Lelouch murmured, sounding a little unsure as he pushed himself deeper into the mattress. He was unable to flinch and Suzaku thought as those violet eyes widened in the slightest alarm, 'Be careful what you wish for.'

"Then maybe I'll finish what I should have started last night." Suzaku backed away a little, smiling coyly and grateful when that hint of fear was gone from Lelouch's stare. Suzaku shifted his weight and let fingers slide lightly down the man's arms, looking for and finding what was becoming a familiar heat beginning to gather in his eyes.

And then Suzaku was shouting in shock, holding his ears as Lelouch shoved him off and took three great strides to the door. He opened it and stood just enough behind it, Suzaku would think later when his head wasn't ringing, just far enough to hide everything below the waistline. Lelouch was scowling when Suzaku finally sat up, entirely scandalized that Lelouch would have the nerve to _box his ears _like some unruly child when Suzaku was offering him at the very least a nice make out session. Ungrateful. Suzaku scowled back, purposely ignoring his own fading bulge as Lelouch gave it its own (but slightly less fierce) glare.

He finally met Suzaku's face again, flushing as he yelled, "Get out of bed!"

Lelouch slammed the door behind him but it instantly swung outward as he offered a last volley.

"No sex in the house!"

He didn't miss the opportunity to slam the door again.

Suzaku's anger and disbelief switched into wondering bemusement. Was it possible that Lelouch had some kind exhibition thing? It would explain the bizarre rule. He threw himself back on the mattress, sighing deeply, and reluctantly prepared for another bright, sunny day spent planning a war.

* * *

Suzaku descended the stairs and through a barrier of thick silence, eerie after the last few mornings of animation, if not joviality. Instead Suzaku found himself pausing at the last three steps, staring down to look at Lelouch standing with his arms crossed and staring with a bright, intense fury unlike any Suzaku had ever seen. He'd thought he'd seen Lelouch angry until he walked down the corridor that morning, but the look on his face made Suzaku wonder if what he had thought were temper tantrums were Lelouch's equivalent of a sigh. He couldn't understand what could possibly turn what was looking like he set-up for a friendly conversation into a showdown.

Then he peered around the corner and saw who was standing in the doorway, smiling softly, almost warmly, as if he hadn't a single care in the world.

"Suzaku." Lelouch didn't even look in his direction. "Don't."

Suzaku looked down, realizing for the first time that he was holding his weapon in a tight, furious grip. It stung but Suzaku did as he was told.

Schneizel smiled. "Good boy."

"Fu-"

"What do you want, Schneizel?" Lelouch cut him off with a short glare before turning back to his brother. "I don't remember inviting you to my home."

"And I don't remember receiving an invitation." Schneizel smirked and Suzaku wanted to kill him so very, very slowly as the man held out a hand, saying, "I don't believe we've met."

Schneizel's left hand was extended but three of his fingers were tucked in, revealing only the forefinger and the thumb. When Suzaku only glared Schneizel looked down at his own hand, pantomimed a look of surprise, and then extended every finger in succession like some macabre magic trick. It was only Lelouch's glare that gave Suzaku the stomach to clasp that hand in his own, wishing that he had thought to put his own gloves on. Schneizel was wearing warm leather and it felt far too much like real skin.

The handshake was firm and lasted far too long for any kind of comfort. The grip was too tight and unsettling. Suzaku remembered doing the same with Rolo and grimaced.

Schneizel looked at him and said, "Oh, what a face. I can see why you've taken to him Lelouch."

Lelouch said nothing but his lips thinned together. Suzaku did his best to ease the tension by pulling himself together and remember his training days and his own seething hatred for his drill sergeant and managed, "May I ask why you are here," he faltered for a moment and settled with, "Your Highness?"

Schneizel looked at him with an amused expression that began to feel like it wasn't an expression at all, just a pleasant, perfect façade. When he dropped Suzaku's hand Schneizel tapped his own together in a strange, almost delicate motion before looking back at Lelouch. A clap.

"Is this the part where you give him a treat?" Lelouch took two quick breaths and Schneizel hummed, searching in his own pocket before pulling out a small candy bar.

Lelouch went white and stopped breathing entirely, his body going stiff as Schneizel said, "I brought this for you, brother, but Seven's performance has been much more admirable." Schneizel stepped in close, leaning over gracefully in a move that turned him into a looming figure. He was a large man and, like most of the royalty Suzaku had met, Schneizel seemed larger in person than he did on a television screen. His force of personality alone was smothering and Suzaku didn't dare refuse the 'reward' Schneizel pressed into his palm.

Schneizel said, "Lelouch has always been too emotional for his own good," and Suzaku felt like he had lost a small battle just standing there silently, not knowing what to do, or simply what he as _allowed_ to do. He stood there feeling like an idiot before pocketing the treat, uncomfortable as he remembered the look on Lelouch's face when it was exposed.

_Meat_, Lelouch had hissed, _a dog of Britannia_. Suzaku finally understood why the man had felt so betrayed.

"But you don't seem to have that problem, do you?" Schneizel started to look a little bored, taking a quick glance around the house and settling again on Lelouch. "At least our esteemed Knight of Seven knows when to take advantage of a favorable opportunity."

"A personality trait we seem to share, Your Highness." Suzaku's voice was thick with disgust, there was no way he could disguise the emotion. It seemed to buzz about his skin, electric and undeniable. For once he understood how Lelouch could hate so fiercely because Schneizel, the sick bastard, laughed, his eyes narrowing in what Suzaku assumed was a brief glimpse of actual emotion.

Lelouch flinched a little and Suzaku felt his adrenalin spike as Schneizel drawled, "Puppies always have the sharpest teeth. It's a shame that their bites only sting."

"What," Lelouch breathed, "the _fuck_ do you want?"

Schneizel looked at him - only a glance - but Suzaku could read the look in his eyes: _You've lost your edge_. Lelouch read the same message and flushed, looking very suddenly young as his arms slipped and hung loose at his sides. In that moment, a single look, Lelouch's fortifying anger was gone as if it had never been. Suzaku's stomach dropped in sympathy as Schneizel glanced away to stare at Suzaku as if his brother wasn't even there.

"I need an extra Rounds member and you're the closest," he said, slipping a hand into his coat to reveal a slim phone. He consulted it for a moment before saying, "Weinberg has an annoying habit of obeying the driving laws. He's fifteen minutes away and I need you now."

Suzaku looked to Lelouch, but he was already striding away into the kitchen, the sound of shattering glass following in his wake as he gave into his temper.

"Like I said," Schneizel turned on his heel and Suzaku, wearing his smart uniform of white and gold, could only follow, finally paying the price.

* * *

They parked on the side of a gravel road, close to the grass under a green slope shaded by large, ancient trees with roots as thick as limbs and spreading out like long, twisted fingers. Suzaku could imagine them deep in the ground and was unsettled by the thought of seeking roots piercing through the ground under nearby headstones. Did the ancient coffins shatter? Or after so many years, enough to wash deep etching into small, moss-covered furrows, did the coffins even exist? He was stopped briefly by the thought of bones and roots entwining deep in the earth.

When Suzaku finally looked up from the closest weathered headstones, he found that Schneizel was waiting, watching with a pale, solemn face. Suzaku was startled to realize that he had been under such intense focus and had never even felt the touch of Schneizel's regard. In the FBI Suzaku could sense just a glance. But those had all been predatory glances from hardened criminals. Schneizel was certainly a criminal but his eyes were not set into a glare, not even in mockery.

Schneizel, murderer of hundreds, the ruin of so many lives, stood simply and peacefully reverent under a dappling of sunlight. He was like a carving, beautiful but frozen in time, only to be admired but never understood.

Suzaku looked away reflexively, as if he had caught the man naked, bare instead of simply waiting. He only glanced back again at the gentle sound of soft treads in the grass. In his unease Suzaku wanted to demand why they were there, why Schneizel could possibly need him in a sea of tombstones but it was that same thought that stopped him. Loud demands in such a quiet, peaceful place when Schneizel was being the epitome of graceful manners seemed wrong, maybe even barbarous.

It struck Suzaku once again what a different world these men and women were bred in, and what it meant to be a prince. That moment didn't make Suzaku despise the man any less - that disgust and hate were still roiling and churning inside of him - but it was suppressed by the silence.

Suzaku crested the hill to see Schneizel already crouching below, staring intently at a simple, unadorned tombstone. His long white coat was spread out behind him along the grass and there was something unsettling about seeing Schneizel's bare hands out in the sunlight reaching out to just barely brush his fingertips against the weathered stone.

His two white gloves were set against the long, slim black box he had brought with him and Suzaku looked at them, just those gloves, and experienced a sudden, irrational wave of terror. It had only been a dream, but he could still remember walking into his kitchen and getting a glass of water, and then turning slowly to see those gloves lying limply in the center of his table, a shining silver nail running through them. Suzaku remembered bolting out of bed, sweating and shaking as he threw his bedside drawer open. He had turned the whole thing over, grasping wildly for his gun.

Suzaku stepped back and he must have done something, made a sound because Schneizel was suddenly pressed against the headstone, searching the terrain with sharp eyes and his weapon in hand.

"It's not-" Suzaku looked down, pressed a hand against his clammy face. "Don't. It's just a thing."

Schneizel stood and gave him a strange look as he holstered his weapon. He glanced down at the box and his gloves and that look intensified, as if he was back to staring at the tombstone and ready to reach out.

"Get over here, Knight of Seven," Schneizel commanded, crouching back down.

Again, Suzaku could do nothing but obey, fisting his hands tightly in his coat pockets and trying not to tremble. He didn't believe in fate or destiny and found the ideas ridiculous. But those fucking gloves. It was almost too much, Suzaku almost walked away, and he didn't manage to catch the gloves when they were suddenly tossed in his direction, even though Schneizel was close and had tossed them lightly.

Schneizel wasn't watching as Suzaku snatched the gloves off the ground like they were burning but Suzaku knew Schneizel had seen his fear. At that moment Suzaku wanted nothing more than the safety of Dr. Lamperouge - his cool office, his uncomplicated encouragement, the way he played with his pens and smiled softly - but that man was gone.

Another prince had been in Dr. Lamperouge's place long before Lelouch, Suzaku realized in one sickening surge. Suzaku replayed those moments in the foyer over and over again. Schneizel smiled with that same waiting face, he carried himself with smooth, simple gestures and made them elegant when compared to his stinging wit. The deep quiet and calm of Dr. Lamperouge seemed to be the same center of Schneizel, the epitome of a professional manipulating the minds around him with ease.

Suddenly the memories of Suzaku's sessions with Lelouch took on a frightening turn.

"Please inform me if you're having some kind of a mental breakdown." Schneizel raised his eyes. "I'm afraid I require your mind at full capacity, however limited that may be."

Suzaku ran a hand through his hair and took a deep, steadying breath.

"I really fucking hate you. You know that, right?"

Schneizel stood with the black box in the crook of his arm and stared for a long, long time.

"I hate you more," Schneizel said, and his face was grim, his cold eyes narrowed and suddenly dark as he turned away. His rage was nearly palpable and entirely unearned. They hadn't known each other more than an hour, the space of a few sentences, and Suzaku now felt every bit of his sizeable enmity being returned with just a glance and a gesture.

Suzaku stood, speechless, feeling as if he had been punched in the gut, suddenly bereft of breath. He could only watch, stunned and confused as Schneizel strode deeper into the recesses of the cemetery. He had watched hours and hours of footage of Schneizel along with the rest of the task force, but he had never seen even a glimpse of those angry eyes.

For a moment Suzaku wondered how close to death he had been since their first meeting, oblivious to that rage. He had been too busy hating to think that Schneizel might _feel_. He followed the bright flash of blonde hair off into the distance, wondering what he had gotten himself into and how deep a hole he had already dug.

The irony of wondering this in a cemetery did not escape him.

* * *

Suzaku found Schneizel sitting on the base of a statue, an angel watching from above with outstretched wings and welcoming arms. There were roses scattered at his feet in a haphazard manner. Some of the blooms had been trod on, petals looking like scattered drops of blood in Suzaku's morbid state.

"I feel the need to remind you of your station, Seven," Schneizel said, frowning at a sheaf of papers, his legs out and crossed at the ankles. "Our conversation is to be relayed to no one unless I give you permission. I know it will be difficult but you'll have to keep that pretty mouth closed when you are in private company, kneeling before our passionate young prince."

The implied scenario was not one Suzaku had truly considered before. He'd mouthed Lelouch's fingers but whenever Suzaku was thinking about kneeling and mouths, something he had so far avoided, mostly, it was never Lelouch that he was thinking about. To have the image forced on him for the first time out in public, with Schneizel, was disturbing and embarrassing. Schneizel was entirely composed and Suzaku was flushing, ready to jump out of his skin and trying not to think of mouths and penises and princes and whatever disconcerting combination might spill out of the mix of all three.

"When I said I hated you I was being a little vague." Suzaku pulled himself together out of sheer spite. "I won't talk to you behind Lelouch's back and I don't want to hear anything you have to say. You're a murderer and a pedophile and I'd like nothing more than to put a bullet into your rotten brain-"

"-But you wouldn't want to deny Lelouch the pleasure of getting to do it first." Schneizel was sounding bored again and it only made Suzaku madder. Schneizel shifted a page and tried to flatten it against the marble of the angel's base with an odd look of intense, childish concentration.

"You know, if you take that chocolate bar and squeeze it in your hand the caramel leaks out." It seemed like a bizarre segue until Schneizel added, "If you drip the mixture on Lelouch's cock and then suck him off he screams like he's been shot."

Schneizel smirked, raising his perfectly straight papers as Suzaku's mouth fell open in shock, and added, "You have to get the really thick caramel, warm. He likes it when you fuck him with it too. On your fingers, not your dick. I did both at the same time once-" Schneizel shook his head a little and murmured, "Simply amazing."

"You…" Suzaku took an aggressive step forward, aghast. "You..._fucking_-"

"Pedophile?" Schneizel snorted and tossed a photo in Suzaku's direction. He glimpsed Lelouch's face and aborted his lunge to collect the paper instead of throwing a punch.

The picture was of Lelouch, young and surly, holding up a numbered sign and standing next to a series of lines. It was a _mug shot_. Lelouch had been _arrested_.

"Has Lelouch ever mentioned anything about pedophilia? No." Schneizel tossed another photo and Suzaku had to run after it in a gust of wind. It was a somewhat blurry photo but Lelouch was certainly in it, slighter and shorter, and in a passionate clutch with another very much older man. "He was FBI, by the way."

Suzaku's examination took a sudden turn as he looked down to the man's exposed badge. He had worn his badge in the exact same place and suddenly Suzaku was there in the stranger's place touching Lelouch, kissing him slowly and deeply in the dark. In a guilty flush, Suzaku looked away and Schneizel glanced up, a brief smirk on his lips.

"I admit, Lelouch was only sixteen," Schneizel reminisced, stretching out his legs. "But, while attempting not to adhere to a certain stereotype, Lelouch was a very _mature_ sixteen. A very mature sixteen with an automatic."

Suzaku opened his mouth to reply and Schneizel looked up holding another sheet with a waiting stare and a raised eyebrow. Suzaku shut up.

"I can understand his _disquiet_ after being exposed in an incestuous relationship and revealed as a prince in one blow. I have to admit that I would also be unsettled were I in the same situation."

Suzaku waited but Schneizel didn't continue, simply sitting. He just kept looking at his pages, shifting them until he found one that he just stared at, his eyes going far away and hazy until he left it drift and flutter from his hand.

"I am only simplifying this situation because you seem very dim." Schneizel said, boneless against the angel's legs, and then he shifted his gaze back to Suzaku.

The picture fluttered facedown and Suzaku picked it up carefully, almost afraid of what he might find. In the end he was afraid, but not in the way he expected to be, not horrified or disgusted.

Lelouch was looking out of his window, leaning on one elbow as his other arm dangled a little, his long narrow fingers curled and lax. His tie, usually cinched so tightly was entirely loose, close to slipping, and his hair was mussed by the wind. Suzaku wondered what it would feel like to trace that glimpse of collarbone with his lips, to slip his face into the unbuttoned slit of Lelouch's rumpled work-shirt, if he might have enough room to make Lelouch sigh as Suzaku teased one nipple with his teeth.

But there was a reason these thoughts drifted through Suzaku's mind, making him flush. It wasn't just that Lelouch's body was loose and relaxed in a way it almost never was.

In that picture, looking out his office window, Lelouch was entirely and undeniably _happy_. From the shine of his eyes to the slight lift of his lips Suzaku could see it, he could see Lelouch was content. Suzaku wanted that, he wanted to hold him like that, make him happy like that all of the time. The fact that it was the FBI that had been his haven, and that it had been ripped away… Suzaku's rage grew and he took hold of his gun, but when he looked up Schneizel was already watching and a look on his face, in his eyes…

The picture crumpled in Suzaku's hand as he realized the world as he knew it had been twisted out of recognition.

"You didn't do it." Suzaku watched Schneizel glance to the ruined photo and he took a step forward. "You didn't plant the disk. You didn't plant it."

"I'm out of candy," Schneizel murmured dryly. "Will a pat on the back suffice?"

"Don't you fucking touch me."

Schneizel glanced back, looking Suzaku straight in the face. For a moment Suzaku could only think that he'd never seen eyes so brilliantly icy blue. Then Schneizel smirked, giving Suzaku a slow look up and down, before asking, "And what exactly would you do to me if I did touch you?"

Suzaku began to feel the weight of his gun like an anvil on his hip as Schneizel, added, "But I'm content to molest you with a metaphor, Seven. Cavemen went out of style millennia ago and I feel no great _urge_ to start a revival."

"Lelouch seems to like me just fine." Suzaku couldn't help himself, his anger seething. He was watching for a reaction, a flinch, but Schneizel simply grinned.

"Yes, I've heard there is something of a thrill when 'slumming it'." Schneizel chuckled, looking back to his papers again. "But I have to admit I hadn't expected the boy to enjoy rough trade."

Suzaku felt his mouth drop open again, his hand dropping to his side as he tried and failed to manage a comeback. Schneizel sighed, looking suddenly tired.

"I'm done with this," he said, slipping down from his perch. "Set up a meeting with Lelouch and remind him what it means to feud. And consider what it means, Seven, when a boy of fifteen has the respect of seasoned killers. I know exactly who I was fucking, but I doubt that you do."

"Wait." Suzaku stood in his way and Schneizel watched, his head tilted down slightly to peer at Suzaku. For the first time Suzaku felt the full weight of his regard. Breathless, Suzaku's hand touched his gun and he very nearly took a step back. Every part of Suzaku's instincts whispered, 'run', the same urges that demanded 'fight' understood what was looking down at him and it wasn't safe to be around. The demand on Suzaku's tongue died as his mouth went dry and his heart began to race. When Schneizel reached out and grabbed him by the jaw, it was everything Suzaku could do to not jerk away.

"All mockery aside," Schneizel murmured, his grip tightening until Suzaku winced, "I do believe you have the potential to be an excellent member of the Rounds. But there is only one person I allow to address me in such a manner and it is not you. You will speak to me with respect or I will have your tongue."

The statement ended in a bright flash of pain as Suzaku watched the Prince's hand rise and forced himself to stand still. Suzaku came back to himself sitting on the grassy knoll, his face aching, watching Schneizel walking through the maze of headstones looking unperturbed and elegant.

And, the bastard, he'd left his gloves right in Suzaku's lap.

* * *

Kallen got a look at Suzaku's face and hissed, "Jesus, Kururugi, do you go out looking for fights?"

Lelouch stalked out of the kitchen looked at him and demanded, "Did you deserve it?"

"Um." Suzaku batted Kallen's hands away. "No…and yes."

Lelouch turned on his heel and disappeared back into the kitchen. Kallen gave him a look before whispering, "What the hell, Suzaku? Lamperouge's been running around looking like his favorite kid went off to war."

It was an appropriate comparison and Suzaku told her so, adding, "I got snatched by Schneizel for a Rounds duty." He put a hand up as her mouth gaped open. "That's not something I can refuse, Kallen. It was a legitimate request and I mouthed off like I was _you_."

"Then you probably deserved it." Kallen sighed and looked over her shoulder to the kitchen, a small frown on her lips. "I hope you got in some doozies though."

"Not really." Suzaku took off his jacket with a grim smile. "He insulted my intelligence, my looks, called me a lap dog and compared me to a gay prostitute. I told him he was an asshole."

Kallen put a hand to her mouth and choked, "Schneizel Britannia called you a hooker. A stupid, ugly, gay hooker."

Lelouch peeked back around the corner, his eyebrows nearing his hairline. His violet eyes were as wide as Suzaku had ever seen and his cheeks were flushed too, nothing like the pale scowl he'd been greeted with.

"That about sums it up." Suzaku sighed as Lelouch's face disappeared and seconds later Gino's voice asked, "What's so funny?"

Kallen had both hands over her face and her shoulders were shaking slightly and she seemed to be making an actual effort not to laugh in his face but when Gino started laughing in the kitchen he took her along until finally Suzaku found himself the butt of the joke. Again.

"It's like all my birthdays came at once," She snorted, heaving for breath. "Fuckin'- a, Suzaku-"

But Suzaku wasn't worried about Kallen. He took a few quick strides to the kitchen where Lelouch was staring out the window with an odd, wondering look in his eyes and something that seemed like a caught smile, not a grimace and not a grin. Slowly he began to bite his bottom lip, letting it slip back into place in a wet, pink slide. Lelouch sighed and Suzaku touched him between the shoulder-blades, moved his hand up to palm the slope of his neck and leaned forward. Suzaku kissed Lelouch on the cheek and when Lelouch turned to let him Suzaku kissed Lelouch on the lips, slow and gentle and easy in the afternoon light.

That moment felt like their first kiss. The one they were supposed to have instead of the crazed half-betweens in the middle of the night. Sweet, soft, and for once Lelouch let Suzaku take charge, angling them both with a hand on Lelouch's hip to lean against the counter and just kiss him. When they pulled away Suzaku had a hand on Lelouch's neck, his fingers drifting up into silky hair.

"That bad, huh?"

Suzaku smiled as Lelouch's cold fingertips traced the contour of his bruise.

"Yeah," Suzaku whispered, leaning in close, "but that's not why I kissed you."

"Hm." Lelouch murmured in return. "Tell me why."

Suzaku smiled even though Schneizel had made sure it would really hurt. He smiled because even though the day was shitty, questions were bouncing around in his skull, and he wanted to just scream, it was still all stored up inside him. Just watching Lelouch be beautiful in the sunlight was enough to make Suzaku give Lelouch that smile in a kiss, to pass it over. His ploy worked.

"Just starting my life of crime," Suzaku teased. "Thought I'd steal a few kisses."

A short silence settled over the room and for a moment Suzaku imagined Lelouch rolling his eyes and walking away with an exasperated sigh. But when that moment ended, Suzaku found himself pulled against Lelouch as the man stole his own kiss. It was long and lovely and Suzaku could have pressed him against the counter indefinitely as each kiss turned deeper, slower… But, a cleared throat brought them both back to the real world where making out took a back seat to politics.

"Hey, pillow-biters!" Suzaku's humor died as his head jerked around and he blushed red hot to be face to face with Cornelia Britannia. She was giving him the same look from when they'd first met, as if she didn't know whether to smile or be ill in the roses.

"Yes, Sister?" Lelouch's demeanor was pleasant, unassuming."May I help you?"

"Sure." Cornelia raised a finger in a crude salute. "Go fuck yourself and die, you little prick."

"It's lovely to see you too." Lelouch's smile had an edge. "I do so enjoy family members dropping by unannounced to harass me."

"Oh, poor baby." Cornelia pouted, putting her hands on her hips with a crooned, "Can I kiss it better?"

"Thanks but no thanks. I've used up my kissing allotment for the day."

"Yes, I noticed." Cornelia made the face again. "Watching you suck face is like eating shit, shitting it out, and eating it again. _Baby_ shit, like with corn and fucking-"

Suzaku looked at Lelouch, already feeling woozy. "I'm leaving now."

"-mucus-"

"Lucky you." Lelouch sighed, his face white. "Go see what Kallen wants."

Suzaku looked to the side to see Kallen staring, her eyes a little glassy and a smile playing on the edge of her lips. She snatched his arm as he strode out and between her and Cornelia he very nearly tripped over himself down the hall in the middle of Cornelia's revolting monologue.

"Forget what that bitch said," Kallen whispered. "You guys could make some serious bank if the Britannian thing doesn't work out."

"If the Britannian thing doesn't work out I'll probably be dead."

Suzaku rolled his eyes before Kallen took up the comment with, "Well, some people are into that too. You'll make a pretty corpse, Suzaku."

"I can't even make a pretty living person." Suzaku pointed to the half of his face that was turning colors. "And there's no way I'm going down without a fight."

Kallen dragged him into a side bedroom, waving her hand in the air. "Let off, would you? I'm smothering from the testosterone."

Gino was already there, standing in the middle of the room and staring at a sea of metal bars, bolts, and various fabrics with an expression of despair. His hands were up in the air, his eyes roaming as he seemed to try to decide where to start. Suzaku counted multiple mattresses, at least two dressers, and too many pillows to count, most of it in eye-blinding red. There were also lamps, vases, mirrors, carpet and a sundry of mysterious brown boxes. He barely knew how she had gotten it all in, let alone how she expected to set everything up.

"It looks like Pier One puked in here, Kallen." Suzaku looked to see her smile turning into a manic gleam. "What the hell?"

"I don't know about puke," Gino gave him a look, "But Prince Lelouch went a little green when he got the bill."

"Why are we still talking about disgusting bodily functions?" Kallen glared and attacked the nearest sealed box. "I just ate, goddamnit."

Gino gave Suzaku a look, his blue eyes wide and mouthed 'Still?' and Suzaku could only shake his head, wincing when it pulled at his cheek. For a moment Suzaku peered at the man, feeling as if something was off. Generally when achieving the particular feeling in female company Suzaku checked hair color, length, jewelry, and breast size. Suzaku was staring at Gino's chest before he realized the method didn't apply. When he looked up Gino sighed and leaned over, patting his shoulder in a pleasant but condescending manner that made Suzaku feel about five.

"You know, it's practically an honor to get smacked around by Schneizel." Gino grinned. "He even insulted you. I don't think that's ever happened before. I feel like I should make you a badge or something."

"Yes, I'll wear a little medal over my heart," Suzaku bit out, blushing. "Number one whipping boy, Britannian royalty tested and approved."

Kallen snorted in the corner and Gino sighed. "I'm not wearing my uniform."

"What?"

"You're looking at me funny." Gino slung an arm over his shoulder. "I'm in civvies."

"Right." Suzaku put a hand to his pounding head. Since when did Gino in normal clothes seem strange? "So, an honor, huh?"

"Yup." They both watched Kallen disembowel what looked like bunk bed pieces and Gino murmured, "Is there anything I should know about?"

"Sch-" Suzaku cut himself off when Gino's grip tightened. "_Prince_ Schneizel told me not to inform _Prince_ Lelouch," Suzaku scowled, "But yes, I think this may be something you need to know. If that's allowed."

"Anything you or I know can be relayed to the Emperor if requested." Gino frowned, looking uneasy. "But if we're in the middle of a feud… There really are no set rules. We are permitted to fight for a prince, but only when they've claimed terms. Neither of the princes has engaged in talks yet so-" He shrugged. "It's up to you, but if it's Schneizel I really wouldn't fuck around."

"Obviously," Suzaku sighed, but Gino cut him off.

"Suzaku, listen to me." The taller man looked Suzaku straight in the eye. "When I said it was an honor to get smacked around by Prince Schneizel… What I meant was that it's an honor you were still around to tell about it later. He's a predator; when he strikes he goes for the kill. He must think highly of you not to strangle you on site."

The look in his eyes, that animal cold, turned in Suzaku's mind again. The way he walked, the way his smile always reached his eyes, his voice, his body, but still never felt right… Gino was right. The man was in essence simple and easy to understand. It was the shell that confused and caught the eyes in an illusion of humanity. Suzaku realized that the hate he held in his heart for the man had turned reticent and strange with fear.

"Oh." Suzaku stared at the window, distracted as the voices in the kitchen rose into a fevered pitch before slipping into silence again. Cornelia's voice was all jagged edges, a fiery hiss, and Lelouch was simply loud, but pitched in such a way that said he was losing control, and quickly. He was almost glad he couldn't make out the words as another thunderstorm of volleys started up again.

"Alright." Suzaku gave up and shrugged out of Gino's hold. "What can I do to help?"

"You can both stop whispering like enormous girls," Kallen looked up at Gino, "And come help me make the ridiculously cushiony bed I bought with Lamperouge's credit card. Apparently it's made from NASA alien fat, but that's bullshit. Everyone knows it's the CIA with all the aliens."

Gino looked down at her and Suzaku saw it for the first time: the way his eyes shaded with fondness, his slow smile as she cursed and attacked a metal tube with a metal handle.

"You know, most Rounds rooms are pretty simple," Gino said, "Most times I just camp out on the sofa-"

"Shut the fuck up." Kallen glared back with an angry pout, pushing hair out of her eyes. "This is a Prince's house right? Lamperouge has a reputation to maintain. He's not going to want any Numbered guests staying over and leaving immediately for the chiropractors, so shut up about it, Mr. Knight of Three."

"Odysseus only has a pull-out bed," Gino pointed out, scanning the room with a fond sigh. "But I suppose since it's all bought-"

Kallen grinned and snatched a bag from behind an enormous looming box and made it do a dance in the air, long strips of lace and ribbon spilling out the top.

"Wanna see what else I boooought?" she teased, pretending to peer inside and then pantomimed a moue of surprise.

"Yes."

Suzaku blushed, clearing his throat as Gino gave him a look.

"Force of habit." Suzaku put his hands up and backed away. "Also, head wound."

Gino just rolled his eyes and took up Suzaku's cue.

"Yes, I would, lovely lady."

Suzaku shut the door on his way out but not before he paused, grinning against the slick wood.

"Hey, don't forget," He laughed through the door crack, "No sex in the house."

* * *

After skirting the disaster of a conversation the two siblings were intent on having in the entire neighborhood, and not just the kitchen, Suzaku made his way up to the second level of the house with Cornelia's volley of "…And you'd be _worse_ than dead, you ungrateful little-" still ringing in his head. The amazing thing about Lelouch's room was that with the door shut the rest of the house faded into silence. All of the bedrooms had been soundproofed with Nunnally in mind. That Suzaku didn't have to hear Cornelia Britannia defending her older brother was only a blissful coincidence. The downside was that Suzaku was left to his own thoughts. After long moments of replaying the morning encounter with the man, Suzaku couldn't decide which was worse: hearing Schneizel be lauded and defended, or realizing over and over again in a helpless loop of disbelief what should have been obvious.

Just because Schneizel was on the tape didn't mean that he had planted the evidence, but Lelouch had seemed so sure and Suzaku had been so devastated that he'd followed without question. He'd taken Lelouch's lead and where had it gotten him?

Every bruise and cut seemed to sing out at all once as his body reminded him what his brain had been blocking out. Suzaku hurt, body and pride, and was left barely able to keep his head above water in a community where death was commonplace. In the FBI he would have had a dozen helping hands, but in Britannia…?

Gino was strange, like a boy who'd grown halfway and decided to stop there. He knew all the rules, he functioned as well as or better than any other adult, but he found the world simple. It was as if he was caught in a child's cocoon where the world went all the right ways because they were the only ways he knew. Everyone else Suzaku had met seemed deliberately distant, watching the stranger from the corner of their eyes despite wanting to wield the power Suzaku represented.

Suzaku thought about these things. Then he thought of Schneizel. Then Suzaku fixated on the way Lelouch's jaw had tensed when his brother had disregarded him as easy prey.

And then Suzaku thought of Lelouch's eyes and how they looked at him: sometimes cold and calculating, furious and exasperated, challenging and pensive.

_No one_ had ever looked at Suzaku like Lelouch did, with every emotion liquid and tangible, as if he could taste happiness like honey on his tongue and feel rage like hot sand against his skin. Not one person had ever looked at Suzaku and thought _mine_. Suzaku, sitting on the side of Lelouch's bed, had to wonder if he would be cursed to tie himself, docilely, to anyone who had the most use for him. Suzaku touched the edges of Schneizel's blow. It had hurt like hell, still did, but Suzaku had a feeling that if he'd liked Schneizel could have done far worse damage than a bruised cheek. He could have gone for his mouth, crushed his cheek against his teeth, or his eye and obscured his sight, and just from the one swing Suzaku knew that the man was capable of shattering bone.

There was something frightening about Schneizel so casually reining in that much strength and measuring it out in single doles. Perhaps that was what kept the Britannians bowing in terror, the fact that every bullet and every strike was meted out according to Schneizel's focused will. There was no mercy without rage and there was no rage in that man. Despite what he said, Suzaku even doubted his ability to hate. Suzaku was forced to wonder if there could be happiness without anger, and he had to wonder why Schneizel even cared about or for Lelouch enough to take pictures from afar.

Suzaku wondered why Cornelia was downstairs defending her brother when it was clear that Schneizel would never offer up an impassioned plea for her.

Suzaku looked at himself, fingered his uniform with fingers encased in dark gloves, and wondered what he would do if Lelouch died and it was no one's fault.

Suzaku collapsed backwards and stared at the ceiling.

Schneizel extending his gloved hand, one, two, three, was the last thing Suzaku saw before falling asleep. The rest was lost in dreams.

* * *

"I cannot believe you waited an _entire day_ to tell me Todoh wanted to meet," Suzaku hissed, the back of his neck burning from the stares. Kallen appeared oblivious and rolled her eyes with a sigh as she flashed her badge and presented her keys to the security guards. "I'm telling him it's _your_ fault."

And it _was_ her fault. It was Kallen's fault that Suzaku had to go through the morning rush clothed in his knight's garb, and that his hair still tousled from the ride over on Lancelot. It was her fault that every voice had hushed into unsettling whispers that slowly gathered into the sound of wind rushing through dead leaves. It was eerie and Suzaku hated it, but when asked, the agreement had been unanimous. He was only allowed back into the maw of their sudden-enemy in his whites, a gun close by his side.

Suzaku was at least grateful that he didn't have to kill anyone to prove his loyalty but the spectacle was a bit much. A round of gasps spread through the line as he placed his weapon on the conveyer belt. It was shining and beautiful, a gem amidst plain government-issued glocks. If the uniform and humming motorcycle hadn't proved his allegiance to Britannia the weapon did, and the guards manning their station stood straight when Suzaku looked them in the eyes, pointed a finger, and said, "Do _not_ touch."

In the silence Kallen snorted, but her rolled eyes and sigh didn't relieve the tension as Suzaku carefully placed his weapon in the provided lockbox, staring hard as he took a slip in return. An agent was already standing by, looking at the case with a buzz of apprehension and Suzaku changed his mind. He snatched the case and gave the guards the key.

When they protested Suzaku glared, a fire of possessiveness welling suddenly and fiercely as he snapped, "Go ahead. _Try it_."

Suzaku knew exactly how many ballistics tests could be performed in an afternoon and there was no way he was giving the FBI the fingerprint of his gun.

"Agent-"

"Sir." Suzaku let the cold of command replace his rage, determined to make sure that after he left the building no one would think to call him 'Special Agent' again. "Or _Lord,_ if you prefer."

Suzaku had been startled when Gino informed him of his exact, formal title, but not unpleased. If he was going to put up with Britannian bullshit he'd do it with distinction. As he saw it, 'Lord' was no different than 'Colonel' and that was in essence what he had become.

"Jesus, Kururugi," Kallen hissed under her breath, shifting and as nervous as Suzaku had ever seen. "Let up a little, would you?"

Suzaku didn't answer and the man, equally uncomfortable, settled with, "You may take your case, but it must stay locked at all times."

If Suzaku was truly a Britannian, he was going to act like one.

"I understand and will comply. Thank you very much." Suzaku smiled politely, and graciously, vindictively added, "And have a nice day."

Kallen started choking, a sure sign of laughter gone wrong. In the elevator she murmured, "You goddamned self-righteous fuck."

Suzaku rolled his eyes. "Stick it up your ass."

After a long, tense pause she added, "That was fucking brilliant."

They grinned at each other in the mirrored walls and Suzaku added, "I know."

She peered at him, raising an eyebrow, and Suzaku peered back, and when the elevator finally opened on their floor Suzaku was laughing so hard he could barely breathe as he and Kallen wrestled over the little black case. They only stopped when the closing doors were stopped by a foot. When Suzaku looked up, case clutched tightly to his chest, it was to see that Todoh was very much not amused.

It might have had something to do with the bright red panties stuffed down Suzaku's shirt and the riding gloves stuck down hers.

They really had been the best partners ever.

* * *

"Lamp-" Todoh stopped, his eyes sliding to Suzaku, who nodded. "Lamperouge has asked for our assistance, but he hasn't the right or reason to demand recompense."

Todoh seemed to be addressing the entire room but the rest of the room was staring at Suzaku like they were wild animals and he was an exotic specialty bleeding profusely all over the conference table. Suzaku ignored them and watched Todoh intently and politely, his little black box firmly in reach. Todoh continued.

"We acted according to protocol and while the situation may have been mishandled, I believe we can come to the conclusion that both parties acted inappropriately."

Suzaku had never once heard Todoh speak like so carefully and had to wonder if the man was reading from a script. He looked at the far wall to check, but there were no scrolling words there.

"I have been approved to offer a truce. Lamperouge gives up any revenge he may be contemplating and we'll forget that a man was brutally murdered next to the water cooler."

After a long silence Suzaku realized that they were waiting for him. He colored a little before taking his turn with a nod as Todoh sat down. He was realizing that he was on his first mission, representing Britannia and the emperor as a mediator to the only authority actually capable of going after them and doing damage. The task force wasn't doing it very well, but they were close to making a solid foray into an attempt.

"Both men belonged to Britannia," Suzaku started shakily, having to talk over an immediate interruption. He silently thanked Lelouch and Gino for the obsessive coaching. "We removed two moles from your organization and the general policy, even with you, is that we take care of our own. Bradley stepped out of line."

Todoh, sharp-eyed, asked, "Stepped out of line for whom? The FBI or Britannia?"

"I've answered the question." Suzaku's anger flared. He wanted to take on the opposition, but he'd never been known for winning a war with words. They should have sent Gino if they wanted eloquence, but Todoh knew that and had requested Suzaku.

"Then I'll ask another; Lelouch Lamperouge concealed his intimate connections to Britannia and we responded accordingly. What right does he have to demand our allegiance or threaten our agents?"

That was a good question, but a measure of Lelouch's limited power in the upcoming feud was tied up in the FBI. Even Lelouch had begrudgingly agreed that he had lashed out instinctively. Even with that concession it was up to Suzaku to save the day on his own, he had said, and it was only the look in Lelouch's eyes that told him there was actually a way. Suzaku was being tested on all fronts.

"Prince Lelouch sends his apologies for the incident and agrees that he acted without thinking. He asks for your pardon for the volatile events."

Suzaku stared hard at Todoh but he couldn't make the man speak. The tension in the room ratcheted almost unbearably as he finally clenched his jaw and said, "We accept the Doc - Prince's apology and extend our own for the incident."

"Wonderful." Suzaku smiled and the air lightened until he added, "But you guys are still on the hook."

It seemed to be fate that Todoh's stumble in titles had sparked an epiphany in Suzaku's mind. Lelouch had been a _doctor_ at the FBI and he'd been very good, very prized, and always busy. For all the men and women who had walked through the office and into a jail cell Lelouch had given advice, testimony, and psych evaluations with pinpoint accuracy.

A general whispered uproar spread out from where Todoh sat, his hands clenched into fists. Suzaku looked at him and in that moment knew that he had also figured out, long before their meeting, that they were still tied to the prince.

"Doctor Lamperouge has given testimony and diagnoses for hundreds of cases." Suzaku enjoyed that there was no surprise in Todoh's eyes. He still respected the man despite everything. "The appeals alone would put the FBI back for years if anyone were to connect that he was also a prince and connected," Suzaku gave Todoh a chastising glance, "_intimately_ to Britannia."

"That might happen anyway," Todoh shot back immediately. "Someone is bound to put it together eventually now that Lamperouge has become high-profile."

Suzaku actually felt a little sorry for him and sighed, propping his head up with a hand as he let formality slip away.

"He was a prince for years before he was your loyal employee." Suzaku smiled wryly. "And no one forgets that face."

Then while they mulled on the statement, some reddening and some growing pale, Suzaku added, "Do you have any idea how many men have gone off to jail knowing that secret? Some of them have multiple life sentences and you never even heard a whisper that he was a prince. It's one thing to know; it's another thing to be allowed to know. Britannians keep their mouth shut and they have enough heft to make sure everyone else does too."

"Out of fear." Todoh nodded. "But you, Suzaku, do know who it is that they fear?"

Suzaku stared into Todoh's dark, dark eyes and said, "Get on with it then."

Todoh took out a remote and said, "There's a reason why we've been looking for the eleventh prince."

* * *

A young man ran a hand through ashy blond hair. He was pale and tapping his fingers nervously against the table, and then blurted suddenly, "Yeah. I fucked up. I blew it. God damnit, I had no fucking idea-"

"Just tell us what happened," a deep voice instructed bluntly. The man ran his hands through his hair again, trembling as he laughed weakly, astonished, disgusted, "I swear to god, I thought he was at the very _least_ eighteen."

The second voice instructed him to continue and Suzaku worked on keeping his face placid as his heart dropped into his stomach. The nagging sensation that had started with the tape turned into recognition. He could still see the picture in his mind of the man holding Lelouch close, entwined and exposing his badge like the idiot he appeared to be.

"I just… We were kissing, just kissing…and then fucking Schneizel was there taking a fucking picture." The man shook his head, his eyes dimming. "Just standing there, that bastard."

The man shook his head, holding it up with weary hands and for a moment Suzaku thought he was going to start crying. "And that kid, whoever the fuck he was, turned it all around. I don't know what he did, but you should have seen the look on the bastard's face." The young agent looked up suddenly with a manic, vindictive grin. "Like someone'd gut-punched him with a steel bar. I'll never forget as long as I live-"

"And then what?"

That manic grin softened suddenly and his laugh was soft. "That kid… 'Princes shouldn't play with hearts,' was what he said, 'And neither should the FBI. Tell your superiors it ends here'."

"That's all he said? That's everything?"

The man stared at the camera for a long time, his smile turning back into the manic grin as he shook with laughter. Through the noise Suzaku heard, "'That's my first kiss. It was nice,' is what he said." The man's laughter spiked in pitch. "That _boy_ bested Schneizel… Fuckin' _first kiss_-"

Todoh stopped the tape and lights turned back on. He slid a folder Suzaku's way and Suzaku had an eerie flashback of doing the same thing in his own last interrogation, violet eyes staring back coolly.

"Thirteen years ago the FBI couldn't identify the kid in question, but we dug it up after the incident. The picture came in anonymously just as we were bringing Schneizel in for questioning." Todoh nodded and Suzaku opened the folder. A photo. He smiled, nearly laughed, and said, "You won't believe it but someone gave this to me the other day. It's definitely better with the story."

Todoh ignored him.

"The investigators at the time kept getting reports of a young man fitting the description in the weeks before and after, at hospitals where everyone conveniently forgot his face and areas marked Britannian territory, specifically reserved for those higher up in the food chain. At one reported sighting location there were nearly two dozen dead of a rival gang. The local cops took blood samples from the scene and we dug them out. One matched Lamperouge."

Todoh grabbed a tape recorder that was offered up and pushed play. There was the immediate sound of gunfire and something that could have been speech, screams and groans, until it focused on Cornelia's voice, "How mad will Brother Dearest be when he finds out this was your doing?"

There was a low curse before a young, but familiar voice snapped back, "Tell him and I'll fucking kill you."

"You don't think Schneizel would be proud?" Cornelia cooed after the sound of three loud gunshots. "His little protégé, the baby prince, all growed up and showing off his first massacre like some fucking macaroni necklace." She pitched her voice lower. "Oh, yes, it's very pretty. You've done very well…" Her voice raised in a laugh, "I can see it now. He'll put the newspaper clipping on his fridge and everything."

"And mess up his perfectly white-" The voice changed, sharp with a curse and more gunfire, "He's hit."

"_Schneizel_?"

"No, shit, Six. Six is down. Just…" Suzaku could almost see Lelouch crouched, amping up his courage as he yelled out "Three! Cover me!" and darted out into the battle. Cornelia cursed vividly, a frightened tone giving it an edge as she yelled, "You little idiot! He's got a knife!"

And in all the melee, cursing, and general turbulence another voice entered, deep and deadly calm and eerily matter-of-fact.

"If he dies," Schneizel said, clear as a gunshot, "I will slaughter you and yours like pigs."

There were a few more shots and then an enormous explosion that practically made the machine jump on the table and the line went dead.

"That's when our agent in the Chinese Federation went down," Todoh said, secreting it away. "Luckily his equipment was left whole."

Suzaku stared at the recorder for a long moment before saying, "Alright. I admit I didn't know that about Lelouch. Now what?"

"Lamperouge has been taking us all on a ride," Todoh pointed out. "What makes you think you're not part of his plan? You're an excellent agent, Suzaku, with a spotless military record. What makes you think that acquiring you wasn't his plan all along? He was bound to rejoin his family eventually. Why not take you _and_ our secrets with him? Lamperouge is an excellent manipulator, certainly on par with Schneizel as his 'protégé' and you have to agree with the possibility that you're being used."

Suzaku sat back with a sigh, staring sightlessly at the far wall as he watched them watch him and dissected it all over again in his mind. There wasn't a doubt that Lelouch hated his brother, and Schneizel , Cornelia, Gino and even Lloyd were being honest in who they were, Suzaku knew that much for sure. And Lelouch…Lelouch had kissed him once and blushed furiously afterwards, had followed Suzaku's orders, albeit reluctantly, and Lelouch had said that night, surrounded by the stink of dead bodies, he'd said-

"There you are." Suzaku sighed again, exhaustion beating down on his shoulders. "I'm always being used by someone, right? Why not Lelouch and the Britannians?"

"You're not meant to be with those kinds of people, Suzaku, cold-blooded killers." Todoh leaned forward, suddenly intent with a strange look in his eyes, a look much closer to pity than worry. "Work with us on this and afterwards you'll be welcomed back with honors."

"I killed my own father when I was eleven." Suzaku smiled wanly and stood, taking a sick sort of pride in the sudden expressions of shock around the table. "I think these are exactly the people I should be with."

Todoh stood quickly, leaning forward. "We're not done. Hear me out, Suzaku."

"We are done." Suzaku grabbed his case and gave a small nod. "The next time I contact you, it will be at the Prince's bequest."

Turning, Suzaku felt as if he was finally cutting himself away for good. A closed door would feel more real than a signed resignation, but he paused for a moment before shutting that door, looking up at the assembled group and their varying expressions of disgust and horror.

"Don't mess with Schneizel," was all Suzaku said, warning them for his own conscience. "He'll eat you alive."

And Suzaku was thankful that from the look on their faces, they already knew that fact as truth.

Suzaku caught himself and paused, smiling wryly as he added, "And consider that Lelouch… _Prince_ Lelouch is probably the only person to take Schneizel on and win before you make your decision whether to give backup or not."

A deep silence followed Suzaku into the corridor and Suzaku was satisfied with a job well done. From the look on his face Todoh had finally realized that the enemy they knew couldn't possibly be better than the one they didn't. The FBI would give Lelouch assistance and it wouldn't be because they were being blackmailed.

It wouldn't be the first time the US Government facilitated a coup, and it definitely wouldn't be the last.

* * *

Suzaku was concealing his weapon when he looked up, discretely told Kallen to leave, and thought 'speak of the devil'. On the far wall near the doorway, a tall blonde man in a white knee-length coat was leaning up against the wall, peering down at a book in his hand. He could have been inconspicuous if not for the three agents standing around him in a circle, staring with their hands close to their hips. Suzaku knew the men and pushed through the group, his heart pounding and his jaw clenched. He stood in front of Schneizel.

The three of them knew enough not to make a scene. A majority of the room hadn't even noticed Schneizel and everyone knew things would work out better without a mass panic. The agents walked away towards the security lines with scowls and Suzaku turned, irritated and exasperated, to Schneizel flipping a page, muttering, "My hero. Those great big government lackeys were terribly frightening."

"Is there anything I can assist you with, Prince Schneizel?"

Schneizel's blue eyes darted above his paperback for a moment and Suzaku had to wonder what Security was seeing as they stared at each other silently.

"Anything at all?" Suzaku sighed when the man continued to say nothing and began to slip his riding gloves back on, stretching his fingers in the cold leather. They weren't worn in properly and were just a little too snug until warmed up. Yet another unpleasant reminder of his current status in life.

Concentrating on the constriction of his gloves distracted Suzaku from the feeling that he was being sized up for the kill. He'd managed to keep the words tucked away as he made to leave the building, but being stuck in between Schneizel and the FBI… Suzaku lost his grip and kept hearing 'protégé' in Cornelia's smooth voice over and over again in a maddening loop.

"May I ask you something, Your Highness?" Suzaku looked up and Schneizel closed the book one-handed, dropping it in a nearby planter before nodding silently. Suzaku looked down, saw that it was some sort of torrid romance novel with two half-naked people attractively mauling each other on the cover and asked, "Are you really left-handed?"

Schneizel stared at him with a placid, genial mask and then gestured Suzaku to follow with a small, chastising look before sweeping out of the automatic doors.

_Yeah_, Suzaku rubbed the bridge of his nose, _stupid question_.

Left or right, either way standing in Lelouch's foyer, his hand extended in greeting, Schneizel had been fucking with him. It really didn't matter how. Just like how it didn't matter as Suzaku followed the prince out into the sunshine that he was very likely walking into some sort of trap.

Suzaku snatched up the book on his way out. If he was going out it was going to be with a good laugh.

* * *

Somehow - and Suzaku was both impressed and appalled by this - the authoress of Schneizel's book managed to use the word 'member' fifteen times on the same page, 'organ' twice, and 'manhood' no less that thirty-two times in the first chapter. Suzaku got done counting, a little flushed from how ridiculously pornographic it managed to be, and looked up to see Schneizel staring at him again in a manner that continued to be disturbing but was gradually taking on many deeper separate levels of unsettling in Suzaku's mind.

Suzaku wanted to say, 'What the hell?' or 'Is this really yours?' or maybe even 'My god, how can you read this and still look like you're made of ice?'. If Schneizel's bizarre personality hadn't been fully established before, it was in perfect order as Suzaku stared out of the limo window uncomfortably, not entirely sure whether to chuck the stupid book or keep reading.

Suzaku thought about these things because otherwise he kept hearing the tapes: protégé, protégé…nearly two dozen…if he's dead I'll…at least eighteen…he said-

"That picture you showed me. The one with the FBI agent…" Suzaku glanced over into Schneizel's stare, straight into the sun it seemed, making him blind. The words from the tape seemed eerily probable as Schneizel continued to regard him without expression. Cornelia was his sister, and loved him, but Schneizel still would have killed her. The worst part seemed to be that Cornelia loved him still despite all of that.

Schneizel seemed to expect something more from the conversational cue, but waited an uncomfortably long amount of time before saying, "Feel free to complete your thought. I can wait indefinitely."

Clenching his teeth tightly, Suzaku ground out, "Would you like to know what the prince said to the FBI agent in the photo you gave me, Your Highness?"

Schneizel's stare faltered for a moment and Suzaku saw the jump in Schneizel's mind from 'here we are' to 'back _then'_. There was an eagerness in Schneizel's eyes, a hunger in his lifted chin and tensed shoulders. Suzaku felt the limited space between them turn into an interrogation room and wondered what would happen if he drew out the question and made Schneizel follow him into a conversation of Suzaku's own making, outside of Schneizel's cool bubble of superiority. How far would Schneizel play along to feed his need for information? Not all people had a breaking point, but Schneizel's was there, if only for a moment, in his suddenly searing eyes.

Lelouch was the key. Lelouch was always the key, and he was the only button on Schneizel that Suzaku could push. He was the only way to slip into Schneizel's armor and Suzaku felt at that moment if he were to dangle his piece of information long enough Schneizel might just sit down and beg.

A sort of wildness entered into Schneizel's expression. Everything went tight in him as he realized the same thing perhaps, or just that Suzaku had glimpsed his weakness.

Suzaku remembered the young ash-blonde man from the tape, laughing wildly as he described the look on Schneizel's face. But Suzaku seriously doubted that the man would do more than grimace if he'd been shot, since Suzaku had to read his emotions in the barest of twitches. It didn't make any sense that Schneizel would seem so obviously affected just by the sight of his brother kissing another man. Jealousy would have manifested in anger, but what the agent had described would have sprung from another emotion and despite his brain thinking it was impossible, Suzaku's instincts slid all the parts together into a conclusion.

Suzaku remembered 'that was my first kiss…it was nice' and said, "Oh my god, it's Lelouch. You're in lo-"

Schneizel's eyes snapped up and Suzaku stared, his heart pounding hard in his chest as he finally realized how much danger he was in, cornered in a limo, and at arm's reach of a cold-blooded killer. His hand moved towards his gun but Schneizel was already gripping his own. In a matter of seconds Suzaku was shoved hard against the back of the door, his mouth snapped shut and the whole length of his throat exposed as Schneizel bruised the flesh under his jaw with the muzzle of a gun. Suzaku felt Schneizel's hand as it slipped into his jacket and pulled out Suzaku's own weapon and patted Suzaku down, and could do absolutely nothing about it. One jostle could mean the difference between a lot of pain and no pain at all when Suzaku's skull splattered over the limo's ceiling.

Suzaku's cell phone joined the gun at Schneizel's side, along with his wallet and keys as Schneizel searched him from hair to boot sole for any extra weapon. The searching, invasive touches contested to why he had survived whole and healthy in a community of criminals. It also explained why no one had ever managed to wear a wire in his presence and get away with not being returned to the FBI in a body bag.

Then, when Suzaku's backup weapons had all been found and discarded, they sat. Schneizel wasn't breathing hard but Suzaku caught a few sharp exhales, hot and humid up against the skin of his neck. He shivered and Schneizel laughed, really laughed, in honest amusement that made Suzaku wonder how long he had left to live.

Suzaku's life did not flash before his eyes. In its place was his father's hard, disgusted stare, condemning and, for the first time, smug. It was then that Suzaku decided he had to live. He'd rather cling to existence than risk facing that man in the afterlife. It was one thing to throw himself into the fray, confident in his own skills, but another thing entirely to sit and wait like some sort of cornered prey. Suzaku had stopped being prey the night he picked up that butcher's knife and not even Schneizel's predatory dominance was going to change that.

After a few minutes with the feel of Schneizel's soft hair against his cheek, Suzaku managed to overcome his instincts and bring his trembling hand up to Schneizel's wrist. If he hadn't known better Suzaku would have thought that Schneizel had fallen asleep, but the pressure on Suzaku's jaw was constant and excruciating. Schneizel didn't shake him off but he didn't relent his hold either and Suzaku wished he could see the man's face, wished he could know for sure when he was going to pull the trigger.

Suddenly, terrifyingly, Schneizel let the tension drift away in degrees until Suzaku was no longer taut from trying to keep above the muzzle of his gun. They ended up still slumped against each other, Suzaku sitting with Schneizel's wrist in one hand and his other hand on Schneizel's chest, feeling the erratic beat of his heart as Suzaku pushed him away millimeter by agonizing millimeter until they were both separated on opposite seats. Once Suzaku had separated his gun from him finger by finger and carefully placed Schneizel's hand in his lap Schneizel relaxed and looked out the window as if the lunge had never happened, and as if Suzaku's things weren't in a pile on the floor, the first preparation for a body-dump.

It was then that Suzaku remembered, adrenalin making his entire body tremble noticeably, that you could never predict a man in love. Because that's what Schneizel was: He was in love with Lelouch. Trying to predict what Schneizel would do in such a state would surely lead Suzaku into insanity. He understood then why Schneizel had said 'I hate you more' that day, surrounded by death and stone angels.

Closing his eyes, Suzaku realized that Lelouch had absolutely no idea, none at all, if he could automatically assume that Schneizel had the ability to rip him violently from his place of peace, exposing himself and Lelouch for everyone to see. Schneizel would never allow anyone, let alone Lelouch's colleagues, to see even a moment of that weakness in him. Schneizel hadn't even let _Lelouch_ see and Suzaku was wracked trying to decide if Schneizel's reason was pride, caution, or this softer thing that Suzaku didn't even want to contemplate.

"I won't tell him," Suzaku whispered, still trembling helplessly, but from more than adrenalin. He finally opened his eyes, and Schneizel looked back with a single raised eyebrow with his hand still slack on his lap as if he had put it there himself, as if Suzaku hadn't had to put him together again. As if Schneizel hadn't let Suzaku, Lelouch's assumed lover, live despite everything. Schneizel gazed back out the window as if he hadn't fallen apart, entirely, wholly, if only for one devastating moment.

"Right." Suzaku was terrified that he had fallen so deeply into the man's mind. "You know that already, don't you?"

The recent, brief glimpses into the past flew through Suzaku's mind for the rest of the ride, drifting behind his closed eyes, threatening a torrential overload if he opened them again.

"Do you want to know what he said?" Suzaku asked, weary, hoarse, and hoping he'd at least managed to re-spark Schneizel's general mask of normality.

"Tell me." Schneizel's voice was deep, nearly uninterested and Suzaku almost started laughing at the sound of a turning page.

So Suzaku did tell him and later, after a sea's-worth of rushing paper shifts, Schneizel replied, "Do you want to know who planted the disk?"

Suzaku nodded, desperate to know what intrigue had pulled them all together with such force.

It was worse, worse than he could have ever imagined and Suzaku nearly cried then, even in front of Schneizel's assessing stare, because Lelouch couldn't ever, ever know how they had all been pulled together but Suzaku would have to see him every day, touch him, hold him, and know the truth.

For a moment Suzaku went back in time to the boy he used to be; the one who had reached for a knife instead of a telephone and achieved a lowness in his soul that he hadn't thought possible. Suzaku reached again, and the words in his mouth had the tang of blood and blades. It was the hardest thing Suzaku had ever done to swallow his pride, fear, and absolute disgust, but he finally managed to give voice to what had become the inevitable in only a few moment's time if he was to keep Lelouch safe and ignorant of the truth that would surely break him.

"I will follow your every order, Prince Schneizel, and yours alone. I vow it on Lelouch's life."

Suzaku flinched at the first touch of the heavy muzzle on one shoulder, and then on the other. At the final caress he understood what was happening.

"I Knight you, former Knight of Seven, as the only Knight of the Round belonging to the new reign," Schneizel said, and though it wasn't a solemn sound there was no mockery or disdain in his tone, and it wasn't in his usual placid voice, his mask. The words sounded just like the ones from the cemetery, final and sure. "A better breed than any of the Numbered Knights before you."

Suzaku opened his eyes to see that the butt of his own gun was being handed back to him.

"I knight you, Suzaku Kururugi, as my Knight of the Round, Knight Zero."

The gun, loved, was suddenly foreign in Suzaku's hand and almost too heavy to bear after Schneizel's words, but he took it with resolution and a deep degree of gratefulness that he was able to take it at all.

There wasn't much room between them in the limo but Suzaku knelt down anyways, bowing deeply before sitting back and putting his weapon away.

"Knight of Zero…" Suzaku sighed after a moment's contemplation and then met Schneizel's eyes, smiling ruefully. "That's about the chance I have of living through this, right?"

And when Schneizel laughed, a dark smile of agreement on his face, Suzaku could see the discord between the man who looked at his brother with hurt bare in his eyes and the man who, by all rights, should have just pulled the trigger.

Suzaku could also see that his eyes were just like Lelouch's only lighter, a pale violet, because it was the first time Suzaku managed to look into Schneizel's eyes without an urgent fear running up his spine.

That color… They really were brothers. But, Suzaku was quickly learning that family meant very little to the rightful heirs of Britannia.

* * *

The little house was startlingly picturesque when Suzaku stepped out of the limousine. Suzaku had expected the world to change as he had changed, but everything was still bright and blooming. The walkway was made of flat stones, the grass was green, and the single rogue dandelion was blooming brightly at the base of the single rose bush. The roses were still buttery yellow with edges darkening into a deep red. Suzaku didn't stop to smell them as he walked up the porch. The thought was almost obscene.

Lelouch's pale face flashed once through the glass and when Suzaku reached for the door handle the door opened on its own. The house still smelled the same, familiar voices were drifting through the rooms, and Lelouch was the most beautiful person he had ever laid eyes on. Fondness, wonder, and desire called for Suzaku to reach out and cling to him, but that thought was obscene as well.

Suzaku's skin was slick and putrid with lies.

"I expected you hours ago," Lelouch hissed, peeking out the door before pulling him in by the lapels. "What the hell are you doing with Schneizel _again_? Did he _abduct_ you?"

Suzaku looked back to see Schneizel smiling, a white flash before he slipped on a pair of black sunglasses, looking ridiculous and suave. Suzaku really just wanted to break his legs, vow or no vow, because while Lelouch scowled fiercely his eyes were riveted to Schneizel's retreating form.

"I'm supposed to remind you that a blood feud actually requires feuding." Suzaku scowled, reciting the memorized lines. "And feuding requires terms and terms require an actual meeting between adults and not psychic waves of killing intent from the closet in your bedroom as you cry on your flower-scented diary."

"That…_fucking_-" Lelouch was white and suddenly frothing. Suzaku had thought himself prepared for the onslaught, but he was nearly bowled over as Lelouch tried to surge through the doorway, probably hoping to end the blood feud right there on his lawn. Suzaku was willing to handle that, forgive and forget for the sole reason that Lelouch was still in the dark, unaware of the terrible secret looming over him, but then Lelouch grabbed Suzaku's gun. He'd had it taken from him twice already and a third time was not going to happen while he still had all of his limbs.

Suzaku grabbed Lelouch by the wrist and twisted his arm back in a textbook move that had the man quietly cursing in pain. He'd used the move on massive thugs and on Lelouch it was almost ridiculously easy to bring the beginnings of an actual fight to a standstill. Suzaku couldn't let Lelouch shoot at Schneizel now that he knew the truth, now that he understood that from any other man it would mean nothing, but if it was from Lelouch a bullet would truly kill the prince… And Suzaku was a new knight now, Zero, and he had been ordered to protect Lelouch in every way and punish by his own discretion.

Lelouch grunted as Suzaku slammed him up against the door, the breath rushing out of his lungs, cutting off every curse as Suzaku took back his weapon.

"Do. Not. Ever. Touch my gun without permission." Suzaku kept his attention on Lelouch even though he knew they were visible from the street. Twisting around had slammed the door into the wall and the noise had surely caught Schneizel's attention. "I don't like this Lelouch, I don't." Suzaku heard himself, the stress and desperation of the last few hours making him shake, making his voice choke. "Don't put me in this place."

They stood in silence longer than a moment, longer than Suzaku liked because his blood ratcheted with anger and frustration every second, only to collapse when Lelouch had finally gone still, not limp, and murmured, "Alright, Suzaku. Okay."

"Okay?" Suzaku heard his own disbelief and accepted that maybe he had been given something he didn't need, didn't like, didn't want, but would take anyways because he loved that Lelouch was still capable of that steady, caring sound in his voice. Suzaku let him free from the punitive hold.

"Okay," Lelouch whispered, and when he moved closer Suzaku felt himself falling forward, all of the courage fleeing him as he was caught between Lelouch's reality and Schneizel's. It was like he was in some sort of purgatory where it didn't feel safe to know either of them until Lelouch clasped him close.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Lelouch whispered into his ear, "I know you don't."

Suzaku thought of Lelouch furious, raging, out of control, and how he knew this scenario would play over and over again as Suzaku was forced to save the man from the prince every day for the rest of their lives.

Suzaku thought about how much he had given up in the last week and wondered if he would have been able to do it again when knowing as he did, what Lelouch really was behind those smiles; a kindness and gentleness that seemed to last through everything and the rage, vicious cunning and darkness that ran just as deep.

"I love you," Suzaku finally whispered, long overdue. "I really do."

And for the first time, when Lelouch returned the sentiment Suzaku believed that it could be true.

Then he heard the car door slam shut and Suzaku wondered how much Lelouch's love was going to cost him, cost them all. Lelouch backed them out of view and kissed Suzaku breathless with adoringly light, caressing touches, gentle in his passion instead of kissing like they were in battle, kissing like he kissed Schneizel. Lelouch's mouth belonged to Suzaku, his warmth, and the small sounds that made Suzaku forget that he had secrets that would eventually shred every precious moment when Lelouch realized how deeply he had been betrayed.

When that happened, Suzaku knew, all Lelouch would have room for was rage.

And rightly so.


	8. Interlude Schneizel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE**

**IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE**

Merry Christmas everyone... I got you your very own sociopath.

Thanks to Hawk again for the original beta...She never got to see the last edit so all the faults in this one belong to me. However Hawk has, yet again, saved this fic from my not so tender clutches. THANK YOU HAWK.

For more info check my wordpress account under Anlaaria. CURRENTLY PRIVATE- EMAIL ME IF YOU WANT TO BE ADDED. I have lots more to say about this fic, chapter eight, and my two (three?) month hiatus from internet life! (_If you want to comment Wordpress will actually issue a screename without having to set up a blog, just FYI_.)

* * *

**   
_Primary Gain Interlude_   
**

The Unscrupulous Man

When he was thirteen Schneizel killed his sister's cat. It wasn't something he had planned or wanted to do and he had hated himself intensely for it for months afterward, but he was grateful too. Unlike his brothers and sisters, Schneizel hadn't needed to shed human blood to understand the permanence of taking a life. He had also discovered that human love was just as fragile and vulnerable as a life. It had only taken a week for Guinevere to get over the disappearance of her beloved pet but that week had been excruciating. With every look at her red eyes and worry-lined face Schneizel had felt an invisible collar cinch around his neck more and more tightly. He'd very nearly confessed.

After twenty years Schneizel still remembered that warm grip, the struggle, and how difficult it had been to snap that little neck in comparison to the ease of pulling a trigger. Schneizel contemplated that for the rest of his life: the difference between humans and animals.

The first time Schneizel had held little Lelouch, he had thought of that cat and its slick black fur, its strange eyes, and found himself in something of a quandary. Unlike the other princes and princesses, he found himself admiring the little thing, treasuring him, when he should have been wondering how much he would have to pay to have the boy poisoned. He'd sat in the parlor staring at Lelouch for a long time, long enough that when Marianne found them Lelouch had fallen asleep in the cradle of Schneizel's arms as a warm, content little weight.

Schneizel's curious attachment was only reinforced when Marianne came around the corner, caught sight of them both and went pale, rushing over to very nearly snatch Lelouch right out of his arms. They looked at each other for the first time, really looked at each other, and Schneizel had laughed a little because His Majesty's knight was _furiously_ afraid with her eyes narrowed and her cheeks flushed. He had understood her beauty then and why his father was so entranced with a simple, common killer. Still, wife or not that was all Marianne could ever be and no knight would dare to interfere with royalty.

"He's my brother before he's your child." Schneizel had smiled down at Lelouch. "You're more of a threat to him than I'll ever be."

Schneizel looked down at Lelouch who was a strange, quiet baby and thought '_mine'_ as the woman bowed.

When Schneizel was sixteen he killed Clovis' baby brother. He just put a hand over its mouth and waited. Clovis walked in with a full bottle and a smile just as Schneizel raised his arm away from the crib.

"You should pay better attention, Clovis," Schneizel said, walking over to pat his face with the same hand. The fat tears that had started to drip from his eyes down to his jaw hadn't upset Schneizel. He'd just licked the liquid from the tips of his fingers idly as Clovis made one choked noise before collapsing to his knees.

"No more sons," was all Schneizel had said before walking out.

No one was surprised when Schneizel didn't attend the funeral, but they would have taken pause had they known where he had gone instead. While the boy-child was being buried, Schneizel was teaching a toddler how to play chess.

"And which is this?" Schneizel asked softly, a piece offered on his palm. Biting his lower lip, his eyes wide and earnest Lelouch had said, "Em'per."

"Yes," Schneizel smiled. "Show me your mother, Lelouch."

Lelouch put his hands on his lap, leaning over to peer at the board. His hesitance satisfied Schneizel in an odd, unfamiliar way and it was only later that he identified the emotion that had made him smile. Watching Lelouch glance from the queen to the knight made Schneizel feel proud.

"Haha desu," Lelouch finally said, and Schneizel renewed his vow when Lelouch set the black knight next to the white king on Schneizel's palm.

"Very good." Schneizel was content and prepared to end the lesson but Lelouch was peering at the board again, his eyes hidden by a swing of silky black hair. When he looked back up it was with a shy blush as he held up the black king on his own palm.

"Ani-sama desu ka," he said, sounding hopeful as he gave Schneizel a miniscule smile.

Schneizel kissed him for the first time then, leaning forward to press his lips to Lelouch's forehead. His skin was very soft and his smile was brilliant when Schneizel pulled away.

"Hai, Ani desu." Schneizel felt flattered for one ridiculous moment. Then he had reached over and put the black queen next to the king on Lelouch's palm. The two pieces only barely fit on his small hand.

"Lelouch-kun desu ka."

Lelouch didn't answer. He simply put the pieces down into their correct places, all of them, and then threw himself into Schneizel's arms. There was a moment of surprise as he held Lelouch and pulled him close, and then a moment of wonder as Lelouch smiled, laughed and giggled in a flurry of sudden Japanese that Schneizel couldn't translate but adored. Whenever he could spare the time, Schneizel dropped by to teach Lelouch the game. It only took six months for him to identify all of the pieces and their moves and by the time Lelouch was five years old he could play. That was what they were doing when Marianne went into labor for the second time. Lelouch was getting ready to take Schneizel's rook when Sir Gottwald appeared in the doorway with a small, tense smile.

"What is it, Jeremiah?" Schneizel didn't look away. He didn't need to.

"A girl, my Lord."

Schneizel would have killed Nunnally except for the loving shine in Lelouch's eyes when the boy looked down at his sister. He even allowed himself to be defeated a few times on the chess board when Lelouch was too young to identify his teasing, just to make him smile. Still, it became harder to visit him after the girl's birth. Marianne kept a close eye, but Schneizel's instincts had been perfected throughout the years and he found it very difficult to keep his hand from Nunnally's crib, to keep from making himself into the sibling that Lelouch loved most out of all others. Instead Schneizel denied himself, throwing all of his energy into the family work to make Britannia strong, to ensure that Lelouch would always have a safe place, to ensure that there was a small pocket in the world where Schneizel could always keep Lelouch close.

He would have continued on that path, growing stronger and stronger through influence if Charles hadn't ordered him to go to school. After acquiring a freshly bought degree in history Schneizel made his way to Harvard Law. Schneizel didn't have the empathy necessary to become a doctor, he didn't need anyone to teach him that he was something of a sociopath, and he was perfectly capable of learning how to cook on his own. The only two things left that interested him were law and politics and despite being very good at it Schneizel disliked lying. Telling falsehoods was a coward's pastime, but on a similar note honesty was very likely to put him into a jail or a madhouse.

When he was twenty years old, Schneizel came home for Christmas to discover that Lelouch had been molded from a content, intuitive child into a sharp-eyed, intuitive prince who watched the world as if his small body was nothing but a veil. He met Schneizel as if they were strangers when it had only been two years since they played chess together, comfortable and smiling.

That strange little prince had been honestly surprised when Schneizel beat him at chess, his shock only growing with every defeat he experienced that Christmas Eve. Schneizel had never hated Marianne more than when Lelouch ended the evening wearing a look of utter despair as he surveyed the board.

"I don't understand," he said quietly.

"That's probably best, little brother." Schneizel looked him in the eyes, frowned and murmured, "Did you really think you would win the game I taught you?"

"Yes," Lelouch muttered, his cheeks flushing as he glared. He looked every bit the spoiled prince from those narrowed eyes to the straight line of his lips.

Schneizel reached out and grabbed Lelouch's nose, smiling as his eyes opened ridiculously wide, transforming the prince back into a boy.

"Hasn't your mother told you, littlest prince?" Schneizel smirked. "If you're not careful your face will stick like that and everyone you meet will know you're a stuck-up little brat."

"I'm not a brat!" Lelouch smacked Schneizel's hand away, looking as furious as an eight year old could possibly be. "I'm just not supposed to lose!"

Schneizel only smiled, watching as Lelouch set the board again.

They played through the night, but Schneizel didn't once let Lelouch win. He found that the boy's temper was just as endearing as his sweet smiles and his tenacity surely rivaled his own mother's fierce resolve. Lelouch hadn't even raised his head when Jeremiah tiptoed in to leave Santa's treats behind. The man ended up staying, idly munching cookies and milk as he watched the game. He left just as the birds began to wake outside.

Their last game was left undone when the boy finally fell asleep mid-turn, nearly slumping onto the board. Schneizel picked him up, marveling at how slight Lelouch was and how he snuggled closer with a deep sigh. He walked through the house, carefully peeking through doors until he found one decorated in blue, books lining the wall near a long picture window covered in game pieces.

Schneizel finally pushed the door open, juggling Lelouch without waking him and trying not to trip over the overflowing stocking on the floor. He very nearly stumbled over a pillow before managing to get to the small bed. He looked from Lelouch to the bed and back again before sighing and quietly waking him up.

"Leave me 'lone," Lelouch pouted, hiding his face. "Now."

Schneizel looked at him for a moment, feeling the curious bemusement at what was clearly an order being directed at him, the second heir to the Britannia line and not to mention Lelouch's _older_ and most dangerous brother.

Schneizel picked Lelouch up by the armpits, tossed him up into the air and watched as he bounced, wide-eyed and squealing as he woke up _fast_.

"What are you doing!"

"I'm waking you up." Schneizel snapped back, "You need to get into your pajamas."

Lelouch made one horrible scrunched-up face and for a moment Schneizel watched, horrified and panicked, as tears started to well in his eyes.

"Momma just puts me in." Lelouch sniffed. "I was dreaming."

Schneizel crossed his arms and tried to figure out what to say to a sniffling, overtired child that he had just dropped from five feet in the air, wrecking his happy dreams after ruthlessly beating him at chess at least twelve times in the last three hours.

"Santa told me to tell you to put on your pajamas," Schneizel ad-libbed. "You can't open presents in dirty clothes."

Lelouch stared up, looking at Schneizel like he'd grown a second head.

"You are too old to believe in Santa," Lelouch said, suddenly and intensely serious despite the hour. "Santa is fake."

Schneizel heard the silently tagged on '_stupid'_ loud and clear.

"Oh really?" Schneizel raised an eyebrow, leaning over with a smirk as he took on the challenge. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Lelouch replied, deadpan. "It's just the knights."

"Who gives the knights the presents?" Schneizel gave him a look. "Do you think they just go around buying brats toys for fun? Someone has to run around delivering gifts and eating cookies or Santa wouldn't get anything done and I hear that midgets have a union now."

"Little people," Lelouch amended breathlessly, jumping off his bed and running towards his dresser. He pulled hard enough that the whole drawer fell out, socks and underwear scattering across the floor. Schneizel started kicking it all into a pile, averting his eyes as Lelouch furiously undressed and changed with the complete unselfconsciousness of a child.

It was at that moment, looking away from Lelouch, that Schneizel discovered Marianne watching from the closet with a video recorder in hand. She didn't flinch away from his stare and she didn't drop the machine, and for a moment Schneizel was intensely grateful for his ability to keep a straight face. If Marianne had caught him on camera looking shocked or guilty he would have killed her. He would have killed her and Lelouch would have seen.

Instead Schneizel carefully, deliberately turned away to help Lelouch into bed, tucking him in, wishing him a happy Christmas, and then left the house feeling hollow and wondering if he really came across as that sort of monster. He commended a healthy suspicion when it came to Lelouch, but…well, Schneizel was still young yet. In normal circumstances Marianne should have left at least a little room for brotherly fondness and youthful idealism.

A happy Christmas indeed, and Schneizel wondered if it could be considered a gift to leave the woman behind.

Schneizel spent the holidays staring at himself in the mirror smiling and practicing his mannerisms, making sure that no one would ever be suspicious again.

* * *

Schneizel left Harvard when Odysseus called to tell him that Marianne had been murdered. The woman wasn't yet in the ground and Charles was already gone, detaching himself from Britannia and leaving Odysseus in command as he disappeared into the tumult of the outside world and left them all behind.

Lelouch didn't cry during the funeral but when Schneizel accompanied him to Nunnally's bedside the boy sobbed and sobbed, his face buried into the covers on his sister's comatose form, his small body trembling as he climbed up into the gurney to sleep beside her. All Schneizel could think, watching from the doorway, was that he should have killed Marianne himself if only to avoid the effect collateral damage was having on Lelouch's psyche. He wouldn't be nearly as traumatized if his sister was still ambulatory, but as things were what happened next was entirely unavoidable.

Twenty-four hours after the funeral Lelouch and Nunnally were left alone, abandoned, and Schneizel moved into his brother's house. Odysseus came home to his things packed and left very neatly in the driveway. They made eye contact briefly as Schneizel watched from the kitchen window, washing dishes, and he was somewhat disappointed when Odysseus decided to take the hint and left with his things. Schneizel was in the mood for a fight.

Cornelia very nearly gave Schneizel what he wanted.

"I want to see my little brother you son of a bitch." Cornelia's glare was devoted entirely to Schneizel. "You tell your little ass-licking cronies to-"

"Quiet, sister." Schneizel only smiled in return. "Before you make yourself a fool."

Of all his sisters Schneizel had always liked Cornelia best. She was fiery, impassioned, devoted and difficult to understand on the best of days, but she was equally susceptible to manipulation at the most basic levels. A whisper to a knight about Lelouch being cut off from the family and she was storming in only days later, intent on seeing the boy she'd once threatened to drown at a family picnic.

"My knights are simply there to keep the rabble out." Schneizel sat back in his chair. "I told them to watch our siblings with the greatest of care. Obviously they took that command a little too far."

Cornelia flushed and then sat when Schneizel gestured to the empty chair before her.

"I must say though, Cornelia, that your arrival is a fortunate one." He pointed down to a paper on his desk and said, "Our competition is bound to become aware of the fact that there has been a power shift. When they do it's highly probable that we'll have a war on our hands. Will you join me, sister? There is no one I'd rather have by my side."

Cornelia never asked after Lelouch again.

* * *

When he was thirteen Lelouch realized that he hated his life more than he loved his sister and decided to do something about it. Schneizel was alerted of the situation by the Knight who was in charge of keeping the boy safe, a telephone call he took in the middle of a murder trial. Cornelia winked at him from the other side of the courtroom as he snapped the cell shut. Cornelia was wearing a calm, amused smile on her face. She had a disturbing tendency of programming his cell phone and even the prosecutor was speechless as the dulcet tones of a prepubescent Donny Osmond echoed through the packed room over the sound system.

Schneizel smiled, bowed to the wide-eyed jury and excused himself from the stand without a single look back.

It was a small hospital and not very close, but Schneizel made it there before Lelouch did, waiting very patiently until the boy finally showed up nearly half an hour late, courtesy of a convenient flat tire.

For a moment Lelouch was startled, staring with wide eyes in the doorway of the psychologist's office with his face drawn and pale.

"Schneizel," he said quietly, a small frown twisting his mouth. "You're not supposed to be here."

Schneizel merely gestured, pointing at the empty seat beside him until Lelouch walked in slowly, cautiously, and took his place in front of the doctor's desk. The man was nervous, staring at them both in the tense silence, but he pulled himself together quite admirably when Schneizel gave him the nod to continue the conversation that had been interrupted by Lelouch's arrival.

"I'm afraid I have to ask if there's a history of mental illness, Mr. Britannia." The man peered down at the document on his desk. "If this is a chemical problem therapy can only go so far."

"His grandfather on his mother's side was bipolar," Schneizel said, doing his best not to smile. "And I'm sure you can make the appropriate assumptions about the other half of his DNA."

The doctor looked Schneizel straight in the eye for the first time, pressing his lips into a thin line as he murmured, "Yes, Mr. Britannia, I can make an educated guess, but I'd rather not. An accurate family history can be crucial to a diagnosis. If confidentiality is the issue-"

"Lelouch has a fully developed conscience and hasn't displayed any aggressive tendencies," Schneizel said quietly, trying to decide if he should be impressed by the doctor's insistence or annoyed by the lack of respect. "He did, however, witness his mother's murder and is the primary caregiver for his younger, disabled sister."

The man frowned, giving Schneizel a hard stare.

"A child is the primary caregiver for a disabled sibling… Who cares for Lelouch?"

"Our father is absent and his mother is dead. Lelouch cares for Lelouch." Schneizel smiled then as the man looked over to where Lelouch was sitting back, staring at the wall. "When he is old enough Lelouch will have the option of rejoining the family as an adult. For now he is entirely capable of taking care of himself."

Lelouch's eyes didn't once stray from the corner, but his hands tensed when the doctor asked, "Then why is it that you're here now, Mr. Britannia, if this young man is so capable of taking care of himself?"

Schneizel decided to be a little more than annoyed as Lelouch's knuckles whitened and he found himself speechless, an entirely unique and discomforting situation. He wanted to say 'Someone has to,' but that was a lie, and it wasn't as if his concern stemmed from any familial loyalties, because Schneizel actually functioned on the lack of such bonds. The logical conclusion would be a bond of affection, of love, but Schneizel was fully aware that for him love was about as accessible as the source of the Nile.

Finally Schneizel settled with a highly unsatisfactory, "I am in charge of managing the assets of the Britannian establishment. Lelouch is only useful if he is mentally stable and obviously that stability has come into question."

Lelouch interrupted three years of non-communication by turning in his chair, giving Schneizel an odd, appalled look, and blurting, "_Fuck you_."

Schneizel smirked, his annoyance lost to amusement as Lelouch continued, "…_you asshole_…"

"If this about to denigrate into family counseling I'm afraid I'll have to leave," Schneizel looked back to see a restrained expression on the Doctor's face. "I can't afford to establish a precedent for that sort of thing."

"That sort of thing…"

Schneizel identified what the doctor was trying to mask. The man was _fascinated_.

"Caring," Schneizel said shortly, standing and looking over Lelouch with a practiced eye. "Watch that you don't become media fodder, little brother. We wouldn't want to reinforce certain misconceptions, would we?"

"What, like the rumor that we're all insane?" Lelouch was turning red, his voice rising into a yell as he became animated by anger. He'd never looked more like his mother than he did when he snapped, "Saying otherwise would be _lying_."

Schneizel looked down, pleased, and added, "And if you _must_ resort to a pharmaceutical crutch please keep in consideration that Cornelia can provide you with a variety of quality antidepressants for free."

"You're-!" Lelouch paused suddenly, a tirade clearly on the tip of his tongue until the look in his eyes shifted, went sharp. "You're_ mocking me_."

"That would imply possessing a sense of humor." Schneizel nearly made himself a liar by laughing. "I assure you, littlest prince, that I don't find this situation to be amusing in the slightest."

Lelouch scowled back fiercely. "You've been taking advantage of Cornelia's pharmaceutical knowledge on a regular basis if you expect me to buy that bullshit."

Schneizel leaned forward, looked down into Lelouch's startling, bright eyes and smiled. Then he tapped him once, gently on the nose.

"On the contrary," Schneizel murmured, "You'll find, Lelouch, that I have little to no expectations of you at all."

The anger in Lelouch's eyes dimmed into heated, nearly veiled suspicion. Nearly. Schneizel felt his heart jump suddenly as that look dulled into placid, flat regard.

Looking down the barrel of a loaded gun didn't make Schneizel's blood so much as stutter and he was never chilled by cold iron around his wrists, but those magnificent eyes… Schneizel felt as if he was in a perpetual state of waiting, his breath caught on the potential in that tantalizing mixture of intelligence and understanding. It was a liquid, slow feeling to look in those eyes and see nothing of himself, just Lelouch and Lelouch's regard.

"After all, you've proven yourself to be quite ordinary." Schneizel stood straight and peered down, smiling. "Below average grades in your classes, little ambition, regular and sedentary habits. In fact, I'm surprised that someone so dull would even have the wherewithal to be depressed by his lot in life, though I have to admit that most self-respecting human beings would have killed themselves rather than allowing themselves to wallow in such a state."

"Why are you here, Schneizel?" Lelouch was giving Schneizel his full attention and it felt better than Schneizel had thought it would. "It's obvious you're not here for moral support."

"Morality is such a tender subject." Schneizel made his way to the door. "One which I will happily discuss if you manage to shake off your mediocrity."

Lelouch didn't reply and Schneizel hadn't expected him to, would have been disappointed if he had, but he gave him such a look that Schneizel understood exactly where they were headed: suspicion, distrust, anger…and _hope_. Schneizel could only imagine what it felt like to hide such intellect under a façade, how careful Lelouch must have been to culture such a lie in order to keep himself safe, to not be perceived as competition in a den of thieves.

"What will it take?" Lelouch's face was a waiting mask, but his hands were trembling, anxious.

"Ahhh…" Schneizel smiled. "That's an entirely different conversation. Take care of yourself first, brother, and then maybe-"

Schneizel took one last look at him, at Lelouch and those eyes, that face looking up, pale and perfect like a mask, and shut the door behind himself with a low, comfortable laugh.

Seeing Lelouch again, talking to him, just felt _good_.

It felt even better to know that Lelouch, in search of independence, would soon be following behind.

Schneizel thought, _Maybe I'll take care of you._

* * *

"Your transportation is here." Schneizel watched as Lelouch startled, his head jerking, hair swinging as they made eye contact in his bedroom mirror. Lelouch blushed and looked away, pulling at the hem of his uniform again with a small sigh.

"That's understandable," Lelouch murmured, straightening his collar. "The question is why _you're_ here, Schneizel."

"It's your first day of public school." Schneizel stepped forward to stand just behind him, rested a hand lightly on Lelouch's shoulder and leaned in to say, "Isn't that what older brothers do?"

Lelouch raised an eyebrow in a delicate arch, but didn't shrug Schneizel's hand away, instead saying, "I wouldn't know, and neither would you unless there's a side to Odysseus that he's very cleverly hidden away from the rest of us."

"I'll pass on the anticipated comment concerning Odysseus and cleverness." Schneizel fell away, feeling and reveling in Lelouch's sting. It was like watching something beautiful unfurl as Lelouch allowed himself to peek through his armor of nonchalance. Schneizel had given him a new armor, a stronger shield of protection, but Lelouch had yet to don those guards as he fought against the inevitable.

"…And it's hardly public school," Lelouch muttered, pulling at the knot of his tie. "I wouldn't have to wear this ridiculous outfit to public school."

"The price of a superior education, unfortunately." Schneizel turned Lelouch and straightened the tie himself, loosening the tight knot Lelouch had cinched against his own throat. "You'll get used to it."

"I've gotten used to a lot of things." Lelouch stared back, looking grim. "What are you doing here, Schneizel?"

Schneizel gripped the knot with the tips of his fingers, looked down and smiled. "I told you. It's what brothers do."

"Care?" Lelouch asked, his face twisted in disbelief. "Is this you _caring_?"

"God forbid." Schneizel tugged his tie with a smirk. "Whatever would you do if someone cared, Lelouch?"

Lelouch didn't answer, but his stare began to form into a glare of truly epic proportions.

"Teenagers." Schneizel tapped him on the nose. "Perhaps you should change your electives. Drama instead of chess? Both talents are equally splendid-"

"Yes, and you can best me at both, can't you, brother?"

"That remains to be seen." Schneizel turned away so that Lelouch couldn't see his grin. "Better hurry, Lelouch, or you'll be late on your first day."

"I'll be late if I want," Lelouch snapped, clearly about to huff his way out of the room. Instead, Schneizel turned sharply, snatching him by the shoulder and jerking him back. Lelouch's scowl slipped in surprise and they were left staring at each other as Schneizel tried to understand how it was so easy to move from fond, teasing affection to cutting anger in only a breath.

Schneizel only let Lelouch go when the boy looked away, unsettled and compliant as he tried to rub the pain of Schneizel's grip out of his shoulder.

Then Lelouch laughed and it was a horrible, despondent sound as he shook his head in understanding.

"I won't be late," Lelouch said, his eyes turned resolutely to the floor. "…I'll stick to chess."

Schneizel stood tall and murmured, "I think that's best."

Lelouch only nodded and it was clear to them both at that moment that if he had fought back Schneizel never would have let him leave, let alone be late to this new school. But Schneizel did allow Lelouch to leave. He wondered if he would be able to allow himself to do as much again. Now that he had Lelouch under his protection, his watchful eye, and following his orders…

Nothing but taking his father's place had ever been more thrilling.

* * *

Lelouch grew up too fast. One moment Schneizel was watching him walk studiously into his car for school, straight-backed and thinking great thoughts, no doubt, and the next Lelouch was grinning fiercely, bruised and bloody with the hulk of what had been a motorcycle spilling oil all over the concrete only a few yards away.

For the first time in his adulthood Schneizel experienced a moment of great, yawning terror. He was only there by chance, had stopped by at Lloyd's insistence only to be presented with something that resembled true fear, the smile of a dead woman on a boy too young to die. Lelouch was laughing, blood dripping from a shallow cut on his temple, scratched and bruised but spectacularly unharmed as he allowed himself to be rescued by a few wide-eyed knights. Schneizel observed silently, standing very still as another bike raced around the corner.

Jeremiah looked almost as terrified as Schneizel felt and for a moment Schneizel had to wonder if they were both making up for Lelouch's lack. It only took a moment.

"Break his arm," Schneizel ordered, shoving them away and hauling Lelouch up by the shoulder. The men around him, the knights, stared with wide eyes and growing horror, but still Lelouch seemed unafraid. It was that obstinacy that turned Schneizel's mind from fear and towards rage.

Then Jeremiah stepped forward, pushing the others out of the way, grasped Lelouch by the wrist and did as he was told. Schneizel felt a single sharp pang of regret at the pitch of Lelouch's scream and held the boy up as his knees buckled with one arm wrapped firmly around his slim waist. The other knights looked away, pale, as Jeremiah stepped back with a short bow.

After a few moments Schneizel let Lelouch fall, thinking that he had perhaps been holding Lelouch up for too long.

"You're very lucky to walk away from a crash like that with only a broken arm," Schneizel said, never once turning his gaze away from Lelouch's furious, agonized glare. He bent over and grabbed the boy by the jaw, blood and tears warm under his fingers and whispered, "I would advise you to not be so reckless again."

Lelouch went very still and Schneizel could see it building behind those eyes but he still flinched when Lelouch erupted into a sudden fit of hysterical laughter.

Schneizel didn't slap him but it was a close thing.

"You're going to have to do better than that." Lelouch grinned, a wide and wild thing. "_Schneizel_, you- You think you know, but you don't. You don't know me. You can't _break_ me, you crazy _fuck_."

Lelouch was fourteen years old and his words were a truth Schneizel had only quietly desired.

Lelouch was fourteen years old and for the first time in years Schneizel really smiled, looked into that ordered madness, and saw himself as he had once been, pushing as hard as could just to find out where the consequences would lead him.

Now that he was grown Schneizel knew the distinction between breaking and collaring and that would make all the difference in the years to come. He watched avidly as Lelouch's curses began to slur into the pain, becoming more vehement and inventive with every moment he spent grasping for consciousness. Eventually that all subsided into the harsh pants of pain but every word was sharp in Lelouch's eyes even when he gave up his glare for a simple grimace of misery and despair.

That was just enough.

* * *

One of the things Schneizel had never been capable of truly understanding was his brother: not Lelouch, but instead Clovis. Lelouch was something different, because Schneizel couldn't bear to put the two into the same category. Schneizel didn't understand Clovis, didn't like him, but was fully capable of controlling the man utterly. Fear was always powerful motivation and Clovis had excellent instincts when it came to interacting with powerful people, if nothing else.

Well, Schneizel decided, Clovis had more talents than he gave the man credit for. They just weren't the useful kinds.

"Schneizel," Clovis swallowed and jerked forward in a quick step. "This is unexpected."

Schneizel ignored him in favor of looking at the painting on the wall. It was of Clovis's mother, a frail but elegant thing that became captivating when formed by Clovis' brush. She was hideous as a person but none of that showed in the image of her gazing down at an opera from her private box. She looked wistful, in an unguarded moment, and Schneizel began to wonder if he'd overlooked Clovis' usefulness. Schneizel said nothing to the nervous figure at his side and moved on to the next painting. It was of their father and flattering. Schneizel wondered if that was because Clovis had never seen him in an unguarded moment and wondered idly if such a thing could ever occur.

Clovis would never glimpse Schneizel in an unguarded moment. He knew, because Lelouch had proven that much. He pretended to go on gazing at the various paintings but while his eyes roved Schneizel began to alter his previous plans. Cutting off Clovis might actually be an inadvisable venture after all. He wasn't actually useless, but the convincing act had nearly been his downfall instead of his shield. It was all very ironic and Schneizel told him so. Then, while the fear of abandonment was still in Clovis's eyes, Schneizel offered him a job. Clovis took it, was actually grateful for it, and it was just that easy to turn a person into a tool. Effortless.

It wouldn't be effortless with Lelouch. Just as he had professed, Lelouch would never be broken because while the expression on Clovis's face was gratifying, Schneizel knew he'd kill Lelouch before he made him grovel in fear and there was simply no other way to make the boy break.

_Lelouch,_ Schneizel inwardly sighed. He was spending too much time pondering Lelouch. He could easily compare his fascination to a functional alcoholic, able to work but not without the object of his fascination's silent presence in his mind.

Schneizel would tell himself later that it was this addiction that made him overlook the spark of hatred in Clovis's eyes before he went to his knee and bowed.

Instead Schneizel walked out wondering if he could slip Lelouch into a painting or if he would hoard every unguarded moment for himself.

* * *

There was something gratifying about the fact that when Lelouch showed up covered in blood and clutching a knife in the middle of the night, it was Schneizel's doorstep he stood on. Schneizel had come to the door after recognizing Lelouch's shape in the shadows and felt a little underdressed in his nightclothes. Eventually Schneizel had realized he hadn't actually managed to drive the boy into a killing frenzy and that Lelouch was instead vehemently terrified, his eyes wild and bright in the porch light. But it had taken a moment, because Schneizel had been distracted by Lelouch's wide, wide eyes.

The fact that Lelouch had come to Schneizel was in its own way satisfying but less so than the thought that Schneizel himself had been able to penetrate his self-control. Lelouch had spent his months nursing his self-will and independence along with his broken arm. Looking at his bloodied forearms and ashen face Schneizel had to wonder how much it had cost him to break away from his shielding presence in search of freedom.

"I think it's about time for you to learn how to use a gun," Schneizel said, beckoning him into the hall. "You're not suited for close-quarter conflicts, Lelouch."

Schneizel flipped on the kitchen light and poured tap water into the kettle, surveying the road outside just in time to see the legs of the knight standing guard get dragged into the shadows of the neighbor's yard. A dog barked once and then went silent with a yelp. Schneizel sighed and set the kettle on the stove. It was always tiresome to have to deal with amateurs. They made sloppy mistakes and were difficult to predict beyond the general scope of idiocy and lack of professionalism that was rampant beyond Britannia's reach.

Xing-ke needed to recruit more capable subordinates, he mused. Accurate reconnaissance was nullified by incompetent backup and the gesture of attack was fumbling and awkward, nothing like the man's own personal elegance. Schneizel began to consider the possibility of an inner-conflict in the Chinese Federation as he prepared himself for the upcoming conflict. That sort of chaos would certainly confuse the morale and ranks and they were likely to pick up extra man-power from the streets as their own people died off and make desperate grabs for leverage leaving their small army inexperienced and untested.

The front door slammed shut and the single lock on the door was put in place. Schneizel listened with a smile as Lelouch raced through the house in a series of adorable, frantic crashes to lock all the doors and windows. He watched the stove in anticipation and grinned when Lelouch yelped at the sound of the shrieking kettle. When the boy stumbled into the kitchen he was panting but visibly composed when he turned the lights off, hissing, "They can _see_ you."

Schneizel flicked the light back on from his side of the kitchen and murmured, "Yes, and it would be rather convenient to see them as well."

Schneizel glanced over his shoulder to catch Lelouch's blush and pulled his backup weapon out of the empty take-out carton in the trash can. He tossed it to Lelouch along with the extra clip and then removed his primary weapon from the small of his back. Lelouch had been standing there with a knife after all and Schneizel hadn't survived being a prince so long only to be stabbed by his younger brother.

Lelouch missed the catch and had to stick his hand under the stove to get the gun out again, cursing with a bewildered, "The _trash_?"

And the toilet tank, the linen closet, his closet in a pair of boots, the pocket of his jacket in the laundry room, the old VHS under the TV, the stove, a vase, a flower pot, a light fixture, and not to mention the rather varied arsenal in his comfortable den-like panic room that had yet to be used. Schneizel had learned the power of blood and dead bodies and began to feel a little unsettled when he hadn't gotten blood on his hands after a prolonged period of time. Besides, he reasoned while admiring the creeping bloodlust in Lelouch's eyes, a little firefight was always a wonderful bonding experience. You never really knew a man until you had witnessed him taking a life. Schneizel counted himself fortunate when said man was performing under his direct orders and did so with efficiency and an attitude appropriate to the situation.

"Where are your knights?" Lelouch at least knew how to remove the safety and held the weapon like he had actually used one, which Schneizel doubted. Schneizel pulled out two mugs and Lelouch added, "You crazy goddamned bastard. What the fuck are you doing?"

"I distaste stating the obvious," Schneizel replied, amused. "Chamomile will settle your nerves but I have a general assortment if you'd prefer something more elaborate."

Schneizel observed Lelouch's expression in the reflection of his bullet-proofed window and added, "Kindly close your mouth, that's a particularly unattractive look for you."

Lelouch snapped his mouth shut and gestured rudely. Schneizel forgave him his frustration and said, "The chamomile then."

The lights flickered before going dark. Schneizel picked out a pair of prongs and let it hover over the gas flame as he dropped the tea bags and picked up his weapon, staying in the shadows as Lelouch ducked down and pressed himself into the cupboards by Schneizel's legs. The press of his body was a long, warm line that seeped through Schneizel's thin pants and made his calm falter a little. All at once his certainty was dissolved as he looked down at Lelouch's waiting crouch. He was very small but not cowering and the sight, the feel of his body stiff and not trembling made Schneizel … sentimental.

Schneizel shoved Lelouch away with his leg and turned the stove off, the red-hot prongs in his left hand and his gun in the right. He made a mental note to buy new prongs and whispered, "You go right. Stay low and wait for them to come down the stairs." A window upstairs opened with a creak. "Either stay in the shadow of the coat hanger or climb up into the top shelf of the closet."

Lelouch's eyes were wide and rimmed in white but he only stared for a moment before nodding and silently moving into position. It was a little startling for Schneizel to observe that absolute silence and Lelouch's easy grace. He was forced to alter his plans. He had been counting on Lelouch to be a distraction. Instead of following behind he decided to move into the guest bathroom. Apparently Xing-ke's men liked climbing through the windows instead of using doors like civil human beings.

There was another soft creak, a brief tap against porcelain, and Schneizel had shoved the prongs through the man's eye and into his brain before he had a chance to round the corner. He used the hold to keep the corpse upright long enough to snatch his weapon from the jerking hand. It was easy to shoot the second man crouching outside as he was distracted by a series of gunshots from the hall. Schneizel counted two thumps in the initial volley and another after a short curse followed by an exclamation that was surely, "Where is it coming from," which meant Lelouch had taken the correct option of the closet rather than sitting on the ground in their eye-line and waiting to be killed.

Lelouch really had the most wonderful mind for tactical analysis. All those hours of chess had translated into actual combat, just as Schneizel had hoped they would. He moved into the front room and shot the two men ducked in the hallway, adding a round into the wounded man they were clutching for good measure.

The front door slammed open and Schneizel realized that he hadn't checked to see if Lelouch knew how to reload. If he didn't… Schneizel swallowed his sudden apprehension and concentrated, ducking back into the shadows of the dining room as yelling and shots being fired in the street ruined his ability to hear tell-tale creaks inside.

Lelouch stayed quiet and kept his single round to himself as two men charged through the house firing in sprays of bullets. The only choice was to duck back into the kitchen and grab his own machine gun out of the oven before stepping nimbly into the hall and firing a few rounds, slipping the weapon through the slit in the closet door as the men ducked out of sight.

There was a moment in between a silence and the returning fire flashing from Lelouch's revealed hiding space that Schneizel realized that he was probably very close to _having fun_. It was an odd sensation but not objectionable and certainly didn't alter the thrill when he finally moved forward in the deathly silence and almost got shot in the face.

Lelouch didn't give up his weapon when Schneizel held out his hand but grabbed it fiercely with his own, desperately pulling Schneizel forward as he made small, sharp and anxious noises that he eventually silenced by shoving his face into Schneizel's neck. He grasped Schneizel hard as he allowed himself to be pulled down to the ground and to safety. The sound of knights clamoring inside startled him into grasping Schneizel even tighter still, his fingers leaving a scatter of painful bruises.

Schneizel palmed his neck tentatively, touching the slim column and feeling the race of Lelouch's heart against his splayed fingers. The flickering lights, the chaos of discovery and anger slipped into nothing as Schneizel lost sense of his surroundings, ignoring it all in favor of wondering what he should do with his second hand, the hand that had dropped his own gun in lieu of pulling Lelouch safely from his perch.

In the end Schneizel let his hand slip down Lelouch's back to reinforce the embrace. The move unexpectedly turned Lelouch's gasps into choking sobs, but Schneizel didn't feel worry for it or pity.

No, what Schneizel felt while holding Lelouch in his arms was something entirely different.

* * *

Only one man survived the assault on Britannia and that miracle was facilitated by three hours of surgery for the unfortunate's gouged eye, his severed genitals, and a stab wound that would have, given a little extra force, bisected the man's liver. Lelouch had trouble with a gun but someone had clearly taught him how to wield a blade.

It was somewhat of a surprise to be told that the man's body had been found in a nearby alley next to Lelouch's new motorcycle along with two others; a knight and another assailant. Jeremiah had managed to stagger into a very surprised young lady's bedroom to call for backup before passing out from blood loss. While they set up the last man for interrogation, Schneizel was in his front room with Lelouch, peeling off his shirt to remove the tacky blood that was drying underneath. He was very quiet and unusually subdued, only hissing a little when Schneizel rubbed at the sticky red stain covering the impressive bruise blooming on his shoulder. It seemed he hadn't been expecting the kickback from the submachine gun.

"We haven't had a chess match for some time now," Schneizel murmured as he slid an alcohol wipe against a shallow cut on Lelouch's back. Lelouch gave him a single glance before staring back down at the blood-stained carpet.

"That's because I loathe you," he said simply, eyes closing.

Schneizel, amused, returned, "Do you?"

"Passionately," Lelouch whispered, his head dipping lower as his shoulders went slack.

"Passion, at such a young age?" Schneizel slid a damp finger down his spine and smirked when Lelouch's posture straightened in reflex and he turned back to glare fiercely. "I doubt that very much. And loathing?"

Schneizel tilted Lelouch's head up until his hair fell away to look into his narrowed eyes.

"Loathing implies a degree of disgust." Schneizel wiped a speck of blood with his thumb, smearing a dark line of burgundy over Lelouch's cheekbone. It stood out like a gash on his pale skin. "You don't know me well enough to be disgusted, Lelouch."

Lelouch jerked his face out of Schneizel's grip and stood to leave. He didn't make it far, stopping in the middle of the front room to put his hands over his eyes and sigh deeply, weariness making his limbs slack as he said, "Tell me you didn't plan this."

"I didn't plan this," Schneizel leaned back and watched, arms crossed. "But you already know that. Your real question," Schneizel smiled up at the ceiling, musing, "is regarding a similar issue, but not that one particularly."

"I think I hate you," Lelouch said after a long pause. "I've never hated someone before."

Schneizel's fondness for Lelouch felt like it was trying to push out of his chest, a sharp, full feeling that was alien and a strange relief. It was as if the sensation of his fingers sliding against the soft line of Lelouch's neck had turned liquid and made the world warm, the air thick and yielding. He didn't understand, but he wanted to understand. For Schneizel it had been an interminably long time since he felt something new, and a longer time since he wanted to feel anything at all.

He was drunk on it, but there was only sharpness as Lelouch turned on him with despairing eyes and said, "I'm tired of being your fucking toy, Schneizel. I'm tired of the manipulation. I'm tired of-" Lelouch's hands fisted and he looked, god, so desperate.

"I'm sick of having to think about you!" Lelouch took a step forward and Schneizel knew that if he still had a gun it would be in his hand and pointed at Schneizel's blank, watching expression. "Of having to _wonder_… But that's what you want and I _know it_ you fucking bastard."

And that knowledge was why Schneizel kept his presence in Lelouch's life, but that fact was irrelevant as the situation turned tenuous. He knew Lelouch's mind and Lelouch's moods, but he couldn't comprehend what Lelouch felt, could never know for sure. The confusion of his age and station was only a kinetic surface but underneath-

The underneath was what Schneizel itched to see, was desperate to see. He wanted to see the person who would form from the mix of fierce understanding, relentless survival instinct, and a mind that could build and deconstruct in a breath only to do it again and again. Schneizel was desperate to see Lelouch become his equal in everything that mattered, and some things that didn't. He wanted Lelouch to look at him and feel the same pressure of fascination, the same sharp attachment, and was euphoric at the sight of his own relentless need for understanding reflected back in Lelouch's desperateness. But Lelouch lacked the necessary control to turn those tools on anyone but himself and was very likely about to say something unforgivable.

Before Lelouch could yell, _I want you to leave me alone_, Schneizel looked him in the eyes and said, "I am the only person who will never lie to you."

Lelouch flinched back, his expression twisting with fear that he hadn't displayed even at the thought of death.

"That is why you came to my doorstep tonight, instead of to Cornelia and Guilford who were closest to the scene or the Rounds safe house only two doors down, littlest prince. You came here for protection because no matter how much you might hate me, you _trust_ me more."

Schneizel stood and Lelouch took a step back, his eyes full of a grief Schneizel couldn't understand. He stood, hand splayed in the air as if to shield himself from Schneizel's words.

They were standing in Schneizel's front room, bloodied, dead bodies still resting around them under white streets, when Schneizel realized what that sharp feeling was. He grabbed Lelouch by the wrist, jerked him forward and nearly kissed him with a sentiment that was leagues away from brotherly fondness. Instead he brought Lelouch close with a tight grip and murmured, "It's why you let me see you cry."

"I-" Lelouch wanted to cry again, Schneizel could see it in the lines of his denial across his face. "I don't-"

Schneizel did kiss him then. He palmed the back of his neck, fingers slipping up into his hair and pressed his lips against Lelouch's forehead like he'd seen mothers do as they said, "Hush."

He wanted to lick the blood from Lelouch's cheek, thread both hands into his soft hair and take his mouth when it was surprised and slack. He wanted to slip his tongue against Lelouch's lips and open his own to catch Lelouch's gasp.

Schneizel relived his memories in a series of single moments: holding Guinevere's cat and wondering if he had the strength; slipping his hand into a cradle; watching Odysseus's house from the street; smiling at Cornelia from his desk; staring at a string of paintings; and now, in his living room, caught in between what he knew was supposed to be the right thing to do and what he wanted. There were no lines left to cross, and Schneizel knew he was capable of doing anything, but then there was Lelouch and some terrible thing that might be love or conscience or reason that commanded, _wait_.

It was the first time in his life that Schneizel decided not to do as he wished and it made him very angry. There was no control to grasp in the purgatory between yes and no.

"Now," Schneizel said, dropping his hands with a smile, "I'm going to start a war. Would you like to come along?"

Lelouch pulled himself together by letting his mind consider what suddenly seemed a more important subject but wasn't. His features solidified as he thought for a moment, nodded slightly (_bowed_, a part of Schneizel amended) and said, "Yes."

* * *

The next time Schneizel touched Lelouch, it was to press one hand hard against his thigh as he pulled his own belt free with the other.

"It's okay," Lelouch murmured, pale and sprawled bonelessly. "Don't worry about it."

Schneizel looked down at the ground where a large puddle of blood was quickly spreading, turning the sidewalk red. He sighed, looped the belt around Lelouch's upper thigh and pulled hard.

"I can't even feel anything." Lelouch tried to sit up and rebounded against the pavement with a groan when Schneizel shoved a hand against his sternum. "Ow."

A bullet slid through Schneizel's hair and buried itself into a nearby motorcycle, perilously close to the gasoline tank.

"Did you just swear?" Lelouch pulled himself together long enough to be delighted. "You did! You said _fuck_."

Next to him Nonette returned fire, taking cover behind the abused bike as Schneizel attempted to take care of his dying brother. He didn't know if her smile was borne of amusement or the joy of a proper gunfight.

"The only reason I'm not beating you," Schneizel snapped back, "Is because one of my hands is on your femoral artery, you little fool."

"Prince Schneizel." Nonnete's voice took on a worrying edge. "You need to find cover, your highness. You've done all you can for Prince Lelouch. We can take care of the rest."

Schneizel knew it was the truth and the rational action to take, and it was in that moment that he decided he was going to give in to what he wanted, all of what he wanted, because he would rather die than watch Lelouch die. There had to be a balance, even if only in his own mind. Another round of bullets went off and Schneizel was forced to sling Lelouch over his shoulder and use his bloodied hand to return fire as he ducked back behind the car with Cornelia. She was grinning more brightly than Nonette.

"You do realize that we're effectively facilitating a coup." She made a few hand signals to Guilford and he darted into the street, not even bothering to return fire as he threw what appeared to be a grenade into the Chinese Federation's base of operation. Schneizel waited for the explosion but was rewarded with a series of shrieking screams. He understood why the knights had barricaded the building and positioned themselves on the roof when one of the painted elite of the Chinese Federation threw himself out of the window, falling three stories down with a sickening crunch.

Someone shot out a second window and Guilford put on a gas mask before throwing another grenade into the next level. It landed neatly through the shattered glass and another two men fell from the building. On the second level one man never made it past the sill as his throat was instantly slit by a sharp remnant of the window. He was pushed out and the second man landed on the corpse. He managed to stand, clawing at his throat, but was dropped by a neat head-shot care of Cornelia's rifle.

"Viva la revolution." Lelouch laughed without reservation, his shoulders shaking. Schneizel blamed the blood loss. "Heartless bitch. Shooting helpless people."

Cornelia dropped another body up on the roof and grinned. "Mouthy little shit."

Xing-ke and his young charge raced out of the front door surrounded by Round's White with masks already on their faces. The girl kept looking up at the house and then back to Xing-ke with wide, bewildered eyes. But, Xing-ke was swift, orderly, and so indebted to Britannia that Lelouch's injury was almost worth the risk.

"You've got no room calling anyone heartless," Cornelia shot off another round with a smirk. "Does big brother know that this was your idea?"

Schneizel paused, his worry turning into astonishment as he looked at Lelouch, watching as he tried to turn his smile into something more sedate. He kept his eyes on Cornelia, slurring, "Shhh… Um."

"Well he does now." She snorted. "Another Machiavellian brat-prince. There has to be something in the genes."

_Bad blood_, Schneizel thought, sighing softly as Lloyd finally made it on-scene. Lloyd gave out quick orders and Schneizel could only watch as he worked, holding a bag of O- high and out of the way as Lloyd started surgery immediately, saying, "No morphine for morons," when Lelouch finally groaned, wincing away from his touch. Schneizel reached over and put a hand around his neck, squeezing just hard enough to make Lelouch freeze, not so delirious to forget that Schneizel was fully capable of strangling him. Schneizel was ashamed then for having such a weakness as Lelouch and fully aware of the irony in that shame. Of all his feelings concerning Lelouch to be ashamed of, holding his life above Schneizel's duty was too little, too late.

Police sirens sounded in the distance just as the screams in the house went silent. A large vehicle pulled up immediately, driven by Lloyd's young assistant, and Schneizel took a moment to be amused at the ingenuity of acquiring an actual ambulance. Lelouch went in first, then a young Rounds member, and then the dead knight sprawled a few meters from Nonnete's bike. The back of the man's head was dripping grey chunks of brain, a single bullet hole between his open, glassy eyes. How Lelouch had ever imagined the man could be saved was a mystery. Schneizel and Cornelia crowded in behind them, picking up Guilford a few yards away as a chorus of motorcycle engines came to life and scattered.

They drove past the police cars with a wave and a smile, sirens blaring.

Lelouch sighed, closed his eyes, and whispered, "Perfect."

Schneizel watched his smile all the way home.

* * *

Lelouch was nearly fifteen when Schneizel took his pawn and said, "I'm assuming you have some sort of exit strategy."

For a moment Lelouch peered down at the board between them, a frown on his face. He was still bedbound, his leg bandaged tightly and his right hand attached to a saline drip. He was playing with his left and Schneizel found himself distracted by the care Lelouch took to move each piece as elegantly as when he used his dominant hand.

"I…" Lelouch frowned for a moment as he tried to relate the game they were playing and Schneizel's statement. Schneizel could see the moment when he figured out the implications. Lelouch's expression turned smooth as he moved his king and said, "I'm a prince."

Schneizel, pleased with the non-answer, simply nodded. They were into their third game when he raised his left hand and let his fingers move against the curve of Lelouch's wrist. He had inherited his mother's hands, with long fingers and slim wrists, his pale skin revealing a web of blue as he fumbled his piece and started a domino effect on the board. Schneizel reached out and stabilized the set before it could tip off of Lelouch's lap and watched as a blush rose on Lelouch's cheeks. He righted the pieces by memory and Schneizel found himself a little disappointed that Lelouch hadn't tried to cheat. Instead he swallowed, his hand jerking a little but not moving away from Schneizel's light touch.

They spent a long time not looking at each other. Lelouch's eyes settled resolutely on his king in an approximation of his usual planning stare, as if plotting his next move instead of avoiding the sweep of Schneizel's eyes.

"Are you going to move?" Schneizel inquired softly, wanting to brush the bangs away from Lelouch's eyes but not willing to chance startling him again. He had nowhere to retreat to and Schneizel didn't want to scare Lelouch, he just wanted… Schneizel didn't really know what he wanted, but he knew what he was going to get if he pushed.

After a long moment Lelouch said, "It's not my turn."

Schneizel leaned over and captured Lelouch's bishop.

"Next time," he said, "Just let the Rounds die. You say you are a prince but you do not act as one when it matters. Who would lose if you were to die? No one. There would only be gain."

Lelouch's hand hovered over the board and he gave Schneizel an odd, sideways stare before finally glancing down at where their skin touched.

"The Chinese Federation made a similar assumption." Lelouch almost met Schneizel's eyes in a casual sweep. "Look where they are now. A botched ransom attempt cost them dozens of lives and millions of dollars."

"You belong to Britannia." Schneizel turned his caress into a grip that made Lelouch wince. "And there are rules that cannot be crossed. I could protect you when you were a pawn, Lelouch, but now you are a player and my position in this family takes priority over your life."

Lelouch met his eyes then, his own dark and piercing as he demanded, "And when you invited me to war, did you think of this? Isn't this what you wanted, for me to be a player?"

They stared at each other for a long time, but Schneizel couldn't ascertain what Lelouch was looking for, so it was a useless thing to do even if he always took pleasure in looking into Lelouch's eyes. Schneizel reached out and Lelouch didn't flinch away.

"When has what I desire ever been a priority for you, littlest prince?" Schneizel palmed Lelouch's jaw and drew his thumb across the memory of blood. The skin under his hand was flushed and hot but Lelouch seemed to shiver as Schneizel drew a finger along the curve to pause against the soft, vulnerable skin beneath his chin. He felt when Lelouch finally swallowed, jerking away from his touch.

"Checkmate," Schneizel said, turning away with that shiver running through his blood. He stood and shrugged into his coat, before adding, "In five moves."

He was out of the door with his blackberry already in hand when Lelouch started to curse.

Schneizel faced his day, heart racing, but his mind already moving on to less important things. Above all things Schneizel was still a prince, and there wasn't anything more he could do for Lelouch now that he had taken a life pre-meditatively for his own gain, even if only in a peripheral sense. Lelouch was grown. Schneizel could see that age in his eyes, bright and hard. He had slipped it there himself in a half-breath while standing amidst corpses with Lelouch close enough to whisper.

At the end of the drive Schneizel looked up at the little house dusted with the first brush of winter snow. He could see a single pale face in the window, a little girl with a frown in between her eyes. He fisted the black king from Lelouch's board in his hand until the edge bit in deeply to the thin skin of his palm. For a moment he considered that cat and felt the moment of decision swelling in his chest. She was a weakness, one Lelouch insisted on baring to the world, right over his heart. It would only help Lelouch to remove that weakness, but… Schneizel sighed and turned back to the car waiting at the curb, exhaust steaming into the air. The warmth in the car was an unsettling pleasure, automatic and instinctive in the way his life used to be before he had slipped his own armor into Lelouch's hands. He wouldn't kill her simply because it would paint him a hypocrite even if he was the only one to ever know. Nunnally was Lelouch's weakness and Lelouch…well, Schneizel wasn't about to kill off his own weakness even if he should. And besides, Schneizel had promised to be honest with Lelouch and Lelouch would surely suspect, would surely ask if his sister suddenly turned up dead.

_And __of course __Schneizel never broke his promises_. For a moment he froze at the absent musing, and catching a glimpse of the rearview mirror he saw himself wide-eyed and startled, mouth open in a ridiculous manner as the thought twisted around his spine and pulled. Over his life it was very likely that he'd broken more promises than he'd kept.

Schneizel locked the car doors, leaned his forehead against the steering wheel, and laughed himself into grinning silence, the wave of humor hitting him harder than the moment he had looked into Lelouch's crib and realized he was still capable of affection.

Lying to himself had never been so effortless.

Or obvious.

* * *

Cornelia was lucky that she was so useful or Schneizel would have killed her the moment he opened the invitation and accompanying bribery threat. It took him five minutes to calm the sudden rage before taking himself to be fitted for an appropriate suit. Neither he nor the tailor enjoyed the experience and the proprietor swallowed nervously as Schneizel's credit card was processed, tapping the card against the counter until Schneizel glared him into silence.

Guinevere hosted the event, Cornelia blackmailed Schneizel into attending, and all Euphy had to do was show up and smile like her birthday hadn't interrupted a conference between Britannia and five prominent gang leaders from the west coast, a meeting that had taken six months and Schneizel's considerable talent in deception tactics to organize. As it was the five would show up to find each other in an empty warehouse, and Schneizel suspected that without outside influence a bloody battle was inevitable. At best he would have to start the process over again with the new leaders produced by a reformation of ranks. And all of it was because Euphemia had lived long enough to turn sixteen which, Schneizel agreed reluctantly as he dressed, was probably a legitimate reason to celebrate.

Schneizel picked up the latest FBI agent posing as his significant other and kissed her in the limo, running his fingers through her short, slick hair with his eyes closed. He touched her everywhere he could, her waist, her inner thighs, running his fingers against soft skin as he murmured, "I thought I told you not to wear any underwear."

Cornelia had proven at an early age how many dangerous things a woman could hide in a c-cup brassiere.

"I must have forgotten," the woman murmured back, stretching under him with teasing touches. "Besides, I thought you liked a challenge."

"Only when the game is worth the outcome." Schneizel watched, amused, as she tried and failed to conceal her anger. Still, he needed to string her along a little longer. She froze when he reached into his pocket, and relaxed only slightly when Schneizel revealed a pair of earrings: beautiful, disgustingly large diamonds to match the solitaire on her left ring finger.

"I would prefer if you wore these instead," he said, reaching up to remove what she was already wearing, and smiling when she went stiff and said, "I'll take those."

"No need." Schneizel settled the wiretapped monstrosities safely into the empty box. "They're too large for your face anyways." Schneizel inserted the diamonds, stroking the curve of her cheek as he slipped her clutch bag under the seat. She gave him a coy, heated look as she removed her underwear, a silky red affair to match her dress.

It was time for the lovely lady to disappear. Schneizel could no longer take the risk that she was bugged or being tracked and he was tired of having to play espionage with someone who was so poor at her job. The spark of intrigue had faded and Schneizel had his own reasons to be single, reasons that he thought about as he stretched the woman over the seats and lifted her dress up to take her from behind, his hands digging into her slim hips as he thrust inside.

The idea of being single, giving in to his craving with a gesture of absolute finality, was enough to get Schneizel off with quick efficiency. Thankfully the woman didn't even bother pretending to orgasm. Instead she began to pull herself together with a bewildered expression as she said, "That was different. Is there something bothering you, Schneizel?"

Schneizel had been composed before she ever stopped panting and was pouring himself a glass of wine with a smile on his face.

"_Prince_ Schneizel," he said, offering up a second glass, laced with something exotic from a small clear bottle. "While dining with royalty you must adhere to protocol."

Because in the end appearances were almost all that mattered.

* * *

Lelouch Lamperouge came to the celebration as the escort of one of Britannia's younger princesses. He brought a small gift, wore an adequate but not entirely impressive ensemble, and was introduced to Euphemia with a small, polite smile. He bowed only to kiss Euphemia's proffered hand and though the bow was graceful it seemed practiced. After being offered one of Euphemia's brilliant smiles in return he joined the milling group of guests, just another attractive face attending the event to even out the female to male ratio. Guinevere was notorious for inviting pretty young men to parties so no one had any reason to suspect otherwise even when every Britannian immediately parted from the route he decided to travel.

The few reporters invited to the function watched the exchange with impatience, holding their cameras in anticipation as Schneizel approached. The function was impressively attended and slightly raucous but the world seemed to pause even as the camera flashes lit up the room when Schneizel bowed deeply to Euphemia and received a deeper curtsey from his sister. After a few murmured words Schneizel held his hand out to receive the black velvet box from his date who was standing awkwardly at his side, already looking uncomfortable and flushed.

"From our esteemed father," Schneizel lied, making sure that the press could see the view as he opened the lid to expose a tiara of diamonds and pearls. His sister's eyes widened and she held up one gloved hand to hide her gasp as Cornelia stepped forward with a small bow and plucked the tiara from the box to settle it into Euphemia's hair.

Euphemia curtsied to her sister before embracing him enthusiastically, as was expected, but the society pages would feature a photo of Schneizel with his hands raised slightly in the air, looking down with raised eyebrows and a bemused smirk as his younger sister bestowed a crushing hug around his middle.

Schneizel could hear Lelouch's laughter even through the multitude of ridiculous, sentimental coos. It was the same sound he had made as he was bleeding out on the ground, so Schneizel couldn't help recognizing the delighted tone.

For a few hours Schneizel danced to the sounds of the orchestra. First with Euphemia, then with the undercover agent, Cornelia and Guinevere, and a few young knights who looked at him with eyes full of light and weak hands. In the corner he could see his date drinking yet another glass of champagne as the heat in her intensified, making her desperately thirsty and irrevocably drunk. He caught Nonette's eye and nodded, watching as she followed the woman into the restroom.

_Check_, Schneizel thought, and when he finally caught sight of Lelouch dancing gracefully with a smile, he amended, _Checkmate_.

His sense of accomplishment didn't last very long. As Schneizel's fiancée disappeared he began to grow restless, frowning as he waited for the police to arrive. It wasn't as if the corpse had been carefully hidden and the other FBI agents should have become concerned the moment they lost contact with her. Schneizel grew tired of waiting and dancing, instead going to make concerned inquiries of where his date might have run off to. No one knew. No one had seen her leave.

Schneizel wandered into the darker corners and rooms, his hands in his pockets as he made a cursory show of checking for his wayward companion with a worried frown on his face. What he found, finally, was something far more shocking than a corpse.

Standing behind a column, out of the way and hidden by the shadow in a quiet room there were two bodies pressed closely together and moving. Lelouch looked comfortable pressed between the column and a young man, who had their lips pressed together, one hand cupping his jaw as he opened Lelouch's mouth and deepened the gentle kiss.

Schneizel felt the blood rush from his face, faint and hollow as he froze, in full view if one of the two happened to glance away, but that didn't seem likely. Lelouch had a hand clenched in the fabric of the man's cheap suit, and was exposing the long line of his pale neck with a quiet hum. Sickness fell quickly to rage and Schneizel was striding forward, his hands fisted when Lelouch shifted his body slightly to twine their legs together, pulling hard on the man's jacket with a small groan of pleasure.

Even in the dark Schneizel caught the brief flash of gold clipped to the man's belt, the shield, and his rage turned into a feeling of ecstatic satisfaction. He was grinning long before he had pulled out his phone and activated the recording device while simply standing there, plain as day, as the agent clutched Lelouch closer and rubbed against him slightly, pulling at Lelouch's shirt to slip his hand up underneath.

With every degree of silence, Schneizel moved to capture an alternate angle, just close enough that the zoom feature caught the gleam of Lelouch's eyes as he smirked against the man's mouth.

Schneizel felt himself began to stir, passion rousing with breathless insistence in a hot flush, and switched to the camera function to capture the image with a satisfying flash. The man froze, his head jerking to stare in surprise and then horror as he realized who was watching, who had seen. Schneizel sent the information to his sister and his father and felt that passion begin to rage as Lelouch continued to mouth the man's neck, to slide one hand through his dark hair with a flushed desire that wasn't in any way feigned.

And then Schneizel froze, his satisfaction going cold as he realized what he had just sent to his father: a picture of his favored, underage son in the midst of kissing a much older law enforcement official. There was no way Charles could ever think that Schneizel hadn't used Lelouch as bait.

It was at that moment that Lelouch's left hand came up over the man's shoulder to expose a slim, black phone. There was no flash, no tell-tale noise, but Lelouch's fingers worked quickly over the pad before Schneizel could even hope to snatch it out of his hand. Schneizel could picture the image in his mind: himself standing, eyes wide as he stood exposed, his hand still raised in the air holding his blackberry. Caught.

The sound of Lelouch's phone snapping shut made the agent startle, staring down at Lelouch in horror until Lelouch reached up on the balls of his feet, threaded his hand's through the man's hair and began to whisper, Lelouch's kiss-reddened lips pressed against the shell of his ear. After a moment the man looked to Schneizel and then back to Lelouch with an expression of awe and undeniable respect.

For the first time in his life Schneizel looked upon Lelouch with a deep, silent killing urge, fueled four-fold by a sudden, relentless erection. His cock grew hard as he envisioned his hands around Lelouch's slim neck, fisted viciously in Lelouch's hair, digging deep into Lelouch's chest to shred his heart, his lungs, his spine and kissing his mouth as burning, hot blood slid out.

And then there was nothing because Lelouch only watched him in return, his expression mild and waiting, without a shadow of triumph on his pale face. While confronting Schneizel he wasn't flushed from anger _or_ passion.

Lelouch said, "Look at your call log," turned on his heel and strode away with the FBI agent glancing back once and then following like a trained dog.

Schneizel did as he was told, that same calm settling into himself as he scrolled through the two numbers. Cornelia was in her place but instead of the usual speed dial one, Charles vi Britannia, there were the words, 'Black King' over a familiar phone number. Schneizel was still staring, speechless, ignoring the sudden, piercing screams to answer an incoming text. It said;

'_In one move'_

Schneizel couldn't stop smiling, helplessly charmed, even when they told him his fiancée had been found in the coat closet, raped and dead.

* * *

There was something meditative about being interrogated by two hostile men in a small, cold, mirrored room.

"You don't seem very upset about your fiancée's death," a young man with sharp, dark eyes observed. "In fact, you seemed to be enjoying yourself. Why is that, Schneizel?"

"I'd just received an amusing message," Schneizel leaned against his hand and let his shoulders slump in weariness, but he didn't attempt to mourn when all he could think of was Lelouch. His mind had become feverish, obsessive, and he wanted nothing more than to be with his brother. But, he owed a duty to the dead.

"Your fiancée had been _killed_." The second man leaned over, slamming the flat of his palms against the table. "What kind of _sick_ fuck finds that amusing?"

"Perhaps I have a different method of mourning." Schneizel watched curiously, meeting the man's eyes with taunting nonchalance. "What would you have me do, collapse and wail in grief? Or perhaps I should don sackcloth and cover my face in ashes." Schneizel hummed softly, looking at his own reflection in boredom. "But if I did that every time someone close to me died I'd never get any work done, and I have a responsibility to my living relatives."

Schneizel's attention snapped up when the other man hissed. He stared into the quiet one's eyes, and said, "Or perhaps, Agent Todoh, I should be wondering why the _FBI_ has taken interest in the death of my soon-to-be wife."

Todoh said nothing. He simply stood without another word, leaving with a swift gait as the door slammed closed. The second man looked trapped suddenly, as if being left alone with Schneizel seemed to shift in significance when he was the only one left in the room.

"If we are done with this inappropriately invasive thread of interrogation, I'd like to leave." Schneizel leaned back. "If we're not, then I'd like my attorney."

When Schneizel finally got his phone call, the first number he dialed was the Press. The society pages opened with Schneizel looking awkward, but the front page left him walking out of the J. Edgar Hoover building with an expression of deep, unquestionable sorrow.

They'd never know that it was only the scheming of a single brat-prince who kept them all from being sued within an inch of their lives.

It wasn't the first time one of Schneizel's schemes had gone awry but it was certainly the first time it _hurt_.

* * *

Schneizel didn't speak to or look at Lelouch for nearly two weeks.

He knew himself well enough to know he had no idea what he might do with the memory of Lelouch's eyes, clouded in pleasure, his hands gripping… How had Lelouch seduced the man? Schneizel could imagine Lelouch, his fingers running down a line of buttons flirtatiously, smiling and standing too close with promise in his voice.

Schneizel couldn't blame the man for accepting an invitation, couldn't blame him for being distracted by Lelouch's slim body, couldn't throw Lelouch's age out with a chastising, disgusted glare.

But Schneizel wanted to.

* * *

In the end it was Lelouch who came to Schneizel, casually standing in the doorway, crossing his arms and leaning as they stared at each other. The sight of him, the sharp turn of his cheekbones, the slightness of his body, tense in preparation of attack, settled all of Schneizel's wonderings. Schneizel looked at Lelouch, awkward, waiting, and what he felt was _pride_.

Pride and fury.

Lelouch looked at him with an expression of placid calm and tilted his head to rest on the doorframe.

"If you're not careful your face will stick like that," Lelouch murmured, his eyes liquid, soft, "and everyone will know you're a spoiled brat."

After a moment of silent staring, Schneizel's mind caught in the irony and fond amusement, Lelouch asked, "Are we good?"

Schneizel gestured him forward and Lelouch came. He was pale and wary, but he came. Standing, Lelouch was a little taller than Schneizel while he was still sitting at his desk. Schneizel reached into his jacket and pulled out his gun. Lelouch's hand twitched but didn't move to wherever he had hidden his own weapon and he sighed heavily when Schneizel put the gun away in a nearby drawer instead of shoving it under his chin and firing.

Instead Schneizel grabbed him by the throat and _squeezed_.

One of Lelouch's hands, the strongest, automatically went to Schneizel's wrist, and Schneizel smacked away the other, slipping his hand into his waistband and pulling out the automatic there. Schneizel shoved the barrel directly against Lelouch's knee and said, "Be still."

Lelouch settled, his eyes glassy and his face beginning to redden. It was only when he had completely stopped moving that Schneizel relaxed his grip and let his brother gasp for air.

"You cost the family millions of dollars with your little stunt." Schneizel shifted his hand to grip Lelouch by the jaw so that he could make proper eye contact. "It doesn't matter if _we're_ fine. What matters is that I strung that agent along for the last nine months, curtailing many of my activities in the process which has resulted in a _loss_. This means I don't have the money to get into business with the West coast. The contract will instead go to Xing-ke, who has family ties, which will certainly result in a drug war sooner rather than later."

Lelouch's mouth had opened slightly and his eyes were wide when Schneizel finally allowed him to withdraw.

"We're fine," Schneizel said, tossing the second pistol in with the first. "But when the bodies start dropping I'm sending the widows to you, Lelouch."

For the first time in their long history together Lelouch dropped to his knee in a bow that wasn't demanded by manners or protocol. Lelouch stayed there silently until Schneizel leaned forward and tentatively rested his fingers on his neck, pulling forward to slide them along the slope of his jaw. The feel of soft skin over bone was entrancing and Schneizel only had to think for a moment, trying to decide what to do with Lelouch now that he had him, submissive and fragile.

Schneizel leaned forward while tilting Lelouch's head up and remembered the sight, the most enviable moment of the whole affair, as he pressed his lips close to Lelouch's ear and whispered, "I'll take care of it."

"I want to help. I need to help fix this." Lelouch, his voice weak, murmured, "If I had known what you were _actually_ doing-"

"Alright." Schneizel nodded and brushed a length of hair from Lelouch's face. Lelouch's eyes were still diverted to the ground as Schneizel tilted his head up. "I'll let you find a way to help. Don't disappoint me."

"Thank you, brother." Lelouch didn't sigh, but went tense as he stood fluidly. "I'll come to you when I have an alternate source of revenue."

Then Lelouch left the room, head high as he slammed the door behind himself, leaving Schneizel to wonder what he had thought Schneizel was doing in the first place, and who had informed him of the plot. It seemed that Lelouch had become involved with something else while he wasn't looking, had been drawn in by someone's quick tongue.

Schneizel had to wonder which issue Lelouch would address first: recompense or revenge?

He went back to work then, staring at his computer screen and touching his lips.

The chance had been worth millions.

* * *

In one night three knights killed themselves, two were executed, and a Rounds member was rushed to the hospital.

Schneizel checked up on the knight of three and pretended that he didn't see Lelouch waiting in the hallway, a bloody rag pressed to his own shoulder and an impressive bruise blossoming up on his cheek.

"Sure, go ahead," Lelouch snapped, scowling at a young man with a clipboard. "Report the gunshot wound to the police and this minor will be out on the streets dripping blood all over your parking lot before the phone stops ringing. Sew me up or fuck off."

The man frowned and looked down at his clipboard.

"Then I'll have to call our children's advocate. Her name is Caitlin and she's very underst- Okay, fine. Just take a seat and I'll finish up. I have to ask though, do you have insurance?"

Schneizel missed the curses as he turned down the hall but he could certainly feel their buzz as the rowdy reception room went silent in awe.

* * *

Lelouch's public persona was not wildly different from his everyday act but it was many degrees less extreme than the young man Schneizel interacted with on a regular basis. The reports he received annually informed Schneizel that while Lelouch kept to himself, he had a group of friends, an upbeat outlook on life in general, and was unerringly polite in every sense of the word. Physical education seemed to be the only subject in which he was lapsing but all in all he managed to pull a solid 3.5 for the quarter.

That was usually the part where Schneizel started grinning.

Despite all this Lelouch's personal councilor was beginning to be concerned. When asked, Lelouch had no plans for his life out of high school. He wasn't even bothering to browse colleges, and instead concentrated on his extracurricular activities. Chess seemed to be the ultimate focus of his life and despite this he had outright refused to represent his school during the annual competitions. The woman wanted to meet with Lelouch's parents.

Schneizel had Cornelia send a pair of knights, but wasn't particularly worried about the outcome of the meeting. Lelouch had proven that he was capable of taking care of his own messes.

That was why Schneizel became a little alarmed when informed that the police had called his office line to inform the nearest adult that Lelouch Lamperouge was at the local department in the process of being arrested. They weren't supposed to be seen together in any capacity, weren't even supposed to mention each other in public, and Lelouch was calling him for help? For a moment Schneizel considered ignoring the call, but the curiosity was just too intense to ignore.

He'd just have to figure out a way to punish Lelouch for insubordination later.

* * *

The police had left Lelouch alone on a bench near one of the interrogation rooms. He sat with his head bowed and his forearms braced on his knees, the chain from a pair of handcuffs dangling in a small arc. Across from Lelouch there was a young man in a padded chair holding a bag of ice to his crotch. He was not cuffed and had three adults standing at his back. Schneizel could read the spite in his eyes, the dark triumph as he stared at Lelouch from only a few feet away. Both of the boys were in identical uniforms but Lelouch was the only one with his tie still on, cinched tight, and his shirt carefully tucked into his pants as he stared down at his shoes.

The lawyer and the father were chatting with the officer, laughing uproariously before glancing at Lelouch out of the corner of their eyes. The woman was openly staring, one hand resting on the back of her son's seat as she watched with something that looked like uninterested calm but wasn't. Schneizel knew that face after spending a series of weeks sitting in front of it, watching her watch him with careful deliberation. Schneizel had to wonder what she was seeing in Lelouch at that moment, if what she saw was quiet resolve or silent despair.

"Judge Renault," Schneizel stepped fully into the room, pulling off his sunglasses with a smile. "What a coincidence."

Lelouch's hands tightened into fists but he did not move. The judge turned to him and raised one perfectly arched eyebrow as she said, "Seeing you in a police station, Mr. Britannia, is not quite the shock it should be."

Schneizel smiled and set his gaze on the boy and the man who had gone slightly pale as the laughter and general bustle of the bullpen turned into a murmur.

"Aren't you going to introduce me?" Schneizel slipped his glasses into his jacket. "I don't believe I've met your family."

"You'll excuse me if I don't, Mr. Britannia," she said, stern but quiet, "And I'll ask you kindly to go on your way. Cornelia has already been released."

Schneizel stopped smiling.

"Cornelia," Schneizel managed a smooth tone to cover his anger, "neglected to inform me that she'd been arrested. I'm not here for her."

"Oh." The judge frowned. "Then why-"

Her eyes sliding to the side was the only thing to give Schneizel any warning to turn around as Lelouch took three great strides forward, held his hands up and shoved Schneizel hard in the chest. Schneizel ended up pressed into the edge of a nearby desk, knocking over a cup of pens and assorted picture frames as the man behind him protested "Hey!" and the rest of the room held their breath in a gasp.

"You shut up," Lelouch snarled at the man, his eyes wild and unrestrained. Schneizel had to suck in a breath at the sight of him like that, at learning, suddenly, how much Lelouch had been holding himself back.

"And you!" Lelouch lifted his hands up to point. "You're going to stand there and you're going to fucking listen to what I have to say. You're not going to comment, smirk, or develop a sense of humor, Schneizel. You're going to _listen_."

Schneizel was struck, breathless, and Lelouch took that as a response in favor of his demands, even when they both knew it wasn't. Lelouch nodded sharply and took a few steps backwards to point at the young man sitting in the chair, his eyes still hot with anger.

"This," Lelouch introduced, "is the god of _cock_."

The Judge's mouth dropped open and the protestations on assorted tongues died a sudden death. It was amazing to Schneizel, for only a moment, that an entire room of A-type personalities could be silenced by a slim high school student.

"He introduced himself to me at the end of gym as such," Lelouch continued, in a mockery of politeness. "He sought me out personally because apparently we have a special connection. This wonder of civilization, his highness cock, could clearly see that I was gagging for it and felt he should satisfy my insatiable need. Obviously he knew what signs to look for," Lelouch pointed to himself with his thumbs, "considering the way I dress and the fact that I unashamedly display my bare face around school for everyone to see."

"You're a fucking liar," the boy began to hiss. "I never said-"

"Unfortunately for him," Lelouch turned his attention to his classmate, "I'm an _atheist_."

Someone in the bullpen sniggered and many hands came up to their mouths as Lelouch turned his hard stare at the crowd.

"I _told you_ he's trying to blackmail me." The boy looked to his mother, to Schneizel, to the nearby police officer and received blank stares in return. Everyone was riveted on Lelouch. His protestations were like the buzz of a fly in the middle of a windstorm.

"Unfortunately the god of cock forgot that we live in America and attempted to force me to _worship_. I would think that fighting for my rights as a citizen would be lauded but this young god," Lelouch gestured, "has parents of good standing who actually _show up_ when he calls. Congratulations on your status in society." Lelouch gave a mock bow. "I'm sure your general state of idiocy will continue without comment, but that's beside the fucking point."

Lelouch returned his attention to Schneizel and the boy sighed a little, flushed brightly and went silent when his mother dug her fingers into his shoulder.

"Following this exalted example, I too deigned to inform my guardians of this unfortunate incident, only to find that they have _died, _and no one bothered to tell me." Lelouch's expression started to bleed into hurt. "So, I called my secondary emergency number and guess what?"

Schneizel, under the weight of so many stares finally murmured, "What."

"_One of the evidence bags starts ringing_," Lelouch hissed, "and I was informed that Cornelia Britannia has filed my cell phone number under the words '_certified jail bait_'. So, obviously," Lelouch took a few steps back to stare the gobsmacked officer in the face, "It _must_ be true that I'm in the process of blackmailing the great white hope. I _must_ be a plant attempting to seduce this exalted being into a homosexual cinch for the entire world to see. It all makes _perfect_ sense!"

Schneizel loosened his grip on the desk so very carefully as Lelouch took steps forward to get close and hiss in a half-whisper that wasn't quiet enough in a silent room.

"I know the protocol and I know that you don't want to be here," Lelouch's voice thickened slightly, "but I swear to god, Schneizel, I will kill you and myself before I call up my father to tell him I'm being arrested for attempted extortion and _solicitation_."

Schneizel leaned the barest bit closer and Lelouch refused to give up ground, planted firmly with rage and hurt bare on his painfully expressive face.

"It's too much," Lelouch wound down. "And it's time that I get something out of being related to you other than the need for intensive therapy. You're going to fix this, Schneizel, and you're going to do it now, and you are not going to be a bastard about it later because you promised-"

When Schneizel turned away Lelouch went silent, and when Schneizel turned back Lelouch's head had dipped, one hand up covering his face as he began to deflate in disappointment and grief. Carefully, quietly, Schneizel took his hand and brushed a kiss over his whitened knuckles in acknowledgement, pressing a tissue into his grip.

It felt wrong to perform such a private act in front of a crowd, but Schneizel knew Lelouch well enough to understand what a precarious slope they were standing upon. Schneizel brushed a length of hair away and put an arm around his shoulders, his heart trembling wildly as Lelouch grabbed the front of his shirt in a vicious, desperate twist. Some enterprising officer commanded the crowd to disperse and the Judge leaned over to begin quietly whispering into her son's ear, pushing her husband and lawyer away with two hard shoves. The young man began protesting again, gesturing to them both with a loud, "- _criminals_-" and the woman slapped him hard against the face.

For a moment Schneizel felt himself amazed, cocooned by emotion that had grown from its carefully cultivated seed into something strange. He had planted discretion, control, and temperance to settle the difference between the need that buzzed in the back of his mind, intolerably unforgettable and insistent: obsession.

Yet there he was, a weakness bared so that he could hold Lelouch as he pushed himself close, his face buried in Schneizel's chest, his hands still clinging. "There were three of them, Schneizel, and I couldn't do anything and you _promised_-"

"To keep you safe." Schneizel frowned, remembering how he had looked three years before, so young and desperate to be himself. "Yes, I did, and you've held up your end of the bargain. Nothing like this will-" Schneizel's mind paused his mouth with a decisive slice, reminding him of his other promise, the one that was, arguably, the most important of the two.

Lelouch looked up in a snap, his eyes wide in fear as he felt Schneizel's body tense in realization that the statement could be a lie. It was too ambiguous because Schneizel… Schneizel _wanted_-

And then, as they say, the cat was out of the bag. Lelouch tried to jerk out of his arms but Schneizel intensified his hold and quickly pulled Lelouch into an empty interrogation room, turning the light off as he pulled Lelouch into a corner and manipulated his hands over his neck. The dig of the metal rings was harsh but Lelouch wasn't tall enough to slip the cuffs over Schneizel's head. He was forced to stay close. Lelouch was being forced into something he didn't want to do and Schneizel had made a promise he was unable to break. That honesty was what kept Lelouch leashed to him and Schneizel… Schneizel didn't want to have to hurt Lelouch, but he would.

Lelouch made a high, frightened noise that only escalated into panic when Schneizel picked him up by the thighs and pushed him on top of the unforgiving metal table, an appropriate location for yet another confession.

Schneizel held Lelouch in his palms, firmly but as carefully as he could as his hands learned the contours of his face so that Schneizel could unerringly find Lelouch's lips and kiss him in a way he never once imagined in his mind; gently, carefully, as a similar sound welled from the pain in his chest and into Lelouch's gasping mouth.

Lelouch didn't know what to do. Even when Schneizel pressed forward with one, two, three careful presses he stayed frozen, not fighting or pulling hard at Schneizel's neck and Schneizel knew there was no use in moving forward. Instead he ducked under Lelouch's arms and bit down a sigh as he left the room, shutting the door to give Lelouch time to compose himself and _think_. When Lelouch finally emerged it was to walk over to the original officer, subtly staying as far away from Schneizel as he could. He flinched when the Judge looked him in the eyes and said, "I'd like you to file a complaint against my son."

Lelouch looked over to where the young man was sitting, cuffed and deprived of ice. The look in his eyes was still a little glassy as he said, "Of course," in a dull monotone. Schneizel took a moment to wonder if he had gone into shock as he signed the release forms and arranged the interview at a later date. Lelouch turned suddenly, tugging Schneizel's sleeve like an impatient child.

"I'm going," he said simply, pale. Schneizel nodded.

"Take my car." Schneizel handed over the keys into Lelouch's offered palm. "I'll follow later."

They all watched as Lelouch went through the door, looking stronger with every stride, clearly coming back to himself as he presented his middle finger to the father and the lawyer glaring from the side. When Schneizel turned back, it was to meet Judge Renault's steady stare.

"He is not someone to be crossed," she said. "He's too much like you."

There was no response that would have pleased Schneizel more, and it made his mind fall into a deep hum. There was something lingering there in the darkness that made Schneizel move, function, and it was in a place too deep to see.

The judge, Schneizel knew, was in her own way asking, 'What will it take?' Revenge was already on the tip of Schneizel's tongue and it would be easier to achieve than leniency. But, if Schneizel took that route his punishment would certainly not stop at the boy, and the judge had more children than just that one.

"Cut him off," Schneizel murmured. "Let him know what it means to be powerless. Leave him in a place where no one knows his name."

After a moment the Judge nodded her acquiescence, and Schneizel learned what she looked like with true emotion in her eyes.

He liked the other way better.

* * *

Lelouch wasn't on Britannian territory when Schneizel finally arrived at home, but he hadn't gone far. The GPS on Schneizel's car put Lelouch a few miles away in a place he had been before a long, long time ago. Schneizel didn't follow. Instead he went to his front room with a mug of tea and stared at the black television screen lit only by a small lamp in the corner of the room. He settled into the leather and let himself drift into a nothing place, a trance-like state in which his mind and everything else melted away.

Schneizel was in a place free from life's little subtleties when Lelouch knocked on the door. He walked inside after Schneizel neglected calling out to him.

Lelouch had dirt on his fingers, red eyes, and grass stains on his knees, but the most prominent piece of Lelouch was the tremble of his outstretched arm. The gun in his hand was not one that belonged to him, but one that Schneizel had seen held many times by the knight at his father's side. Silver and pearl and perfect for a boy who was made of iron and shone more brightly because of that hidden strength. _I made him_, Schneizel thought while meeting Lelouch's eyes, _but not this part_. _She made this_.

Schneizel knew then that Lelouch was there to kill him.

Lelouch swallowed once, steadied that resolve and pulled the trigger.

One shot, two shots, three shots, four-

* * *

When he was fourteen Schneizel killed his mother. It wasn't easy like the cat.

Schneizel's mother was much older and tall, sturdy like his father but still beautiful with wide blue eyes and long, rippling blond hair. He watched her sometimes in the morning when she brushed that hair in long strokes with her favorite silver comb. _Charles likes long hair_, she had told him once, and it had impressed Schneizel because no one said his father's name like that: _Charles_. So he watched her and he memorized those strokes because he didn't understand how the length of her hair gave her the permission to speak the Emperor's name when even Schneizel, the most fearless of all the many children, wouldn't dare.

He tried once with a pillow stuffed over his mouth but even then, alone in the dark, he couldn't say it. His heart felt hollow and the fear made his mind bright. Schneizel marveled at his mother's power every morning, sitting on the foot of her bed even after his sisters told him it wasn't right for a boy to watch his mother like that. They didn't understand his fascination with such a simple everyday act.

That's how their abductors kept her from moving, their stained gloves marring the golden shine of her hair with something that looked like and probably was blood. And Schneizel could only watch helplessly as they used that power against her.

For the first time his mother ordered him to do something, to close his eyes and Schneizel did, clasping his hands over his ears. She said something, she said, "Charles, please!" but no one came and she screamed for a long time before Schneizel was kicked in the ribs and dragged back up to his feet. His scalp protested at the grip, the clench of rough hands, and for the first time in his life Schneizel understood what it meant to be hated and what it meant to _hate_.

Hate meant that your body and your mind were no longer your own. The rip of his scalp meant nothing, the blood soaking into his collar and eyes meant nothing, there was only a wild rage that clouded his mind and turned him into something less than animal. Not even instinct could slip through the red haze as he fought with tooth and nail and every ounce of strength he had been hoarding in hope of escape.

In the end the only person Schneizel had hurt was himself and afterwards he was afraid. He had no fight left and his mother was kneeling, tears streaming down her face as she was kept very still.

She was still beautiful even then. They hadn't touched her face with anything but the tip of a gun, but her expression twisted into a horrible grimace when someone said, "We only need one."

Schneizel was pulled up again, and though he managed to stay on his feet, he had to bite off a scream of hurt and horror at the sight of his left arm bent strangely and dripping with blood.

"He's smaller and he's injured. He'll be easy to lug around," the one standing with his mother said. "And she's only a wife."

"Heir and a spare," the other said, a blade pressed up under Schneizel's throat kept him from speaking. "There'll be more boys."

"It comes down to who he'll miss most," another said, leaning up against the basement wall, his face red with scratches.

"Might as well flip a coin," another shrugged lazily and pointed a pistol in Schneizel's direction.

What Schneizel realized at that moment, his fate held by strangers, was that his father wouldn't miss either of them. He looked into his mother's eyes and understood that she couldn't acknowledge that truth, that she was still waiting for the young man who had grown into something else, something she didn't understand and still called Charles. If they were lucky that man might have sent knights, if they weren't-

"I think we can do a little better than that." The man to his right gestured to Schneizel and said, "Give him the knife. Let's play a game."

* * *

When the knights finally arrived, there to save the day, it was too late. They dropped every other body, but Schneizel was still on the ground with his mother holding her warm, bloody body with a knife in one hand and that slick, beautiful blonde hair in the other. He sobbed and he hated: hated her, hated himself, hated his father. He stayed there feeling her go cold, purging himself of his curses, his tears, his screams, and every compromising emotion that had made him weak enough to lose control. Schneizel bled it all out as the stench of death began to overwhelm the delicate perfume of his mother's hair.

And after that Schneizel pulled himself together, walked calmly up into the light, and never cared enough to cry again. He made no decision, no vow, there was just simply nothing left.

Nothing left but the blade.

* * *

The world tilted wildly as Schneizel lost his breath, a dull pain hitting and spreading from his upper torso. He tried to move, to stand, to do anything, but fell back hard when another round was fired and then another. Pain overwhelmed him as his body tried and failed to inhale, and brought him down low and helpless.

The last thing Schneizel registered was Lelouch walking out of the room with a quick stride and then…nothing else. Schneizel drifted into that white place, closed his eyes, and the world was no more.

His break didn't last very long.

The smell of ammonia brought Schneizel back into consciousness along with a completely unnecessary slap to the face as Lelouch ripped his shirt open and viciously yanked the heavy vest off of his chest. He was scowling, furious, and snarled, "_You fuck_," before absently giving Schneizel another blow, one more heavy-handed than the first, leaving Schneizel with a stinging cheek, red hot flesh, and the coppery taste of blood in his mouth.

"You fucking fuck." Lelouch's voice was harsh and desperate, but not so despairing as the look in his eyes, narrowed in grief. He took two handfuls of Schneizel's hair, pulling hard enough to come away with more than a few strands, leaned forward and shoved their open mouths together in a furious, brutal, painful, perfect kiss that Schneizel could only sit and take, slipping his tongue against Lelouch's and listening to the way anger turned into voiceless demands, the choke of aborted curses that was something vastly different than moans.

Lelouch's furious screams could be heard in his vicious grip, the bite of nails into the sensitive skin of Schneizel's neck, the way he bit down on Schneizel's tongue and pushed his palms hard into the forming bruises on Schneizel's chest. But at the same time… Schneizel was gasping, desire twisting up his spine and turning into sound as Lelouch began to move. With every angle, every deep foray, every bitten lip, Lelouch moved fluidly into the touch of body against body, into Schneizel's hands when he slipped them under Lelouch's t-shirt.

The feel of Lelouch's cock hard against his abdomen was enough to make Schneizel lift his arms and dig his fingers into Lelouch's upper thighs, alternately supporting his weight and positioning him so that Schneizel had to arch his neck painfully to keep their mouths together. Lelouch only became more vicious with a renewed degree of control but his hands shifted to grip Schneizel's shoulders, one coming up to cup the back of Schneizel's head, threading his fingers through his hair with terrifying care while he bit down hard on Schneizel's jaw.

Schneizel was not ashamed to admit he was utterly overwhelmed. Lelouch was dominating him ruthlessly and there was nothing Schneizel could do to stop it; he was in too much pain to fight him off and was too engrossed by adrenaline and lust to even attempt the act of pulling away.

The loss of control was more unsettling than Schneizel thought it would be, and Lelouch… Lelouch reached down, pushing Schneizel back into the couch to bite at the soft skin of Schneizel's throat, still cursing in growls and hard bites as he destroyed the zipper of Schneizel's pants.

And then, with Lelouch's bare hand wrapped around him Schneizel lost himself completely; mind and body. He lost everything.

Checkmate.


End file.
